Rajah
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Aug 17, 1999
- Messages
- 9,633
Made it through my appointment just fine, even if it was rescheduled.
And apparently I'm a royal mess.
(my wording, not hers 
) Y'all called it -- I was having a lot worse symptoms and issues than I realized (and I knew I was having trouble) until I filled out the initial questionaire. She didn't even have to say anything for me to realize I'm in much worse shape than I thought I was in. So, thanks for the push y'all. And for the help, for those of you who helped me make that first call. I wouldn't have done it if it weren't for y'all and some other online friends.
This meeting didn't do much to help beyond identifying what's happening (duh, I knew that
) and to set up an appointment with my Dr to try a different medication, then meet again next week to see what we can do from there, but I didn't expect much to happen this time, so no surprise there. Really, it wasn't anything more than feeling each other out to see if we could work together.
I did like her personally, but I'm not sure she's going to be able to help -- based on her reactions (which were well masked), I'm going to be a challenging case because of all the complications and twists, and it won't surprise me at all if she refers me to someone else "higher up" in the system. She was likable, though, and maybe after some time to think on the situation and review notes and such, she'll have a better idea what to do beyond talk.
As I expected, everything she mentioned for me to do so far I'm already doing -- things to distract/break the mental cycle (such as cross stitching or reading), things to relax physically like Tai Chi (just have to *do* it
Thinking about doing it isn't enough ), and take some medication to take the edge off (already there, though I'm going to talk to my Dr about trying a different one -- this one isn't cutting it.) But, we'll see what happens at next week's session.
What was interesting is apparently this was a free consultation because she didn't appear to charge me for one of the "5 free sessions" our EAP provides. The first of five will be next week for my next session. That was surprising, but good.
As for my mom...
Sometimes I think you have to hit rock bottom in order to start climbing back up.
Earlier this afternoon, my mom called the benefits guy at work (one of the few people who has been going above and beyond the call of duty to help) to let him know what had happened with the insurance. She was aparently upset enough (um, yeah) and obvious enough about it (um, yeah. Very obvious even when she tried to hide it) that as soon as he got off the phone with her, he went down the hall to talk to the company nurse and had the company nurse call my mom. So there's one attaboy that needs to be recognized tomorrow.
The nurse called my mom almost immediately, and was a *huge* help. She has had counseling training, and my mom said she was *good*. No, make that very good. This nurse helped my mom calm down, helped direct her to a church that she thinks my mom would feel comfortable at (something we've been looking for for 10 years) and which has a great grief support group (I'm going to go with my mom at least the first time -- a church group in general is something we both need and haven't been able to find down here), and she tracked down a Christian counselor for my mom. Then gave my mom her phone number, said call any time, and was just great. Second "attaboy" tomorrow. I'll probably stop by tomorrow and talk to her myself if only to say thanks. Oh, and she also took down notes on the bad experience my mom had with our EAP as well, and according to my mom, she was *not* happy. I'm going to add my less-than-satisfactory report to that tomorrow, too. Though once I got past the red tape it's been okay for me. Anyway...
Well, the counselor called my mom back an hour or two later. (Much better than the failure to call *period* from the EAP *and* the church my mom used to attend ). He talked to her some more, gave her some very good advice, calmed her down, gave her *his* number so if she's getting seriously depressed again she can call, set up a call-back on Friday, and will set her up with an appointment shortly. *MUCH* better response. She said he was very good as well.
AND.
This counselor has a friend who used to work for the IRS and is now an accountant/CFP/etc who has experience in the type of situation my mom's in right now. So with my mom's permission, he called his friend to see if his friend could help.
Well.
This accountant ended up calling her back *tonight* (which is an impressive response) to find out what's going on. He's not only willing to help her, he's already given her more good advice in one brief phone call than the other CFP my mom was going to has given in 3 sessions. My mom has much more confidence in his skills after talking to him than she does in the other person we were seeing. *And* this guy is willing to come help her organize all the paperwork, find everything, and help her get her feet back under her financially, then will take the reins on dealing with the credit cards.
So. After a period of hopelessness this morning/afternoon, we're now at a much better stage and have made more leaps forward today than we've made in the past 2 weeks.
In the meantime, my mom's going to be talking to the *dad* of her current lawyer tomorrow (it's a father/son operation), "free consultation" situation, and she's going to see if she has more confidence in the dad than she does the son. She also has a call in to a different friend's lawyer to see about a free consultation with them since she's been so frustrated and unhappy with this current lawyer's office. So chances are, she'll be having a different lawyer handle the insurance information/investigation.
Further updates (not good), she *was* declined the social security disability. Not just felt she would be, she got word back that no she didn't qualify. So, I've sent her to talk to some people someone recommended to have her talk to as representation for Disability. And I also found out I was mistaken on the insurance -- my dad just increased the coverage less than 6 months ago, which put it in probationary period, which he was still under. Which is why it was declined. It wasn't the 2.5 years I thought. There's a chance, very slim but still a chance, that the people who handled the previous amount will give her the previously insured amount instead, which isn't as much but at this point every little thing helps. And if they don't do that, in *theory* they should give her back all the premiums paid, so if we can at least get *that* amount, it'll help. Nowhere near as much as even getting the previous amount, but it would help. We at least have some direction and question to ask the lawyer.
But, between the nurse, counselor, and accountant, they've been able to talk my mom out of her "must sell everything this week" type stage. And they're all taking her seriously. Which is something that, aside from the benefits guy at work, most people seem to have been just brushing her off in the "it can't be that bad, suck it up" type attitude. These people aren't. They're taking her seriously and been more help in one evening than she's had in 2 months.
