Fun times at the inlaws....

[nutterbutter2010]

I really do like my inlaws. They help out all the can, and babysit all the time. However....

DH "Next year we are getting a real tree..." (cut off)
MIL "Oh no your not!"


DH to me "Oh, I forgot to tell, you, a womans dog at my work had the most beautiful puppies. Not that we would get one, but they were so cute."
MIL "Oh no your not! I'm not taking care of a dog!"

Why would she be taking care of our dog if we got one? She doesn't take care of our other animals...

SIL to me while holding a baby "Don't you just want to have another one??"
MIL "Oh no your not!! I'm to old for another one!!"
Sorry, I didn't know you had a say in it.... BTW, I do not want another child right now anyway.

Me "I think we are going to get a new tree topper while we are in Disney"
MIL "Oh yeah, your going to get the one that...." blah blah blah
I don't remember what exact one she told me I had to get for my house.....


Why are some MILs like that? Shes always been like that too, telling everyone what they can or can't do in their own house / with their own lives. I think what bothers me is not WHAT she is saying, but HOW she says it.

Whats your MIL like??

Loaded question, I know.....

 

[minkydog]

I have to give my MIL credit--she's a much better MIL than my mother is. DHs mother is a bit distant, not a warm-fuzzy kinda person. She has never inserted herself into our business. She loves us and the kids and she does not make suggestions or demands to us. When she gives a gift she gives it freely. MIL lives in a nursing home now and she is just content to hear from DH by phone and the occasional visit(she lives 400miles away.)

Now MY mother is a horse of a different color. She can be very controlling. She's a bit of a bully. When Mother gives you *anything* she always has conditions(usually, that she wants you to keep it just in case anyone in the family ever needs it. Uh, no thank you mom.) She tells me how to raise the kids, what career I should have, where my kids should go to college, what groceries I should buy. She was so ugly and hateful to me when my bio-dad (her ex of over 25yrs) died that my DH asked her to leave the house. She has never forgiven us. She can carry a grudge longer than anyone I ever met. Thank God we live 400 miles away. I don't think I could stand it if we lived in the same town.

 

[NMAmy]

Well, my first MIL treated me really poorly and disliked me intensely. Until my ex remarried--then I guess she realized how fabulous I was in comparison and then she adored me. She even asked dd at one point if dd thought I'd let ex-MIL move in with me. DD did this and told her she probably should have treated me nicer when I was married to her son.

DH's parents lived in England until they both passed away recently. Before I met MIL, I was warned by everyone that she didn't like any of her DIL's and that I shouldn't let her hurt my feelings. She and I got along GREAT--shocking everyone. Of course, it probably helped that I lived an ocean away but I really liked her a lot and she was always very kind to me.

Sadly, both of my MIL's have passed away now. Recently, at dd's graduation party, I did spend a lot of time with my ex's dad and stepmother. They live fairly close to me and I still see them a few times a year. They're both really nice people.

 

[MIGrandma]

My MIL was a jewel. She and FIL never interferred in our lives. They gave their opinions when asked, otherwise kept them to themselves. We appreciated that so much. And that is probably the main reason we were able to live right next door to each other for many years. No problems. MIL and I even shared a garden. I miss her so much, she passed away in January 2000 after a long battle with ALS.

She taught me how to be a good Mother/MIL though. I too keep my mouth shut unless asked my opinion. Makes for a great relationship with my kids and their spouses.

 

[lovesmurfs]

I'm blessed with a wonderful MIL. She has her idiosyncracies (but then so do we all...), but really does try hard to stay out of our business, particularly in child rearing.

 

[MerMom60_94]

My MIL is a nice person and she means well but she tends to put words in my mouth a lot. I can find that pretty unnerving. For instance, when I was first married and my DH had to work Christmas she told his little brother that he had to wait until Christmas night to open gifts (when my DH got home). Rather than own that as her decision she told him right in front of me that it was what I wanted. He was still a kid! I didn't even agree with her decision and there she was putting it on me! I was absolutely dumb founded. More recently, after DFILs funeral she was telling her brother how happy I was to have only one child and that is all I ever wanted. Um, hello!?!?!? First of all, I am a fairly private person and don't know why this was even a topic of discussion. Second of all I have never discussed with her why we stopped at one child. Third of all, it was HER SON that only wanted one child. I would have had more children but I believe that both parents should want a baby and never could get him to agree to another. Yes, I am happy. My life is what it is, but don't go putting words in my mouth on a topic you know nothing about! I have to admit I came very close to losing it with her and I feel kind of bad (since she was burying her husband that day) but I did respond by getting a bit snippy with her. Overall, she is a good, kind person, but obviously this is something that gets under my skin.

