Freaking out..sort of need advice please

[daisax]

If he asks you to come back and you agree to do so, I would also take the opportunity to air out some of the problems from before - that it makes you uncomfortable to be told secrets and then expected to cover up for him. Assuming you knew his wife/girlfriend, that's pretty shady to dump that on you and expect you to lie for him, and you should be clear that going forward that's not acceptable.

And that you enjoy your job and work, you're responsible and hardworking, and if you come back you need to know that you can legitimately get sick without him getting an attitude about it.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Given your explanation of him and the way he's treated you, why on earth would you want to have a coffee with him, or work for him again?

When someone behaves in the manner in which he did, it would be logical to no longer want to associate with him.

If he did indeed expect you to cover for him as a gay man, then there is more going on with him than meets the eye in terms of self acceptance.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Given your explanation of him and the way he's treated you, why on earth would you want to have a coffee with him, or work for him again?

When someone behaves in the manner in which he did, it would be logical to no longer want to associate with him.

If he did indeed expect you to cover for him as a gay man, then there is more going on with him than meets the eye in terms of self acceptance.

I was thinking the same thing. If there were a chance to get work with the company and transfer out of his office, I'd think about it.

 

[rowbear]

Given your explanation of him and the way he's treated you, why on earth would you want to have a coffee with him, or work for him again?

When someone behaves in the manner in which he did, it would be logical to no longer want to associate with him.

If he did indeed expect you to cover for him as a gay man, then there is more going on with him than meets the eye in terms of self acceptance.

By his account it was not all bad there were just a few bad elements that ultimately made him move on. If he makes a list of things he wants to see changed before he begins he might actually get them and be able to resume his job. It may not work out but it doesn't hurt to try.

 

[JessicaR]

By his account it was not all bad there were just a few bad elements that ultimately made him move on. If he makes a list of things he wants to see changed before he begins he might actually get them and be able to resume his job. It may not work out but it doesn't hurt to try.

I'm pretty sure he is a she.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

I'm pretty sure he is a she.

Yes I am a female...I know sometimes with the names you don't know if its a male or female. No worries.

I know that he did not treat me the greatest and yes he has ALOT of issues, but in this economy and our line of work its something that I love and may not get with another company. We all have issues one way or another but a job is a job especially now. I feel that if we set up rules beforehand it might work better than before.

I did enjoy working with him, I will see what happens, we are meeting tonight and we'll see what happens.

It will be nice to catch up and see what he thinks for the future. The office was small, most at one time was 8 people. I work in travel so not many are traveling right now BUT if he has no agents..then I am his woman for the job. I have 15 years experience and when I did leave I was able to work and learn new things that I can bring back to the company. I still have customers asking about me and its 2 years later!!! That is amazing to me and also very nice. Either way I think the meeting will be good.

However, I am keeping my fingers crossed for the job!

 

[Disney Doll]

I'd tread very carefully and keep my eyes wide open. I also wouldn't give away too much about my personal finances or anything else.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

Hello All,

Meant to write earlier, I don't know how to do the update in the main thread title.

So we met, it was a good meeting, he was a bit late as usual. We chatted caught up and then he offered me a job. He did however, tell me that he could never fill my shoes aka position because everyone that he had hired wasn't me. I was unique and I was very loyal and a hard worker. After he had said that to me, it made me feel like a million bucks but at the same time I was curious as to how much he was going to pay etc.

The pay is okay, its hourly BUT he did offer me benefits which I was NOT expecting and commission. No sick or vacation (yet) due to the economy if I don't come in to work I don't get paid.

It is more than what I have been applying for or seeing online and in the paper and its doing what I absolutely LOVE! I slept on it and then early this afternoon I called him, he didn't answer I left a message and asked him to call me back as I had just a few more questions and I also said it was great seeing him and talking shop again.

So I think I am going to take the job. It just felt so right and we work really well together. He told me that the company can't make it unless I come back. He knows that I can do it and bring them in the money and I don't mean to toot my own horn but I am darn good at what I do and now he knows that and I feel he will appreicate me now. It was a tough lesson for him to learn but I put my ego aside and well, let's see what happens.

Wish me luck!!!!

 

[LoraJ]

Hooray!!!! I think it worked out. I hope that it will continue to work out.

 

[Fridye]

That's great to hear! Just remember not to return to the same situation that made you so miserable. You've had some distance in your relationship so you have a chance to reset it to a level you are comfortable with. Good luck to you!

 

[OceanAnnie]

Thanks for the update! It sounds like he really needs you and you need the job. Could be the perfect match! Hope it all works out!

