Gift-opening pandemonium

[ckay87]

So last weekend was our Christmas celebration with DH's side of the family. This family continuously suggests that we should stop exchanging gifts with one another because Christmas is just "about the children." Now you all can debate that as much as you want, but I disagree and here is why....

The gift opening process for the adults went like this:
Sue opens a gift from Mary and says "oh thank you so much Mary, I will use this everyday." Mary opens a gift from her parents and says "thank you mom and dad, I have been wanting one of these." And so on.

The gift opening process for the children goes like this:
No dialogue, it's all pretty simple. Pure pandemonium! Each kid has a big honking stack of gifts. When and adult says "go" they just tear into them like animals. After a brief glance at each, a child throws it aside and moves on. Nobody knows or cares who gave and received what from whom. To me...an aunt who spent many hours and dollars searching for the perfect gift for the perfect niece/nephew, it's downright offensive. Upon leaving, I'm fairly certain that nobody knew what gift we gave their children. I know that it's supposed to be all about seeing a smile on a child's face (or what-the-heck-ever), but is a thanks....or even a glance in my direction.....too much to ask?

My kids are older and are always given an envelope with money. This way they are forced to know who their gift came from and they always give a personal thanks and hug. I'd confiscate their cash if they didn't!

Anyway...."all about the children" my tush! The adults are appreciative and thankful and courteous - WE should be the ones enjoying the gift exchanging while the kids watch and learn how to act! Anyone else have a family like this?

 

[jazzielady]

OH yes, my dh's family is very similar. They just start passing out gifts, and everyone opens theirs when they get to it. My kids know to make sure they know who the gift is from and give proper thanks.

Fortunately, since his family is huge, with 6 siblings, and a lot of nieces and nephews, we do a gift exchange. We do an adult exchange and a children's exchange. But still, there are a lot of gifts.

So I totally get where you're coming from.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

I definitely think its the parents' responsibility to make their kids "Slow down" when it comes to gift opening. I try to ask my kids questions about the gift.... "What is it?" "Who gave you that?" "I bet you could use that _____ ..."" Go give Auntie Amy a big hug and say thank you for your cool new _____"....

 

[RF536]

I agree with the pp it is the parents responsibility to teach the kids to open the gifts slowly and to thank-you the person who gave them the gift.

We have since stopped exchanging gifts with the extended family, because a lot of us have lost jobs or taken large pay-cuts so we decided a couple of years ago to just get together and enjoy the time together as family.

When we were exchanging gifts, one adult would sit by the tree and hand the gifts to kids to deliver to the correct person, this way everyone got to see what everyone else got, and the kids only opened 1 gift at a time. This is still how we do it even with our immediate family and in our house on Christmas morning.

 

[belle&sebastiansmom]

My mom is too generous with the grandkids. Too many presents. It is complete chaos on Christmas morning. I wish we could slow it down, let the kids savor the gifts and appreciate them. But Grandma and Grandpa are no help with that. With three girls all about the same age, half the time they don't even know if they are taking home their own gifts or not. I've spoken to my mom about her "generosity" and she basically tells me to stuff it. She loves spoiling the kids. I just wish she didn't buy out Toys-r-us. Seriously, my kids have too much already. I've asked her about putting money away for them, or savings bonds, and I get ignored. I think part of the reasoning is that she has MS and she doesn't know if she'll be able to get around in a few years to enjoy shopping for the little ones. Anyone, OP, I feel your pain.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I definitely think its the parents' responsibility to make their kids "Slow down" when it comes to gift opening. I try to ask my kids questions about the gift.... "What is it?" "Who gave you that?" "I bet you could use that _____ ..."" Go give Auntie Amy a big hug and say thank you for your cool new _____"....

That's what we do when we are at my Dsis's house for the family Christmas!

At our home on Christmas morning it's usually DH, me, DD, DSD1 (an adult), DSGD (first DSD's DD), and at least one other DSD (both adults). They get to open stockings while DH and I get coffee and stumble into the living room. And yes, the adult DSD's get stockings as well.
Then we start handing out the gifts one at a time. We usually start with the little ones and then the big girls. They take turns opening, one at a time, and show everyone what they got. I settled on this when DSDs were young and we were done opening in 10 minutes - for 3 kids!! I wanted to see their reactions. And do you know what, they never actually complained. They even liked it because they got to see what each other was receiving and the reactions. I'm all for slowing down. It can take us over an hour to open the gifts and ooh and aaah over the different items.

 

[Darcy03231]

I agree with the pp it is the parents responsibility to teach the kids to open the gifts slowly and to thank-you the person who gave them the gift.

We have since stopped exchanging gifts with the extended family, because a lot of us have lost jobs or taken large pay-cuts so we decided a couple of years ago to just get together and enjoy the time together as family.

When we were exchanging gifts, one adult would sit by the tree and hand the gifts to kids to deliver to the correct person, this way everyone got to see what everyone else got, and the kids only opened 1 gift at a time. This is still how we do it even with our immediate family and in our house on Christmas morning.

This is how we do it both at home on Christmas morning and at the family gathering.

 

[Bethshaya]

Sounds like you should stop the kids gifts and just get the adults.

We are like you are in our house. The only thing the pandamonium teaches those kids is greed and not to appreciate things. We also open one at a time, adults and kids, youngest to oldest. Everyone sees what each other received and they get a chance to look over their newly opened present until it is time to open the next one.

