? For parents with pre-teens/teenagers...

[cl1067]

How old was your dc when you fully explained the birds and the bees to them? My DD is 9, will be 10 in January and is starting to ask some questions, which makes me think she is ready or maybe even has an idea about certain things, but to me she seems so young. We have talked about menstrating and the changes she will go through, but with us expecting baby #3, although she hasn't directly asked yet, I can tell she is wondering on the how's a lot...so what do you think? Is she old enough to know?

 

[Marseeya]

How old was your dc when you fully explained the birds and the bees to them? My DD is 9, will be 10 in January and is starting to ask some questions, which makes me think she is ready or maybe even has an idea about certain things, but to me she seems so young. We have talked about menstrating and the changes she will go through, but with us expecting baby #3, although she hasn't directly asked yet, I can tell she is wondering on the how's a lot...so what do you think? Is she old enough to know?

You haven't told her yet?

Holy cow, I've been telling my DD age appropriate information since she could understand me. My DS never liked hearing it, but he got the information at least.

 

[Sandy V.]

I think that she is old enough. Good luck - it's an "interesting" conversation. We bought a book with some simple illustrations, and that helped.

You have been smart to talk about periods, etc. at this age. When my daughter was in 3rd grade, one of her classmates "started" during class time. She had no idea what was going on to her, and thought she was dying. Poor kid.

ETA - We started talking about all of this stuff around 5 or 6. Both kids hit the stage when they thought the words "p****" and "v*****" were hilarious and they'd giggle themselves silly about it. So we just started with, "Yes, girls have v******; boys have p******." Basic - but you have to start somewhere!!

 

[aprincessmom]

I've been telling my DD age appropriate information since she could understand me

Same here. I've been talking about it since she was very little and in age appropriate language and concepts. What is good about that approach for us is that it seems natural and easy to talk about, not so taboo or embarassing for either party.

Now that she's 9, she knows the entire process. They actually have it in health class this year (4th) grade and she keeps complaining about having to go to this class since she already know what they are talking about.

If you are wondering if she is old enough, seems to me that she's old enough. BTW, there is a great book by American Girl called "The Care and Feeding of Me" which DD loves. It talks about all sorts of things including sex, adolescent changes to your body and emotions, nutrition, etc. I highly recommend it.

 

[NMAmy]

I've also been telling dd age appropriate things since she was old enough to ask. She knows if she asks me, she'll get a straight answer.

She knew the whole story by the time she was 8 or so. I think it does make it easier for her to ask me questions now as a teenager because she knows I'm not going to freak out. I did tell her that if any of her friends had questions, they needed to ask their mom--dd didn't need to share the info.

If your daughter is asking, then she's old enough to know. She'll find out in school fairly soon anyway.

 

[Sandy V.]

I did tell her that if any of her friends had questions, they needed to ask their mom--dd didn't need to share the info.

If your daughter is asking, then she's old enough to know. She'll find out in school fairly soon anyway.

I agree. We had the same rule about "the book". Both DD and DS could look at it all they wanted and ask DH and me anything, but they couldn't show the book to any of their friends. I didn't want a phone call from a freaked out parent who was on a different schedule than we were!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

We were always "open book" as well. When they asked I would ask what they wanted to know. They don't always want every detail. They would say 'stop' when they had enough of their question answered.

So since your dd asked, ask her what she wants to know. When you have them pose the questions it is better I think. Then give her the answers.

Oh and I don't put an "age" on it. When they ask, it is the right "age" for them.

 

[snoopy]

DH gave DS the talk when he was 8. The other one is 6, almost 7, and is already asking question so the talk is not far off for him either.

We've always been open books as well, although DH is a more serious person by nature and probably better equipped to handle the full blown-out "talk" than I am. Should the need ever arise, though, I've got my story straight.

 

[Cindyluwho]

Children's Hospital here in Seattle teaches a class for 11-12 yo girls and their mothers. It's two classes spaced a week apart. We haven't been yet but have heard great things and they cover everything with a sense of humor and an easy spirit.

 

[VSL]

I don't know if this is the exception (or because I'm in the UK!) but I'd pretty much picked everything up from school friends with older siblings by the time I was 6/7yrs old. I never had 'the conversation' with my mother (although I did go ahead and ask her abut it when I was about 11/12yrs old - just to see her reaction more than anything!).

