My sisters son (thirty five now) has been living in her basement with two dogs, two cats and two huge lizards for the last 7 years. He is now moving out to his girl friends. She called me and told me about it and said how sad she is. Sorry but I don't understand. My daughters both moved out when they married. We didn't live far apart probably 20 miles at the most. I was alone and happy for many years (I was divorced 25 years ago) We saw each other often especially when the grandkids were little. As I said earlier, they moved to NC and I followed. Why? Because I wanted to be near them and I also wanted to move south. I know what I am about to tell you is going to make me sound awful, but here it is.
I couldn't wait for them to move out. I know that sounds awful, but I moved out as soon as I married (actually before because I was in the Air Force, when I married) and never went back, but I did stay in the area until they passed. I consider myself to be a person that loves and needs his family, I just don't need them underfoot. As I age, I started to realize the I didn't want to be a burden for them and made directions about what I would like to happen to me if I become completely incapacitated. I don't want to live with them unless I am physically able to take care of myself sufficiently.
My pre-marriage attitude was I always knew that I was welcome and loved, but both of my parents were very strong and independent and I inherited that gene and passed it to my daughters. Amongst my little group we all know that we will take care of each other should the need arise, but there must be a need, not just a longing. After my divorce left me struggling my Mother kindly made the offer for me to move in with her. I couldn't do it, but when she got terminally ill, my sister, also divorced, moved in with her young son. When my Mother passed I offered my half of the homestead to my sister and she is still living in the same house we moved into 61 years ago. I don't even like to go back and stay there on vacation, which she considers an insult if I didn't. I don't have any bad memories of unpleasant things that happened there but for some reason the house shrunk to a much smaller size then I remember. I just wanted to continue to move forward no matter what it took to do.
My real belief is that when we decide to have children, from that point it was our job to teach them how to deal with life. We knew that we were not going to live forever and it was important that they were gently pushed out of the nest and let them fly to whatever their future was without our influence. They know that in the event that some serious problem should come up we, or in this case now, I (their Mom passed away about 9 years ago), will be there to help in anyway I can. Both have very busy and fast lives and that makes me happy. They both have come to me for some minor financial needs years ago (paid back in record time) and, of course in case of emotional needs my office for that is open 24/7 days a week. I missed them in some ways and when I think back the time that covered their growing up is kind of melancholy for me, but I am so proud of what they have become that I know that they will both survive probably very well without me.
