Friends refusing to pay for their dinner

[disneydreamer1980]

DH and I went out to dinner at an upscale restaurant with another couple who are friends of ours last week (they chose the restaurant). When we arrived this couple said they both “forgot their wallets” and asked if we could pay and they’d Zelle or Cashapp us right back. We said of course. They ordered $216 worth of food and drink (excluding tip and tax). After dinner they said they couldn’t get into their bank app and they’d “catch up with us tomorrow”. A few days went by without hearing from them, so I texted to see if they could send the money. The wife apologized and said she thought they sent it already. Another 2 days go by, no money. I texted her again and she got angry and said that she was tired of me harassing her and we should just have treated them to the dinner in the first place when they said they forgot their wallets. She said I was “obsessed” with this and said she’d send it. That was days ago and still no money. I texted her again today and she said if I valued our friendship I’d just drop it. She’s under the impression that because we’re “doing better” than them financially we shouldn’t be worried over it. I’ve only been friends with these people for around two years now, but up until now I liked them. Now I’m trying to decide if I just drop it and stay friends, drop it and not talk to her again or keep trying to get back the money. She seems weirdly sensitive about this. It’s not a huge amount of money but it’s not small change either. What would you do?

 

[Disneylover99]

DH and I went out to dinner at an upscale restaurant with another couple who are friends of ours last week (they chose the restaurant). When we arrived this couple said they both “forgot their wallets” and asked if we could pay and they’d Zelle or Cashapp us right back. We said of course. They ordered $216 worth of food and drink (excluding tip and tax). After dinner they said they couldn’t get into their bank app and they’d “catch up with us tomorrow”. A few days went by without hearing from them, so I texted to see if they could send the money. The wife apologized and said she thought they sent it already. Another 2 days go by, no money. I texted her again and she got angry and said that she was tired of me harassing her and we should just have treated them to the dinner in the first place when they said they forgot their wallets. She said I was “obsessed” with this and said she’d send it. That was days ago and still no money. I texted her again today and she said if I valued our friendship I’d just drop it. She’s under the impression that because we’re “doing better” than them financially we shouldn’t be worried over it. I’ve only been friends with these people for around two years now, but up until now I liked them. Now I’m trying to decide if I just drop it and stay friends, drop it and not talk to her again or keep trying to get back the money. It’s not a huge amount of money but it’s not small change either. What would you do?

Drop the friendship and don’t look back.

 

[Marrila]

I would move on. No further contact.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Drop the friendship. They are using you.

 

[thanxfornoticin]

Your financial situation is none of their business. They obviously know that they SHOULD be paying their half, hence the mention of Zelle. At this point, I wouldn't bother them anymore. If your friendship is important to them, they'll take care of meeting their commitment to you. As they say, the ball is in their court. If they don't pay the money they owe, you aren't important enough for them to worry about. So perhaps they're no longer important enough for you to worry about. It could be a price to pay to find out how they currently view you.

 

[Kooks and Bay Bay]

To me this is very simple.
Let it go because you will not get the money back or you will but it will be such a headache its not worth it.
And clearly these people aren't true friends so I would no longer speak to them.

 

[HeatherC]

Stuff like this pisses me off. It seems like people like that always get away with crappy behavior because others don’t want to stand up to them. I would keep after them until they paid (the money is irrelevant, it is the principal of it). Then I would completely drop them from my life. Yes ], I know the rational adult thing is to just drop it. But I feel like people also need to be held accountable. I would hold my kids accountable, so why shouldn’t we hold other adults accountable as well.

 

[fla4fun]

Personally, I would simply let the friendship drop. If they later want to know why, I would tell them that it wasn’t the amount of the meal but the principle of continuing to promise repayment when they obviously had no intention of doing so. That was dishonest, and I am not friends with dishonest people. Even if they do pay at some point (which I doubt) I would not trust them to not pull a stunt like this again.

 

[SteveH]

Since you asked what would I do, I'd reach out to both Husband & Wife, and nicely ask for the reimbursement of the funds one last time. At this point it may, or may not be about the money, it's the principle of the matter. Whether they pay or not, I'd walk away from the friendship. I've been in a very similar situation, and did what I mentioned. Heard nothing back for 3 years, I got a call from him needing my help, and I politely declined. I did let him know why though... was it petty? Maybe, but I don't need people like that in my life. Oddly enough a few months later a check arrived with a rather sarcastic sticky note. I cashed it, but still no longer associate with them.

Do what makes YOU happy.

 

[citruscurtis]

Drop it and not engage the relationship... happened with our neighbor..she thought we had all the free time in the world.. she said she would compensate us for our time.. never did.. the third time was the finallity of the relationship

 

[china mom]

Put me in the camp with everyone else. You have asked numerous times and not she is nervy enough to get indignant with you. You will never see the money. Ghost them.

 

[Smugpugmug]

You're not getting that money back. They've shown their true colors so just consider it a loss and move on.

