Rajah
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Aug 17, 1999
- Messages
- 9,633
Yeah, I've skipped a few days. But for the most part, in this case, "no news is good news".
I think the last update I posted was last Wed or maybe even Tues, so I'll just summarize the past week or so.
Last week was my first week back at work since my dad died, and as expected, it was hard. I tried to put in a full week, but didn't quite make it. Mon and Tues I did okay and actually was honestly more productive than I'd been before Christmas. Wed it hit, though, and I couldn't make the day. Ended up going home 2 hours early, completely using up the 1.5 hours I'd put in that weekend, and the 30 minutes I'd worked up extra on Tuesday. So by the time we had our appointment with the CFP on Thursday, I had no extra time worked up.
But, I had talked to someone "with influence" to get me permission to use personal business if I needed to instead of sick time or time away to take care of the CFP appointment. Considering DH and I are the only two who can really take care of most of the stuff my mom needs, I *need* to be there when she goes to some of these appointments. I'll update more on her at the end, though.
The CFP went fairly well, though we didn't really have enough info to give her so that we really got a good picture of where to go next. Just some basic general info and a "test" to see if my mom and she got along. My mom's going to have to have the CFP help her with the taxes this year and possibly for the next few years. But at least the CFPs exist and *can* help. I never realized just how much they cost, though. Everyone says they're worth the cost, and with my mom it's a *necessary* cost, so we'll pay it. (We being either DH and me until the insurance and pension come through, or my mom if the next meetings aren't until after that's come through)
I ended up going home early on Thursday, too. Kept feeling I was coming down with a cold. The usual. Cough, stuffy, achy, exhausted, dizzy, ear ache, and so on.
Luckily, my manager thus far has been supportive about my needing to go home early last week. Hopefully, he will be this week as well if I need it. I'm making a huge effort to push through and stay here as much time as possible, so that if I'm not to the point that I really *need* to go home and lie down, I'm staying here. It does help, though, that my cube-mate typically leaves in the early afternoon, so I can "let down my guard" so to speak for the latter part of the day.
Friday was a bit better, made it through the full day, but didn't have the strength or energy or willpower to stay beyond a full day's work, so I did end up having to take some personal business time last week. But I guess making 37.5 hours instead of a full 40 on my first week back isn't too bad. The last thing I did before I left on Friday was go through the boxes of my dad's things that my manager (by my request) had brought up to my desk. I grabbed a few things out of there that I wanted to keep here at my desk, and took the rest to my mom this weekend.
Saturday I pretty much slept all day. Still didn't feel too well, so when I was awake I was either eating (typically soup or sandwiches) or playing PS2 games. I've found 2 games that I rented and now want to buy, if they weren't so expensive. Sphinx and the Cursed Mummy has been a *great* 3D platform RPG game, and I've become rather attached to Tak and the Power of JuJu. Tak is a rather creative game (or I think so, anyway) and has made me laugh *many* times, and is just challenging enough to engage the brain cells, but not so challenging as to be frustrating. That's perfect for me. I don't know which one I'm going to return to Blockbuster and which one I'm going to hang on to for another week.
Anyway, Sat evening we hurried over to my mom's house to help her with something on the computer that she didn't understand, and to try and fix her lights. Naturally, since my dad isn't there to help her, her back porch light went out, a bulb in one lamp went out, two bulbs in the hall and bathroom went out, and one circuit kept blowing/breaking/whatevertherighttermis. Most of those were easy for her to fix on her own once she got the bulbs, but the back porch light was a halogen light instead of a standard screw-in bulb, and my mom wasn't able to change that one. She and my DH tried fixing it a week ago with no luck, so I decided to try it while we were over. Our plan was that if we established that the bulb was good and seated properly in the light, we'd get one of my best friends who was confident in his electronics abilities to come help us test the circuit. Well, whatever DH and my mom tried that didn't work was apparently fixed when we got there, because I was able to put the bulb back in and test it again and it works now.
Sat evening was spent frantically trying to get my homework done since it was due by midnight last night. I'd been trying to work on it all week, but just couldn't get my brain to focus on the question or reading, let alone the quiz or homework. Thanks to DH's help and the help of an online friend who kept my mind active via AIM chatting while I worked, I was able to get most of the homework finished before calling it a night Sat night.
Sunday was hard, though. First had to go to my mom's and pick her up so we could go meet a lady who works at the funeral home and pick up the death certificates and my dad's ashes. (His request was to be cremated and buried in Colorado, so that's what we're doing). The funeral home we ended up working with was about an hour from our house, but it turns out one of the ladies who works there lives about 10 or 15 minutes from my house, and she agreed to meet us at a Sam's Club (one of those bulk stores) nearby since we both had to go there anyway.
