Funny comments to doctors/nurses

[Talking Hands]

Steve I love my DO. Much better than the MD I used to go to. Of course, sometimes I could kill his staff.
BTW they always ask why I am there and I usually answer because he says I have to. I go every 6 months whether I need to or not.

 

[crz4mm2]

One of the funniest I ever heard was relayed via an old time doc from our town. Seems he was at a Christmas party one year many years agne of his long time female patients was having some sort of problem "down there" and asked for his advise. Mind you, this was at a CHRISTMAS PARTY. He simply said "well, if you will take your pants off, I will see if I can tell you what's wrong".
Priceless I thought.

I met a gentleman at a local tire shop one day when I was having tires replaced on my car. He asked for my name etc and when he was writing it all down said "hey, I know you. You got in bed with my wife" (to deliver their baby)....
I sit on the foot of the bed when I do a delivery. So that was pretty funny.

Cathy

 

[torianne31]

My husband was in the trauma center of a Pittsburgh hospital for 4 months. After 8 weeks in a rehab facility he had to do a follow up visit to his surgeon. The ambulance attendants wheeled my husband in another entrance while I signed him in.

I took a seat in the large, crowded waiting room and started reading my book. Someone said "Candy, I've been looking for you." I looked up and stared for a moment then said "Oh, Dr. Townsend, I didn't recognize you with your clothes on."

OMG You could have heard a pin drop in that waiting room. Then everyone started to laugh. I was so embarrassed.

A similar situation happened at the doctor's office I work at. DH and I had to stop by the office on my day off. Well I normally wear scrubs to work but of course, being off that day I was in "street clothes". The doctor stopped by to chat for a minute with DH and I and the first thing out of his mouth was "Hey Vicky, I almost didn't recognize you with clothes on." He turned about 9 different shades of red. DH still laughs about it to this day.

 

[candykisses]

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one that has made a comment like that!

 

[minkydog]

A scared mom called me one night about her 8month old with a fever. I asked how high the fever was, but she said, "I'm not sure, I haven't checked the onion yet." Thinking that perhaps "onion" was a euphemism for something else, I asked, "the onion?" Mom said she had tied half an onion around the baby's wrist and when the onion is done you know they have a high fever. No kidding... I told her to get a rectal temp and give some tylenol "to help the onion work."

 

[FroggyinArk]

about 3 months after the wreck, i was in the hospital for surgery, had been taken back to or, preped, even the or staff couldnt figure out what happened,, dr was no where around,,, he finnally showed up about an hour late, was running down hall and passed dw in the hall, he stopped and visited with her a second, and her first statement was hey doc, why are you out here? jeffs in there waiuting on you i think,,,

 

[torianne31]

This happened a while back.... I work at an eye doctor's office. We were seeing a patient on referral from another doctor. The patient said he was there to have the cars in his eyes checked. I asked him to repeat why the other doctor had sent him over. The patient once again stated that he needed to have the cars in his eyes checked. I asked the elderly gentleman what he meant by cars in his eyes. He told me that the first doctor told him he had "cars in his eyes, ya know......cadillacs". He was there to have his cataracts evaluated. I had to step out in the hallway for a few moments.

 

[rascalmom]

Years ago when DH was first practicing, he did a lot of his own x-rays.

One day a very nice, primm, elderly lady came in for her 6 month exam.

While placing the lead drape, my dh asked the routine questions that he always asks his female dental patients. Any chance that you could be pregnant?

The nice elderly smiled, blushed & said, "Why young man, I haven't even been exposed in years!" He thinks that she was very flattered that he asked. Kind of like getting carded when your obviously past 21 I guess!

 

[HomeSweetDisney]

A scared mom called me one night about her 8month old with a fever. I asked how high the fever was, but she said, "I'm not sure, I haven't checked the onion yet." Thinking that perhaps "onion" was a euphemism for something else, I asked, "the onion?" Mom said she had tied half an onion around the baby's wrist and when the onion is done you know they have a high fever. No kidding... I told her to get a rectal temp and give some tylenol "to help the onion work."

 

[tzuhouse]

Okay, so the patients I see don't speak, their owners do, but we do have some great ones.

Here's one of my favorites. Lady owns a female golden retriever. Dog is highly aggressive. Owner breeds her and dog get pregnant. Great! Just what we need. More aggressive Goldens. Anyway, dog has one pup and it's dead. Then no more. Brings it into the clinic and we wind up doing emergency c -section. Several more are dead, but she has 8 living pups. We recommend that the dog be spayed while already under anesthesia since we are there anyway and owner agrees. 2 months later she calls me up and says that she has loved these pups and they've decided they want to breed her again. Could we put her "parts" back in.

NO THAT ISN'T A JOKE! I'm just glad it was over the phone so she couldn't see my face!

Mary

 

[marybet]

I used to work in Patient Accounts. One day an elderely woman called and said she had gotten an itemized statement from her last hospital stay and she never got the toothbrush and toothpaste, then she says "is that how you cheat medicare". Well I explain to her that medicare pays a set amount based on her diagnosis and even though I was sure that she had received the items it wouldn't have changed what medicare paid. I talk to her for quite a while and thought I had explained it when she says "if I come to the hospital will you give me the toothbrush and toothpaste"?

 

[CajunDixie]

When we had our second DS it was a planned C-Section. I was in the OR, Dr was scrubbed and ready, nurses ready, but no family Dr for DS. The OB Dr asked the nurses where the family Dr was and even had him paged. The Dr then told one of the nurses to go find the old quack. The anesthesiologist looked down at me and said "Well Blueeyes I guess we'll knock you out after the Dr gets his foot out of his mouth."

