For women only, what do you think?

[ceecee]

Have you actually met a 45 yr old virgin?
I would think there may be some issues there, just in the fact that he hasn't been married and he's 45.

 

[disykat]

Have you actually met a 45 yr old virgin?
I would think there may be some issues there, just in the fact that he hasn't been married and he's 45.

To me, that is so insulting to all the people that are single because they haven't met the right person. Personally I really respect people who wait to marry until they know they've found someone they can commit to for life. Some people meet that person while they are younger, some don't. If it means waiting until 45, I'm all for it. I know people that are talented, capable, nice looking etc, but just didn't meet "the one" until they were older. There is nothing "wrong" with them.

Whether they've chosen to be sexually active while waiting to find that person is a personal choice - it doesn't mean they haven't had opportunities. Sorry - finding opportunities to have sex just isn't that hard.

Seriously, if the qualification for not being deemed a loser is marriage before a certain age - why not just arrange random marriages between eligible singles that haven't met anyone yet rather than have them wait to meet someone they want to commit to.

 

[pianoronni37]

Honestly, if I didn't catch my husband early, he'd probably turn into the 40-yr-old virgin!!!

Seriously, he was just shy. It was hard for him to talk to people. After being with him for 7 years (!) and married for almost 1, he's just the best person I have ever known. He's sweet, funny, adorable, kind, thoughtful, he provides for us... but he also loves his Star Wars collections, comic books, toys, etc. I don't know many women that could put up with that.

But, I got myself a fantastic, loyal, handsome, devoted husband.

If I met him 25 years later, it wouldn't matter. I'd love him just as much... and I don't really think a 40-yr-old virgin is a "disease," or someone to stay away from, I just think that he would need a bit more understanding and patient than most.

 

[JerseyMamaBear]

I agree with pp. I would need to know why. Just my opinion, but I could not marry a virgin.

 

[PaulaSue]

My cousin married the 30 year old virgin and it worked out well.

 

[cassandrap83]

No. Anyone that is 45 and a virgin, and not a member of the clergy is a WEIRDO. They must have some sort of issues to not have had sex by that point in life. I'd steer clear.

 

[mjkacmom]

I've known my DH since we were 12 (I'm 42). He's always had long, steady relashionships (maybe 3 - we married when we were 27, after dating 6 years, and he had 2 one night stands). At first, I thought it was weird that he only slept with 5 other women. However, 3 of them were long term, so he was well schooled. I would have to wonder about a 45 year old virgin...

 

[pearlieq]

I would be very concerned about why. I'm sure there's an answer that I could find acceptable, even endearing, but I'd still want a full explanation. I would also be prepared to explain the choices I have made. Fair is fair.

 

[pilesoflaundry]

Would you marry a guy that slept with 100+ women?

If he's not asexual and he's not gay then I don't see why it's an issue. I don't know if I would marry him before giving it a whirl or at the least kissing him or something to make sure there was no tip off as to why he was still a virgin at his age but if he's a decent guy otherwise and not some nutter that no one wants to have a relationship with, I don't get the big deal.

My husband is a bit shy and didn't sleep with many women besides me (which frankly I'm happy with, I don't need to worry too much about kids popping up and diseases in the background) but he is faithful and loyal and wonderful and some other things I can't say here . Granted he wasn't a virgin but it doesn't make him undesirable just because he didn't have a ton of relationships (sexual or otherwise).

My dh has a friend, nicest guy around but he is asexual. His former wife told me. He just doesn't care about it at all. There is nothing weird or odd about him, he's very kind and good to his kids, he's not a freak or anything. Some people just don't have a drive. I would assume after so many years of not trying it, you don't know what you are missing anyway.

 

[secretpantssam]

Date? Sure.

Marry him when he was STILL a virgin? No. I wouldn't marry anyone that I hadn't slept with -- sexual compatibility is very important in a marriage.

(And FWIW, anyone who objected to that on religious grounds would undoubtedly be too religious to be happy married to me.)

