Friend was cheated on, need advice for her - update post 16

[hereyago]

Even if they work it out, she needs to go get checked for stuff he may have given to her.

 

[Imzadi]

The pastor's wife may be a good shoulder and she may even be a counselor if she's been to school for that BUT Unless she is a Lawyer your friend needs to get her behind to a lawyer ASAP to get the facts and she needs to be getting all the financial info she can. Because believe me Prayer only goes so far and you still have to eat and sleep somewhere. She doesn't have to divorce him but she needs to know what she can and has to do to protect herself.

And God helps those who help themselves.
Remind her that she has children who will be depending on her for their livelihood, since their father is a class A loser.

Yes, she needs to consult a lawyer.

There is a saying: "Believe in God, but tie up your horses."

 

[SamRoc]

I have two friends going through something similar now. All we can do is be good friends and listen to our friends that are going through this. I have no idea what to say to one friend though, her husband got her best friend pregnant. I got nothing on that one.

 

[Robinrs]

Everyone's talking like the OP is the wife or she has some kind of control over this...

Agreed, she needs a lawyer. She'll get one when she wants to. The OP has nothing to do with that. All she can do is make suggestions and be a shoulder, which is what she is doing.

Agreed, they need counseling... I think that's a given. The OP is just reporting the steps, she has no power over what happens.

OP, you're a good friend. Now just like going to WebMD for every symptom is a waste of time, coming here is the same. Just stay there for what she needs, that's all you can do.

 

[aprilgail2]

Why would she want to beg and plead with someone to stay with her when he has made it clear he doesn't want her? All she is doing is making herself look pathetic and desperate.

The woman needs the best attorney she can find.

I agree-- why in the world would you even WANT someone who is a cheating rat?? Nothing screams DOORMAT more than sticking with someone who cheated on you-no respect for people like that!

 

[luvsJack]

I agree-- why in the world would you even WANT someone who is a cheating rat?? Nothing screams DOORMAT more than sticking with someone who cheated on you-no respect for people like that!

Sometimes the marriage is worth saving. Cheating is usually a symptom of other problems in the marriage that both parties have a part in. If the cheated on spouse can forgive and both spouses are willing to get counseling and really work on the marriage, it can be stronger in the end. Not always, of course, but for some marriages.

I, personally, would have a hard time with the forgiving part but I know women who have and they are far from being a doormat.

 

[MickeySP]

It does seem he has already gone from the marriage

If she hasn't already she should check out this site.

survivinginfidelity.com

It is great with people who have good advice.

 

[Mermaid02]

She needs a lawyer and a doctor- even if they are "working it out". He's already exhibited behavior that she never thought he would- a pretty face could snap his head back around at any moment. He may even be "playing reconciliation" in order to get his ducks in a row. It happened to a friend of mine 20 years ago. She was so happy to be working things out- turns out he was just tying up some loose ends.