Our school didn't touch on 'sex education' until we were about 14yrs old - and even then nothing much was said apart from talking about sperm and the like. Luckily, we had one really good RE teacher who, after she had done the syllabus, spent a lot of time talking about sex, STD's, pregnancy and social issues (including adoption, non-nuclear families, etc.) with us.

In Primary school they told us about how little girls and boys become little men and women, but when I (yes, me being the outspoken one!) asked how people make babies (I already knew but wanted to see what they said!) they very quickly shied away from the question (it was then that I went home and asked my mother - see above!).

I also knew about a lot more than that at a young age too... I think it was the fact that so many friends had older siblings though.

 

[mainewmn]

We had the birds and the bees talk with both boys once they turned 10. Since that time we try very hard to "remind" them of our talks at least once a year.

 

[goofy4tink]

When dd was about 8 or 9, she crawled into bed with my one cold Sat morning. She said to me..."You know Mom..I know all about periods and how babies are born and all that stuff. But exactly how do those babies get in there?" She watches A Baby Story' religiously, so knows more about childbirth than a lot of women I know. Soooo, I took a deep breath and explained it all to her. She was a bit shocked and grossed out, but thanked me and off she went to get dressed. Well!! It seems that while I was in the shower, she went off to talk with her dad about what she had just learned. She says to him "Hey Dad, did you know....." and off to the races she went. She finished her summation with "THat's just disgusting!!" My poor dh. I don't think he's gotten over it to this day, and that was almost 4 years ago!!!

The really funny thing was in '03, while at WDW on a mother/daughter trip. My dd wasn't feeling well at all, so we were just hanging out at the resort and reading and resting. She was reading some preteen magazine when she turned to me and said.."Mom, how many meanings are there for the work gay?" When I asked her why she asked her response was..."Well, I don't think they're talking about being happy in this article...I think it has something to do with sex!!!" So, there we sat, at AllStarMusic....talking about the differences in being 'straight' or 'gay'. OMG...what a trip that was. Yes, I have a very well-informed dd at almost 12!!!

 

[cl1067]

Just wanted to clarify. Its not as if she knows nothing. I have answered her questions as she has asked them and she does know that it takes an egg and a sperm to make a baby, but as far as I know she doesn't know exactly how they get to the same spot.

The funny thing is, I assumed that having a third child would bring up all these questions, but it wasn't that at all. She had to memorize the commandments for Sunday School and when she got to shall not commit adultry and didn't understand it, well it's a little hard to explain without knowing what the whole act is!

Thanks for the advice. I kind of already knew it was time, but she seems so young to me...I guess its just the mom in me having a little bit of denial.

 

[va32h]

My oldest is 9, and I don't think she knows "everything" yet, but I have always answered whatever questions she has asked.

But I don't volunteer information that she hasn't asked about. When I was pregnant with ds (dd was 4), she wanted to know where the baby was - so I explained that the baby wasn't really in my tummy, but in a special place called a uterus and blah blah blah. This arose from her concern that the baby was having to sit in a pile of my undigested food!

She asked how it would get out, and I said I would go to the hospital and the doctors would help the baby come out.

It wasn't until I was pregant with my youngest dd that she asked exactly how it would come out, and how it got there in the first place. She was seven then, and when I told her where the baby came out, she was horrified, and decided she'd just be an aunt, and let her brother's wife have the babies.

So far she understands that egg and sperm meet when moms and dads have s**, which she knows involves kissing and being naked. But we haven't discussed techniques or anything!

I try to figure out what she really wants to know, and focus on that. With menstruation, her big concern was "would it hurt", not really the process of shedding uterine lining, KWIM?

 

[Tigger&Belle]

We'd always talked about things in an age appropriate manner. My older kids knew where babies came from because they were 3 and 6 when my 3rd child was born and then the older 3 were 6, 9, and 12 when my youngest was born. We'd talked about body parts, etc. BUT, they didn't get "the talk" until 5th grade just before having family life education. When I explained to my DD exactly how the egg and the sperm met up, the look on her face was priceless.