 

[torianne31]

A lady came into the eye doctor's office where I work with a problem with her contact lenses. She said the vision with her contact lenses wasn't that great. I gave her another pair with a higher power to try. I came back in to check her vision before the doctor came in to give her the final ok. She told me she couldn't see a THING. Her vision was AWFUL. The doctor came in and found the problem with the new contacts right away. The lady had put the new pair of contacts right in on top of the old ones........duh....Now, we make sure to tell patients to REMOVE their old lenses before inserting the new lenses.

 

[pfishgirl]

Well, I work for an eye doctor, and a patient called and said he was having trouble figuring out which contact lens went in which eye. I suggested trying it both eyes, but we could also read it and see if he needed. He thought that was a good idea. Well, he came in with a -200 in one eye and -600 in the other, quite a difference. We had no idea why in the world he couldn't figure it out!

ummm and did this patient drive himself to your office ???
sorry couldn't resist...



I'm NOT a DR but I love it when you go to the DRs office and they say to you..so how are you?? or so how are we today?? I normally respond with either...if i was fine i wouldn't be here would i?? or i respond with, well you seem fine but i'm not...

 

[LindsayDunn228]

My husband was in the trauma center of a Pittsburgh hospital for 4 months. After 8 weeks in a rehab facility he had to do a follow up visit to his surgeon. The ambulance attendants wheeled my husband in another entrance while I signed him in.

I took a seat in the large, crowded waiting room and started reading my book. Someone said "Candy, I've been looking for you." I looked up and stared for a moment then said "Oh, Dr. Townsend, I didn't recognize you with your clothes on."

OMG You could have heard a pin drop in that waiting room. Then everyone started to laugh. I was so embarrassed.

Don't do that to me when I have a mouthful of coffee!! TOO FUNNY!!!

 

[Mskanga]

Thank God I have a doctor with an excellent sense of humor , because if he didn't I think he would have sent me to the funny farm a long time ago.
I tease him a lot but he teases me just as much.
The last time I wasn't even there , my friend got sick with the same thing I had and when she went in she explained to him what was going on and who gave it to her ( me ). Of course he started laughing and asking if I was doing something he did not know about , and the final result was that I was a witch and I play with voo doo dolls and that is probably the cause why he's having pain in his back , . Just wait to the next time I see him , he's gonna have another kind of pain inflicted.....
I remember one time though that I went in for a test that he had to do and while waiting in the room I was reading the computer screen that had my info pulled up and said something about doing the test with a broomstick. He came in and I asked him what are you going to do to me with a broomstick??? , I thought we would have to do CPR from him laughing so hard.
He's the best doctor I have ever had though, and I wouldn't trade him fror anything.

 

[disneysteve]

A similar situation happened at the doctor's office I work at. DH and I had to stop by the office on my day off. Well I normally wear scrubs to work but of course, being off that day I was in "street clothes". The doctor stopped by to chat for a minute with DH and I and the first thing out of his mouth was "Hey Vicky, I almost didn't recognize you with clothes on." He turned about 9 different shades of red. DH still laughs about it to this day.

When I was in training doing one of my surgical rotations, there was a scrub nurse I worked with every day, but I only saw her in the OR in full garb - gown, gloves, mask, cap. After about a week or so, she passes me in the cafeteria and says hi. I had no idea who the woman was at first until I recognized her eyes since that's the only part of her I had ever seen.

 

[Lars624]

Okay................I have an OB story & an eye doctor story....

I went in for my 'yearly' exam.....I of course was on the table in that completely uncomfortable & unnatural position & my doctor, who thank heaven has a good sense of humor, is getting ready to do the 'exam'....I say "You know, I really HATE this" & he replid.."When I come in here & some woman tells me she likes it I'm not doing it!!"

I took my DS5 to the eye doctor for an exam...he was in the chair looking at all of the machines with mischief in his eyes....I had visions of him breaking some large piece of equipment while the doc was asking me questions so I was a tiny bit preoccupied with my little one as I was answering the docs questions.....one exchange went like this....

Doc: "Is there any history of eye disease in his family?"
Me: "Oh yes, both of my inlaws have gonorrhea"
I could not find the right word, glaucoma, no matter how hard I tried...I was sooo embarassed

 

[AllyandJack]

I had to have a colonoscopy on my 21st b-day. Fun, I know. After the procedure, I was taken into recovery. I'm laying there...high as a kite and feelin' fine. The woman next to me had just had another procedure and, everytime a nurse walked by, she yelled, "Waitress!!"

This didn't happen to me, but to a friend of mine. Her sister was moving here from another state and needed to find a new OB/GYN for her annual visits. So, naturally, her sister recommended hers - who is also mine. So, the sister goes to the doctor and they're talking (my doctor will keep you there for an hour just chatting with you). He LOVES to talk while he's doing the exam. So, she's on the table, he's doing his thing and he says, "So, you're Martha's sister, huh?" She says, "Yep." He says, "I can see the resemblance." She was mortified and said, "Where?!?"

Another time, I was in the ER with a high fever (it was almost 104!). It was the day before Thanksgiving and I was in the middle area with two other people on the sides of me behind curtains. One guy was talking about how he hurt his back and the doctor said to take some Motrin and make an appointment to see his doctor to have it checked out, but it didn't appear that anything was seriously wrong. He kept going on and on and finally said, "Well....can I have a note to have the rest of the week off of work?" The person from the other side of me starting screaming, "Liar! You didn't hurt your back! You just don't want to go to work!" A shouting match ensued and there I was, sick as a dog, waiting for God to just take me, while the doctor who was supposed to me helping me mediated the fight between the two other patients.

 

[Fire14]

I'm a nurse in a LTC facility and usually wear Disney scrubs so residents have started calling me Eeyore's girl or telling their families they like the eeyore girl. If the families don't come in often they think their loved one has gone off deep end.