Stockings are allowed to be opened before the "official" present opening to keep the kids entertained before Grandparents and other relatives arrive.

We also open on Christmas day for everyone. Christmas eve is reserved for reading of the nativity story from the bible and some caroles on the guitar and piano. He is the reason for the season and we make sure the kids understand that Santa may get you presents, but Christ gave the ultimate gift.

I don't care if you get a diamond necklace, or a pair of hand knitted pajamas with feet and bunny years, you thank every person personally for the time and expense of thinking of you no matter what holiday it is.

That is called manners. It is a rare thing in today's youth.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

At our house, ever since the kids were little, we hand out one present at a time and everyone watches as the present is opened, the giver is thanked, etc. The youngest child who is able to is "Santa" (wearing our family Santa hat) and gives out the present - first to the youngest person present, then the next-youngest, etc. Then we start over giving another present to the youngest and continue this way until all the presents are gone. It takes hours, but we really enjoy it, and it makes for a relaxed and happy day for everyone.

Teresa

 

[puffkin]

My nieces were like this when they were little. They would tear into their pile of gifts and literally throwing things over their shoulder as they moved onto the next item. They had no idea what they were getting or from who.

I put a lot of thought, time, effort and money into their gifts. My MIL will buy them junk. I cannot stand buying junk just to buy something. I always try to find them something that fits their age and interests and something nice that holds up well. Anyway, I no longer bring in my presents and put them under the tree. When gift exchanging starts I have my bag of presents with me. When they have torn through their pile I then will call each one over to us individually and have them open our gift in front of us. That way I can see their reactions and they can look at it with us. Selfish I know, but I want some acknowledgement for taking the time to buy them something nice. I also agree that it is the parents responsiblity to see that gifts are opened in an orderly, civilized manner.

I have suggested changing the gift opening to a more civilized approach but it has fallen on deaf ears. The nieces are 12 and 9 so it has been going on awhile. Now with DS3 I collect all his presents before he starts and give him one at a time. I make sure that he properly thanks each person before he moves onto the next.

 

[jen0610]

I am so glad gift opening is slow and steady with DH's extended family. One person at a time opens and everybody gets to see what they are getting. Some of the gifts are really cool to look at.

Last year the one neices got her dad a bunch of heirloom seeds and stuff for his garden. There were seed packets that some of which we had never seen or heard of before. It was really cool looking at the whole kit that she had gotten for him. If everbody had been ripping into their own gifts, we wouldn't have gotten to see what it is that he got.

Even on Christmas morning, while each person may have a couple of presents in front of them, each one takes a turn opening.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

My nieces were like this when they were little. They would tear into their pile of gifts and literally throwing things over their shoulder as they moved onto the next item. They had no idea what they were getting or from who.

I had a BIL like that. Seriously, a grown man doing the exact same thing!!! Glad I no longer have to watch him open gifts.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

I know when I was little my mom had a deal with her brothers that the adults didn't buy each other stuff, but now that we're all adults, everyone buys for everybody.

 

[sbell111]

My wife's family opens presents like that.

One or two people pass them out as quickly as they can and everyone rips them open like lives depend on how quickly they can get to the next one. That, and the fact that Christmas shopping is seen as a competition where the one who spends more 'wins' drives me a bit bonkers.

 

[bumbershoot]

That pandemonium just sounds like it's disappointing, in the end, for everyone. Don't the kids get sad at the end, b/c they've barely appreciated things?

I would try to change the craziness, rather than change the gift-giving.

 

[disykat]

We all open at the same time, but still manage to check each gift to see who it's from, show them to each other, thank after every gift.

It sounds kind of like ..."wow, look at what I got" " I wonder what I got from grandma, this box rattles like legos" " what was in that big box you got from uncle joe?" "here mom, open this one" "thanks I've always wanted one of these" "hey, these boxes are the same size, let's open them at the same time" " dad, you've still got a package under the tree." We all stop and admire each other's things because we naturally want to see them, but there's no "order."

It's fun! However, my kids know they would be in big trouble if they just ripped into boxes without acknowledging the giver and keeping track for thank you notes. They've learned the drill with every gift they've ever received so it carries into Christmas. It's a social, interactive time, not everyone trashing through their gifts without interacting. IMO the OP's post is talking about a parenting problem, not a procedural issue.

 

[StefnMike]

The first Christmas DH and I were together I saw this for the first time. He has 2 daughters and a neice and nephew. There was paper literlly flying everywhere. I was appalled.

Growing up an only child, we did one gift at a time so we could all see and appreciate the gifts.

I told him that when we have children, especially when it comes to gifts from someone other than us or "santa", they will be doing it one by one.

 

[keenercam]

We all take turns opening a gift at a time and showing it off, thanking the giver, etc. When the kids get gifts from someone who is not there, I take a picture of them with the gift to send with the thank you note. If the person is there, I insist on a picture of my DS16 or DD21 with the gift giver and the gift. The kids love looking back on the pictures and remembering all the thoughtful gifts they've received. Fortunately, they've always cooperated in this effort.

 

[ZachnElli]

DH whole family opens presents like that, not just the kids. The first several Christmases with my in-laws there were no kids and they did that. I hate it! The adults rip into them like they are greedy little kids!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Well if it is crazy you can skip getting gifts from them because they will never know.