"First time we have ever agreed"... backhanded compliment?

[cardaway]

Am I the only one that cringes when I see people post that to anybody? I know comments like "first time we ever agreed" or "look, we finally agree on something" may sometimes be well intentioned, but doesn't it seem like a backhanded compliment no matter what?

To me it reads like... the majority of time you're wrong... but look, you got it right for once.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Yeah, I agree with you. And I'll have to say, I think it's the first time we've ever agreed!!!

 

[Zippa D Doodah]

Cardaway! This may be the first time we have ever agreed!

 

[NMAmy]

I don't know that I've ever SAID this but I certainly THINK it from time to time.

There are some people that I disagree with on so many issues that I'm a little surprised and pleased to find some common ground sometimes.

I don't really see it as a compliment, per se, but more as an acknowledgement that yes, oddly enough, we do have something we agree on. And I really don't see it as someone saying, "Well, you're wrong MOST of the time but now you finally see the light." Since we're on a message board, we don't really see the whole person and realize that people are really multi-faceted.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Seriously, though, I do agree with you and do think that it's a backhanded compliment, but came VERY close to using it a couple time (really) in the last 2 days. These 2 people have been that rude to me and I'll have to say they would deserve it, but I try to take the high road, and in these cases the people reading would not have known the history so on top of me not taking the high road it also would have looked like I was really a witch. Well, I would have been being a witch, I suppose. So I didn't do it for those two reasons. But there is no hard thinking it, right?

 

[poohandwendy]

Wow cardaway, this is the first time we have agreed on something...LOL (joking)

I know what you mean, it's almost like saying "I hesitate to agree and I probably should re-check my sources because you are usually wrong"

I think people usually think they are complimenting you...like "Wow...look, you are right this time, you have my stamp of approval"

i don't think people mean it in a bad way, but it is sort of an insult, nonetheless.

 

[In a hurry]

Entirely! Admitting I have thought it on occasion!

 

[auntpolly]

I don't know if I've ever said it but once when someone said it to me, I took it as a gesture of friendship, but what do I know. If they meant to insult me, I guess it didn't matter because it went over my head .

 

[cardaway]

Cardaway! This may be the first time we have ever agreed!

I bet you'll pray for me too.

 

[poohandwendy]

I don't think most poeple mean it as an insult, I just think it could be taken that way.

I never really thought about it until now though...

 

[Tigger&Belle]

It's funny, but it does work the other way, too. There are some people that I agree with on many topics and seem to really "click" with. When I disagree with them I'm surprised. Of course it's easier to joke to them about that since there's already a positive, albeit online, "relationship".

 

[Zippa D Doodah]

To expand on my earlier attempt at wit... Maybe I am just sort of slow, but I don't really take that as a cutting remark. Maybe if it is said by someone face-to-face IRL -when I can read their facial expressions. Basically here in the ol' DIS if we agree great; if not great. I don't recall if I've ever said that to anyone, but if I did I assure you I did not mean it as a back-handed compliment.

 

[C.Ann]

I think you're reading way too much into it..

 

[In a hurry]

I have to say that there are some people that I really want to like or find some sort of agreement, so I try my best to look for that. I guess that I don't like not liking someone, so I will look for common terms. There have only been a handful tha I've not ben able to connect with on any issue (that we discussed!).

 

[auntpolly]

The more I think about it, I don't think it's an insult at all. If I would say it, I'd be admitting that I could agree and have common ground with someone I'd never seen eye to eye with and I think that's probably harder for me, anyway to do. There are some people, no one here, of course, that I would rather lie about my position than admit we agreed!!!!

 

[yeartolate]

Usually it is with political posts - so it is not surprising.


I will admit to saying it and worse ..... I think my words were "oh my God, I actually agreed with **** "

 

[cardaway]

I have to say that there are some people that I really want to like or find some sort of agreement, so I try my best to look for that. I guess that I don't like not liking someone, so I will look for common terms. There have only been a handful tha I've not ben able to connect with on any issue (that we discussed!).

That's my take, trying to find something I agree on with some folks, but I never post "we finally agree" because of how I feel when I read it.

 

[lyeag]

Well, I know I have said it in the past and I did not mean it to be an insult. I always meant it to be more of a, "I am glad we found something in common", type of comment. Especially if it is someone who I have argued a lot with in the past.

 

[cardaway]

Well, I know I have said it in the past and I did not mean it to be an insult. I always meant it to be more of a, "I am glad we found something in common", type of comment. Especially if it is someone who I have argued a lot with in the past.

If those comments were always worded like that I don't think anybody would ever question it.

 

[Alice's Mom]

I know I said it once and I remember when, and who and I did not mean it in anyway rude, more like my goodness we do have common ground, yahoo! My post vanished though so I always wondered if saying "hey ___ we finally agree on something" was offensive somehow? It has been the only time I am aware of a post vanishing as I try to be as polite as possible.