Funny announcements CMs make?

[dburg30]

And there was the CM at BTMR who answered the question "Does this ride go upside-down?" with "Not if it's working right."

Upon exiting a tram in 2005. "Folks..please watch your step and if you forget to watch your step....please watch your language!"

Thought it was a good one!!

The JetBlue pilots like to joke a bit. Just after taking off from Boston to Orlando, the pilot came on and thanked us "for flying JetBlue and we will be arriving in Columbus, Ohio in about an hour..."

..

While getting out of the doombuggy a CM was say "Take children firmly by the hair."

Love these the most, all of them have been good though

On the last one the "Take children firmly by the hair" There are time the bus announcements I swear like they say "Take small children firmly by the head". So I'm glad someone else has fun with that.

 

[cheerful chickadee]

there's so many to remember! One of my family's faves is Joe the tram announcer. He had a thick Brooklyn accent as he told guests "when boarding the tram watch your head and your step...if you don't watch your head then watch your mouth, there's kids around"

 

[Mickey'sApprentice]

Really late one night, we heard...yo ho yo ho, get out of the boat.

I heard a couple of great ones on the JC.

On one occassion, the JC driver asked where people were from: on one occassion, someone said California. The JC driver very apologetically explained to the person that it was not necessary for them to have come all the way from California. There is a Jungle Cruise ride there too!

On another occassion, the "victim" was from Alaska, and in the back of the boat. When the person said they were from Alaska, the JC driver said I'm sorry. The person then yelled Alaska again. So of course, the JC driver said I heard what you said, I'm so sorry.

 

[Ms_Butterfly]

We had a great bus driver one time. He was listening to my friends and I talk on the bus (we were sitting in the sideways seats at the front). One of my friends has the type of driver's license needed to drive a bus and other such vehicles - the bus driver was willing to let him drive by starting to leave his seat, haha. But the best part was when there was a jogger on the side of the road (we were driving through our resort, Coronado Springs) and I joked he'd be worth three points to hit. The driver aimed the bus in the jogger's direction (while well safe enough away and quickly got back on course, don't worry!) and said something funny! It was hilarious!

 

[Nemo32]

Two trips ago my siblings and I were riding the Friendship boat from BWV to DHS. We were seated on the inside and the captain was very friendly and got everyone quite involved. He talked about the time the park closed and highlights, like RnR and ToT. He asked everyone to show him how they were going to react on the ToT drop. People were hesitant but after he did it himself he had everyone doing it. It was fun.

 

[kisobel]

these are hilarious. i'm subscribing.

kate

 

[Vexorg]

On my last trip, I heard this one on the Jungle Cruise while passing the empty camp: The guide made some comment about the camp being empty, wondering where everyone went (I forgot that part). Some random passenger in the boat yells, "Maybe they ran out of beer?"

Without missing a beat, the guide responds, "This isn't Epcot."

 

[mickeymedic]

The JetBlue pilots like to joke a bit. Just after taking off from Boston to Orlando, the pilot came on and thanked us "for flying JetBlue and we will be arriving in Columbus, Ohio in about an hour..."

When DH and first started flying JetBlue a bunch of years ago it seemed that the joking was more prevailent. I remember one flight where the Pilot was introducing the flight crew. He introduced the flight attendant in the front of the plane as his wife and the flight attendant in the back of the plane as his girlfriend.

 

[csarenz]

While at Carousel of Progress in April (DWs favorite), the CM, an elderly man, came out with something along the lines of: "And of course, there is no eating or drinking in the theater. However I do not have to worry about that (pause) because I am an animatronic robot".

 

[Bounce_Tigger]

When DH and first started flying JetBlue a bunch of years ago it seemed that the joking was more prevailent. I remember one flight where the Pilot was introducing the flight crew. He introduced the flight attendant in the front of the plane as his wife and the flight attendant in the back of the plane as his girlfriend.

I flew Southwest a few years back and as we were landing, the flight attendants gave the normal announcements: local weather, baggage claim location, thanks for choosing SW...."Oh, and we have a very special guest on our flight today. It's his 95th birthday and today is his first time on an airplane!" Everyone in the cabin clapped and the attendant continued "So, as you disembark, please make sure to stop by the cockpit and wish your pilot a happy birthday" I was dying!

 

[Buzz Litebeer]

On another occassion, the "victim" was from Alaska, and in the back of the boat. When the person said they were from Alaska, the JC driver said I'm sorry. The person then yelled Alaska again. So of course, the JC driver said I heard what you said, I'm so sorry.

Believe it or not, that bit is actually part of the Official Script for the Jungle Cruise.

 

[KBaum]

These are great! Keep posting!

 

[mickeyluv'r]

One funny joke I recall from a Southwest flight was as the plane reached the final gate. The pilot got on the P.A. and said, "All rise!" just as everyone was getting up.

Another time, flying during the holidays, the pilot got on and said, "You are getting very sleepy....very sleepy....you will soon be asleep and do not want a beverage..."

