Friend's bachelorette party

[Christine]

You are not in the minority. I am old but thinking of my wedding as opposed to all of those I see now, it looks like we had a paupers wedding. I remember a few years back reading about the average cost of a wedding and trying to do the math to even get in the ballpark of what seemed like an outlandish number. With all the weddings we have experienced lately I now understand the small fortunes being spent.

People these days are all WAY too impressed by what they watch on TV.

 

[Christine]

Kind of off track from the OP, but I have had a recent experience with my son being in a wedding. My son is a college student but he is friends with a young couple that live in our home area and have not been to college. They have worked since leaving high school and are in rather low paying jobs and basically do not have much money. As such, they are having a low-key wedding. When they asked my son to be in the wedding, he knew I'd have to pay everything so he at least did ask my permission. They've been friends for awhile and have done nice things for my son and I thought "how bad could it be being a groomsman? You rent a tux, go to a bachelor's party etc." These are fairly frugal people. The camp, they stay in the cheapest of cheap places when they go somewhere. They told my son the wedding was going to be in a back yard. Now it is at a venue.

Well, it's not quite what I thought, but I had allowed my son to agree based on the earlier plans. So far, there is no tux rental. They have a specific suit they want him to wear that can only be purchased and not rented. That has cost me almost $400 and does not include a jacket because they wanted the "pants and vest" look. Alterations will be extra. He had to get a certain shirt and tie. Now they want him to wear a specific Nike white sneaker with the outfit and those are $120. Then they tried to dictate that they wanted the groomsmen all to wear beards. At the time, my son did have a beard but his new job requires that he NOT have a beard so he's had to tell them to deal with it. They are not happy. I just don't get it.

I know if the scheme of things my $500 expenditure is nothing compared to what women pay, but I really was NOT expecting that. And the whole Nike and beard thing baffles me.

 

[weeniecat2442]

I know if the scheme of things my $500 expenditure is nothing compared to what women pay, but I really was NOT expecting that. And the whole Nike and beard thing baffles me.[/QUOTE]

How ridiculous! My friend has actually requested we all get our makeup professionally done. I only agreed to this expense because she is paying for our hair to be done- something I would have chosen to do over the makeup. I can do my own makeup but am terrible at hair.
She's even asked most of the girls to go tanning/spray tans. I'm a redhead who embraced my paleness years ago. There will be no tanning for me.
She keeps hinting at us to pay $20 more for fake eyelashes for the day. We had to color coordinate a "bridal party look" for the shower too.
Wedding's have become such a ridiculous "show."
I just cannot grasp how asking your close friends to spend a year of their time, and a lot of money for one day is seen as an "honor"
It's way out of these days.

 

[Mortlives]

We just had the bachelorette party for my friend that is getting married in a few weeks. The bride asked us not to spend too much and she wanted it all to be a surprise. Her 7 bridesmaids spent the past few months planning it and while we didn't go over the top, it was still an expensive event. We decided to have the party overnight at a casino that is about 1-2 hours away. We got the rooms way discounted and between 14 girls it was a good deal. A few of her cousins decided they wanted to go down Friday nite with the bride. The rest of us decided to stick with just the Saturday due to financial and family reasons (most have little kids at home).
We all had a fantastic time- no drama.
Two days letter a few of us get an email from the bride about how mad and disappointed she was in her party.
She had a whole list of reasons. I was SO blown away by this. How rude and obnoxious can you be? She then quickly followed up saying she hope she didn't offend us and she did have a great night. Needless to say...I will be so happy once the wedding is done and over with.

This is my sixth bridesmaid tour in the past six years. My 3rd time as the MOH. I dont want to even know the money that I've spent all together. Probably more than I'll spend on my own wedding...which will not have any bridesmaids!

I kind of feel like I have to ask what her reasons are, but that may be that I can't resist a train wreck. Seriously, mad and disappointed, but she hoped you aren't offended and she did have a great night? That seems inconsistent at best.

 

[superme80]

I know if the scheme of things my $500 expenditure is nothing compared to what women pay, but I really was NOT expecting that. And the whole Nike and beard thing baffles me.

How ridiculous! My friend has actually requested we all get our makeup professionally done. I only agreed to this expense because she is paying for our hair to be done- something I would have chosen to do over the makeup. I can do my own makeup but am terrible at hair.
She's even asked most of the girls to go tanning/spray tans. I'm a redhead who embraced my paleness years ago. There will be no tanning for me.
She keeps hinting at us to pay $20 more for fake eyelashes for the day. We had to color coordinate a "bridal party look" for the shower too.
Wedding's have become such a ridiculous "show."
I just cannot grasp how asking your close friends to spend a year of their time, and a lot of money for one day is seen as an "honor"
It's way out of these days.[/QUOTE]
And here my bridesmaid thought I was crazing for trying to get her to wear flats to my wedding. Some women are watching way to much WE tv.