 

[sbell111]

The other day, my wife was at the inlaws with the baby. They had watched Princess Wigglypants for a little while earlier and fed her about twice as much as they should have. She took the time to (again) explain how much the baby should be fed. At this point, her sister gives her sass and basically giving her feedback that tells her that she has no intention to follow my wife's instructions.

Cathy basically tells her that it our baby and that they need to follow our rules if they are going to be around her. At this point, Cathy's mom jumps to her sister's rescue (as always). Strangely, the bit that she was upset about is that Cathy was taking the position that the baby was ours and not theirs to do with as they pleased.

Psychos.

 

[Jennasis]

Hugs to you. I've been down that road. My MIL would give DH and I the shirt off of her back. She is VERY giving, very loving, and just a wee bit insane. I try not to let her occassional lapse into whacko land tarnish all the good she does.

 

[ProgressCity]

Oh do I have a great MIL story....

I had been dating DH for 3 months and we went to see his family for the first time. DH had been married before and we had his kids at his parent's house. His ex comes to pickup the kids at the end of the weekend and what does my future MIL do? She invites her to come and watch their home video of her and DH's first Christmas together ! It was the most uncomfortable I think I've ever been. This was before our first Christmas together and after seeing what he did for his ex on their first Christmas it just totally messed with my mind (what if he got me like a pen or something when he had gotten this incredibly thoughtful gift for his ex? ).

Right up until DH's ex got married (which was after DH and I were married) my MIL would tell DH how he needed to tell his ex how much he loved her and how beautiful he thought she was (DH couldn't honestly say either of those thing). It's weird because MIL appears to like me and we get along great (although when I was jumping up and down showing her my engagement ring less than 15 minutes after DH proposed she told me I should love her DS more than this ring) but she has always tried to get him back with his ex even though I don't think 2 people have ever made each other more miserable than those two did. She always feels the need to remind me that DH had this whole life before me .

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

Everyone warned me about my MIL and how mean she can be but she really hasn't been awful to me so I am thankful but then again she is in FL and I am in CO. There is some things she does that makes me scratch my head though. The last one was that she bought a plane ticket for my niece to come out to see us, instead of asking us what dates would be okay she just bought the plane ticket and made up her own dates. Problem is we will be in Mexico for some of the days she is suppose to be here and then she got mad at us and felt that we didn't want the niece there. Um No, that's not it....we will just be out of the Country then! So now she is mad she has to pay the fee to change the dates.

 

[wenrob]

My MIL has passed and for the most part we got along well. What she did most that made me nuts was tell my DD that she'd be there for a soccer game, recital etc then not show. When confronted she'd say her DH had back problems. (she didn't drive) Most likely they were both hammered. I don't say that out of meanness it's just the truth. I finally had to draw the line and tell her she was not allowed to tell DD she was coming for something. If she made it awesome, if she didn't show then no harm, no foul since DD wouldn't be expecting it.

Now my FIL, there's a piece of work. He's a very cold and forbidding man, his own children don't know what to think half the time so you can imagine how we spouses feel. The thing is he can be very charming and turn it on and off so people first meeting him think you're making stuff up. He would show up (from Idaho) at my door out of the blue for a visit. When I'd exclaim that I didn't know he was coming he would get surly and say, "So I'm not welcome in your house?" Since DH's schedule is the way it is and there's only one person per shift there's no way DH could just take time off without advance notice. We were crap for that too. And don't dare ask when he's leaving, you won't get an answer. So here's DH at work DD at school and me w/FIL. He would spend the entire day not speaking to me and making me feel like crap in my own home. Then when DH would get home, he'd be all smiles, chatty and friendly w/the neighbors and I'd look insane. (DH knew of course) Then he'd just leave in the middle of the night, no goodbye, no kiss my butt, nothing.

When DD was born he said, "You're moving to Idaho, I already have a job lined up for D."
Me trying to play it off and laugh, "Nope, sorry, ha...ha...ha?"
Him very sternly and dead serious, "You're moving to Idaho."
You know for years and years I've taken the sage advice of just ignoring him but I just couldn't this time and said just as sternly, "D is welcome to move to Idaho if he wants but me and DD are staying right here!"
He really did have a job lined up for DH. Who does that?

