Friends refusing to pay for their dinner

[LuvOrlando]

Update- I received a long text today from the wife saying that she no longer wants to associate with us because she “doesn’t need the drama in her life”. And then she blocked me on social media and my phone number. I was just going to write them and the money off anyway, so no skin off my nose but I find in funny she’s convinced herself that we’re the ones bringing the drama. And in her long text she also mentioned how we have never offered to take them or their son along on one of our DVC Disney trips (this seems to be a hot button topic for her for some reason) how we didn’t ask them if they wanted to sell things at our yard sale and a bunch of other strange accusations that she apparently feels justifies her stiffing us for the $200. I’m glad I found out how she really is, it’s a shame it cost $200 to do so though. As for our kids, they go to school together and I’m sure will continue to be friends, I haven’t spoken about this in front of my son and I hope his friends parents will still allow him to hang out with my son.

Classic narcissist behavior, that dinner was just a test to see how much she could get out of you. I think you should 100% let your son in on this situation because she may take it out on him to get to you and he needs to be prepared, as in expect weird things like him being left out or love bombing right now where he gets invited to things to rub it in for you then gets dropped or where she "forgets" to pick him up for practices or events - think childish. Just give him a heads up to not take any bait where fights might be instigated so he and his friend can remain on good terms.

What a kook

 

[Tuffcookie]

I would never post names - just allude to being taken advantage of and finding out that friends were not truly who they say they are. Can’t bite you if it’s the cold honest truth.

I’m 55 this year and very intolerant of bull manure. In Australia we wouldn’t threaten someone with Court - we aren’t as litigious as the US, but telling your truth - yep go right ahead.

I’m 72, so have a lot of life experience. I believe sharing personal drama on social media is never a good idea. Present the facts in small claims court and let this couple defend their actions. I would love to see a judge’s face when she tells him. “they could afford it “.

 

[mjkacmom]

Never post any drama on social media. It may feel good, in the heat of the moment, but it will always come back to bite you. This is taking the high road but just because you chose the high road does not mean you have to be a chump. Take them to small claims court. I might also have a talk with my 9 year old and explain what happened so in case this couple’s child says something to him.

I cringe at vague Facebook posts like that, some do it way too often. Can never go wrong taking the high road. But I’d let it go, no court, no getting children involved.

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

Sounds like the lady is a narcissist. You can't win with them. Only thing to do is ignore or break off completely.

I would be on the lookout for retaliation against your son as well. I wouldn't trust him going over to their house or them taking him anywhere. These type of people sometimes don't have any qualms about taking things out on an innocent kid.

Absolutely this! I posted earlier that I would not allow my son to have anything to do with them. Tough as it is, and unfair to the kids, how could you possibly trust your child with the very same people who set out to, and did in fact, rob you of $250 with a fake promise and who have now turned on you? She sounds very vindictive and the type who is already probably bad mouthing you in front of her kid so I would explain to your son just in case his friend says something to him and things get awkward. Good luck.

 

[cabanafrau]

Absolutely this! I posted earlier that I would not allow my son to have anything to do with them. Tough as it is, and unfair to the kids, how could you possibly trust your child with the very same people who set out to, and did in fact, rob you of $250 with a fake promise and who have now turned on you? She sounds very vindictive and the type who is already probably bad mouthing you in front of her kid so I would explain to your son just in case his friend says something to him and things get awkward. Good luck.

The dynamics when kids are involved can get brutal real quick. Jumping to the stance of the kids having nothing to do with each other can have implications far beyond the immediate within the social dynamics of teams, clubs, classes, etc. It would be very easy for OP's kid to wind up suddenly on the outside looking in. I wouldn't be looking to push out the grifter's kid from the social circle because his parents are butts either. Hopefully he remains entirely unaware of his parents' behaviors and somehow manages to grow up a decent human and not a knucklehead. Odds may be slim, but there is a sliver of hope at least.

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

The dynamics when kids are involved can get brutal real quick. Jumping to the stance of the kids having nothing to do with each other can have implications far beyond the immediate within the social dynamics of teams, clubs, classes, etc. It would be very easy for OP's kid to wind up suddenly on the outside looking in. I wouldn't be looking to push out the grifter's kid from the social circle because his parents are butts either. Hopefully he remains entirely unaware of his parents' behaviors and somehow manages to grow up a decent human and not a knucklehead. Odds may be slim, but there is a sliver of hope at least.

