Girl Scout Girl Drama -don't know what to do

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

So three members of the girls scout troop I lead (one of which was my daughter) decided to put together an act for the school talent show. A fourth girl (also a member of my troop) asked and asked to join. So the three girls let her. The girls had practice at my home which went fairly well. Then they started practicing at school where it did not go well. The fourth girl was not focused and would not cooperate.

The orginial three dedcided that they did not want her in the group since she was not taking this seriously. Instead of talking to her they just kicked her out without an explanation.

I explanined to my daughter that kicking her out was not the right thing to do instead they girls should have talked to her first. I also explained that the girl has every right to be upset because the orginial three did not treat her well.

My daughter felt bad and called her that night to aplogize and talk to her about what was going on. Things went okay on the phone that night. Both girls were crying but they seemed to come to an understanding.

Then school happened. The fourth girl went around and started to involve other people in the drama. She publically called the orginial three girls nobodies and her enemies. She made rude and snide comments everytime the three were near her.

Then that evening she started sending my daughter hate filled text messages. She did this for several hours. Then she ended with a text that simply said Hi. I did not let my dd respond to any of the texts.

The girl attempted to call my dd this am but dd did not answer. At school she called the three girls B***ches and behaved the same as she had done the day before. The other two of the orginial three went to her to apologize and she forgave them. At the same time she began sending hate filled texts to my dd again (which I got since dd does not have her phone with her at school).

I understand the girl has a right to be upset since she was not treated fairly but my dd is starting to feel very uncomfortable at school.

I am concerned because we have a long girl scout meeting in my home next weekend that the Principal of the girls school will be attending to help the girls earn thier sew simple badge.

 

[WDWJonasGirl]

OMG!!! This really scares me. How old is your DD?

 

[hereyago]

Wow. Could you have a discussion with all of them of what transpired and that they are part of a troupe? or tell nasty text girl to go to another troupe.

 

[clh2]

Doesn't GS have programs that deal with these types of issues?

Try googling Girl Scouts "power up" or Girl Scouts P.A.V.E

Good Luck!

 

[sscassel]

I really hate to say this, but from watching some girl drama that has been going on for months in our neighborhood, if I were you I would try to stay out of it as much as possible. My daughter isn't involved in the drama here, but we have a big group of us that all hang out. There is one family that would sell their house and move now if they could because they all got involved. It's pretty ugly, REALLY ugly. As most of us agree here, let the girls work it out on their own. It usually blows over after awhile. WHen parents get involved, takes it up a notch. Good Luck

 

[lovesmurfs]

Guess I disagree with PP.

I would have a sit down with all of them in the room, at the same place, at the same time. Wrong was done on all sides, and the texting and bad mouthing and side apologies need to stop.

As leader (I'm assuming Girl #4 is in your troop), you have the power to use this as a learning opportunity for all of them.

Best wishes.

 

[NHdisneylover]

While it sounds like a pretty awful, drama filled situation it is NOT (yet anyway) a girl scout issue.
Nothing has happened during a meeting. I assume, since you did not say otherwise, that no threats about stuff that will occur during the meeting has happened. The only one currently bringing this drama to the troop is you

AS a leader myself, I recommend that other than knowing you should keep an eye out for drama and having a plan for what you will do/say IF drama occurs at the meeting--I would not do anything GS related at all yet.
You can certainly handle things now as a MOM though. Personally, I would likely just start from the point of the texts being inappropriate and either speak directly to the other girl or her parents about them (take the phone to show the parents) depending on the severity of the content and ages of the girls. Approach the parents with the attitude that things are getting out of hand with "our" girls and "we" need to work "together" to help them solve this (rather than that their girl is the issue and they need to solve it--this will get you a better response and be less likely to have them carry it over into girl scouts).

You say the extended meeting is NEXT weekend? Over a week away. That is a long time in the land of girl drama and everyone may be great friends by then.

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

You are correct in that it is not yet a Girl Scout Issue - and it may never be a Girl Scout issue. I have only eight girls in my troop so it does involve half of the troop at this point. Unfortunately, because of the fourth girl all the girls are aware of the issue.

Unless something happens at a meeting I would not address it as a GS Leader.

