Funny things kids say

[MickeyCrazedMom]

Around the time Micheal Jackson passed, after watching shows and news and videos for days, my daughter (5) asked "Mommy, what happened? Micheal Jackson is all over everything!" So I explained to her that he died, we talked for a little about death and she said "But what Micheal Jackson died? The white one or the black one?"....sigh...

After watching and dancing to his videos all day, she was a little confused as to how he changed from the "Thriller" Micheal Jackson to the "Remember The Time" Micheal Jackson.

That's funny! We spent a day watching all of his videos back to back and my 5 year old asked me why he changed colors!

DD5 constantly sings, but usually the wrong words. Today her brother came home singing Mom and Dad sitting in a tree... So a few hours later she gives it a try and it comes out K.I.S.S. I and me

 

[MickeyCrazedMom]

After my very dramatic 6 year old DS had his tonsils out he had a hard time coming out of the anestesia. We offered him some water and he started crying saying "You are trying to poison me, you want me to die". Then he saw the IV in his arm, wrapped with guaze, and screamed in his hoarse voice "I thought you were fixing my throat. Why did you cut my hand off?" We knew he was traumatized but we laughed our heads off, along with the nurses. He was very entertaining!

 

[AngieBelle]

Overheard at the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique:

FGiT: Princess, what do you like to do?
Princess: I like to paint.
FGiT: What do you paint? Do you paint people animals?
Princess: No! I don't paint people and animals!
FGiT: Then what do you paint?
Princess: Paper!

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

This one happened at my school yesterday:

The speech teacher had two kids with her. While she was working with them one of the third grade teachers came and hang a dirty sock he found on the screen of the window and was acting goofy. One of the little boys (who has an older sister in the 3rd grade teacher's class) said:

"Mr. ______, no wonder your kids are so bad!"

 

[Nette]

DD7 has had some great ones throughout her life.

When she was about 3 she kept telling us "That's not a sucker bet!" every time we would reprimand her for something. We thought it was hilarious, but couldn't figure out why she was saying that or where she had heard it. So one day I asked her preschool teacher if she had every heard her say that. The teacher had a puzzled look on her face that cleared very quickly. She told us that DD was saying "That's not acceptable."

We have a tradition in our family that the youngest member of the family who is able to read reads from the bible about Jesus' birth on Christmas Eve in lieu of a blessing before dinner. Last year was DD's first turn to read it and so we had her practicing each night for a couple of weeks before Christmas Eve. One night DH asked her if she knew what the book she was reading from was (DH and I are not particularly religious). She gave him this exasperated look and slams the book shut and reads the title aloud to him. "The Chocolate Living Bible, Daddy!"

Only a couple of weeks ago, I'm not sure how it came up but DD told me "Mommy, I don't wanna get the slime flu!"

 

[BLTtinkerbell]

My 5 year old asked daddy to play a game last night. Then, he announced that he would let daddy win because daddy is really old.

That reminds me of a story my neighbor told me at the bus stop. She said her 7 year old son started crying at dinner. When she asked what was wrong, he said he was scared that daddy will die because he has gray hair! The dad is only 40! The son was so happy when the mom explained that gray hair doesn't mean you will die soon.

 

[Disney Doll]

I really had to think on this one, cause my dd comes up with some dooooozies! When she was in the hosp on IV antibiotics about 2 yrs ago (she was 6), she developed that rather common side effect women get. So I ask the RN to ask the Resident to order some diflucan for her..(we are frequent flyers so the RNs all know us, but the Residents & Interns change.) So about 30 min later, the (male) intern walks in, and says, "Well Piper, I just need to take a quick look down there and see what's going on." As he reaches for the sheet, she promptly crosses her ankles and locks her knees together, and then says.....

"What's the password??"

I still can't decide which was funnier...her saying that, or the look on the poor interns' face...I so wish I had my camera ready at that moment.

 

[dopeysgirl01]

A few years ago my now 10yr old DS learned how to play I Spy and was really excited about it. He convinced my DH and DD to play with him. He told them that he spied something gray. After a bunch of guesses that no one got right he finally annnounced, "It's Daddy's dead, gray hair!"

 

[lukenick1]

One night while I took a shower my 6 year old comes into the bathroom after he showered asking me to wrap a towel around him and says.....
"Mommy can you please help me with my towel? Dont worry Mommy I wont look at your Peenis"

Also just tonight he was upset cuz his older brother was going to sleep at a friends house. So he says....while crying..."why would he want to sleep over a Yankee fans house"???? (we're Red Sox fans)

 

[Mrs.Toad]

Also, we're in the process of potty training, and one day I walked into the bathroom to find the floor all wet. I yelled out, "Why is the floor all wet in here?!?", thinking that maybe DP would know. Instead, DD walks in and proclaims, "Cuz I peed on it!"

That reminds me of my dd at 2, and potty training. I could hear she was up from her nap, but still in her room, so I went to check on her. The room smelled horrible, but I didn't see anything on the floor, so I asked "did you go poop in your bed?", and she said "no, mom, on the step stool.", as if the step stool was such a logical place to poop! Oy!

