Getting Married and Finances

[lspst8]

I'm getting married on Sunday and looking for different ways couple manage their finances. My fiance and I have talked about it, but we haven't thought of a good way to account for our money yet.

For a little background information, I have a mortgage on a townhouse (where we both will live), a car payment, and a small student loan payment each month. I don't really have a written down "budget" per se, but I always pay my bills on time, save a little, and automatically contribute to my retirement account. Almost all of my bills come directly out of my checking account automatically.

My fiance will have a car payment (buying car next weekend) and has a large student loan. He also has no credit card debt. He starts a new job on August 17 that finally pays pretty decent money, as he had been working retail because he couldn't find a "career-type" job.

We don't live together and have separate checking and savings accounts at this time. How dis you all combine your finanaces? Or, if you didn't, how do you operate? I really don't want to be one of those couples who says - I spend 40 dollars on groceries, you own me 20 bucks - I didn't even operate like that when I had roommates! Thanks for any suggestions

 

[Darcy03231]

When DH and I got married we opened joint accounts and all of our money is deposited into those account and all bills are paid from them.

 

[kellyg403]

We are a couple that were divorced previously. So, that may color our decision a little bit. We do keep separate checking/savings account but keep an account together. We put so much in our separate accounts for frivilous spending as it were, and we put so much in our checking account. I direct deposit my paycheck in the joint account and my child support goes direct deposit into my personal account. I use that money for the kids and other things and when we decide on a vacation place, we put in what we each have towards it. Our joint savings account we **try** and deposit so much each week but sometimes that doesn't happen. That is our vacation fund, car repair fun etc. I know that others have totally separate accounts for those things but we have enough accounts as it is!

For us this works perfectly. I maintain a certain amount of independence that I really enjoyed when I was single. If I see something and I want to buy it I buy it..and so does he but the money comes out of our individual accounts. But, I will mention neither of us is stingy with that money..if we are short somewhere else, or stop at the grocery store we pay from whatever account and don't complain or expect some money back from the other. He maintains a certain amount of control over the finances which is important to him. He likes things a certain way in that regard.

He does make more than I do at this point, since he has been with his job over 20 years and I was a SAHM mom for many years until I divorced and got a job. So, we don't split anything down the middle...my paycheck is what it is and so his is!

Kelly

 

[Tnkrbelle565]

DH and I have separate checking accounts. It works for us. Basically, I break down a yearly budget and my husband gives me a certain percentage of the yearly budget every week to cover "his half" The separate accounts means that nobody has to ask the other for spending money (although it's unwritten rule that you don't make an big purchases w/o asking the other) It also means that we can surprise each other with gifts still. It's worked for the past 9 years for us.

 

[BrettS]

Personally, as a married couple, I don't really see seperate his and hers expenses anymore. Once you get married you'll have your (as in both of yours) mortgage and two car loans and two student loans. You shouldn't really have to worry about your income covering your expenses or his income covering his expenses. My wife and I only have joint accounts, but I can see where some people might like seperate accounts for their own spending money.

I would suggest having a joint account that all of your income goes to, then use that account to pay all your bills and buy groceries and such. Then if you want seperate accounts just set up and automatic transfer to send a little money each month or week or paycheck or whatever to your own accounts.

 

[dvcgirl]

I've been married for 11 years and we've had joint accounts since our wedding day. It shouldn't matter who makes how much as long as you are on the same page with the same financial goals and are using a zero-based household budget (meaning that every single dollar you earn has a designated place to go).

It sounds to me like you need to sit down and come up with some short, medium and longer term financial goals.

A short term goal would simply be to come up with a household budget where you sit down and write out your monthly expenses and see what's left at the end of the month. Then determine where that extra money will go.....discretionary spending, extra towards debt, building up an emergency fund, towards retirement accounts....that kind of thing.

A medium term goal example would be to determine a date when you'd like to be rid of your car payments or the student loan.

A longer term goal would be choosing a long-term goal like a retirement date.

Good luck and congrats on your wedding!

 

[tlh0726]

We have one account. All money goes in, bills are paid. We do not have to ask each other to buy something. Neither DH or I have spending problems, if we are buying something it is because it is needed.
We look at marriage as a partnership, working together for our future.
This is not the first relationship for either of us. We both had homes and other assets and debts before we were married.