 

[Mickeyistheman]

Well, I have not heard back from him at all. Now granted it was the weekend and he probably had plans.

However, is it wrong that it really irked me that he couldn't call me up and answer my questions by speaking rather than texting me. I didn't even ask what I wanted because I didn't want to do it via text. I think it was very unprofessional.

I heard from a former co worker who just left on Friday. She said it did take alot for him to contact me, because he really hated me for 2 years. She told me to be careful because he is very hard to trust.

Now I am really confused and my mother is mad at me because she said I should just take the job BUT I am coming back to him with more skills then I left him 2 years ago. I mean, all I am asking for is another dollar an hour. I'm not worth another dollar? I know a computer system you do not....which means I will be in charge of that and no one else.

He also is not offering me any sick or vacation time at all. If I am able to take off or if I am sick then I don't get paid. My best friend I should not go back to him after all the bad stuff and it was bad. Plus she said that I would be a slave, if he isn't even giving me any sick or vacation. I am not looking for 2 weeks but come on NO sick time. God forbid what if something happened to me???????? I don't get paid?

I am going to email him this morning since I have not heard from him. I don't want to play games BUT he came to me so I am the one that can negotiate or he can hire someone else that can't do the job that I know and he knows I can.

 

[Evil Genius]

I have to say this buy it sounds like you have a chip on your shoulder when it comes to this person. You want him to do things your way. He has a life and at least he contacted you and not left you hanging all weekend.

In this day and age the offer of any job is a bonus. There are plenty of companies that have cut out vacation and sick time. It's just not in the budget any longer.

 

[Camicar]

I was in your situation a few years ago and also went back.

Hindsight being 20/20: it was a huge mistake.

He felt he could slide right back into the old behaviors and when he later decided to screw me over (in part bec I knew his secrets and that bugged him), he did it big time. The fact that we were friends outside of work and that I had forgiven him once made his eventual betrayal SO much harder to handle -- I got depressed and it took me a while to emerge from it.

Rule of life: if someone treated you badly once and they paid no real price for it, they WILL do it again.

So go into it eyes wide open and guard yourself.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

I was in your situation a few years ago and also went back.

Hindsight being 20/20: it was a huge mistake.

He felt he could slide right back into the old behaviors and when he later decided to screw me over (in part bec I knew his secrets and that bugged him), he did it big time. The fact that we were friends outside of work and that I had forgiven him once made his eventual betrayal SO much harder to handle -- I got depressed and it took me a while to emerge from it.

Rule of life: if someone treated you badly once and they paid no real price for it, they WILL do it again.

So go into it eyes wide open and guard yourself.

You hit the nail on the head!! That is what my biggest fear is. We have that exact same relationship.

While we were having our conversation on Friday he asked if I was seeing someone that I was 2 years ago ( I am not ) and I asked him. He told me that he has been living with someone. I thought it was great and I told him that I was happy for him. He then told me that "No one knows so please don't say anything." All I thought in my mind was here we go again.

I do understand a job is a job especially in this day and age BUT I know he is upset that I left him. I just feel that if I make one little mistake he can fire me and then I am the one that is screwed with no unemployment.

As for sick and or vacation time. I understand about Vacation time, but what about sick days? You don't get any? That isn't fair I don't care how bad it is, if you get sick you should not be penalized for it.

 

[Trish Bessette]

I know times are tough but you couldn't pay me enough to go back to work for that guy...

 

[Piglets Mommy]

It doesn't sound like a situation I'd want to be in, but I think I would take the job, but keep looking. It IS a job and does have health benefits, so I'd give it a shot, but keep my distance. Whatever you decide, good luck with your decision!

 

[lillygator]

I would not work for a company that would not offer vacation or benefits. I would be wary going back if I was in your shoes.

 

[LuvBaloo]

I think no sick days is very common. Where I'm from, vacation pay is legally required (4% after one year), but sick pay is not.

In this economy, I'd probably take the job, and do my best to keep the personal discussion out of things. But I'd keep my eyes open for a better opportunity. This is business, he's not hiring you back because he likes you, he's hiring you because its the right thing for the business. And in the future, when a better opportunity comes along, you leave because that's what is right for you.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

So I do have another update:

This morning at about 1030am I sent an email to him.

It was very pleasant and I asked few more questions (nothing with money) but things that I just wanted to know so I could make a choice.

Well he STILL has not responded at all. I have made my choice and this is why I left him in the first place.

He has not changed and he is still unprofessional, if he can't answer simple questions then he has issues and is still hung up on the past.

I do hope he finds help, but if its 2 years and he still can't find that person Oh Well. It is his loss and not mine.

I would rather work cleaning toilets than for him.