 

[ronandannette]

We all had a fantastic time- no drama.
Two days letter a few of us get an email from the bride about how mad and disappointed she was in her party.
She had a whole list of reasons. I was SO blown away by this. How rude and obnoxious can you be?

If you wouldn't mind - please tell us what she said. This I've got to hear...

 

[fly girl]

We just had the bachelorette party for my friend that is getting married in a few weeks. The bride asked us not to spend too much and she wanted it all to be a surprise. Her 7 bridesmaids spent the past few months planning it and while we didn't go over the top, it was still an expensive event. We decided to have the party overnight at a casino that is about 1-2 hours away. We got the rooms way discounted and between 14 girls it was a good deal. A few of her cousins decided they wanted to go down Friday nite with the bride. The rest of us decided to stick with just the Saturday due to financial and family reasons (most have little kids at home).
We all had a fantastic time- no drama.
Two days letter a few of us get an email from the bride about how mad and disappointed she was in her party.
She had a whole list of reasons. I was SO blown away by this. How rude and obnoxious can you be? She then quickly followed up saying she hope she didn't offend us and she did have a great night. Needless to say...I will be so happy once the wedding is done and over with.

O - M - G ! ! !



There are so many words I can fill in for her actions, but I can't since it's against Dis policy. I will say this ... what a brat!

Who does this? Who? YOU asked for it to be a surprise. WE all had a great time. And your phony baloney "I hope I didn't offend" oh shut the hell up. Yes, you did.

It would take every forgiving bone in my body to happily stand up at her wedding and take the high road. I would be so hurt.

I'm sorry you have such a thankless friend.

 

[asta]

I have a question that just came up today. My daughter received this is the mail and has no clue so she asked me. A friend sent a preprinted card that asked her to be "part of a special processional honoring some of my closest friend". No date is mentioned. The back has a very nice handwritten note asking her to be "in a stand out part of the wedding". And also hoping she would come to the bacherolette party, showers and all other things part of her wedding. The word bridesmaid is not mentioned.

We don't think this is a request to be a bridesmaid because of the list of things she wants her to be part of would be obviously part of that. And it is not a save the date card since there is no date mentioned. If the card had just been hand written note I would guess this is a kind way of letting someone know that don't want them to feel excluded by not being asked to be a bridesmaid. The preprinted note about the "special processional" is especially confusing us. Any guesses on what this is?

 

[bethy]

If you wouldn't mind - please tell us what she said. This I've got to hear...

 

[bethy]

I have a question that just came up today. My daughter received this is the mail and has no clue so she asked me. A friend sent a preprinted card that asked her to be "part of a special processional honoring some of my closest friend". No date is mentioned. The back has a very nice handwritten note asking her to be "in a stand out part of the wedding". And also hoping she would come to the bacherolette party, showers and all other things part of her wedding. The word bridesmaid is not mentioned.

We don't think this is a request to be a bridesmaid because of the list of things she wants her to be part of would be obviously part of that. And it is not a save the date card since there is no date mentioned. If the card had just been hand written note I would guess this is a kind way of letting someone know that don't want them to feel excluded by not being asked to be a bridesmaid. The preprinted note about the "special processional" is especially confusing us. Any guesses on what this is?

 

[dollarmite]

This is what I am trying to say. Brides now have a "Wedding and Engagement Time". I know I am officially getting old, because I just don't get this. You are getting married. The magical and special thing about it is you have chosen to commit to a person for the rest of your life. You are going to build a family with him (with or without children) and you are going to grow as a couple for the next 50+ years.

Why do you need people to throw in $400 to take you away for the weekend? Why are brides having honeymoons before their real honeymoon?

I will be honest and say $400 is not a lot of money for me. I have been working for years, my finances are in order, and my husband and I can easily spend that in one night. But I am not a twentysomething just starting my life. $400 is a ton of money in your 20's/early 30's. And the fact that your girls have to save for 9 months to reach that amount shows that it could be used on many other things. If your best friends are bowing out, you may want to re-evaluate what is going on here.

I do think we have a problem with young people and credit card debt in this country. It stems from this over indulgence. Dinner and drinks are no longer satisfying as far as celebrations go. And forget about putting on a nice cocktail party at home to celebrate an occasion. Everything has to be magical and special. What people don't realize is the life changing event (marriage, baby, graduation, birthday) is already magical and special. Just take it for what it is and appreciate it.

This, so much!

I think a lot of people are missing the point that it's not a case of whether a BM/friend can afford the hundreds of dollars some BTB want spent on them for pre-wedding parties, but whether they want to.

I spend ten of thousands on overseas holidays, which means in theory I should be willing to blow $300 on a friend's overnight wedding getaway. I don't see any value whatsoever in that, so no, I'm not going to participate. If I'm going to spend $300/night on a hotel or weekend away it's going to be in a place of my choosing, with my own family.

