midori sweet
Earning My Ears
- Joined
- Nov 1, 2010
- Messages
- 26
Sounds like you tried to bend over backwards to try to make the boyfriend happy. I can see why you are a bit miffed, when he sulked in return.
However - just another take on it from someone who recently had a toddler - were you possibly reinforcing the sulking behavior somehow? Llike giving in to a child having a tantrum, that only teaches them that throwing a fit gets them what they want.
Hindsight is 20/20, but maybe it would have worked better if you addressed the sulking/not being considerate of the group's plans behavior in a more direct way. You could say in a respectful manner "This is how it works with our group. . . " and let him know he is always welcome to be in the group if he "takes turns choosing" and has a good attitude. However, if he doesn't choose to do that, he was free to tour on his own - certainly appropriate for a 22 year old.
It sounds like you were trying to be very accomodating, in the hopes that he would improve his attitude/consideration, but maybe it was actually having the opposite effect. If you let him make more than his share of the choices, then perhaps it does teach him that sulking works. If the group waited for him while he slept in, maybe that taught that his own wishes were going to be held more important than the group's plans.
In terms of him changing your agreement with the flooring, maybe that should have been more directly addressed prior to the trip as well. I do think you could have had a calm, respectful conversation saying "Now that we are going to work the flooring payment differently, we need to figure out how that affects our travel plans. I was basing our payments based on X, but now that you have changed it to Y, we need to re-calculate." If you don't come out and acknowledge that, it is hard to hold him accountable for the change, otherwise.
It does sound like you tried very hard to be nice to this young man, and I'm sorry you didn't have a more positive experience.
However - just another take on it from someone who recently had a toddler - were you possibly reinforcing the sulking behavior somehow? Llike giving in to a child having a tantrum, that only teaches them that throwing a fit gets them what they want.
Hindsight is 20/20, but maybe it would have worked better if you addressed the sulking/not being considerate of the group's plans behavior in a more direct way. You could say in a respectful manner "This is how it works with our group. . . " and let him know he is always welcome to be in the group if he "takes turns choosing" and has a good attitude. However, if he doesn't choose to do that, he was free to tour on his own - certainly appropriate for a 22 year old.
It sounds like you were trying to be very accomodating, in the hopes that he would improve his attitude/consideration, but maybe it was actually having the opposite effect. If you let him make more than his share of the choices, then perhaps it does teach him that sulking works. If the group waited for him while he slept in, maybe that taught that his own wishes were going to be held more important than the group's plans.
In terms of him changing your agreement with the flooring, maybe that should have been more directly addressed prior to the trip as well. I do think you could have had a calm, respectful conversation saying "Now that we are going to work the flooring payment differently, we need to figure out how that affects our travel plans. I was basing our payments based on X, but now that you have changed it to Y, we need to re-calculate." If you don't come out and acknowledge that, it is hard to hold him accountable for the change, otherwise.
It does sound like you tried very hard to be nice to this young man, and I'm sorry you didn't have a more positive experience.