Another time, on a Christmas Eve evening flight...it wasn't so much the announcement that was funny, but people's reactions....The flight encountered a TINY bit of turbulence. I mean tiny. The announcer came on the P.A. and said, "Our flight is experiencing heavy turbulence. We will have to suspend our beverage service. All flight attendants need to take tehir seats forthe duration of teh flight." Okay, maybe there was more forcast, but we didnt encounter ANY more turbulence. My suspicionwas that the pilot did it to give the staff a break, though I could be wrong. The funny part wwas that while I was standing in the baggage area I overheard several folks around me greeting family members asking about the flight. In all seriousness I overheard more than one person resport, "Oh, we had severe turbulance!" Um? Huh? Did nobody else get it?

I've also heard a take on the "If you enjoyed this ride my name is XXX, and if not it's XXX." on a Southwest flight. I think the flight was very late leaving due to weather, so the pilot got on and said, "We know you have many choices when you fly, we want to thank you for flying Jetblue."

 

[Sparkie]

These are all good.

Once the security guy was checking my bags, (I always take lots of snacks in), he very calmly looked me right in the eye and said "Ma'am what is your mobile phone number?" I was shocked and asked why. He said "if I get hungry I know who to call". It took me a few minutes to get it but DH immediately thought it was funny.

I LOVE this thread!

About ten years ago (before we had children or BC) on the Jungle Cruise this CM was talking to some kids and then he looked at the parents and said "I love kids . . . especially with ketchup." Unfortunately I don't think the parents close to him appreciated that joke as they started inching further away from him but everyone else laughed!

Thanks for my daily Disney fix....

 

[doconeill]

Ah, one more from the airlines...

On a particularly bad flight back from Orlando to Manchester NH, which connected via Philly (note to everyone - when trying to get an earlier flight to beat an inbound storm, don't connect through a city that will be hit by the storm first...), we waited for a rather long while on the tarmac due to delays. We had decided after a long wait at the gate that we'd take their $50/seat upgrade to first class, so we got a free drink while we waited.

Well, the delay was so long that if we weren't wheels up by around 11:30pm, we weren't going anywhere because the crew would be over hours. At about 11:15pm, the attendant started handing out more nips to everyone (well, not my kids), saying "What do I care, I'm going home in 15 minutes!"

It wasn't so amusing then, but the way he said it still drew a slight smile to my face (that, and more free alcohol...).

We were up at 11:27pm. Only they left everyones luggage in Philly.

Edit: forgot to say...this was U.S. Airways. Haven't flown with them since.

 

[wdwmaw]

JC is our favorite ride and we have only heard this one once. I wish someone could remember the whole joke but it ended with " and look 2 pair of dorks on the dock ".I hope someone can remember this one.

 

[bgirl29]

And, the line I hear every time I wear a t-shirt with Pooh on it. "Miss, did you realize there is a little pooh on your shirt?"

The first time we took my son to DW he was 4 and wearing a baseball cap that had small Poohs all over the top of it. I remember when we went to climb into the boat for the Jungle Cruise that the crew member stopped my husband and said "Sir didn't you notice that your son has poo all over his head?"

 

[Buzz Litebeer]

JC is our favorite ride and we have only heard this one once. I wish someone could remember the whole joke but it ended with " and look 2 pair of dorks on the dock ".I hope someone can remember this one.

I asked a buddy of mine who's a JC Skipper what the joke is supposed to be. He says:

"Now, up ahead you'll notice there's a dock on the left and a dock on the right... that confuses a lot of people, so we call that a 'Pair-o-docks'. There are two skippers who will be helping you exit -- so we call them a 'Pair-o-dorks'."

He also mentioned that "dork" has some, er, definitions other than "a socially inept person", so they've been told not to use that joke... but a lot of skippers do anyway.

 

[TheRustyScupper]

While on bus from POFQ to MK . . .

"In the event of a water landing, the person next to you may be used as a personal flotation device."

 

[princesswendy720]

Hmm let's see if I can remember anything from last month...

We only had 1 funny bus driver last trip...after a long night at Epcot he started doing stand up. I'm sure a lot of you know the joke "So does anybody know what the meaning of Epcot is?" Someone on the bus knew..."Every person comes out tired" lol. He told a few other jokes but they've slipped my mind.

We also had a very feisty JC skipper. Before we went into the tunnel type thing she actually told the 10 year old girl (who was interrupting her far too much) to steer the boat and she sat down and didn't say anything through the entire tunnel lol.

I've heard it before but she also said "After 4 years of college you too can become a skipper...my parents are so proud." There were 2 ducks in the water and she said "and there are my favorite animatronics on the whole ride..."

Our Jet Blue pilot was funny on the way back. After we landed in Newark we didn't have a gate and had to sit in the plane on the ground for about 30 minutes. He announced "So it looks like we're going to be here awhile...does anybody want to see the cockpit? Seriously, come up now and take a look." He was serious too!