But, if the behavior of the fourth girl continues (ie more nasty texts, name calling, and so on) I am not sure how to handle this. She has already sent my dd another text.

I have no intention of getting involved on a girl level. The fourth girl is a member of one of my afterschool classes. Everything has been exactly the same as pre-drama.

But as a mom I do feel the need to equip my dd to deal with this.

DD should not have to deal with a barriage of nasty texts, name calling, and having the fourth bring other girls into this and have them treat dd the same way. This seems more like bullying than simple girl drama to me.

 

[mamacatnv]

Is it possible to block the texts?

 

[NHdisneylover]

You are correct in that it is not yet a Girl Scout Issue - and it may never be a Girl Scout issue. I have only eight girls in my troop so it does involve half of the troop at this point. Unfortunately, because of the fourth girl all the girls are aware of the issue.

Unless something happens at a meeting I would not address it as a GS Leader.

But, if the behavior of the fourth girl continues (ie more nasty texts, name calling, and so on) I am not sure how to handle this. She has already sent my dd another text.

I have no intention of getting involved on a girl level. The fourth girl is a member of one of my afterschool classes. Everything has been exactly the same as pre-drama.

But as a mom I do feel the need to equip my dd to deal with this.

DD should not have to deal with a barriage of nasty texts, name calling, and having the fourth bring other girls into this and have them treat dd the same way. This seems more like bullying than simple girl drama to me.

I totally agree that you need to deal with this as a mom and that your DD should not have to deal with this. I just do not think it is a scout issue. I am glad you are saying you do not see it as one either. Surely you can imagine WHY I thought you were seeing it as such given that the title of this thread is "Girl Scout Drama--don't know what to do" (bolding mine) as well as the bolded parts in your OP.

So three members of the girls scout troop I lead (one of which was my daughter) decided to put together an act for the school talent show. A fourth girl (also a member of my troop) asked and asked to join. So the three girls let her. The girls had practice at my home which went fairly well. Then they started practicing at school where it did not go well. The fourth girl was not focused and would not cooperate.

The orginial three dedcided that they did not want her in the group since she was not taking this seriously. Instead of talking to her they just kicked her out without an explanation.

I explanined to my daughter that kicking her out was not the right thing to do instead they girls should have talked to her first. I also explained that the girl has every right to be upset because the orginial three did not treat her well.

My daughter felt bad and called her that night to aplogize and talk to her about what was going on. Things went okay on the phone that night. Both girls were crying but they seemed to come to an understanding.

Then school happened. The fourth girl went around and started to involve other people in the drama. She publically called the orginial three girls nobodies and her enemies. She made rude and snide comments everytime the three were near her.

Then that evening she started sending my daughter hate filled text messages. She did this for several hours. Then she ended with a text that simply said Hi. I did not let my dd respond to any of the texts.

The girl attempted to call my dd this am but dd did not answer. At school she called the three girls B***ches and behaved the same as she had done the day before. The other two of the orginial three went to her to apologize and she forgave them. At the same time she began sending hate filled texts to my dd again (which I got since dd does not have her phone with her at school).

I understand the girl has a right to be upset since she was not treated fairly but my dd is starting to feel very uncomfortable at school.

I am concerned because we have a long girl scout meeting in my home next weekend that the Principal of the girls school will be attending to help the girls earn thier sew simple badge.

NOTE: I had a much longer post typed out with specific suggestions on how to deal with this as a mom (mostly, as I said before by approaching the other mother with the phone and texts in hand to discuss the issue) and also who to work with it in a scout meeting IF and only IF it carries over into that meeting. I even had different strategies depending on the age of the girls (since you have not provided that). Unfortunately the board went down and I lost it all. I have to get to a meeting now, but if you will post the age level of the girls I will try to retype that part later on if you would like.

 

[aprilgail2]

Then school happened. The fourth girl went around and started to involve other people in the drama. She publically called the orginial three girls nobodies and her enemies. She made rude and snide comments everytime the three were near her.

Then that evening she started sending my daughter hate filled text messages. She did this for several hours. Then she ended with a text that simply said Hi. I did not let my dd respond to any of the texts.

