"Friends" just excluded me - do I ever let them know I know?

[missypie]

As I type this, I am so devistated I can hardly breathe. I was sitting in my office and overhead a familiar voice next door - a woman who used to work here. The guy she was talking to asked why she was visiting and she said she was having lunch with...she listed my current best friend at the office and all the old gang that used to work here...my old gang...ALL the women who I always considered dear friends.

I am just astonished that this group of old friends would get together and not invite me...I mean, this woman and my friend from the office were 3 steps from my office door...they had to know I could overhear them...they had to have thought of me and someone or more of them had to have said, "Oh, don't invite missypie..."

I see my friend from the office constantly and I'm crushed with disappointment in her that at least she didn't invite me. I'm sure that if I ever bring it up it will make her feel very uncomfortable.

Do I really act as if I never knew that the old gang got together? I feel ridiculous for thinking they were my friends. I guess I need to stop contacting any of them - even stop acting like my "dear friend" from the office is my dear friend because I guess that's only in my eyes and not hers.

There must be a reason I was excluded so I guess I'll just stay to myself from now on.

 

[hentob]

I would just say (in a breezy tone)--

"Hey, I heard XXX was in the office for a visit--How is she doing?"

I wonder how they will react?



That does stink.

 

[SundancePass]

What is your position in this company and what is the position of your friend? If you are "management" and she is not, I completely understand why you were not invited.

Bring it up to your friend. Tell her how devastated you were not to have received and invitation and see what she says. Please don't kill youself with speculation. women don't ask directly enough....so ask her.

 

[saratogadreamin09]

I'd ask her what the other women was doing at the office and see if your friend responds honestly. Maybe there was a good reason why you weren't included or maybe you mis-heard the women

 

[missypie]

What is your position in this company and what is the position of your friend? If you are "management" and she is not, I completely understand why you were not invited.

We all had the same rank/job.

 

[SCHBR'smom]

I'm sorry. I'm sure it hurts, but maybe there is a logical reason for not being invited. Don't give up on your friends, yet.

 

[lovetoscrap]

Maybe they are getting together to plan a surprise party for you???



That does stink. I like the PP suggestion of just asking how former coworker is doing.

 

[missypie]

I'm sorry. I'm sure it hurts, but maybe there is a logical reason for not being invited. Don't give up on your friends, yet.

The logical reason is that the people that I thought were my friends really aren't. I thought I was in that group, but I'm obviously not. That is so incredibly pathetic.

 

[HM]

There a few friends at my office who go out to eat all the time, they never ask me. I talked to one of them once about it, and she just assumed I wouldn't want to go, because I almost always take lunch in my office. I let her know that I would appreciate being asked once in a while, and she agreed that they'd try to remember me.

So, I guess, I'm all for you talking to your coworker about the lunch and how you feel.

 

[SundancePass]

The logical reason is that the people that I thought were my friends really aren't. I thought I was in that group, but I'm obviously not. That is so incredibly pathetic.

Missypie, I am sorry this has happened to you. IMO, now you know who your friends are and it isn't this group of women.

Treat yourself to seomthing fun today. You deserve it!

 

[saratogadreamin09]

The logical reason is that the people that I thought were my friends really aren't. I thought I was in that group, but I'm obviously not. That is so incredibly pathetic.

Have you talked to your friend yet? Do you really know if thats what happened?

 

[SCHBR'smom]

The logical reason is that the people that I thought were my friends really aren't. I thought I was in that group, but I'm obviously not. That is so incredibly pathetic.

I'm sorry your hurting

 

[HunnyPots]

Honestly? Let it go. This all sounds too much like high school drama and not enough like a profesional working relationship. Mixing business with friendship is hardly ever a good idea.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Why not just ask one of the girls?

It is possible that it was last minute and they just didn't think?

 

[dejr_8]

The logical reason is that the people that I thought were my friends really aren't. I thought I was in that group, but I'm obviously not. That is so incredibly pathetic.

Work is a interesting environment because you never really know who your friends are. I wouldn't lose any sleep over it but take it as a life lesson. One reason I like the TV program Survivor is because it reminds me so much of work. The person you think is your friend can be stabbing you in the back with your boss. You think you have an alliance with someone and they vote you off the island!

For your situation I wouldn't make a federal case out of it or people could turn on you. Just my two cents worth.

 

[missypie]

Have you talked to your friend yet? Do you really know if thats what happened?

No...the group is still at lunch. I really hope I don't see her today because I might burst into tears.

Maybe I should have written some of them off years ago. Twenty years ago, when I announced my engagement, three of these same women came to me and offered to throw me a bridal shower...I said, "Oh, how nice!" Only they never had the shower.

Typing this now, it sound like mean girls from junior high.

 

[C.Ann]

The logical reason is that the people that I thought were my friends really aren't. I thought I was in that group, but I'm obviously not. That is so incredibly pathetic.

If you find that this is 100% true - no other possible explanation - cut them out of your life completely and make new friends.. Toxic people can be very detrimental to your emotional well-being - ask any therapist - and you need to decide which is more important: having friends who aren't really your friends or being happy..

Good luck with whatever you choose.. Make sure you have all of the facts and then do what you need to do..

 

[Handbag Lady]

No...the group is still at lunch. I really hope I don't see her today because I might burst into tears.

Maybe I should have written some of them off years ago. Twenty years ago, when I announced my engagement, three of these same women came to me and offered to throw me a bridal shower...I said, "Oh, how nice!" Only they never had the shower.

Typing this now, it sound like mean girls from junior high.

See, you need to ask them when one of them gets back. You really don't know why they didn't invite you. It bothers you, so just ask them. If you get upset in front of them, simply apologize and say that you were really hurt you weren't invited and you just want to know if there is a reason.

I mean, it could be anything. It could be that they don't see you as close as you see them. It could be that it was last minute and they didn't think.

It could be that they invited you and you didn't get the email.

It could be that they overheard you saying something about one of them and they heard wrong, so you need to correct it. (You say that you can hear them, so it works both ways).

There is no sense in getting yourself further upset until you find out why.

 

[kelleigh1]

It's very possible that they each thought one or the other had asked you.

I could easily say just get over it, but I've been there myself, so I know it hurts. I've gotten to the point where I pretty much just do my own thing at lunch and don't worry about anyone else. Nobody ever invites me along (and yes, I take it personally) and yet I see just about everyone else getting together at one time or another at lunch - which is really funny when one or two of them will come to me complaining about the others and then the next day they're all having lunch. I just can't be bothered.

 

[Stitchfans]

The logical reason is that the people that I thought were my friends really aren't. I thought I was in that group, but I'm obviously not. That is so incredibly pathetic.

So sorry. I know how much it hurts. I just started a thread somewhat similar yesterday concerning my DD14 and her so called friends. Weird, doesn't get any better as an adult, huh?