Friendship question after a fallout over a wedding (long)

[Hillbeans]

Ok...here's the dilema.

6 years ago I was engaged and got married. In the course of this engagement, I lost a very close friend of mine - for all accounts, my best friend at the time.

To make a long and very drawn out story short, I did lie about who was going to be my Maid/Matron of honor to her because she wanted to be it so badly (I had already promised my best friend from HS). I didn't want to face the fact to tell this friend of mine she wouldn't be my Maid of Honor so I just decided to let it slip. Needless to say, it caught up with me in the end (obviously) . This girl and I haven't spoken since, in fact she ripped me to shreds the day I got back from my honeymoon.

I felt all of my friends should have been my Maid of honor, and I shouldn't have picked just one. I did and this caused so many problems esp. since my friend from HS did nothing with my shower and had no money either and didn't pay my friends for her share of anything.

Fast forward to earlier this year...she found out my mother died, and has been sending me all kinds of cards (through my dad she got my address) and she wants me to call her. I may call her, but I just don't know what i'll even say. What she said to me after my honeymoon was 10 times worse than anything I did to her during my wedding. The punishment DID NOT fit the crime.

Has anyone tried to repair a very broken friendship? I don't even know if I want a real friendship again, but I don't know what to say to her if I call her, etc.

Thanks.

 

[gina2000]

Forgiving and forgetting is part of life. It looks like your friend has done so. And she also had a reason to be angry. I think it's time to examine your motivation for staying mad and trying to get past it. She's made the first step. Someday you may regret not answering in kind.

JMHO.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I think I would call. Even though she was mean you did lie to her. She probably said a lot of things out of hurt and anger and probably regrets it. Maybe if you talked you can get things resolved and not have this hanging over your head. You might not be best friends again, but you could at least try to be friendly.

 

[Kirby]

I agree. Maybe you can patch up your old friendship and maybe not. But at least you can step through the door she has opened. And if nothing comes of it, at least you both tried and can put what happened at peace and behind you.

 

[HollyJoy]

Hard situation you are in. If she was a very dear friend, I'd call her. She couldn't possibly want to rip you to shreds still. I don't think that calling and talking to her will instantly repair your friendship, but it may be something that you need to do. Maybe she realizes that she was wrong and that she misses you and wants you in her life. Forgiveness is important for healing. At least you'll know that you gave it a try.

 

[ripleysmom]

I would call her and see what happens.

Just wanted to add that you should not call her if you are expecting an apology. I would not expect one if it were me. Remember that you were also at fault for what happened.

 

[spb999]

Holding a grudge takes a lot more energy than letting it go ...... I'd walk through the door she's opened for you and see where it goes - may never be like old times but it's worth seeing where it may lead.....good luck to you both !

 

[kidzmom3]

I would give her a call. People mature a lot in 6 years and it sounds like maybe both she and yourself needed to grow up a little. If she is kind enough to aknowledge your mothers death, than you should at the very least aknowledge her notes, even if only by letter.

 

[goofy4tink]

Life is way too short for holding grudges. Call her back and see what happens. Seems that you have come to the conclusion that you may have made the wrong choice in your maid/matron of honor. So, if the subject comes up, try to explain where you were coming from and that you regret the choice. You were both at fault at the time. Why miss out on a possible great friendship because of what she said in anger years before. Good luck.

 

[mickeyboat]

I agree, call her.

I had a huge falling out with my best friend in college. We were supposed to be MOH's at one another's weddings (we both got married the summer we graduated). We fought over her fiance living at our apartment. I moved out, we stopped talking.

That was almost 13 years ago.

A few years back, she wrote a letter to me apologizing and showing a lot of regret for what happened between us. She made a mistake, I over-reacted and we lost many years of frinedship. We now communicate through email and letters (we live 800 miles apart), but it is sad that we will never be able to get back what we had.

You still have a chance, you both made mistakes. Sounds like she is willing to bury the hatchet. I hope you can too.

Denae

 

[Hillbeans]

Hi - I definitely feel I made the, for lack of a better word, "Wrong" choice with my Maid of honor - - - and in fact my closest friend now was in my wedding and she never complained about anything and let me have my day however I wanted it.

The girl whom I was friends with just wanted to overrun my whole wedding. I don't know what it is about weddings and friendships, however mine is not the first wedding i've heard where people now don't speak. It's so silly.

I definitely was at fault, but at the time I felt I had no way to tell her she wasn't going to me my maid of honor, even though I wasn't hers



I sound like such a teenage girl writing this note, but that's what happened. After the wedding, this girl sent my parents christmas cards, birthday cards, and befriended a friend of mine that she disliked just to "get back at me". She found out my mom died last christmas (hence her annual christmas card) when she wrote my mom a card and my dad had to call her to tell her she died back in August.

 

[Minnie824]

I don't know, to me people take the whole bridesmaid, maid of honor thing too far. There are 5 of us who are close friends from college...4 of us married. Each of us has other people who we wanted in weddings, sisters, cousins, other friends etc. These girls are all really good friends of mine, and if any of them didn't want me to be in their wedding, I would NOT have been mad at them. For us, we only had so many guys that could be in our wedding, and w/my BF, and my other 4 friends thats all we could do. I had another friend from HS, although not as close to anymore, that I just couldn't have in the wedding, so I asked her to read. She made up some excuse and didn't even come to my wedding. I don't care...there were enough other things to worry about. But I really think thats overreacting. Good friends should understand. We email very rarely and send cards, but I haven't talked to her in a long time. Do what you feel is right.