One of my best friends keep seperate accounts. She pays certain bills, he pays certain bills. They do not help each other out if the other runs short.
They are up to their neck in debt. They constantly fight about money. He seems to have extra to buy golf clubs, hunting stuff, etc. and she is robbing peter to pay paul to put food on the table. She has no clue what amount he is paying out for the bills and I am sure he has no clue what it costs to feed a family per week. If they pooled their money, there would be alot less tension in their lives.

 

[bethy]

We've been happily married for 13 years and our accounts have been completely joint since day one. DH is the one who gets paid to do his job but the money belongs to both of us. I do take out a weekly set amount of cash to buy groceries, etc but the purpose of that is to help me limit our spending in that area. Also I do have my own IRA from my working days and also a credit card that is soley in my name in the event something happens to DH and stuff goes into probate. We live in a community property state anway.

 

[tnd]

We just opened a joint account when we were married 8 years ago and only use that. All money goes in, all bills get paid from that account. A budget will still help you get on the same page with spending which is helpful, but I find it easier to have one set of accounts to manage. We are very similar in our spending habits and our financial goals, so it makes having joint finances easier.

 

[J3nn78]

Once we married there was no his money or her money.
We have joint savings and joint checking. The money that is in there is OUR money to pay OUR bills.

When we married, we united on ALL fronts.

 

[JeMarie6]

We started with separate accounts and have stayed that way for 10 years. He was a gambler so I didn't want him to ever spend (or even be tempted to spend) my hard earned money. We just figured out all the monthly bills and split them up evenly and then each pay those bills. I pay the mortgage, health insurance, groceries and clothes/activities for the kids. He pays the utilities, cable, house insurance and property taxes. We each pay our own student loans, buy our own clothes, cars, etc. We split only the major expenses such as home improvements & our up coming Disney vacation based on our current salary split (If I make 60% of our income, then I pay 60%. I also get 60% of income tax rebates and such). There is no fighting over money because we each get to do what we want as long as we our paying the bills that are our responsibility. We're pretty independent and so I can't honestly imagine doing it any other way.

 

[Piecey]

We have three checking accounts... one is mine, one is his and one is joint.

Currently, my checks go into my account (I say currently because I've only got 3 wks of maternity leave left and then my checks stop ), his disability goes into his checking account and his paychecks go into our joint account.
I found out I was pregnant two weeks after I started my job (whoops) so my checks have always been spent on frivilous stuff mostly (new TV, baby supplies, baby furniture, new couch, etc.). We didn't want to ever rely on my money as being there, knowing I probably wouldn't be going back to work.

Groceries, credit cards (paid monthly), Jeep payment, mortgage, utilities are paid out of the joint account. We always have surplus and once it hits $2k in "extra" we move $1k over to savings.. usually halfing it between our "emergency" account and our vacation account. If it's close to April we don't move money out of the joint account, as we pay our car insurance in full for the year in April. Then we start over.

Occassionally DH will have lots of extra in his personal account and "give" it to me in the joint account for whatever.

He uses his money for XBox games, computer games, Starbucks, gas, the occassional lunch out, etc.


So far, so good. It's worked well. We agreed to split the money this way and we've not had any problems since we started this.

 

[RachaelA]

Married 2 months ago.

I have my checking (that my paycheck is direct deposited into) and I closed my savings. We have a joint checking and savings that his paycheck is deposited into. He deals with it though.

The only "bill" I had was my car that I just paid off other than that he pays all the regular bills and I pay off the credit card.

We're eventually planning though on having one joint checking/savings that all our money goes into and then we'll have separate accounts for fun money.

I think of our money has both our money regardless of who makes more.

 

[msmayor]

Married almost 23 years and have always had joint accounts.

For the first 6 years of marriage we both worked outside the home, but it was important to us both that we be able to 'live' off of only DH's salary as the plan was for me to be a stay-at-home-Mom when we had kids. We budgeted as if only his paycheck was available, and my paycheck went into savings and 'fun' stuff. Still, all the money went into the account together.

When I stopped working there was no financial strain on our budget because we'd always 'lived' within DH's salary for essentials and a small weekly allowance. To this day, DH's paycheck is direct-deposited and once a week he takes his usual weekly amount out of the ATM for his pocket money. He always calls it "our" money though, even though the paycheck is in his name.

 

[hmcfall711]

Another joint account, all the money in the same pot, and pay the bills out of that.

However, my suggestion is about filing your taxes. The first year after we were married and filed our taxes jointly, we owed $795. Our accountant suggested we refile our W-3 with zero as the dependant and have additional money taken out each check. Right now we have an extra $20 per pay period taken out. We always get something back as a return now. I know some people say it is like giving the government your money for free to use until you file. BUT . . . there is no way we could drop $800 every Fed./ March our budget just doesn't have that kind of money flexibility. It is much easier to have it taken out before we see it.

