FRUSTRATED with DH, about haircut, can anyone relate?

[snoopy]

Originally posted by WDWHound
Should you husband have respoonded the way he did? No, he was out of line.

Should you have let him know in advance that you were going to do this? Yes, I think so. I'm not saying you needed to ask for permission, but only to give him a heads up on what you planned to do. It would have avoided the shock factor. Its your appearance and you have a right to change it, but its a big enough change that he a least deserved a chance to get used to the idea before it happened. My guess is that, if he knew what you were going to do, his response would have been different.

Wow, really? Not knocking you, I just can't imagine calling my husband to tell him I'm getting a haircut. I'm sure he would say "so what?". LOL!

Then again, I've always been one to change my hairstyle and hair color pretty often, so I guess the shock value wore off a loooooooong time ago.

 

[BillSears]

Originally posted by shortbun
I just read the Op-nowhere did the poster say she considered
her husband's feelings or did it knowing that she knew he wouldn't be happy. In fact she was suprised at his reaction.
Some of you guys have amazing egos to think that women think
about you every move we make. It just ain't so gents! And to
play "the same game" and get your head shaved is sooooo immature, I don't even know where to begin. Sorry for the flame
man-bet your old bald head is feelin the heat. We women have
lives and they don't always revolve around our SO. Walk up to
me and light up knowing I don't like smoke and you are gonna
eat your cigarette. Has nothing to do with the style of your hair
pal!

You're right she didn't state one way or the other on whether she considered her husbands feelings. But just like you'd be making me eat that cigarette he's expressing his displeasure at what she did. You could ask me to not smoke, you could walk away from it you could even just fume inside and put up with it for a few minutes. But he's got no choices other then to live with it. Not just for a few minutes but for as long as she wants her hair short. He's going to be reminded of how she used to look and how she looks now every time he sees her, it's not something that will just go away.

I agree it's not the end of the world. It's not really going to cause thier marriage to end. It's not something he should have the final say over. It's not something she did to just piss him off. He is overreacting. But right now he's upset and he has some reasons to be so.

BTW I don't smoke and wouldn't even consider doing that sort of thing to someone. I was just using it as an example of knowing someone's feelings and ignoring them because you want what you want not what might make someone else happy.

 

[LadyBears]

I'm the odd ball - I just recently got my hair cut from bra strap length to just above the shoulders. I wanted something different. It looked great the day I got it. Now it only looks good if I style it for about 2 hours (its now that flippy-up kind of a style ) I gave MYSELF the silent treatment for a few days! DH2B just goes with the flow "whatever makes you happy". Our DD5 agrees with me. Everyday she asks me when is it going to be long again?

If I EVER think about cutting my hair again (not including the trimming of the dead ends) I hope someone kills me first (or pays for an at-my-service private hairdresser like the celebrities have! for the rest of my life LOL!)

On a side note - as a woman - I also prefer to see long hair on a woman. I have not seen many short styles that I feel are very flattering to a woman. To me, long hair makes a woman look more feminine & sexy. I can see how a man would not appreciate being with a woman that looks like a man! JMHO!!

 

[BillSears]

To the OP,

I am sorry this thread has gotten into the whole long/short hair on women debate. I guess alot of people can relate to both sides of the issue here.

You're husband will get over it. He's just surprised and hurt at this moment. Give it time and he may actually decide he likes you with short hair.

Have fun on that getaway you have planned!

 

[TigerBear]

I'm a little concerned that we haven't heard back from the OP. Hope you are OK! I too hope you enjoy your anniversary.

 

[RitaZ.]

Yes, IMHO his reaction was over the top. I'm sure that your DH will get over it, it was probably the initial shock to your new look.

My previous hairdresser would try to cut my hair as short as she could. I went to her for years, and in the last year, she insisted that my hair should be short (I'm talking really short). Well, I look awful with short hair, but I guess my opinion didn't matter to her, never mind that it's MY hair. Anyway, whenever I had a cut, I would ask DH if he liked it. I could tell that he didn't, but he would always answer by asking ME if I liked it. The last time that she cut my hair, I had to argue with her to keep her from cutting it too short. Can you believe that? When I got home, I told DH that I was never going to her again.

So, I found a new hairdresser and had my hair done last week. When I came home, DH loved my hair and that's when he opened up about my previous haircuts... He said that my previous hairdresser made my hair look like a round brown ball!!! I asked him if it was really that bad and he said, "Yes!" We had a really good laugh!

Enjoy your celebration together!

 

[tkyes]

Your hair doesn't make you sexy - how you feel about yourself makes you sexy.

If you're happy with it, that's what matters.


I grew my hair out a couple of years ago because I didn't feel very sexy, I thought the hair would do it. Guess what? The hair didn't make a darn bit of difference!

Good luck - I'm sure your hair looks great!

 

[DISshopkeeper]

Originally posted by BillSears

True it's your hair but he should have some sort of say in the decision. The whole idea of it's mine and I'm going to do whatever I want with it can be taken too far in a relationship.

Why would HE deserve some sort of say in that decision, Bill? I agree with your 2nd statement, but IMO that definitely does NOT apply to anything that is ATTACHED to ME.

