Fundraisers for wedding what do you think?

[Gumbo4x4]

This is where the whole regional thing comes into play. Around here, no one would rather pay for drinks than not have access to them - no one has a cash bar, it would be seen as incredibly cheap and tacky. No one's Grammy or Uncle George is going to want to pay for drinks. You are inviting people to a party as your guests, you can't expect them to pay for themselves. Again, this is a REGIONAL thing; I know in lots of other areas it is different.

Nobody's forcing them to buy anything. They are getting free food & drink, it just may or may not be what they want. If they want something else to eat, they can stop at their favorite restaurant on the way to the reception. If they want a drink that's not on the "free" menu, they can pay for it or go without.

I don't like iced tea, but I've been to MANY functions where the drink choice was iced tea or water. I'd have much rather been able to reach into my pocket & pull out a buck or two for a soda than to have to gag down iced tea or tapwater.

PS - I have been to lots of wedding where only wine, beer, and basic liquor is served. The last wedding I went to was a late afternoon with hors d'oerves and cake, punch (alcoholic and non-alchoholic) and champagne - oh, and soft drinks and juice. It was a younger couple and it was all they could afford and it was absolutely lovely!

Nothing wrong with that. But, I don't see why that is considered lovely, and yet the identical menu PLUS the option to pay for an upgrade (for a cost) is not. I guess guests carrrying around a flask is the norm if there's no liquor provided?

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Some people might like filet mignon or lobster tails instead of chicken. Should you have cash entrees too?

I think the point went right by you - let me spell it out more clearly.

Couple: Hey, we want to rent the hall.
Hall: It's $1,000
Couple: Oh, and we won't be serving alcohol because we can't afford it
Hall: Then it's $2,000
Couple: We can only afford the $1,000
Hall: For $1,000 you can have the hall *IF* you allow us to sell booze to your guests. Otherwise, it's $2,000.


The hall expects to make X amount on the night, and the profit is not in the rental of the hall itself. The profit is in what else they sell. Obviously, this is not necessarily the policy of ALL halls, but given the opportunity to rent to someone who wants the full package, or someone who does not........

 

[chimilady]

I don't like iced tea, but I've been to MANY functions where the drink choice was iced tea or water. I'd have much rather been able to reach into my pocket & pull out a buck or two for a soda than to have to gag down iced tea or tapwater.

That may be where we differ, because I would not think that at all. I would think, I drove all this time and and got dressed up and got a a babysitter and they can't even offer me a cocktail? What a cheap couple!

Nothing wrong with that. But, I don't see why that is considered lovely, and yet the identical menu PLUS the option to pay for an upgrade (for a cost) is not. I guess guests carrrying around a flask is the norm if there's no liquor provided?

Because if you are expected to buy a couple a gift, where I am from you give a gift to cover the cost of the plate, then you shouldn't have to buy your own drink too. To me, if I'm going to get a sitter, and drive hours to attend, I would like to enjoy a lovely adult evening. I only have alcohol once per year, on New Years Eve. The only exception is weddings, where I will have one or two glasses of champagne/sparkling wine. In 2011, I only got a babysitter twice for the year, and one of them was for a wedding, where I had a nice adult evening.

If the couple is having a lunch time BBQ where kids are welcome, I wouldn't expect a formal affair, and wouldn't expect alcohol, but I have never attended a wedding where there are children outside of the wedding party.

 

[Sugar Jones]

I find it sad that you base the cost of your gift, on what the bride & groom are giving you.

We give a gift of cash starting at $75.00 depending on how close we are with the bride/groom. If it's immediate family or very close friends it's closer to $150.00.


This is regardless of what I am offered to eat or drink at their wedding.

I also want to add, that we recieved gifts that definitely would not have covered the cost of their meal, but I didn't care. We didn't invite them for their gifts, we invited them so they could celebrate our day with us. I was just glad they were there.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

That may be where we differ, because I would not think that at all. I would think, I drove all this time and and got dressed up and got a a babysitter and they can't even offer me a cocktail? What a cheap couple!