 

[MrsPete]

I'm getting married on Sunday and looking for different ways couple manage their finances. My fiance and I have talked about it, but we haven't thought of a good way to account for our money yet.

For a little background information, I have a mortgage on a townhouse (where we both will live), a car payment, and a small student loan payment each month. I don't really have a written down "budget" per se, but I always pay my bills on time, save a little, and automatically contribute to my retirement account. Almost all of my bills come directly out of my checking account automatically.

My fiance will have a car payment (buying car next weekend) and has a large student loan. He also has no credit card debt. He starts a new job on August 17 that finally pays pretty decent money, as he had been working retail because he couldn't find a "career-type" job.

We don't live together and have separate checking and savings accounts at this time. How dis you all combine your finanaces? Or, if you didn't, how do you operate? I really don't want to be one of those couples who says - I spend 40 dollars on groceries, you own me 20 bucks - I didn't even operate like that when I had roommates! Thanks for any suggestions

I'd suggest that you give yourself a couple weeks after the wedding just to relax together and enjoy the newness of being married and living together!

After that, go open a joint checking account (or have his name added to your existing account). Arrange for a portion of both your paychecks to go into that account, and use it for your daily needs.

At the same time, set yourselves up for one general-use credit card (make sure it gives you reward points that fit into your lifestyle). Pay it off every single month. Don't accumulate individual store credit cards, which only tempt you to spend money you shouldn't spend.

I assume that you're going to live in the townhouse you own. It's no longer your mortgage, your carpayment, and your two student loans -- you now share them, and they come out of the joint checking account.

Write out a budget that you can live with. Allow yourselves each a small "allowance" for which you don't have to consult the other. Set an amount for your groceries and other items. Every two weeks sit down briefly and check on where you are financially. From time to time you'll have to break the budget, but don't make it a habit. Also agree never to hide money or purchases from one another.

This is the perfect time for you to set up a budget. Being a young couple, you won't be able to afford everything you want, but since you're now saving whatever rent he's been paying, this is a great time for you to start putting money away without feeling the pinch.

Budget question: Could you do without the car he's about to buy? I don't mean, could you do without it conveniently -- saving money is rarely the most convenient option -- I mean, is it in any way possible? Could you take him to work? Could one of you carpool? I say this because you're a young couple with a mortgage, already one car payment, and two student loans -- it's not a friendly world out there financially, and you already have a good number of debts. If you could arrange to NOT have a second car payment, you could save $$$$$ early in your marriage, which would get you off on a stable financial footing. This could be a positive step that could help you for years and years to come. We did without a second car for the first three years of our marriage, and it was one of the best things we ever did. We only purchased a second car when I took a new job in a different town and driving together became impractical. But not having a second car payment allowed us the freedom to pay down our mortgage fast, and it allowed us to build up a comfortable nest egg before we had our first child.

While you're at the bank, open a short-term savings account in both of your names. Arrange for a portion of your paychecks to go into that account too, and use it for your "occasional needs": vacations, home repairs, downpayment on a car. Agree that you cannot take money out of this account without discussing it together. If you find yourself needing to withdraw money from this account for monthly bills, revisit your budget and cut something out. Emergencies will always happen, and you cannot do without this short-term savings account.

While you're in a money frame of mind, change the beneficiary on your life insurance, 401K and other long-term accounts.

Finally, don't worry about who's paying what percentage of the bills. It sounds like right now you might be doing the lion's share, but that doesn't mean it'll always be that way. Share everything, be honest about everything, and spend conservatively.

I read a book (the title was something like Your Money or Your Life, and the author was Elizabeth Warren -- it'd be a good thing for two newlyweds to read together!) once that gave what I think is a good ratio to shoot for:

You should spend no more than 50% on your needs. So your mortgage, your groceries, your credit card bill, your insurance, your student loans, your car payments, your utilities . . . they must all total to no more than 50% of your take-home pay. If you're spending more than this, you'll always be running short and you won't be comfortable. If you're spending more than 50%, you'll likely fall behind on your monthly bills and will end up with growing debt. If you're in a mess here -- and many people are -- you have two options: Bring home more money (second job), or cut out something from the budget (cable TV, restaurants meals).

You should allot 30% for discretionary spending. This is your money for lunch out with friends, a baby shower gift, a new jacket, tickets to a game or a movie. You can make a budget that allows for no fun-money, but you'll not be able to stick to it for long.

