? for only children or parents of only children

[padams]

I am a 39yo "only". I also have no cousins so that in the next 10 years, I will have no family other than DH and DSs.

I never wished for siblings as a child. However, as I deal with my aging parents, I would love to have some siblings to assist me. DH tries to reassure me by saying that he will help with my parents but it is not the same as having a sibling. No one else is truly responsible for my parents except me.

For parents of "onlies", please have a will, powers of attorney, living wills, your financial affairs, etc. in order. Your child will have to deal with your final days all by himself/herself.

 

[mom2boys]

Not an only or parent of an only but I did date an only in college. His parents were older & both had health problems. He ended up having to forgo his final semester of college to take care of his parents.
He often said he felt a huge responsibiltiy & would have liked a sibiling or two to help take care of them. (Don't take this wrong - he never seemed resentful - just wished he had someone else to shoulder some of the responsibility.)

 

[Soccer Princess]

I'm an only child and I think it has its pros and cons. I was spoiled when I was younger (trips, presents, shopping..) so I never really minded it. As I have gotten older (okay so I'm 18) it does bother me more. Like others have said, the holidays aren't very fun and it would be nice to have someone there during the hard family times. I only have one cousin (15) so even when you get the "whole" family together, there is still only like 7 of us. I know when I have kids I definately want more one!

 

[grinningghost]

I am an only child who has an only child, so I feel VERY qualified to respond.

When I was little I wished for siblings, but as I got older, I thought about it less and less, and now, I'm glad things are the way they are. I'm kind of an independent person who enjoys solitude, so it works out well for me.

DD has wished for siblings (actually she does have a 1/2 brother who lives on his own, so he doesn't really count) in the past, but not lately. She's almost 15 and is very active with music, volunteering and her friends. Not much time to dwell on her "onliness". In fact, I find she is alot more like me than she cares to admit. When she does find herself alone, she seems to enjoy it. To the point where she will sometimes not take phone calls from her friends, just because she needs a break.

There's alot to be said for being an only child. Unfortunately, we are too-often stereotyped as spoiled. Trust me - I was the most UNspoiled kid on my block - my dad was the toughest dad in the neighborhood, and everybody knew it. My own DD never had the chance to be too spoiled, because we never had lots of money to spoil her with. Case closed.

 

[mrsv98]

Thanks for starting this thread! DD - almost 4yo - is and will remain an only (at least that's the plan! ) My pregnancy was very difficult and it has taken all this time to rehab my back and I still have to be careful. I have a very close relationship with my younger sister and wish my DD had a sib but it isn't in the cards. I worry about her being by herself as we get older, but she does have 11 cousins ranging in age from 9 to 21 so she will have contemporaries to help. Plus, since she is 5 years younger, she is spoiled rotten by her family and loves every min of it!

It is good to read for the most part, "onlies" were and are pretty happy. I just remind myself that just having a sibling doesn't mean she would have a close relationship.

 

[Robinrs]

My 11yo son is an only child and the BEST line I ever heard was when he was 3, "I want a baby brother and I want him to be a GIRL!"

LOL!

I cannot have anymore children and I wish I could give hm his little female "brother". In the meantime I can tell that if he had one he'd hate to be dethrowned!

 

[Margie J]

For parents of "onlies", please have a will, powers of attorney, living wills, your financial affairs, etc. in order. Your child will have to deal with your final days all by himself/herself.

This is so true. Thank you for pointing this out. It's exactly the situation I am dealing with now .... my Mom NOT having a valid will and the legal problems it can lead to. Parents, do not assume that your only child will automatically have access to your Estate. Upon my Mom's death I had to be legally named Administratrix of her Estate, a process that took lots of paperwork and months of waiting. While I was waiting I had NO access to any of her accounts and had bills to pay for her. I had to call around and explain the situation. Some Companies were nice and patient while one started collection proceedings (on a minor bill too).

Luckily I found most of her important papers but it would have been better if they were organized.

Also, when my Dad died I was 14. My Mom had been urged to write a will, especially to name a Guardian if anything had happened to her before my 18th birthday. I don't think she ever did this. We were just lucky that nothing happened. A child or children left without a Guardian can create a major legal problem.

 

[Melora]

I HATED being an only child but then I never got along wi my mom too well. I always wished ther was someone I could have talked to about how bad I felt sometimes.

When I grew up I located my birth parents and discovered I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters, only one that I stay in close contact with but its wonderful to be able to say "I have a sister!"

 

[Disneyland_emily]

Right now my son (9) is an only and he hates it- and every few days I get asked the ever present question "when can I have a brother" The answer is always as soon as God wants you to have one- We keep trying and failing and the adoption thing isnt working out either... It gets frustrating...


2 of my best friends are onlies and it alot more interesting to travel with them (overprotective parents much)

-em

 

[Planogirl]

My son is an only and he sometimes asked for a brother and sometimes he says he's glad he's an only child. It depends on which cousins he's been around. He's close to a few and loves hanging out with them and then he wants a brother. Another few are rather bratty and he always tells me that he's glad he's an only child after he's been around them.

I think he's OK with being an only but he sometimes wonders.

 

[robsmom]

I have a soon to be 5 only DS and I worry alot about whether I am making the right decision. It is really get to hear so many perspetives.

 

[mcnuss]

For parents of "onlies", please have a will, powers of attorney, living wills, your financial affairs, etc. in order. Your child will have to deal with your final days all by himself/herself.

This is superb advice no matter how many children you have. The last thing you want is kids squabbling over your possessions, or having disagreements about your care in a hospital corridor!