 

[Dan Murphy]

I've been in a very similar situation,

Steve, did I pay you back for that cinnamon role at DL back from 2001?


As to the OP question, @SteveH's reply is my reply also.

 

[pezgirlroy]

Yeah that money is gone. So sorry.

 

[Joanna71985]

I'd let it go, but I'd also drop them as well

 

[PollyannaMom]

DH and I went out to dinner at an upscale restaurant with another couple who are friends of ours last week (they chose the restaurant). When we arrived this couple said they both “forgot their wallets” and asked if we could pay and they’d Zelle or Cashapp us right back. We said of course. They ordered $216 worth of food and drink (excluding tip and tax). After dinner they said they couldn’t get into their bank app and they’d “catch up with us tomorrow”. A few days went by without hearing from them, so I texted to see if they could send the money. The wife apologized and said she thought they sent it already. Another 2 days go by, no money. I texted her again and she got angry and said that she was tired of me harassing her and we should just have treated them to the dinner in the first place when they said they forgot their wallets. She said I was “obsessed” with this and said she’d send it. That was days ago and still no money. I texted her again today and she said if I valued our friendship I’d just drop it. She’s under the impression that because we’re “doing better” than them financially we shouldn’t be worried over it. I’ve only been friends with these people for around two years now, but up until now I liked them. Now I’m trying to decide if I just drop it and stay friends, drop it and not talk to her again or keep trying to get back the money. She seems weirdly sensitive about this. It’s not a huge amount of money but it’s not small change either. What would you do?

The bolded tells me it was all a setup to use you in the first place. Next steps might be dependent on whether we had other friends in common. I would probably stop asking for the money, but I would definitely not go out with these people again.

 

[CynBeth]

I'd let it go, but I'd also drop them as well

Same here.

 

[disneydreamer1980]

I think I’m just going to chalk the money up as a loss and drop them. That seems to be what everyone else would do too. I doubt they’ll be calling me anymore anyway, because they’re probably worried I’d ask about the money. It’s a shame this had to happen but as many have said, their true colors have shown and I don’t need any more of that in my life. Thanks for the input!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

The wife apologized and said she thought they sent it already. Another 2 days go by, no money.

That was your indication they weren't likely to pay and to have dropped asking at that point. Keeping going at them will eventually make the person feel harassed even when they know darn well they should be paying you pay (that's not meant to be in their defense just that they can eventually claim you are going after them even when you have the right to get back the money they advised you they would pay back). It is different than an agreement between parties where you are loaning them money but even then eventually you'd have to stop asking and take it as the money is lost, it is sadly an understood thing about paying for things for others/loaning people money.

She’s under the impression that because we’re “doing better” than them financially we shouldn’t be worried over it. I’ve only been friends with these people for around two years now, but up until now I liked them.

Truth be told I'm having a hard time reconciling you both having been friends with someone for two years, liking them and them seemingly doing an about face on behaviors over one dinner. Is it possible that there was things afoot before this? Random comments made either by you about your seeming ability to have less financial stress or by them about having more financial stress? Or random comments or behaviors that would lead you to believe these people aren't as warm and fuzzy towards you as you think they are?

I am with the others in that this friendship is probably fallen out but I also wonder how close of a friendship it was. I absolutely adore my friends but they also aren't the people (the ones we go out to places where this situation could arise) who would even suggest at having us pay and then they'd pay back given this upscale locale. The honest way would be to either cancel or select a different locale more suited to the budget of the evening; these supposed friends of yours come across as just wanting a high price meal free.

Speaking to the honest way I can't say I would just offer to pay for a friend's tab at an upscale restaurant with the excuse of a forgotten wallet (ETA: willing to bet they didn't forget their wallet, they either didn't want to pay so hoped you'd pay or they are extended beyond their means financially and hoped you'd pick up the tab without giving the appearance they are hard up for cash), then again separate checks are the norm around here and that differs regionally (DIS-style ) That's not to say no one has treated friends but it would be quite rare for your situation to even occur if I'm being honest with the people I'm around and if it did a polite but firm "I'm sorry I can't do that" or "would you like to go elsewhere" would be said, putting up a fuss about that would tell me all I need to know about the people and would affirm my choice in not acquiescing to them.

 

[cabanafrau]

This is likely something they routinely do. If you are at all in the same circle I bet it's easy enough to find out. They're not only unapologetic about their behavior, they've actually got nerve enough to be hostile in response to simple civil requests about their repeated lack of honoring their word.

I wouldn't be the least bit bashful about sharing your experience with others in the social circle. If I was a social media person and I saw postings about enjoying a night out with another couple I'd actually make a comment asking if they remembered to bring their wallets. They don't care about burning the bridge so what's the harm in leaving scorched earth? If she tries to spin a story respond with the dinner receipt and the text messages she sent you. It's not quite a tattoo emblazoned across their forehead, but it still will give the benefit of forewarning to others. I wouldn't be one bit surprised if you got some responses from other victims.