Fundraisers for wedding what do you think?

[Gumbo4x4]

As for things being "tacky," I had a dollar dance and a cash bar at my wedding. Almost everyone in our family and social circle had a dollar dance and a cash bar, unless it's a backyard wedding, where there's usually coolers of drinks of all kinds. It's the "normal" thing to do.

Beer is almost always free around here. More upscale drinks probably half the time at best.

 

[buckirj1]

Makes me long for the days when getting married was about getting married, not about a "wedding." Whatever happened to just standing up before a preacher (or judge, if that's your preference)?

 

[luvsJack]

Well after I told DH who also thought it was ridiculous. So I send her a nice email. I should have said MIL knows we won't go because we live far away so she send the email so we get the tickets even thought we can go.
The email said "Thanks for the invitation but as you know we won't we able to attended. As you also know we are fundraising for blank charity walk that is before that so I will not be asking our friends or family to support this event, because I think it is too much to ask anything more from them."



I thought about the book and CD I swear I been telling DH that . All of the family know the money issues they have. They "borrow" money from MIL every week, yet they have money to buy wine and smoke. They told grandma (who they rent from) they can't afford the rent, yet she goes get her nails and hair done every other week, I mean I could tell story after story. The latest was spend over $600 on her birthday gift .



They haven't been together 10 years. They been together for a little over 1 year she move in after 1 week of dating and after 3 weeks he ended a 6 year relation to someone he was engage to.

May I ask why you added the bolded to your email? It sounds like a stab at the bride and groom--"I am raising money for something much more meaningful and YOU are taking money from that by holding this event". Maybe you meant something else? But that is the way it comes across.

If you didn't want to buy tickets, you really could have sent regrets without any additional info on what you are raising money for. As several have said, these types of events are not completely unheard of, so your opinion really should not come across in the email.

 

[averysmom]

Again, asking for advice about things like weddings here on an international board is going to get such a wide range of responses, because wedding traditions are so regional in nature.
Here, wedding socials are the norm and are looked forward to. Elsewhere they are seen as a cash grab.
Here we give money for wedding presents - "presentation". Elsewhere, it is incredibly tacky to give money and gifts are the norm.
Here, I have never been to a cash bar and would think that THIS is incredibly rude and tacky - and let me tell you, I would be pulling a few 20s out of my presentation envelope, but elsewhere, cash bars are the norm, and no one would think twice.
IMO, if OP is shocked at the idea of a wedding social, then it IS tacky b/c it isn't the norm where she lives, kwim?

 

[luvsJack]

Again, asking for advice about things like weddings here on an international board is going to get such a wide range of responses, because wedding traditions are so regional in nature.
Here, wedding socials are the norm and are looked forward to. Elsewhere they are seen as a cash grab.
Here we give money for wedding presents - "presentation". Elsewhere, it is incredibly tacky to give money and gifts are the norm.
Here, I have never been to a cash bar and would think that THIS is incredibly rude and tacky - and let me tell you, I would be pulling a few 20s out of my presentation envelope, but elsewhere, cash bars are the norm, and no one would think twice.
IMO, if OP is shocked at the idea of a wedding social, then it IS tacky b/c it isn't the norm where she lives, kwim?

True, but on the other hand, people move from region to region all the time and with them they take traditions from the area they lived in before.

 

[Sugar Jones]

Again, asking for advice about things like weddings here on an international board is going to get such a wide range of responses, because wedding traditions are so regional in nature.
Here, wedding socials are the norm and are looked forward to. Elsewhere they are seen as a cash grab.
Here we give money for wedding presents - "presentation". Elsewhere, it is incredibly tacky to give money and gifts are the norm.
Here, I have never been to a cash bar and would think that THIS is incredibly rude and tacky - and let me tell you, I would be pulling a few 20s out of my presentation envelope, but elsewhere, cash bars are the norm, and no one would think twice.
IMO, if OP is shocked at the idea of a wedding social, then it IS tacky b/c it isn't the norm where she lives, kwim?