When my second child was in 5th grade my DH was supposed to have "the talk" with him. My DH had a business trip at WDW and my toddler son and I went with him. That was the week of family life ed at his school. So there we were at WDW and it occured to me that my DH probably forgot to have "the talk" with him. I was mortified. Looking back I got a good laugh out of it, but how would it sound that we were too busy making plans to go to WDW to explain the birds and the bees to him. He's the type to ask any questions at the dinner table (even with guests there LOL) so it really wasn't a big deal.

I did make sure my DH remembered to talk with our third child, but I should have just talked with him instead since my DH is not one to do much talking. And this is the son I will have to watch--he appears to be a very good kid, but will have us all bamboozled.

Our youngest is almost 6yo and asks questions, which I answer. He'll probably have "the talk" with me since he's such a kinow-it-all.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

tell her now. PLEASE don't make her find out (incorrectly) from her friends.

 

[barkley]

Same here. I've been talking about it since she was very little and in age appropriate language and concepts. What is good about that approach for us is that it seems natural and easy to talk about, not so taboo or embarassing for either party.

Now that she's 9, she knows the entire process. They actually have it in health class this year (4th) grade and she keeps complaining about having to go to this class since she already know what they are talking about.

If you are wondering if she is old enough, seems to me that she's old enough. BTW, there is a great book by American Girl called "The Care and Feeding of Me" which DD loves. It talks about all sorts of things including sex, adolescent changes to your body and emotions, nutrition, etc. I highly recommend it.

they also have a book "the care and feeding of you-a body book for girls". my dd knew pretty much the entire picture by the time she was 9. i did tell her about menstruation earlier cuz i had a cousin who started her cycle in 3rd grade (and my dd is a drama queen who would be screaming ala "carrie" "i'm bleeding to death" ). we discussed things as she asked about them. the book is good because she can read about a topic and then discuss it with me more if she wants to (or dd much to his "delight" ). ds....well he is immature for his age (8) so i think it will be a few more years .

i think it's very improtant for a girl to be in the know well in advance of starting her menstural cycle-i encountered too many tween pregnancies (10, 11 year olds ) whose mom's responce was "she has'nt had her first period yet, i did'nt think she could get pregnant!"-yup, your first period shows that the egg was not successful in fertilizing so if you are sexualy active and the timing is right (or in my opinion wrong)...

 

[WDWMom]

Well... my DD is 14 and doesn't want to know about sex. I have tried many times and as a person who has a degree in Health Education, I have the least informed teenager in America. She hasn't asked any questions since she was 5 and I answered her ver matter of fact. I actually pinned her down the other night. I sat on her belly and pinned her hands down so she wouldn't cover her ears. Not sure what to do. She needs to know to protect herself, but I feel I can only do so much. We had the period/your body changing talk when she was 10 and that was not a problem. Hasn't even started her period. She isn't allowed to date so maybe she thinks she doesn't need to know these things. I have always been open and honest with her, but she just doesn't want to know.

 

[Parkhopper]

We have been having a series of little talks with DS11 since he was old enough to understand. We always use the proper name for body parts and always have. He never understood friends who had weird names for their male apendages - LOL!

I had the "whole kaboodle" talk with him the summer before his 4th grade year. We chose summer because DS is the type who would go into school the next day and say, "You guys aren't going to BELIEVE what my parents told me last night..." By having that talk in the summer, some of the novelty had worn off by the time he went back to school.

I TRIED to get away with generalities, only telling him as much as he wanted to know. He knew about sperm and eggs and I told him that the Mom and the Dad come together like pieces of a puzzle to make the baby. When I asked if he had any questions, he said, "I don't get the puzzle part, could you be more specific." Can you say BUSTED?!? After explaining everything in plenty of detail, he was grossed out.

I like having several little talks instead of one big talk as DS seems more willing to come and ask questions. We would rather him get correct information from us, than a bunch of lies or half-truths from his friends.

Suzi

 

[Marseeya]

I TRIED to get away with generalities, only telling him as much as he wanted to know. He knew about sperm and eggs and I told him that the Mom and the Dad come together like pieces of a puzzle to make the baby. When I asked if he had any questions, he said, "I don't get the puzzle part, could you be more specific." Can you say BUSTED?!? After explaining everything in plenty of detail, he was grossed out.

My DD was plenty grossed out too.