I get what your're saying of course, that is why I said its a tough situation and unfair to the kids. Sure, in a school or team setting socialising between the boys, if they so choose, would not be a problem as long as the other boy doesn't hold a grudge because of things he might of heard his mother saying. However, the OP allowing her kid to socialise with the thief's family on his own could also affect the boy if she makes him her target in subtle ways to get back at his parents (and she definitely sounds like the type that would). I cannot imagine her, based on her actions, treating him the same way now like she did before. People like her are very vindictive. The safety and well being of my child would be first and foremost. On the other hand, no way would I allow said thief's son in my house or take him on an outing because I risk being accused of all sorts of things. Never take a chance with an unhinged and jealous person once they have shown you their true colors.

 

[longboard55]

I would have asked twice maximum and if they did not pay never go out with them again. Sometimes you need to just take a loss. Life is not always fair, and there are bad people in this world who you can never make better.

 

[kimmar067]

....they BOTH forgot their wallet? Too 'coincidental' - I think they never intended to pay right from the beginning.....sounds like you need new friends.....hey, wanna go out to dinner?

 

[kimmar067]

double post

 

[cedricandsophie]

Walk away. Consider it a lesson learned. Basically they borrowed money and refused to pay it back. Never loan money to friends or family. When people ask us for money and we agree because we can afford it, I just consider it a gift.

 

[Praying Colonel]

Drop the friendship and don’t look back.

I regret that I can only like this once. They're a mess. You're well rid of her.

 

[goofyernmost]

To briefly address the concern about your son losing his friend, you know it's probably just a matter of time before his friend, taking his cues from his parents, will do something that will hurt your son. I wouldn't want my child anywhere near that family. To do so tells your children that there is nothing to be lost by just ignoring anti-social behavior and they will, do it too. You cannot stop them from being raised the way they are, but you can protect your child from that kind of physical or, in this case, probably emotional pain. Their son may be OK for now, but he is young and eventually he will have to make that choice between right and wrong. Which way do you think their child is likely to go. My parents never told me that I couldn't have my friends, but my parents were not his parents so I took my cues from a more acceptable side.

Other than that, and I guess in addition to that the further you can distance yourself from that group, the better it will be. Of course, that depends on whether you feel that the family can all of a sudden change. Hint: They won't!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

To briefly address the concern about your son losing his friend, you know it's probably just a matter of time before his friend, taking his cues from his parents, will do something that will hurt your son. I wouldn't want my child anywhere near that family. To do so tells your children that there is nothing to be lost by just ignoring anti-social behavior and they will, do it too. You cannot stop them from being raised the way they are, but you can protect your child from that kind of physical or, in this case, probably emotional pain. Their son may be OK for now, but he is young and eventually he will have to make that choice between right and wrong. Which way do you think their child is likely to go. My parents never told me that I couldn't have my friends, but my parents were not his parents so I took my cues from a more acceptable side.

Other than that, and I guess in addition to that the further you can distance yourself from that group, the better it will be. Of course, that depends on whether you feel that the family can all of a sudden change. Hint: They won't!

Bulldozing away obstacles, in this case in the form of just who someone can be friends with when the friend itself has done nothing wrong at this point, doesn't usually serve the child as they get older and into adulthood. You also need to build agency in kids because done too often kids have been seen to lack the ability to make choices on their own or have trouble building friendships when their parents dictated too much of that.

Trust in raising children who make mistakes at times but can also make decisions for themselves and automatically assuming both that the kid of the parents will do something bad and further that the child of the OP will subsequently also do something bad isn't exactly a way to build trust in your child's ability to think for themselves. Teach the child to think for themselves but arming them with the knowledge along the way of situations where they have been presented with choices and make the better of them.

It seems a severe overreaction to suddenly prohibit the two children from interacting with each other who go to school together over a stiffed dinner from the parents.

 

[lovesmurfs]

It seems a severe overreaction to suddenly prohibit the two children from interacting with each other who go to school together over a stiffed dinner from the parents.

I'm not sure I would suddenly prohibit it, but I would certainly watch the interactions.

When DS was 11 (or so -- I don't really recall) he had a friend down the street the same age. She was riding in our car one time, and said that her mother had told her to get everything she could out of a guy. I wouldn't allow my DS to ever be alone with her again, and I explained to DS exactly why, that he could be accused of taking advantage of her and it would be his word against hers.

A few months later, her father came over and said she'd fallen while at our house and skinned her knee, requiring urgent care (she didn't fall at our house). I upped our liability insurance coverage and then wouldn't let her come over again. I heard several years later that she'd gotten pregnant while in high school.

There's being mean for the sake of it and taking the needed steps to protect your kids.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I'm not sure I would suddenly prohibit it, but I would certainly watch the interactions.