 

[BillSears]

Originally posted by DISshopkeeper
Why would HE deserve some sort of say in that decision, Bill? I agree with your 2nd statement, but IMO that definitely does NOT apply to anything that is ATTACHED to ME.

DISshopper, I just feel that major changes should be discussed or at least mentioned first.

Suppose you had a thing for tidy whities. Your husband has always worn them and you love the way he looks in them. You hate boxers because that's what your grandfater wore, darn you even saw him hanging around in them during hot days in the summer and they are a big turn off to you. Now your husband decides he's going to be a boxer man from now on. He knows how you feel about boxers, he knows he has always worn briefs. But for some reason he's now decided he likes boxers and the heck with how you feel. Personally I think he'd be an idiot to do something like that.

So while yes it's attached to you and it's your decision it also might be worth thinking about how your spouse would feel about it.

 

[Goofball]

I can't believe how many responses have tried to explain to you that the poor fella will get over it, but that it's understandable for him to be upset. You know, because the hair on his woman's head is so crucial to life. Gimme a break!! If someone gives that kind of cold shouldering to a beloved spouse, it sure better be over something more important than a freaking haircut! IMO, not only should he not have treated you the way he did, but he should have sucked up his own opinions and said he liked it for the sake of your feelings. I think he acted unnecessarily coldly, not understandably surprised and disappointed.

I hope your DH sees the error of his ways and more than makes it up to you so you can have a wonderful weekend. And I think your haircut sounds great.

 

[2bemarried]

Sorry to hear that your husband is being a jerk. I do hope he'll understand that you didn't do it to anger him...you simply wanted a new hairstyle...and after all...it will grow back.

Why would HE deserve some sort of say in that decision, Bill? I agree with your 2nd statement, but IMO that definitely does NOT apply to anything that is ATTACHED to ME.

edit...Bill beat me to the response...so what he said.

When I got my hair colored two months ago I asked my husband before hand "are you going to be okay with it being primarily red?"....I did that b/c I respect his opinion and want him to like it. Luckily he said...."sure..as long as you like it"...and then added..."just don't make it blonde" (I know that he doesn't find blonde hair to be attractive on women). Had I been the OP I wouldn't have cut that much hair off without first giving a warning sign.

 

[amid chaos]

I'm not going to comment on your husbands attitude about your hair...everyone else has hit on all sides of that issue.
I just wanted to say have a fantastic time at the concert...I saw it last week....awesome!!!!!!

 

[Aimeedyan]

WOW! Gone for a couple hours for meetings, and return to a thread that's taken on a life of it's own!!

To clear up some things, I have ALWAYS worn my hair short. At our wedding 2 years ago, it was much shorter than this. Similar style and all. It was short when we met, and short our entire dating period. I got lazy in haircuts in the last year and it grew to shoulder length. I literally get out of the shower, pull it into a ponytail, and go. It is rarely fixed, and has no style.

I just went and got a haircut similar to what I've always worn... My sis pointed out last weekend that I looked much older when it was shorter and I got to thinking about all the times in the last year I had been treated like a teenager. Wanted to do something about it, and have a style each morning to aim for

DH called this morning to check on our new puppy and I told him I had an appt at 1130, and to feed Harley when he came home for lunch. He asked what kind, I said a hair cut. He sighed and said 'not too short'

So I sorta gave him a heads up, but I never in a million years thought I owed him some say or an explanation. He cuts his hair without my thoughts (he has curly hair naturally and I would LOVE for him to grow it out like Josh Grobans just ONCE but he won't) and I'm fine with that... It's his hair, not mine. I never thought I would not have the same rights as him...

And for the record, boxers or briefs both are fine by me... it's the magic underneath that I care about

Thanks for sharing your stories, too, y'all have all made me feel better!!! I can't hold a grudge to save my life, so I'm sure we'll still have a great time... he'd just better come home in a GOOD POSITIVE MOOD in a few minutes =0 I expect an apology!!!

Thanks again!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally posted by snoopy
Wow, really? Not knocking you, I just can't imagine calling my husband to tell him I'm getting a haircut. I'm sure he would say "so what?". LOL!

Then again, I've always been one to change my hairstyle and hair color pretty often, so I guess the shock value wore off a loooooooong time ago.

HA-HA!!!
My DH BEGS me to go get my hair done. Why? Because I start complaining right before I need it done. I am always changing my hair too.

Of course he likes longer hair which I just chopped to above the shoulder 3 weeks ago. The thing he REALLY REALLY HATED as far as hair goes was when I had it dyed BLACK. No one liked it and it really didn't look good but I tried it for six months. Then he asked me if I would change the color for him for Valentines Day gift for him. I did and EVERYONE was happy.

To the OP...
I do not understand someone giving a cold shoulder or not talking over hair. DH would never do that. I hope that you guys kiss and make up for that anniversary!!!!

 

[BillSears]

Aimeedyan, thanks for coming back and filling us in on all the details. I admit I was speculating pretty wildly.

Anyway have a great anniversary.