The girl attempted to call my dd this am but dd did not answer. At school she called the three girls B***ches and behaved the same as she had done the day before. The other two of the orginial three went to her to apologize and she forgave them. At the same time she began sending hate filled texts to my dd again (which I got since dd does not have her phone with her at school).

I understand the girl has a right to be upset since she was not treated fairly but my dd is starting to feel very uncomfortable at school.

I am concerned because we have a long girl scout meeting in my home next weekend that the Principal of the girls school will be attending to help the girls earn thier sew simple badge.

Just those three things I bolded makes it now a school issue- anyone calls another student another word for a female dog they are in ISS the next day. And for sure if the other kid is sending texts during school that really makes it an issue for the school to deal with. I don't know about schools where the OP is but the schools here would not tolerate this at all. And even a student bad mouthing another student is reason enough to be in the principals office in my daughters school! One of the kids made up a fake facebook account with a not so nice middle name for the child and he went to the school principal and they went as far as calling the police about it this week! Many kids brought to the office to discuss the matter!

 

[Ceila]

I but if you will post the age level of the girls I will try to retype that part later on if you would like.

The Sew Simple badge is a Junior badge, I think, so the girls would be 4th or 5th grades.

OP, yes, this isn't a GS issue (yet). It's tough being a leader as well as the mom of one of the girls involved. But, unless something happens in a meeting, I wouldn't approach it from the leader standpoint. Being prepared to handle it if it does spill over to scouts is smart thinking, though, which is what I think you are doing. I'm concerned not only about #4's action, but that the other three may gang up on her again.

As a parent, if you do choose to get in touch with the girl's parents, the first thing you should say is that you know your daughter's actions hurt their daughter, were completely unacceptable, and you have talked to her about that. Also mention that you had your daughter call theirs and apologize, and you can emphasize that she is sorry for what she did. Then explain that while you understand that their DD is hurt, you are concerned because she is sending inappropriate texts. If possible, show them the texts and ask to work together to help both girls get past this.

Be careful about throwing around the "bully" word, because honestly your daughter and the other two were the ones who acted like bullies first. This girl was tossed aside and hurt by them and is reacting to that (poorly, obviously, but her feelings are completely understandable). ETA: I don't think any of them are actually being bullies at this point, but they have all used poor judgement at some point in this whole thing.

 

[java]

And so it begins with girls. Teaching your daughter how to handle this will be an impotent lesson for her throughout the horrors of middle school.
Personally, I wouldn't get involved beyond helping my daughter.
Something I learned later in life is that you can't change someone's behavior, you can only change how you react to it.

I would block her number so the texting stops. The girl is hurt and handling it poorly, but I don't think it's a bullying situation.

This falls into the sticks and stones category for me.

I would spend some time making sure my daughter was feeling good about herself. Let her have a friend over,or go do something fun.

There are going to more of these types of incidents, the best thing IMHO is to teach your daughter how to hold her head high and ignore it.

People like the texting girl eventually burn all their bridges. Chances are if she's doing it to your daughter she's doing it to the other girls as well.

 

[MichelleinMaine]

I guess I disagree that it's not a girl scout issue. Though it did not happen in a meeting, I stress to the girls in my troop they are girl scouts at all times, not just the 2 hours every other week they're at the meeting.

I do not think it appropriate to start calling out/making accusations/getting in the middle of it as a mom. I do think, though, it's entirely appropriate for the next GS meeting to include a generic reminder of "being a sister to every girl scout" and what that might look like.

We had to do this in our troop (in our case, one scout was bullying my daughter- and I later found out many others outside of scouts). It was actually a great conversation starter- coincided with recent news reports of suicides due to bullying. (I did NOT bring that up, they did.) Everyone left feeling alot better.

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

Yes the girls are in 4th grade.

As leader/mom/after school leader - I have many differnt point of view. As leader and after school leader I need to ensure that all the girls/students are treated eqaully and fairly.

I too am concerned about the three girls decision to "kick" the fourth girl out without an explanation.

I still feel that this could be labeled as bullying. I think people are hesitant to use this word. Yes the three girls, my dd being on of them, started it. I get that.And my dd has to take responsibilty for her actions. Which I believe she is doing. I also get that the fourth girl has a right to be upset. But... she has taken it too far. Its the last few weeks of school and suddenly my dd does not want to go because of this girls antics.