Needless to say, that was a bit hard, but moreso on my mom than on me.
Did a little shopping, got lunch at IHOP, then back to mom's to do some paperwork that needed to be filled out. Took off for a bit to get my car washed and take DH home so he could prepare for the class he teaches tonight, then I returned to get my mom so we could run a few more errands.
The stress of the days/weeks had built up on her, though, so it took a little talking before she was up to going out. And I'm ashamed to admit I wasn't very patient with her.
I don't know what got into me, but rather than wanting to hug her and make her feel better, I just wanted to slap her and tell her to get ahold of herself and stop saying she can't do anything. I'd like to ask that those of you who are still keeping us in your prayers (and are still with me on this summary) please pray for more patience for me. That's been my biggest failing so far in all of this. Especially longer-term patience.
Anyway, got her settled down and we ran out for a few errands. Came back by Walgreens to get her prescription and discovered that even though the Walgreens *store* may be open until 8pm on Sundays, the *pharmacy* at that particular Walgreens closed at 6.
If we'd known that, we would have changed our route a little bit. *sigh*
Back to mom's yet again where I tried to show her how to use the online banking systems to find her balance and transactions that have processed and stuff. That took longer than I'd wanted it to, so I ran out of there in a hurry so I could make it to my house with enough time to read the assigned chapter in the class book that had just arrived at the bookstore on Saturday (I'd been trying to focus on the outline summary the prof posted), take the quiz before it timed out at midnight, finish my homework assignment and upload it before the due-date of midnight.
I was up until 11:30 finishing that (yep, cutting it pretty close), but I was able to get everything finished. And for the first time all week, I was able to understand what I was reading or supposed to write for the class. Had the due date been Friday instead of Sunday, I wouldn't have been able to complete the first assignment. I don't know what happened last night, but everything was clear and straightforward instead of being confusing and impossible for me to understand. Whatever caused that clarity, thank you.
Finished up the weekend by playing some more of Tak and the Power of JuJu as a way to unwind, then went to bed.
I'm not sure how my sleep's been lately, but I do know my dreams have had my dad in them every night, and I really miss him.
As for my mom. She's been at her house for a week now, and is still having difficulties accepting anything. She's essentially having a nervous breakdown, even with the medication (understandably, though). Thankfully, her next door neighbor (who has always been good to them, though not the best of friends) has been helping to take care of her, and even had her over for breakfast Saturday morning, which was really sweet. Several family members have been talking to her daily, and that has been a big help, even though they're all long-distance. Her aunt has finally convinced her that yes she *does* need to let more people than her doctors know that it was suicide. She's not going to ever accept it or be able to put it behind her if she keeps trying to hide or deny the cause. I think that's good for her that she's finally admitting to some friends who had just known he "died suddenly" what really happened.
A lot of other friends of hers, including several who have been really supportive that she just thought were "casual acquaintances", have been great as well. Most of the ladies who have been calling her are widowed as well, and have been a big help in encouraging her that she *can* go on. And one friend and near-neighbor in particular has been super-supportive and an angel in disguise. So she does have a pretty good friend and family support building to help hold her up, too.
Her biggest problem right now, understandably, is feeling lonely. She's wanting to be on the phone all the time to have someone to talk to. Again, I'm trying to be patient and understanding with her, but at the same time trying to take time for myself and get my own life back to some sense of normalcy, too.
Next to that, is her fear of the future. She keeps panicking about what's going to come. DH and I are confident that things will settle down okay for her, even though we also know it'll take a couple of months. We're both trying to be patient with her, but we're both wearing thin at some times. Her biggest issue right now is her lack of self confidence. She doesn't think she'll be able to do anything to support herself for the future, and is sure she's going to have to live on just my dad's one pension until she qualifies for social security and some other benefits that will come in 3 years from now. DH and I are both sure she'll be able to find *something* to supplement that pension and bring her up to what she considers a reasonable standard of life. We also both think that she'll be doing pretty well once all the debts are paid off, and that the pension will be able to stretch a *lot* further without having to pay debt bills all the time. We also have several ideas for things she can do and *good* directions she can take in the future, but right now she's not up to starting on them. Understandably.
I'm back at work again this morning, and it's getting harder and harder to come in to work right now. Once I get here, I'm not too bad (at least not at the moment), but getting up the will power to get out of bed and come to work is proving difficult. I wish I could afford to take another week or two to get things back in order for myself, but I know that if I did that, at the end of that week or two I'd want another week or two, then another, then another.
As for my cold. It almost went away yesterday, but is back today. Not as bad as last week though, yet anyway.
