For Gabrielle---On Your Second Heavenly Birthday

[6_Time_Momma]

Tomorrow, August 16th, will be the second anniversary ofOur angel baby Gabrielle being born alive in Heaven, but still here on Earth.

I still struggle with her loss, some days more than others. This Thursday, DH and I celebrated our 15th anniversary. Friday, our thoughts turned to Gabrielle, and these past few days have been hard.

So many things still haunt me. I still remember my husband's anguished words in the hospital room as he held her, "There's no rocker in here. I promised I would rock her."

I remember the moment I said they could go ahead and take her out of the room, knowing I would never be able to hold her again on Earth.

I remember thinking for two weeks that something just didn't seem right and now wondering if I could have saved her if I had said something to the doctor. I still feel guilt and fear maybe I could've done something.

Second only to the personal pain of losing her, is the pain I feel seeing my husband's grief. Seems we can talk to other people about her, but the moment we try to talk to each other, we break down. There is nothing like seeing your husband cry as though his heart has been ripped out.

This is my dedication to Gabrielle this year. Thanks for letting me share my grief.

For Gabrielle-On Your Second Heavenly Birthday

It’s your second Heavenly birthday today.
Still it seems like yesterday
That, the words that would crush my heart,
I heard the doctor say.

I think daily about you.
Questions fill my mind.
You would think my heart would hurt me less,
With the passing of the time.

Would you have your Daddy’s chin
Or have your sister’s nose?
Would your laugh be loud or soft
If I tickled on your toes?

Would your hair be black or brown
And would your eyes be blue?
Or, would people stop and say,
“Wow, she looks like you?”

Would you like baby dolls
And playing “mommy” just like me?
Would you love to sing some songs
And watch “Dora” on TV?

Would you be shy and quiet
Or friendly as can be?
Would you tell everyone how smart you are,
“I can count! 1-2-3!” ?

Do you know I’ll always love you
And I’ll hold you when I can?
Do you know how much my heart was crushed
When I held your tiny hand?

I know that you are happy
And you’re holding Jesus’ hand.
But, losing you was the hardest thing
And tough to understand.

But someday, I know, I’ll hold you again,
My questions will be no more.
So, Happy Birthday Baby Angel,
Let your spirit soar.


--Kristy Aleman
Copyright 2004

 

[liznboys]

That was beautiful. I am so sorry for your loss. I said a prayer for you and your dh...to help you heal.

 

[Boots]

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

 

[Robinrs]

Oh, Kristy:

HOW I know your pain and what a wonderful way to express it.

I still celebrate my Devin's birthday. He went to heaven in 1986. There is no limit to a Mother's love.

I remember a Mom who lost a child in 1961 told me that your baby's birthday will always be a GOOD day for you, forever! I totally agree with that, and try to make it so!

Celebrate what Gabrielle did for you and your life. You are not the same, you will never be the same, but you will never take life for granted ever again. Her life had a true purpose.

Have a wonderful birthday, Gabrielle! Smile down at Mommy and Daddy and KNOW that they love you!

God bless,

Robinrs

 

[Pooh93]

 

[Jeanny]

 

[JerseyJanice]

You need to count your blessings instead of dwelling on what happened to Gabrielle.

You have Olivia now, don't you?

Imagine what life is like for someone like me who miscarried twice (once at 14 weeks) and went through a blighted ovum in trying to conceive and carry a second child.

I never did get another baby. Since I'll be 42 in September, my wonderful son is very, very likely going to be an only child. Not what I hoped for him or myself.

Yet, I am grateful to have even him. Some women aren't even blessed to have one baby of their own.

 

[tidoublegger]

Originally posted by Robinrs
Celebrate what Gabrielle did for you and your life. You are not the same, you will never be the same, but you will never take life for granted ever again. Her life had a true purpose.

I couldn't have said it better! I think that the tribute you wrote is beautiful! Maybe you can plant a little tree or something in her memory if you haven't already done so.

 

[lulu71]

Originally posted by JerseyJanice
You need to count your blessings instead of dwelling on what happened to Gabrielle.

You have Olivia now, don't you?

Imagine what life is like for someone like me who miscarried twice (once at 14 weeks) and went through a blighted ovum in trying to conceive and carry a second child.

I never did get another baby. Since I'll be 42 in September, my wonderful son is very, very likely going to be an only child. Not what I hoped for him or myself.

Yet, I am grateful to have even him. Some women aren't even blessed to have one baby of their own.

I'm sure her pain is just as real as yours.

 

[Tigger&Tink]

What a beautiful poem......I too know to well how you feel..I miss my still born baby girl everyday,,,,BUT PLEASE PLEASE do not blame yourself,,I did that for years,,WHAT IF?? COULD I HAVE??? WHAT MORE COULD I HAVE DONE....It never gets "easier" but it does get better...I came to believe that God needed my little girl more then me at the time,,,he has since gone on to BLESS me with the most WONDERFUL young man in the world--our son Charlie...and I know I will see my baby girl some day...You have your little angel watching over you and your family everyday...

God Bless You and your family.


Tink

 

[skuttle]

A beautiful tribute, Kristy.

 

[Kitty 34]

{{{{HUGS}}}} to you Krista.


How far along were you when you lost Gabrielle? My son's coach's wife lost her baby as she delivered full term. I will be seeing her for the first time in a couple of weeks and can't imagine what to say or how to treat her knowing what you've gone thru with Gabrielle.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Thanks for sharing your grief, in celebration, we grieve and celebrate with you, Kristy.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

that was beautiful...

 

[auntpolly]

Kristy I'm praying for you -- I know that it is your faith that gets you through this - and knowing you'll see your daughter again one day!

 

[4greatboys]

What a beautiful tribute Kristy!

 

[huey duey & luey]

Kristy,
I am so sorry for your loss. I know that Gabrielle is your own special guardian angel. I hope that in time the pain fades, though I can not imagine suffering through an anguish like that. Hugs to you on a tough day. Your tribute was beautiful
Tara

 

[JerseyJanice]

So sorry to offended anybody!

I was only trying to tell Kristy to count her blessings instead of her loss.

I genuinely believe it would be healthier for her to be writing poetry for Olivia, who was born healthy and happy last November.

Obviously, Kristy's pain over losing Gabrielle is great, and believe me, I feel her pain. I've been in her shoes (as I pointed out and seem to have upset some by doing so).

But after two years, I think it's time to focus on what she does have (6 children) instead of dwelling on what she lost.

 

[4greatboys]

Well I dont want to turn Kristy's thread in to something other than a beautiful tribute to her lost dd.

As a mom who has lost 2 sweet babies I understand her wanting to pay special tribute to her. I celebrate the lives of my living children everyday and Im sure she does to. But you also like to have special things, poems, memorials, ect for the child (children) that are not with you. Just as you celebrate a birthday for the kid (s) that are with you, the ones that are not also need recognition.
Im so very happy I have my 4 boys and love them more than anything but I still still grieve for my 2 lost babies (one loss has been 20 years, the other 5). I still long for each of those babies and quite honestly I always will.

 

[janette]

A beautiful tribute Kristy, I'm sure your angel will be smiling.