I talk about him in past tense but he is very much alive. We no longer speak to him by DH's choice. We took the little ones to meet him and well, he did not approve of us having them. I mean how dare we expand our family without his approval? He was horrid to me (I've sucked it up over the years and did this time too. I ask DH NOT to step in) ignored the little ones. The last straw was him being nasty to eldest DD who has always adored him. You can be crappy to us, we can take it but not our kids. DH packed up the truck without a word and we left. Haven't spoken to him since. No doubt he is waiting for DH to call and apologize. Aint gonna happen, the nut does not fall far from the tree in that instance.

 

[mickeyboat]

My MIL was a peach, and I miss her every day since she passed in 2002.

 

[jjarman]

My MIL can be a really sweet person and it helps that she is 5 hours away. But she is the worst hypochondriac in the world. Everytime we talk to her something new is hurting. DH says she has been this way his whole life and we have been married 25 years. But when she does get something seriously wrong with her (like a tumor on her pituitary gland) she won't talk about it. She is really a miserable person. My husband finally one day said mother if you want to die so bad why do you keep going to the doctor? She got really mad at that but we just laughed. It may sound cold and harsh but really this woman is very controlling in her way. Also, DH thinks she may very well have had Munchausen Syndrome by proxy when he was a child. She constantly took him to the doctor with the smallest little thing and there was an incident when he was about 5 that we suspect she may have actually poisoned him. Of course there is no proof but DH said a few times she seems to be about to confess but won’t quite get there. She has been good to our son though except for asking me when he was little and really skinny if we fed him. I said no, we don’t feed him.

 

[Sleepy]

Sometimes it is better when certain people stay out of a relationship entirely due to their inability to accept additions to the family. Since all my MIL wants from me is to divorce her son, I will be happy to continue not existing. 20 years and going strong. Her loss that she will realize more and more as she ages. Now that FIL is dead, she prays for my demise alone. It really comes as no surprise to me. They never had anything nice to say about my husband's ex-wife either.

 

[SeaSpray]

I'm the "Kiss of Death" when it comes to MILs.... literally!

MIL#1: Came down with lung cancer (and died) shortly AFTER DH#1 and I got divorced.

MIL#2: Died WHILE ex-DH#2 and I were going through a divorce.

MIL#3: Died right BEFORE DH and I got married.

Seriously, I'm the mother-in-law Kiss of Death!




And to answer the question:

MIL#1: LOVED her. She was like a second mother to me.

MIL#2: We got along well enough, no problems at all. However, she once told my DH that I was "persnikity" (SP?) because I wouldn't let infant DS crawl on the floor at her house; the carpet was filthy and the few times that I let him do it, the knees of his pants turned black!

MIL#3: Sadly only got to meet her a couple of times because she lived several states away; but we got along very well during those visits.

 

[ginna74]

My MIL is very controlling.... She likes her kids nearby and when I was mentioning moving back to CA she and SIL FLIPPED, I was somehow taking away my niece and nephews FATHER away from them????? (no he isn't the father he is the uncle and I was very much involved too) They both decided to turn criminal and try to destroy our family (my daughter, son, hubby, and I) and it backfired, BIG TIME...I guess I didn't know that if MIL AND SIL don't get what they want, They play dirty.I feel I have been cursed in the family area lol

 

[nutterbutter2010]

Sometimes it is better when certain people stay out of a relationship entirely due to their inability to accept additions to the family. Since all my MIL wants from me is to divorce her son, I will be happy to continue not existing. 20 years and going strong. Her loss that she will realize more and more as she ages. Now that FIL is dead, she prays for my demise alone. It really comes as no surprise to me. They never had anything nice to say about my husband's ex-wife either.

I have a friend going through the same thing with her DH and MIL. Her DH took her over to his mothers house on fathers day (she had no idea about it) and the MIL and SIL sat there and told her how much they hate her, and that they want her to give their son/brother a divorce. My friends DH wont eat at home because his mother has him convinced that my friend will poisen him.... She finally has a restraining order against him, but I haven't spoken to her in a week or 3, so I don't know how that all went. When I did talk to her, I asked her if she had gotten the divorce papers.... she said that she was taking it "one step at a time"

 

[Sleepy]

My friends DH wont eat at home because his mother has him convinced that my friend will poisen him.... She finally has a restraining order against him, but I haven't spoken to her in a week or 3, so I don't know how that all went. When I did talk to her, I asked her if she had gotten the divorce papers.... she said that she was taking it "one step at a time"

Wow, that is absolutely horrible and her husband has some serious mommy issues. At least my husband had the sense to tell his parents nothing they say will make him divorce me.