Thanks to anyone who is still with me by this point.
I think the last update I posted was last Wed or maybe even Tues, so I'll just summarize the past week or so.
Last week was my first week back at work since my dad died, and as expected, it was hard. I tried to put in a full week, but didn't quite make it. Mon and Tues I did okay and actually was honestly more productive than I'd been before Christmas. Wed it hit, though, and I couldn't make the day. Ended up going home 2 hours early, completely using up the 1.5 hours I'd put in that weekend, and the 30 minutes I'd worked up extra on Tuesday. So by the time we had our appointment with the CFP on Thursday, I had no extra time worked up.
But, I had talked to someone "with influence" to get me permission to use personal business if I needed to instead of sick time or time away to take care of the CFP appointment. Considering DH and I are the only two who can really take care of most of the stuff my mom needs, I *need* to be there when she goes to some of these appointments. I'll update more on her at the end, though.
The CFP went fairly well, though we didn't really have enough info to give her so that we really got a good picture of where to go next. Just some basic general info and a "test" to see if my mom and she got along. My mom's going to have to have the CFP help her with the taxes this year and possibly for the next few years. But at least the CFPs exist and *can* help. I never realized just how much they cost, though. Everyone says they're worth the cost, and with my mom it's a *necessary* cost, so we'll pay it. (We being either DH and me until the insurance and pension come through, or my mom if the next meetings aren't until after that's come through)
I ended up going home early on Thursday, too. Kept feeling I was coming down with a cold. The usual. Cough, stuffy, achy, exhausted, dizzy, ear ache, and so on.
Luckily, my manager thus far has been supportive about my needing to go home early last week. Hopefully, he will be this week as well if I need it. I'm making a huge effort to push through and stay here as much time as possible, so that if I'm not to the point that I really *need* to go home and lie down, I'm staying here. It does help, though, that my cube-mate typically leaves in the early afternoon, so I can "let down my guard" so to speak for the latter part of the day.
Friday was a bit better, made it through the full day, but didn't have the strength or energy or willpower to stay beyond a full day's work, so I did end up having to take some personal business time last week. But I guess making 37.5 hours instead of a full 40 on my first week back isn't too bad. The last thing I did before I left on Friday was go through the boxes of my dad's things that my manager (by my request) had brought up to my desk. I grabbed a few things out of there that I wanted to keep here at my desk, and took the rest to my mom this weekend.
Saturday I pretty much slept all day. Still didn't feel too well, so when I was awake I was either eating (typically soup or sandwiches) or playing PS2 games. I've found 2 games that I rented and now want to buy, if they weren't so expensive. Sphinx and the Cursed Mummy has been a *great* 3D platform RPG game, and I've become rather attached to Tak and the Power of JuJu. Tak is a rather creative game (or I think so, anyway) and has made me laugh *many* times, and is just challenging enough to engage the brain cells, but not so challenging as to be frustrating. That's perfect for me. I don't know which one I'm going to return to Blockbuster and which one I'm going to hang on to for another week.
Anyway, Sat evening we hurried over to my mom's house to help her with something on the computer that she didn't understand, and to try and fix her lights. Naturally, since my dad isn't there to help her, her back porch light went out, a bulb in one lamp went out, two bulbs in the hall and bathroom went out, and one circuit kept blowing/breaking/whatevertherighttermis. Most of those were easy for her to fix on her own once she got the bulbs, but the back porch light was a halogen light instead of a standard screw-in bulb, and my mom wasn't able to change that one. She and my DH tried fixing it a week ago with no luck, so I decided to try it while we were over. Our plan was that if we established that the bulb was good and seated properly in the light, we'd get one of my best friends who was confident in his electronics abilities to come help us test the circuit. Well, whatever DH and my mom tried that didn't work was apparently fixed when we got there, because I was able to put the bulb back in and test it again and it works now.
Sat evening was spent frantically trying to get my homework done since it was due by midnight last night. I'd been trying to work on it all week, but just couldn't get my brain to focus on the question or reading, let alone the quiz or homework. Thanks to DH's help and the help of an online friend who kept my mind active via AIM chatting while I worked, I was able to get most of the homework finished before calling it a night Sat night.
Sunday was hard, though. First had to go to my mom's and pick her up so we could go meet a lady who works at the funeral home and pick up the death certificates and my dad's ashes. (His request was to be cremated and buried in Colorado, so that's what we're doing). The funeral home we ended up working with was about an hour from our house, but it turns out one of the ladies who works there lives about 10 or 15 minutes from my house, and she agreed to meet us at a Sam's Club (one of those bulk stores) nearby since we both had to go there anyway.