I am a one & done parent by choice. There were many times that I felt that I should have another but for me one is enough. We try to make a good community of friends and family for her, and she has not asked about a sibling in a long time (she is 9). Lots of people ask me why we only had one, and I tell them we stopped having sex after she was born. That shuts people right up! (Sorry if I offended anyone out there.)

 

[floridaminnie]

DD wants brothers and sisters (in the plurality). She now makes them up. She's also looking for a husband for mommy so she can have real brothers and sisters. She's a proactive 4 year old.

 

[joshsmom]

DS8 wants a sibling SO badly--he always has wanted a sibling. And, with his medical issues, I really wish he had one. Unfortunately, we haven't found an appropriate daddy so that he can have siblings. I would love to have more children, but it's just not possible for me without a husband to support me emotinally. My standards are so high! After all, the man has to be a Disney Fanatic!!!

 

[Megan's Mom]

I always wanted siblings. I would pick them out of the Sear catalog at Christmas for Santa to bring. I guess I never was very good because santa never brought me one. I always wanted an older brother though. Didn't understand the concept of birth order I guess. I hated always being blamed for everything that happened. SOmetimes I did do it but sometimes it was my dad. I did have more privileges and we traveled a lot which we probably wouldn't have done if there had been more. I read and learned to play by myself better than I think kids do now. There were several of my close friends in school that were onlies as well so we kind of stuck together.

 

[grinningghost]

For everyone who feels a tinge of guilt about having an only child, just let me say this - DON'T! I've been reading all the posts with great interest and I just need to assure all of you that being an only child has LOTS of benefits. Alot of people can't handle being alone, because they perceive it as being "lonely". I think only children learn how to be alone and savor it, rather than feel lonely. I can remember as a kid, I had a much better grasp on the fun of make-believe than my friends with siblings. I often had to invent games and therefore became very creative. All these things spilled over into adulthood, and I'm so thankful for it.

So if you have an only child, and they beg for a sibling, remember, they won't perish without one, and someday, they might just be grateful to you - it may not happen as soon as you'd like, but it probably will happen eventually.

 

[Mr.BsMom]

Originally posted by grinningghost
I am an only child who has an only child, so I feel VERY qualified to respond.

When I was little I wished for siblings, but as I got older, I thought about it less and less, and now, I'm glad things are the way they are. I'm kind of an independent person who enjoys solitude, so it works out well for me.

There's alot to be said for being an only child. Unfortunately, we are too-often stereotyped as spoiled.

grinningghost...
This sounds just like me! I wished for siblings when I was a child, but now that I'm old enough to realize and appreciate all that I had growing up... I'm glad I was/am an only! I enjoy spending time alone, and I'm very independent. I don't really think I was spoiled at all... I had and did many things growing up, but my parents were very careful to not go overboard with anything. (Not that they could have afforded it anyway...)

I am a little envious of the relationship DH has with his brother (they're twins - and very close), because I don't have that sort of relationship with anyone. But at the same time, my parents each had 2 siblings and were not always close to them... You can't guarantee a close relationship just because they exist!

It's a tough choice/decision... and sometimes it's out of your hands! We wanted to have more than one child, but it's just not going to happen for us... DS5 doesn't seem to be concerned with it in the least and really - for us - it's probably better that he stays an only! We have more time together and we can provide him with more than we might be able to otherwise.

 

[skuttle]

I'm an only child. When I was younger, it didn't bother me much. My best friend was also an only so we were always together and still are...she was maid of honor at my wedding. When I got older I started to realize I wish I had a brother or sister to share things with...like my wedding, the birth of my DS, etc. I have three cousins that are sisters and seeing them interact during the planning of their weddings and seeing how close their kids are really makes me wish I wasn't an only. I have vowed not to have an only child...I'd like at least two or three.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

Just asked DH who is an only child, he said no, he didnt care if he didnt have siblings. But guess what, I care. Now I see how its affecting our lives. Also my sister died, so now I am an only child. Worse my kids have no cousins, aunts, uncles etc. We have a few close friends whom they call uncle and they have 2nd and 3rd cousins but are not close. I always feel a little tinge of sadness when I hear people talk about relatives, in laws etc. Our circle is so small. We have 3 ds. I try not to spoil them and they know they are not. They always remind me of it, sigh, sigh. But I am glad for the blessing of them and I hope they have alot of opportunities for some big family reunions, at disney of course!!Also you as the only child have so much on your shoulders. My mom dropped dead, I inherited my 91 yo grandma, now dh dad died so we are working on all his property and problems now. Our family circle is just a little too small for my liking but I thank God for the kids as some of our friends cant even have any and adoption is going no where for them also right now. So count your blessings even if its only one child.

 

[mkcp91]

We have an only son who is 3. We don't intend to have any more children. I don't know that DS really understands about siblings - we have tried to make it clear that some children have brothers or sisters, but that he does not.

The topic doesn't come up very often - mostly it is someone outside the family who asks if he wants a brother or sister. Occasionally he says he would like a brother, but he also says he doesn't want a baby! He has a lot of friends in the neighborhood and in church and is especially close with another only child who is just a few months younger than him. He likes to pretend that his friends are his brothers, but is VERY glad to see them go home so he can have his house (and his Momma) to himself.

He has no interest in having a sister, but he has two cousins who are girls and he plays very well with them. We have taught him that "cousins are like sisters that live in a different house." He likes that idea very much.

I highly recommend the book You and Your Only Child : The Joys, Myths, and Challenges of Raising an Only Child by Patricia Nachman to anyone who is thinking about stopping after having one child. It is a great reference for parents who choose to have only one child, and also for parents who would like to have more than one child but are unable.

~Heather