Well said! I agree with you.

I'm not offended that everyone here thinks I'm tacky because of the way we do things. I have thick skin, just don't call me fat and we are good I know they just don't understand since it's not the norm for them.

 

[DoomBuggy0922]

This is honestly just me being curious, so please don't take it the wrong way: but most of the posters think weddings are too expensive and have gotten out of hand, yet a lot of other posters also believe that cash bars are tacky. Open Bars at a wedding are EXPENSIVE!!!

Is it less tacky just not to have alcohol if you can't afford an open bar? (For the record, we had a dry wedding for persona, not budgetary, reasons.)

 

[lizabu]

You don't have to go. Stags and Does or Jack and Jills are really common here. People love them because it's just a really fun party and the by-product is you do raise some money for the couple. Not always though. I've seen some people sell tickets for the stag and doe and have an open bar and break even. In those cases it was just something fun the couple wanted to do with their friends. I never saw it as a money grab as it's completely optional, tickets are sold to anyone so you can bring your friends. There's food, usually games, often a band or a DJ. The couple trying to raise money for their wedding often only make money on the bar.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

This is honestly just me being curious, so please don't take it the wrong way: but most of the posters think weddings are too expensive and have gotten out of hand, yet a lot of other posters also believe that cash bars are tacky. Open Bars at a wedding are EXPENSIVE!!!

Is it less tacky just not to have alcohol if you can't afford an open bar? (For the record, we had a dry wedding for persona, not budgetary, reasons.)

Yup. We didn't have a dry reception, but we did keep the bar closed until after the meal was served. I imagine some folks weren't pleased about it, but on the other hand there was a distinct lack of drunken idiots at the event and that couple hours of no booze may have made the difference (not to mention it was out of our budget).

 

[DawnM]

We too had a dry wedding, but for religious reasons, and I don't regret it at all. In fact, the only ones complaining are all divorced now.

Dawn

This is honestly just me being curious, so please don't take it the wrong way: but most of the posters think weddings are too expensive and have gotten out of hand, yet a lot of other posters also believe that cash bars are tacky. Open Bars at a wedding are EXPENSIVE!!!

Is it less tacky just not to have alcohol if you can't afford an open bar? (For the record, we had a dry wedding for persona, not budgetary, reasons.)

 

[marie1203]

May I ask why you added the bolded to your email? It sounds like a stab at the bride and groom--"I am raising money for something much more meaningful and YOU are taking money from that by holding this event". Maybe you meant something else? But that is the way it comes across.

If you didn't want to buy tickets, you really could have sent regrets without any additional info on what you are raising money for. As several have said, these types of events are not completely unheard of, so your opinion really should not come across in the email.

Well right after the invitation she send back the email of the fundraiser with a note that said please send emails to your friends and family to support this event. So pretty much telling me to fund raise for this as I was doing for the other charity.

 

[Pigeon]

This is honestly just me being curious, so please don't take it the wrong way: but most of the posters think weddings are too expensive and have gotten out of hand, yet a lot of other posters also believe that cash bars are tacky. Open Bars at a wedding are EXPENSIVE!!!

Is it less tacky just not to have alcohol if you can't afford an open bar? (For the record, we had a dry wedding for persona, not budgetary, reasons.)

If I couldn't afford an open bar, I'd either have beer or wine and have fewer people and less frills.

 

[CandleontheWater]

I have to admit, some of the responses on this thread are pretty funny. High and mighty much!

I'm from and area (Connecticut) where stag parties are(were) pretty common, although I think they are falling out of favor and guys are going for more of a traditional bachelor party.

Around here they are certainly not fundraiser for the wedding, but a way to throw one heck of a bachelor party! The organizers sell tickets, but the ticket cost covers catering, open bar and usually entertainment (like a band or a comedian or something along those lines). They also do raffles and play cards and smoke cigars and other guy things. Girls are definitely not allowed.