So on both sides, things are looking up compared to this morning.
And apparently I'm a royal mess.
(my wording, not hers ) Y'all called it -- I was having a lot worse symptoms and issues than I realized (and I knew I was having trouble) until I filled out the initial questionaire. She didn't even have to say anything for me to realize I'm in much worse shape than I thought I was in. So, thanks for the push y'all. And for the help, for those of you who helped me make that first call. I wouldn't have done it if it weren't for y'all and some other online friends.This meeting didn't do much to help beyond identifying what's happening (duh, I knew that
) and to set up an appointment with my Dr to try a different medication, then meet again next week to see what we can do from there, but I didn't expect much to happen this time, so no surprise there. Really, it wasn't anything more than feeling each other out to see if we could work together.I did like her personally, but I'm not sure she's going to be able to help -- based on her reactions (which were well masked), I'm going to be a challenging case because of all the complications and twists, and it won't surprise me at all if she refers me to someone else "higher up" in the system. She was likable, though, and maybe after some time to think on the situation and review notes and such, she'll have a better idea what to do beyond talk.
As I expected, everything she mentioned for me to do so far I'm already doing -- things to distract/break the mental cycle (such as cross stitching or reading), things to relax physically like Tai Chi (just have to *do* it
Thinking about doing it isn't enough ), and take some medication to take the edge off (already there, though I'm going to talk to my Dr about trying a different one -- this one isn't cutting it.) But, we'll see what happens at next week's session.What was interesting is apparently this was a free consultation because she didn't appear to charge me for one of the "5 free sessions" our EAP provides. The first of five will be next week for my next session. That was surprising, but good.
As for my mom...
Sometimes I think you have to hit rock bottom in order to start climbing back up.
Earlier this afternoon, my mom called the benefits guy at work (one of the few people who has been going above and beyond the call of duty to help) to let him know what had happened with the insurance. She was aparently upset enough (um, yeah) and obvious enough about it (um, yeah. Very obvious even when she tried to hide it) that as soon as he got off the phone with her, he went down the hall to talk to the company nurse and had the company nurse call my mom. So there's one attaboy that needs to be recognized tomorrow.
The nurse called my mom almost immediately, and was a *huge* help. She has had counseling training, and my mom said she was *good*. No, make that very good. This nurse helped my mom calm down, helped direct her to a church that she thinks my mom would feel comfortable at (something we've been looking for for 10 years) and which has a great grief support group (I'm going to go with my mom at least the first time -- a church group in general is something we both need and haven't been able to find down here), and she tracked down a Christian counselor for my mom. Then gave my mom her phone number, said call any time, and was just great. Second "attaboy" tomorrow. I'll probably stop by tomorrow and talk to her myself if only to say thanks. Oh, and she also took down notes on the bad experience my mom had with our EAP as well, and according to my mom, she was *not* happy. I'm going to add my less-than-satisfactory report to that tomorrow, too. Though once I got past the red tape it's been okay for me. Anyway...
Well, the counselor called my mom back an hour or two later. (Much better than the failure to call *period* from the EAP *and* the church my mom used to attend
). He talked to her some more, gave her some very good advice, calmed her down, gave her *his* number so if she's getting seriously depressed again she can call, set up a call-back on Friday, and will set her up with an appointment shortly. *MUCH* better response. She said he was very good as well.AND.
This counselor has a friend who used to work for the IRS and is now an accountant/CFP/etc who has experience in the type of situation my mom's in right now. So with my mom's permission, he called his friend to see if his friend could help.
Well.
This accountant ended up calling her back *tonight* (which is an impressive response) to find out what's going on. He's not only willing to help her, he's already given her more good advice in one brief phone call than the other CFP my mom was going to has given in 3 sessions. My mom has much more confidence in his skills after talking to him than she does in the other person we were seeing. *And* this guy is willing to come help her organize all the paperwork, find everything, and help her get her feet back under her financially, then will take the reins on dealing with the credit cards.
So. After a period of hopelessness this morning/afternoon, we're now at a much better stage and have made more leaps forward today than we've made in the past 2 weeks.
In the meantime, my mom's going to be talking to the *dad* of her current lawyer tomorrow (it's a father/son operation), "free consultation" situation, and she's going to see if she has more confidence in the dad than she does the son. She also has a call in to a different friend's lawyer to see about a free consultation with them since she's been so frustrated and unhappy with this current lawyer's office. So chances are, she'll be having a different lawyer handle the insurance information/investigation.
Further updates (not good), she *was* declined the social security disability. Not just felt she would be, she got word back that no she didn't qualify. So, I've sent her to talk to some people someone recommended to have her talk to as representation for Disability. And I also found out I was mistaken on the insurance -- my dad just increased the coverage less than 6 months ago, which put it in probationary period, which he was still under. Which is why it was declined. It wasn't the 2.5 years I thought. There's a chance, very slim but still a chance, that the people who handled the previous amount will give her the previously insured amount instead, which isn't as much but at this point every little thing helps. And if they don't do that, in *theory* they should give her back all the premiums paid, so if we can at least get *that* amount, it'll help. Nowhere near as much as even getting the previous amount, but it would help. We at least have some direction and question to ask the lawyer.
But, between the nurse, counselor, and accountant, they've been able to talk my mom out of her "must sell everything this week" type stage. And they're all taking her seriously. Which is something that, aside from the benefits guy at work, most people seem to have been just brushing her off in the "it can't be that bad, suck it up" type attitude. These people aren't. They're taking her seriously and been more help in one evening than she's had in 2 months.
So on both sides, things are looking up compared to this morning.
To you - hope things stay on the right track.