Needless to say, that was a bit hard, but moreso on my mom than on me.
Did a little shopping, got lunch at IHOP, then back to mom's to do some paperwork that needed to be filled out. Took off for a bit to get my car washed and take DH home so he could prepare for the class he teaches tonight, then I returned to get my mom so we could run a few more errands.
The stress of the days/weeks had built up on her, though, so it took a little talking before she was up to going out. And I'm ashamed to admit I wasn't very patient with her.
I don't know what got into me, but rather than wanting to hug her and make her feel better, I just wanted to slap her and tell her to get ahold of herself and stop saying she can't do anything. I'd like to ask that those of you who are still keeping us in your prayers (and are still with me on this summary) please pray for more patience for me. That's been my biggest failing so far in all of this. Especially longer-term patience.Anyway, got her settled down and we ran out for a few errands. Came back by Walgreens to get her prescription and discovered that even though the Walgreens *store* may be open until 8pm on Sundays, the *pharmacy* at that particular Walgreens closed at 6.
If we'd known that, we would have changed our route a little bit. *sigh*Back to mom's yet again where I tried to show her how to use the online banking systems to find her balance and transactions that have processed and stuff. That took longer than I'd wanted it to, so I ran out of there in a hurry so I could make it to my house with enough time to read the assigned chapter in the class book that had just arrived at the bookstore on Saturday (I'd been trying to focus on the outline summary the prof posted), take the quiz before it timed out at midnight, finish my homework assignment and upload it before the due-date of midnight.
I was up until 11:30 finishing that (yep, cutting it pretty close), but I was able to get everything finished. And for the first time all week, I was able to understand what I was reading or supposed to write for the class. Had the due date been Friday instead of Sunday, I wouldn't have been able to complete the first assignment. I don't know what happened last night, but everything was clear and straightforward instead of being confusing and impossible for me to understand. Whatever caused that clarity, thank you.
Finished up the weekend by playing some more of Tak and the Power of JuJu as a way to unwind, then went to bed.
I'm not sure how my sleep's been lately, but I do know my dreams have had my dad in them every night, and I really miss him.
As for my mom. She's been at her house for a week now, and is still having difficulties accepting anything. She's essentially having a nervous breakdown, even with the medication (understandably, though). Thankfully, her next door neighbor (who has always been good to them, though not the best of friends) has been helping to take care of her, and even had her over for breakfast Saturday morning, which was really sweet. Several family members have been talking to her daily, and that has been a big help, even though they're all long-distance. Her aunt has finally convinced her that yes she *does* need to let more people than her doctors know that it was suicide. She's not going to ever accept it or be able to put it behind her if she keeps trying to hide or deny the cause. I think that's good for her that she's finally admitting to some friends who had just known he "died suddenly" what really happened.
A lot of other friends of hers, including several who have been really supportive that she just thought were "casual acquaintances", have been great as well. Most of the ladies who have been calling her are widowed as well, and have been a big help in encouraging her that she *can* go on. And one friend and near-neighbor in particular has been super-supportive and an angel in disguise. So she does have a pretty good friend and family support building to help hold her up, too.
Her biggest problem right now, understandably, is feeling lonely. She's wanting to be on the phone all the time to have someone to talk to. Again, I'm trying to be patient and understanding with her, but at the same time trying to take time for myself and get my own life back to some sense of normalcy, too.
Next to that, is her fear of the future. She keeps panicking about what's going to come. DH and I are confident that things will settle down okay for her, even though we also know it'll take a couple of months. We're both trying to be patient with her, but we're both wearing thin at some times. Her biggest issue right now is her lack of self confidence. She doesn't think she'll be able to do anything to support herself for the future, and is sure she's going to have to live on just my dad's one pension until she qualifies for social security and some other benefits that will come in 3 years from now. DH and I are both sure she'll be able to find *something* to supplement that pension and bring her up to what she considers a reasonable standard of life. We also both think that she'll be doing pretty well once all the debts are paid off, and that the pension will be able to stretch a *lot* further without having to pay debt bills all the time. We also have several ideas for things she can do and *good* directions she can take in the future, but right now she's not up to starting on them. Understandably.
I'm back at work again this morning, and it's getting harder and harder to come in to work right now. Once I get here, I'm not too bad (at least not at the moment), but getting up the will power to get out of bed and come to work is proving difficult. I wish I could afford to take another week or two to get things back in order for myself, but I know that if I did that, at the end of that week or two I'd want another week or two, then another, then another.
As for my cold. It almost went away yesterday, but is back today. Not as bad as last week though, yet anyway.
Thanks to anyone who is still with me by this point.