If my being a BM was conditional on being willing to spend hundreds of dollars on helping the BTB live out her fantasy life, then says way more about the BTB than it does about me.

It's fine and wonderful for any BTB to (want to) experience a magical and special time in regards to their wedding. What's not fine is expecting others to bankroll it. Anything that requires people to save up for months for it is too expensive, and not a reasonable expectation. I LOVE planning/organising events, and was in heaven planning my wedding. But it never occurred to me that I needed people to spend hundreds of dollars on it/us. IMO if a BTB wants an expensive pre-wedding celebration then she needs to foot the bill for it. I think we'd quickly see a downturn in all these 'must-have' weekends away etc.

I'm glad I live in a region and move in circles where the pre-wedding celebrations (if any) generally extend as far as bridal showers/kitchen teas (where the gifts are usually under about $25); or a dinner at a nice restaurant where everyone, including the bride, pays their own way, and can generally leave with change out of $30; or a hen's night at home with fun, food and drinks. Most of us are in a position where we can afford $300 for a night out, but thankfully no one expects anyone to do that.

A wedding might be the most special and wonderful thing in a BTB's life for the 3/6/12 months of planning, but for the majority of guests it's nothing more than a one day event lasting a few hours, and they have no interest in spending hundreds of dollars or days/weeks of holiday time beyond that for multiple wedding events.

 

[Aliceacc]

Summer school is 6 weeks of school to cover what was taught in 180 days, to kids who didn't get it in the 180 day timeframe.

I would have a real issue with someone expecting me to take 2 of those 30 days off for a non-emergency.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

I have a question that just came up today. My daughter received this is the mail and has no clue so she asked me. A friend sent a preprinted card that asked her to be "part of a special processional honoring some of my closest friend". No date is mentioned. The back has a very nice handwritten note asking her to be "in a stand out part of the wedding". And also hoping she would come to the bacherolette party, showers and all other things part of her wedding. The word bridesmaid is not mentioned.

We don't think this is a request to be a bridesmaid because of the list of things she wants her to be part of would be obviously part of that. And it is not a save the date card since there is no date mentioned. If the card had just been hand written note I would guess this is a kind way of letting someone know that don't want them to feel excluded by not being asked to be a bridesmaid. The preprinted note about the "special processional" is especially confusing us. Any guesses on what this is?

I have never heard of this in my life. What in the world could it mean?

 

[asta]

I have never heard of this in my life. What in the world could it mean?

I will post when she figures it out. I told her to ask one of their mutual friends.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

In my circle we do girls only weekend getaways 1-2 times a year. If I'm someone's BM we are very close friends so doing a weekend getaway for a bachelorette party is not a big deal since we would do a weekend getaway anyway. I would only ever agree to be someone's BM if I was very close with them, know their style of "partying" and be okay with what is to come with the pre wedding festivities.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I have never heard of this in my life. What in the world could it mean?

Guestbook attendant?

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I will post when she figures it out. I told her to ask one of their mutual friends.

I'm thinking maybe it's the friends way of saying "sorry I didn't pick you as a bridesmaid but I still want you to attend all festivities and to be recognized as a special friend at the wedding."

I have no idea otherwise!!!

 

[asta]

I'm thinking maybe it's the friends way of saying "sorry I didn't pick you as a bridesmaid but I still want you to attend all festivities and to be recognized as a special friend at the wedding."

I have no idea otherwise!!!

This is what I first thought and it is still a leading contender. But the pre printed cards made me wonder how many friends would you need to send this to in order to need to have special cards printed. The reference to a special processional and being in a stand out part of the wedding are puzzling. I wonder if people are still doing those choreographed dances and if this could be part of that.

 

[gotomu212]

This is what I first thought and it is still a leading contender. But the pre printed cards made me wonder how many friends would you need to send this to in order to need to have special cards printed. The reference to a special processional and being in a stand out part of the wedding are puzzling. I wonder if people are still doing those choreographed dances and if this could be part of that.

We saw this recently. The bride had a small wedding party (I think it was a maid of honor plus one bridesmaid); she also had 15 very close friends/soreity sisters/cousins. She recognized all of these people by having them enter and sit together during the wedding I want to say it was between seating the granparents and then the parents. I think it was a way to recognize how special they were without having a wedding party that required a school bus.

 

[asta]

We saw this recently. The bride had a small wedding party (I think it was a maid of honor plus one bridesmaid); she also had 15 very close friends/soreity sisters/cousins. She recognized all of these people by having them enter and sit together during the wedding I want to say it was between seating the granparents and then the parents. I think it was a way to recognize how special they were without having a wedding party that required a school bus.

That was a very nice idea. That was a good way to include her friends.