That leaves 20%; 10% for your long-term savings (retirement funds) and 10% for your short-term account. Personally, I think you need more for short-term savings, but we tend to travel often, and we use the short-term savings for that . . . but we're way under 50% for our gotta-haves, so we're able to save more.

 

[1sttimemickeymom]

First -- congrats on the upcoming wedding! Enjoy your special day!

This is a great question! My friends & I have often discussed this. I think the most important thing is to find what works for you -- and also to have lots of communication about $$$. For me & my DH, we were both older (almost 40 & 43) when we got married. We had neither one been married (or had kids) so we were both working, making good money & used to making independent financial decisions. We both wanted to work together towards our financial goals, but also realized we had different spending habits! (I am (or was) more of a spender!)

Since we both had already well established banking accounts, we kept our seperate accounts. But after the honeymoon, one of the first things we did was to put each other on our accounts so we could access the account(s) in case of an emergency (or God forbid, death). We realized this would protect each other in an emergency & since we looked at marriage as true unity, we had no problems with this. Honestly, the only reason we didn't close the accounts & do one joint account was laziness. It was just too much hassle to change the direct deposits, auto payments, etc & since neither of us have a charge for our accounts it was easier to keep them! We both still have these accounts today. Now that we've been married 3 1/2 years, we finally have a joint account! That is only because of some recent home equity stuff, but we use it as more of a "slush" fund for fun stuff.

As to who pays what -- when we first got married, not only did he make more than me, but I had way more debt (medical bills). He had bought our house 4 years before we even met & he was paying all of those bills already. We decided that my only payment towards household expenses would be to pay for groceries, eating out & our cable/internet bill so that I could get out from under the medical bill mountain. 6 weeks after the wedding, I got pregnant (yay!) but I had a difficult pregnancy & we knew I wouldn't be returning to work. Before delivery, I was able to be debt free (car payment, medical bills & credit cards). I had to go on disability after delivery & now have that as my monthly "income". Because it's not much, we have not changed who pays what. However -- we DEFINITELY look at all of the income for our house as OUR MONEY and there was a 6 month period where I had NO income & he would put money in my account.

Long story short -- it took a lot of communication and honesty from both of us to find out what works for us. Here's wishing you & your soon-to-be hubby the same kind of open discussions so that money will not be a source of stress to you in your new life!

 

[annagirl]

First, create a budget. Know how much each of you bring home in pay, what are your fixed expenses (mortgage, etc) and budget for savings and retirement.

Then decide together how bills will be paid, that way no bill gets missed because one thought the other would pay it.

I do recommend a joint account so that each of you have check writing priviliges, in case anyone is out of town when a bill comes due. That does not mean each of you cannot have a separate account too - just decide how much goes in the joint account and what will be paid out of the joint account.

Don't forget such infrequent expenses like taxes, car registration, periodic insurance payments. Make sure you budget for them and then decide who pays them.

For example - all expenses related to my car I pay out of my account, his car, his account. That includes maintenence, insurance, registration, etc. Yearly taxes (IRS) get paid from the joint account.

Above all - no matter what you decide to do - you must make sure you talk it out so both of you are clear on what is expected. Many newly married people find this hard because in our socitey we don't talk about money like that. But this is very important to how you will live and how you will relate to each other. There is nothing worse than resentment because one person is paying all the bills and the other is spending money casually.

Also talk about any thing you might want to save up for together - new tv or furnature you want to get jointly, vacation money, whatever. Have some idea of how much you will need to pay for these things and add that into your budget.

Good luck!

 

[Ronda93]

DGF and I each kept our single checking accounts and opened a joint checking. Both paychecks are direct deposited to the joint account and all bills are paid from there, too. We both skim a couple hundred dollars a month to our single accounts as mad money. That's the pot we pay from when we don't want to explain WDW half marathon registration fee for example and I am coveting a new pair of Oakley sunglasses.

This works because we think similarly about money and spending. It also works because we make enough to comfortably meet our needs. If either of those were not true, it would take a lot of communication and agreement checking to keep money from becoming a problem. There are few things that can trip a couple up like money. Unchecked, it can taint pretty much everything else.

Good luck and congratulations.

Ronda

 

[Claire&TheBoys]

We've had joint accounts from the time we married. My husband moved to be with me, so I just put him on my accounts. We worked together towards paying off some of his old credit card debt and student loans -- it furthered our mutual goal of being able to buy a house and for me to stay at home with our children (when they came many years later).