After my very dramatic 6 year old DS had his tonsils out he had a hard time coming out of the anestesia. We offered him some water and he started crying saying "You are trying to poison me, you want me to die". Then he saw the IV in his arm, wrapped with guaze, and screamed in his hoarse voice "I thought you were fixing my throat. Why did you cut my hand off?" We knew he was traumatized but we laughed our heads off, along with the nurses. He was very entertaining!

OMGoodness, I cannot stop laughing over this one!

 

[princesslibby]

Tonight we had wings for dinner. My middle child only ate wings, no sides. So at the end of the meal the youngest (7) says "Alex, you're a carnival!"
Alex says "I'm not a ride at Disney World." They went back and forth until I said "He means you're a carnivore."

 

[dwdreamer]

When I was potty training my ds, he couldn't wear pull ups or underwear or he wouldn't bother with the potty. He then started walking around with his hands in his pants. When I asked him to please stop, he said "But Mom, it's my favorite toy!"

 

[minniebeth]

We are talking about a dream trip to Alaska or Hawaii one day with our family. (Way distant future!) My DD7 kept saying she doesn't understand why it costs so much to get to either place, 'cause all we have to do is "drive to Texas and then take a short boat ride". I was so confused and wasn't following her, so she pulled out a map and showed us.

On the map, Alaska and Hawaii are shown in a box directly southwest of Texas.
She couldn't understand that they were placed on the map there to include them, but that is not actually where they are! We had to pull out the globe to show here where they really are and she said, "well, that's stupid that they put the states on the map like that if that's not where they go!".

Yep, literal until taught otherwise!

 

[Tinijocaro]

I shouldn't even admit this but I did the same thing. STB dh and I were getting our hawaii trip set up and while looking at the huge wall map, I couldn't find hawaii. DH walked me way over to the left and showed me that hawaii wasn't in the Gulf of Mexico like they show it in all the textbooks. He still brings that up from time to time.

We are talking about a dream trip to Alaska or Hawaii one day with our family. (Way distant future!) My DD7 kept saying she doesn't understand why it costs so much to get to either place, 'cause all we have to do is "drive to Texas and then take a short boat ride". I was so confused and wasn't following her, so she pulled out a map and showed us.

On the map, Alaska and Hawaii are shown in a box directly southwest of Texas.
She couldn't understand that they were placed on the map there to include them, but that is not actually where they are! We had to pull out the globe to show here where they really are and she said, "well, that's stupid that they put the states on the map like that if that's not where they go!".

Yep, literal until taught otherwise!

 

[PollyannaMom]

Last week, DS was into the Halloween candy a little too close to dinner, and DH questioned him - "Did you ask, first?" DS promptly replied "I asked myself, and I said yes!"

 

[bunkkinsmom]

When I was potty training my ds, he couldn't wear pull ups or underwear or he wouldn't bother with the potty. He then started walking around with his hands in his pants. When I asked him to please stop, he said "But Mom, it's my favorite toy!"

I think I just sprained something laughing!!!!

 

[Peanut214]

My son is too little to contribute to this thread yet, but my little cousin comes out with great ones.

When she was about 3, she asked my aunt for a cookie. My aunt said to her, "Well, what's the magic word?" Miss Sassypants rolled her eyes, put her hands on her hips and said, "Abracadabra."

And technically, she was right!

 

[catycatcat4]

When my sister was three she said "disney makes dead people sing and dance."

One time a couple years ago in walmart my mom had like cut though the socks undies and bras section or went by it or somthing.
The two little ones yelling "LOOK AT THOSE B__bie things! i see B__obie things! and kept saying B__bie things" i'm glad i was not there that day!

 

[irishbosoxfan]

I got one last night from DD8.

We had gone to Outback for dinner and were waiting out front for my DH to get the car when the girls noticed a Hooters across the street.

DD11 starts talking about how when she gets older she won't let her boyfriend go to one and DD8 asks "Why?" and says "It's only a coffee house".

I told her that it wasn't a coffee house but a restaurant where the waitresses wear really short shorts and tight tank tops.

DD8 said "Oh" then after a couple of seconds she says "So that's why there's two O's in Hooters"

 

[sersee05]

This is a funny thread...Lol...My ds5 comes up with some... He is a very encouraging child ..always telling me "Good job" or "I like your new shoes". He was 4 and barged in on me while I was in the shower. I told him he needed to leave and shouldn't walk in when the door is shut. I said that "Mommy is showering and needs her privacy". He felt bad...and told me he was very sorry he didn't knock. I told him it was ok and I would be out in a minute. He left and came back in. I think he was trying to smooth things over because he thought I was upset with him and says .. "by the way Mom, Nice B**bs!".

His latest was the other day. I was getting him ready for school. We were trying to get on a pair of newly washed jeans. So I helped him and was pulling them up. I guess I pulled them up too hard because he said "Ow mom! Watch the jimminies". I am used to girls.