DD is not responding to the texts. She is not responding when called names. She is not talking about it with anyone other than me. I told her not to even talk about it with the two other orginal girls. Those girls apoloogized and were forgiven by the fourth girl. So really at this point my dd is the fourht girls main target.

I will be finding out how to block the texts. I need to call sprint becaus I have no idea how to do this. My age is showing

 

[zurgswife]

Personally I disagree with the don't get involved thing. If it had stopped at one or two inappropriate texts then I might agree. This is continuing. I think you need to speak to the parents. Not in a attacking way but I think we have an issue that has got out of hand and might need some attention. If my daughter was being disrespectful with her phone by texting hurtful and inappropriate content I would want to deal with it.

 

[sscassel]

I was just saying that I don't agree that it is a GS issue. I do agree with the post that said to make a general staement. I am watching a situation like this going on in my neighborhood. I don't want the parent of the GS to get way Too involved. She should help her daughter as much as possible, but not get involved(interact) with the other girls and parents in such a matter that will cause problems. A mom in our neighborhood stands by her daughters side as she knocked on a door of another neighbor while the MOm of the child was in the shower. Meantime "ganged up" on the 10 yr old that answered the door. There os SOOOO MUCH more to this story but you can see how this REALLY goes bad. I never ment to ignore the problem, but to stay out of it as much as possible and let the girls work on it themselves. Ususally this stuff blows over.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Wow.... 4th grade...
This almost sounds like a very troubled child.

Here is my take.

1. No, I would not get ACTIVELY involved.

2. Yes, I would continue to be VERY involved with my young daughter on this.. I would fully block any inappropriate/hateful texts, emails, phone calls, and anything else from entering my home... Period.

Use this is a very, very, valuable teaching-moment for your daughter.
Welcome to the wold of 'mean girls'...
This will probably only be the first of several times that she will encounter and have to deal with this.

3. You are in a tough situation as this girl's girl scout leader. You do have to be civil and 'professional'. However, being a scout leader does not mean that your child should be subjected to this type of behavior.

You can monitor and try to have some control over behaviors at scout meetings and functions, etc.. And, you SHOULD. But, unless/until this continues to escalate and directly affect troup function, I would not do what would be considered 'butting in' or 'controlling' and try to jump in.

I suspect that this WILL happen sooner than later.
But, I would wait until you had clear obligation and authority as Scout Leader before saying or doing anything and involving everybody else.

 

[krcit]

Personally I disagree with the don't get involved thing. If it had stopped at one or two inappropriate texts then I might agree. This is continuing. I think you need to speak to the parents. Not in a attacking way but I think we have an issue that has got out of hand and might need some attention. If my daughter was being disrespectful with her phone by texting hurtful and inappropriate content I would want to deal with it.

I agree with this. I am usually against getting involved but knowing that the girls are only 10 years old, I think the mom needs to see the texts the girl is sending. I agree with the pp who said to approach it in a non-accusatory way. Honestly, you would be doing the girl a favor, she needs to learn that it's not ok to send threatening texts. Better for her to learn that now than when she could really get in trouble for it.

 

[MrsPete]

I think it didn't BEGIN as a scout problem, but it's going to BECOME a scout problem -- half the troop is involved in this little escapade.

Girls this age aren't always skilled in overcoming little things like this, and they blow them up out of proportion. In their defense, they don't see a whole lot of positive examples on TV these days. So they need to be "walked through" how to make up with a friend:

I'd asked the girls involved to come to the meeting 15 minutes early, and I'd tell them that you're going to have a clearing of the air. Give a quick run-down without making anyone sound "more guilty" than anyone else (though it seems clear to me that the girl who's been texting nasty things is most guilty). Explain that the talent-show thing should've been handled better, but it wasn't. At this point, it is what it is, and it cannot be changed now. Point out that the texting was wrong, but it's been done and can't be taken back. Remind them of the "be a sister to every girl scout" thing, and tell them that IT'S ALL OVER NOW. Remind them that they were friends before this, and it's better for everyone if they forgive and forget and move back to being friends. Tell them it's like ripping off a bandaid: Let it hurt for a moment, and then move on.

Good luck.