My brother had one, and some of my guy friends, but they are not as common now as 20 years ago. I remember my father going to lots of stags as a kid (and consequently sleeping very late the next morning )

Think about it this way, if you were going to a bachelor party, you'd throw in money for the drinks and dinner, at a stag you just do it up front, and not when the bill comes. Plus you get to eat and drink more for less than if you went out on the town, and it is easier to socialize than at a crowded bar or club.

Where I'm from they don't do it for ladies, but I'm beginning to wish I lived in Canada, a Doe party sounds like a good time and guys shouldn't have all the fun, right?

 

[Sugar Jones]

We had a free bar, but if it were up to me I would not have had one. I find them wasteful and people over do it when it's free. I prefer something like a Loonie or Toonie bar because even that little bit of money makes people more thoughtful about waste.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

If I couldn't afford an open bar, I'd either have beer or wine and have fewer people and less frills.

Only thing is some people don't want beer or wine (or the non-alcoholic drinks provided) and would rather pay for the drinks than not have access to them. Plus, the hall rate is based on the notion that they will make $$$ off booze - either from a free bar or a cash bar. Cut out the bar & your rate for the hall likely goes up.

 

[Nancyg56]

In my area Jack and Jill's are common. I have gone to several and have had a great time. There usually is not stag and if there is a shower it is a small one just for family. I figure that if someone is offended it is okay to just send regrets.

 

[averysmom]

Only thing is some people don't want beer or wine (or the non-alcoholic drinks provided) and would rather pay for the drinks than not have access to them. Plus, the hall rate is based on the notion that they will make $$$ off booze - either from a free bar or a cash bar. Cut out the bar & your rate for the hall likely goes up.

This is where the whole regional thing comes into play. Around here, no one would rather pay for drinks than not have access to them - no one has a cash bar, it would be seen as incredibly cheap and tacky. No one's Grammy or Uncle George is going to want to pay for drinks. You are inviting people to a party as your guests, you can't expect them to pay for themselves. Again, this is a REGIONAL thing; I know in lots of other areas it is different.

PS - I have been to lots of wedding where only wine, beer, and basic liquor is served. The last wedding I went to was a late afternoon with hors d'oerves and cake, punch (alcoholic and non-alchoholic) and champagne - oh, and soft drinks and juice. It was a younger couple and it was all they could afford and it was absolutely lovely!

 

[Pigeon]

Only thing is some people don't want beer or wine (or the non-alcoholic drinks provided) and would rather pay for the drinks than not have access to them. Plus, the hall rate is based on the notion that they will make $$$ off booze - either from a free bar or a cash bar. Cut out the bar & your rate for the hall likely goes up.

Some people might like filet mignon or lobster tails instead of chicken. Should you have cash entrees too?

 

[Sugar Jones]

The only thing I expect when I'm invited to a wedding is to have a good time. I feel blessed that the couple have included me in their special day. I don't feel cheated if there is no free bar, or if there is a buffet instead of table service.

I think people have to remember that's it's a privledge to be invited to someone's wedding. I know we had a very hard time making our wedding list. So for me, to make the final cut of someone's list is a gift in itself.

 

[Nancyg56]

The only thing I expect when I'm invited to a wedding is to have a good time. I feel blessed that the couple have included me in their special day. I don't feel cheated if there is no free bar, or if there is a buffet instead of table service.

I think people have to remember that's it's a privledge to be invited to someone's wedding. I know we had a very hard time making our wedding list. So for me, to make the final cut of someone's list is a gift in itself.

I agree that I go to a wedding, eat what is offered and drink what there is. If there is a cash bar I buy a cocktail. Or not. depends on my mood. It is my opinion that when I attend a wedding I am there to celebrate a marriage and that the people invited me because I have been a part of their lives. I don't care what they can afford, I would go to a pot luck supper if that was what the couple could manage. I give money for a gift and I don't consider the venue. I don't feel it is my responsibility to pay for their choices. I give the same for an outdoor BBQ as I do for a catered affair.