I agree. I wouldn't buy a car without test driving it if you know what I'm saying

 

[mousebymarriage]

Wow, interesting question! I understand both sides of what pp's have said including why is he still a virgin at 45? Has he not met the right person or is it a religious reason? Now maybe he is at a point where he is too nervous to have sex. I mean, to be in your late teens and 20's and still be a virgin, o.k. but, by the time you get to 45 how to you even bring up the subject with a potential "date". Let's face it, to be young and not know what you are doing is one thing but, to be 45 and not know what to do is a bit odd. I think maybe his fear of ummm.... failure (to put it delicately) may be part of his problem.
Honestly, I don't know if I would want to teach someone at my age.

 

[disykat]

No. Anyone that is 45 and a virgin, and not a member of the clergy is a WEIRDO. They must have some sort of issues to not have had sex by that point in life. I'd steer clear.

OK, it's okay for an unmarried clergy member (I'm assuming you're not just talking about priests - who remain celebate) not to have sex, but other devoutly religious people who follow their faith practices are weirdo's? I don't get how anyone can fail to acknowledge that there is a large portion of people for whom sex outside of marriage is against their religion. The only reason to adhere to your religious beliefs is if you are clergy? I just don't get it.

 

[Minnie Lor]

Oh no! He might have morals. How awful!

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

I admit I think anyone who is a virgin is strange - but at 45 - I would run in the other direction.

 

[NYCDiane]

OK, it's okay for an unmarried clergy member (I'm assuming you're not just talking about priests - who remain celebate) not to have sex, but other devoutly religious people who follow their faith practices are weirdo's? I don't get how anyone can fail to acknowledge that there is a large portion of people for whom sex outside of marriage is against their religion. The only reason to adhere to your religious beliefs is if you are clergy? I just don't get it.

She never mentioned the person's religious beliefs. She just said he's 45 and a virgin.

Even if it was for "religious reasons", I would still steer very clear. If he's that "religious", wouldn't he have already met an equally "religious" woman at church and be married already???

Teens, twenties and a virgin? Sweet. 30s.... hmmmm.. But at 45??? Something absolutely, positively wrong. I can understand someone who doesn't have a crazy sex drive, but a complete virgin at 45? No way.


I would love for the OP to come back and explain a bit more..... Is this just a hypothetical situation? Or does she actually know this guy? Is she thinking of dating this person? How is she sure he's a virgin? (and how can you prove if he is/isn't?)

 

[DawnM]

Oh no! He might have morals. How awful!

 

[disykat]

She never mentioned the person's religious beliefs. She just said he's 45 and a virgin.

Did I say she did? I was responding to your statement.

Even if it was for "religious reasons", I would still steer very clear. If he's that "religious", wouldn't he have already met an equally "religious" woman at church and be married already???

You've seriously never met anyone that had difficulty meeting people? Maybe all the women at his church were already married. I met my husband at 27 and it was difficult. He was sort of a blind date. I had gone all the way through high school, college, young adult groups, etc. where I knew lots of guys - just none of them were "the one." I found it very hard to meet men after age 25.

Teens, twenties and a virgin? Sweet. 30s.... hmmmm.. But at 45??? Something absolutely, positively wrong. I can understand someone who doesn't have a crazy sex drive, but a complete virgin at 45? No way.

I bet you'd be surprised by the number of people, even those who aren't religious, who want to wait for "the one" before having sex. Why be nasty about it?

I would love for the OP to come back and explain a bit more..... Is this just a hypothetical situation? Or does she actually know this guy? Is she thinking of dating this person? How is she sure he's a virgin? (and how can you prove if he is/isn't?)

Good point about proving it. I'm not understanding the learning curve people seem to think there is. Was everyone's first time fumbling and awkward?

 

[pearlieq]

Would you marry a guy that slept with 100+ women?

Again, I would want a very good explanation. I would be at least as cautious with this guy as I would the virgin, probably more.

Either extreme would make me nervous. To me, "normal" is that you've had a few girlfriends or boyfriends, and maybe one or two indiscetions, for lack of a better word. But that's just how I think. Other people would have different ideas on "normal".

 

[ceecee]

Sex issue aside, it's the 45 years and no commitment that also raises the red flag! Unless he is so extremely shy he can't get to know anyone.

 

[peggster]

Wow. Since I'm in my late 30s and never been married, I'm clearly a weirdo as far as some here are concerned. Good to know.

I see that many who have responded negatively are currently married. Do you have any idea how difficult it can be to meet "the one" once you get out of your 20s?

I'm also wondering: what if we were talking about a 45 year old female virgin? Would the opinions be the same?