 

[Disney Doll]

My head, my hair. I would never dream of asking my DH if I could cut my hair, if he minded if I cut my hair, or anything that remotely resembled me asking any type of permission to do anything to my hair. Nor would I expect DH to ask any sort of permission from me regarding his hair. His head, his hair. He can do what he wants with it. If he asked my opinion and I said "well, I liked the other style better" or vice-versa, then so be it. But he silent treatment????Grow up!

DH is being a jerk. They do it sometimes. Ignore it. He'll get over it.

 

[snoopy]

Originally posted by RitaZ.
Yes, IMHO his reaction was over the top. I'm sure that your DH will get over it, it was probably the initial shock to your new look.

My previous hairdresser would try to cut my hair as short as she could. I went to her for years, and in the last year, she insisted that my hair should be short (I'm talking really short). Well, I look awful with short hair, but I guess my opinion didn't matter to her, never mind that it's MY hair. Anyway, whenever I had a cut, I would ask DH if he liked it. I could tell that he didn't, but he would always answer by asking ME if I liked it. The last time that she cut my hair, I had to argue with her to keep her from cutting it too short. Can you believe that? When I got home, I told DH that I was never going to her again.

So, I found a new hairdresser and had my hair done last week. When I came home, DH loved my hair and that's when he opened up about my previous haircuts... He said that my previous hairdresser made my hair look like a round brown ball!!! I asked him if it was really that bad and he said, "Yes!" We had a really good laugh!

Enjoy your celebration together!

Rita, I just read your story to DH and WE had a really good laugh! Sounds like something that would happen around here.

 

[Pongo69]

Originally posted by Aimeedyan
I'm so sad!

I'm almost 26 yrs old, and people think I'm closer to 19... I am tired of it, I *need* to look mature and capable, not like a teenager, esp for my line of work. So, I went and got a new haircut. It's short, choppy, and makes me look MUCH older (I had grown my hair out shoulder length, all one length, with bangs and was wearing it in a ponytail)

Come home, DH is here for lunch, and he gives me this *look* and then gives me the cold shoulder the entire hour!!!!!!!!

At one point, I asked him what his problem was, because I was in a good mood and feeling good about myself, and he said 'your hair.'

How shallow is that!!!!

I said 'so you're going to treat me like this because I got my hair cut?!' and he said 'for now.'

Jerk.

So I started to cry (pathetic, I know) because I just couldn't believe that MY HUSBAND would act like that. I was so mad! We've always had a mutual respect relationship, and that kind of reaction reminds me of abusive and controlling husbands that I know. And I told him so.

We're supposed to leave tomorrow to see Josh Groban and celebrate our anniversary at a nice hotel... I have no desire to spend time with him. This pisses me off!

Am I totally blowing it out of proportion? Does your DH react that way over hairstyles or something equally stupid? What do you do?

I decided to cut my hair before our 3rd anniversary trip to Vegas back in the early 90's. Dh didn't care for my hair cut either but honestly Aimee I didn't care.

While sitting in the salon chair getting my hair whacked dh's feelings didn't come into the picture. I don't mean to sound selfish, but my hair is mine to decide what I want to do with it. Anything that has to do with me and my body is my decision to make.

As long as your satisfied with your haircut and your happy that's what matters. You did it to benefit you right?

Another thing, go have fun and enjoy your anniversary and your dh. My dh has sent my "PISSTIVITY" level soaring many times but that's life.
Life is toooo short to hold on to anger. Let your dh know how you feel-let it go and have a beautiful weekend.

Remember MEN ARE FROM MARS AND WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Your DH needs to grow up. Or learn how to express himself better. Maybe he was just surprised because you looked different, but that's not an excuse to be mean.

I also am almost 28 and look (so I'm told) a lot younger than I am. I HATE it because people my own age treat me like a child.

I did cut my hair once (I cut it myself ala Mulan ~ sans the sword but still in one sweeping chop) because it was annoying me because it got TOO long (below my waist). I cut it to just below my shoulders.

My BF's reaction "Wow, you cut your own hair in one clip of the heavy duty scissors?? Cool!"

That was 6 months ago, and now my hair is back to a few inches above my waist.

He frequently gets his hair all buzzed really short. I don't like short, but I also don't really care what he does with his own hair.
It's just hair.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Originally posted by lucky_bunni
I don't think she said anything about intentionally pissing him off. Sure he is entitled to an opinion about what she does, but it's something she has to maintain and live with - it's hers and she has more of a say. It's a stupid thing to be mad about. Guys don't realize, cause few of them ever get to deal with the pains of long hair, how difficult it is to keep it up - especially in the Summer months.

I've had long hair, and I've had short hair. For me, long hair is much easier. I wash it, comb it, and that's it. Who can be bothered with a blow dryer every morning? When I'm hot, I pull it up off my neck. When I had short hair I used to get so annoyed because after a couple weeks, it would stick out in weird directions. LOL! Too much cutting too often. And when it was hot, there was always a bit on my neck which drove me nuts. Yup, I'll take long hair any day.

BUT...it's her hair, DH shouldn't be so childish.