When DS was 11 (or so -- I don't really recall) he had a friend down the street the same age. She was riding in our car one time, and said that her mother had told her to get everything she could out of a guy. I wouldn't allow my DS to ever be alone with her again, and I explained to DS exactly why, that he could be accused of taking advantage of her and it would be his word against hers.

A few months later, her father came over and said she'd fallen while at our house and skinned her knee, requiring urgent care (she didn't fall at our house). I upped our liability insurance coverage and then wouldn't let her come over again. I heard several years later that she'd gotten pregnant while in high school.

There's being mean for the sake of it and taking the needed steps to protect your kids.

I get what you're saying but it's an overreaction (the pp's stance). You have to take individual situations as just that, an individual. Heck when I was in 2nd grade and had just met my best friend (whom I'm still friends with decades later) her mom called me a bad influence because I said crap which to her was a curse word. Ironic you might say that her daughter was the one who smoked at 16, skipped school and hung out with friends who weren't big drug (weed primarily) people but were not the best crowd. Me on the other hand? Not at all like that instead I was teased for following the rules too much.

In your situation you took the individual for the individual but also understand if you're talking about an 11 yr old it's a bit hard to make a hard stance for the rest of time on it. You can't keep your kids away from every influence you think is bad. TBH you interjecting the eventual outcome of that girl is not a good look on you, it's very judgmental. Her teenage pregnancy shouldn't be used to dictate who she is as if that means she's bad, she may not be the most upstanding citizen due to other behaviors but yeesh.

 

[lovesmurfs]

I get what you're saying but it's an overreaction (the pp's stance). You have to take individual situations as just that, an individual. Heck when I was in 2nd grade and had just met my best friend (whom I'm still friends with decades later) her mom called me a bad influence because I said crap which to her was a curse word. Ironic you might say that her daughter was the one who smoked at 16, skipped school and hung out with friends who weren't big drug (weed primarily) people but were not the best crowd. Me on the other hand? Not at all like that instead I was teased for following the rules too much.

In your situation you took the individual for the individual but also understand if you're talking about an 11 yr old it's a bit hard to make a hard stance for the rest of time on it. You can't keep your kids away from every influence you think is bad. TBH you interjecting the eventual outcome of that girl is not a good look on you, it's very judgmental. Her teenage pregnancy shouldn't be used to dictate who she is as if that means she's bad, she may not be the most upstanding citizen due to other behaviors but yeesh.

It was the "you gotta get everything you can out of guys" that was my limit. Yes, it's individual. Neither of us knows the OP's situation, but it's a good one to watch.

And it was a good lesson for DS to protect himself. I'm thinking he must've been a little older because it didn't feel weird bringing it up to him.

 

[Pink Partridge]

I would find the biggest gossiper in your friend group and tell her the entire story.

Nature will take its course. At least people won't fall for their ploy again.

They are thieves and my son would be warned not to be in their presence.

 

[PrincessShmoo]

I would find the biggest gossiper in your friend group and tell her the entire story.

Oooo...I like this.

 

[goofyernmost]

Bulldozing away obstacles, in this case in the form of just who someone can be friends with when the friend itself has done nothing wrong at this point, doesn't usually serve the child as they get older and into adulthood. You also need to build agency in kids because done too often kids have been seen to lack the ability to make choices on their own or have trouble building friendships when their parents dictated too much of that.

Trust in raising children who make mistakes at times but can also make decisions for themselves and automatically assuming both that the kid of the parents will do something bad and further that the child of the OP will subsequently also do something bad isn't exactly a way to build trust in your child's ability to think for themselves. Teach the child to think for themselves but arming them with the knowledge along the way of situations where they have been presented with choices and make the better of them.

It seems a severe overreaction to suddenly prohibit the two children from interacting with each other who go to school together over a stiffed dinner from the parents.

I understand what you are saying and to a large degree I agree. My concern is not about a childhood friendship, that has a small percent of chance in todays world of being a lasting one. What I am concerned about is that the child would inevitably come in contact with the parents and if they act the way those in the story did around your child I'm thinking that nothing happy will result. If they use your child and their friendship as leverage to get you involved or forgiving of the debt owed, how can that be a good thing and why don't you think it is a possibility. It might be upsetting for a short time but over time it would be much better for both sides if it is just stopped before something worse happens.

 

[Pink Partridge]

What I am concerned about is that the child would inevitably come in contact with the parents and if they act the way those in the story did around your child I'm thinking that nothing happy will result.

Exactly.

My child would never be with these parents. His friendship with their child would have to occur during school hours.