So, you're saying you would think, "what a cheap couple" if they had a cash bar, but if they had NO bar you'd think something else?

Or, are you just saying you expect a free drink, period?

Because if you are expected to buy a couple a gift, where I am from you give a gift to cover the cost of the plate, then you shouldn't have to buy your own drink too. To me, if I'm going to get a sitter, and drive hours to attend, I would like to enjoy a lovely adult evening. I only have alcohol once per year, on New Years Eve. The only exception is weddings, where I will have one or two glasses of champagne/sparkling wine. In 2011, I only got a babysitter twice for the year, and one of them was for a wedding, where I had a nice adult evening.

Sorry, but if it's my wedding, your lack of an "adult" social life isn't my problem to solve.

BTW, where I'm from, you give what you can afford to give & what's in your heart to give. I would never base it on how "fancy" I expect the reception to be. And just for the record, when there IS a cash bar at a reception, the couple does not in any way, shape, or form receive any of the cash collected.

 

[Sugar Jones]

So, you're saying you would think, "what a cheap couple" if they had a cash bar, but if they had NO bar you'd think something else?

Or, are you just saying you expect a free drink, period?




Sorry, but if it's my wedding, your lack of an "adult" social life isn't my problem to solve.

BTW, where I'm from, you give what you can afford to give & what's in your heart to give. I would never base it on how "fancy" I expect the reception to be. And just for the record, when there IS a cash bar at a reception, the couple does not in any way, shape, or form receive any of the cash collected.

I should just follow you around and say ditto.

 

[furb & dez]

I have to admit, some of the responses on this thread are pretty funny. High and mighty much!

Funny, I could say the same for the side supporting this as okay. Tacky, tasteless, and crass much?

 

[averysmom]

Ladies, ladies - again, we all have our own opinions based on our regional traditions. It is based on what we know and what we have been brought up with. It doesn't mean that I am wrong and you are right OR that I am right and you are wrong - it is just our cultural values based on traditional norms in our regional areas. I'm sorry - I have been raised in a manner that does not see a cash bar as a good idea for a wedding. But, sees nothing wrong with a funraising social for the young couple before hand And yes, I have been taught that I should try to cover my plate as well as give a gift to the couple with my presentation. I also give more to close friends and relatives and less to people I am less close with. I am also "expected" to give more now that I am older as opposed to when I was younger and my kids are younger. My parents, as an established older couple, would be "expected" to give more than me. How much you give for presentation around here is almost a science - LOL!

 

[Sugar Jones]

Ladies, ladies - again, we all have our own opinions based on our regional traditions. It is based on what we know and what we have been brought up with. It doesn't mean that I am wrong and you are right OR that I am right and you are wrong - it is just our cultural values based on traditional norms in our regional areas. I'm sorry - I have been raised in a manner that does not see a cash bar as a good idea for a wedding. But, sees nothing wrong with a funraising social for the young couple before hand And yes, I have been taught that I should try to cover my plate as well as give a gift to the couple with my presentation. I also give more to close friends and relatives and less to people I am less close with. I am also "expected" to give more now that I am older as opposed to when I was younger and my kids are younger. My parents, as an established older couple, would be "expected" to give more than me. How much you give for presentation around here is almost a science - LOL!

I agree with you. There is no need for the "high and mighty, or tacky and crass" comments.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I'm sorry - I have been raised in a manner that does not see a cash bar as a good idea for a wedding. But, sees nothing wrong with a funraising social for the young couple before hand

That said, if we went through the trouble to raise $$$ for the couple beforehand, I'd expect all the free booze I could possibly down come time for their reception But, because we do not, I do not

And yes, I have been taught that I should try to cover my plate as well as give a gift to the couple with my presentation. I also give more to close friends and relatives and less to people I am less close with. I am also "expected" to give more now that I am older as opposed to when I was younger and my kids are younger. My parents, as an established older couple, would be "expected" to give more than me. How much you give for presentation around here is almost a science - LOL!

I have no idea where the cover the plate came from, but the rest makes perfect sense - other than the "science" part

Oh, and um, I'm a dude, not a lady