First experience with an arm rest hog

[maxiesmom]

And boy, do I hope it is the last one! I'm wondering if you guys would have done anything differently, or what maybe I should have said to him.

Picture this: You go to get into your seat. You know you have the middle, as your adult nephew is in the window seat. You approach your row, to see a very unhappy looking older man in the aisle seat. He very grudgingly gets up to let you into your seats and you notice he is rather large sized. You also notice the arm rest is up. You sit in your seat, and when he sits next to you he oozes ( can't think of a better word, sorry) into your space. You quickly say Excuse Me and put the arm rest down. Unhappy man then retaliates by not only hogging the whole arm rest but has his elbow jammed into your side for the whole trip. The only thing you can think to do is to rest your arm on top of his. And you don't like to have skin on skin contact with strangers.

Part of me felt bad, because he was not small and couldn't do anything about his size. But good grief, he was on the aisle, it wasn't as if he was hemmed in. He had to have known he was taking some of my space. Should I have said something about the arm rest? I just sucked it up as it was only an hour long flight, but if it had been any longer I would have really been uncomfortable.

 

[wilkeliza]

I don't say anything about the arm rest. Sadly I never get to use mine in the middle seat and I'm always in the middle seat. I don't why people on the isle can't use the isle one but they never do. Not every plane has an arm rest built into the exit row seats up against the exit door so that leave the fiance with the other middle arm rest.

However, elbow in the side the whole flight and I would have called the flight attendant over. Even for an hour I'm not dealing with that. Of course I'm the "meany" who went off on a dad who let their 2 year old kick me on a 3 hour flight. It wasn't even the back of the seat he was kicking but actually sticking his leg under the arm rest and kicking me. I left bruised after dealing with it for an hour hoping the father would say something to the little boy after I told him, his son kicked me. Another 30 minutes of nothing and I couldn't take it any more.

 

[bumbershoot]

The only thing you can think to do is to rest your arm on top of his.

You put your arm on his? And you're complaining about an elbow in your side?

My arm-rest hog lives with me, it's my son. And I don't put my arm on his. I just talk to him to get him to share it every so often, and in the meantime I don't use the armrest on that side.

Or maybe that's just what you thought to do but didn't do it? Why not talk to him about his elbow? Why assume he was putting his elbow there on purpose? Where ELSE would he put his elbow?

Sitting in the aisle is NOT easypeasy when you're bigger. If you only knew how many times FAs slammed their carts into DH's shoulder you would slap assault charges on them. Some FAs are kind about it, speaking loudly enough that people can pull arms in. And some FAs just go on by, not talking, with their silent cart, and just smash into people. So a person cannot lean out into the aisle like some people think they can. Honestly, the window can be the best seat to sit in if you're bigger, because often the airplane curves out, and you have a little bit of extra space. Of course, it makes it harder if the window seat person has to use the facilities.


Using the word "oozing" when describing someone sitting down makes me cry. I'm guessing you have no one of size in your family, let alone have sat and talked to someone of size and how hard it is for them to be on a plane, to walk onto a plane and see all the eyes staring, hoping they don't end up sitting next to them, thinking the word "oozing" about how they'll sit.

Now that I've lost most of my excess weight I'm happy to sit next to people of size, because I know that I'll be kind and sweet and gracious, and not begrudge them a bit of extra space. It's HARD to lose weight, it's the hardest thing I ever did, and I know that the level of shame people feel just walking on a plane is more than enough shame in anyone's life. If I can lighten it for them for the space of a flight, just by being kind about it, I'm happy to do that.

 

[Anchored]

those armrests are so small, only one person can use them. One person can use it and the other can not, so what makes you think you had more right to it than him?

I am thin, but I agree with the OP, oozing is an extremely poor choice of words. If you were uncomfortable, bring it up with a flight attendant, don't take to the internet to fat shame someone.

 

[rwdavis2]

Somebody that size (I used to be, morbidly obese is no picnic and I hate the term Pooh-sized) should be more considerate(pay for the extra seat). I did everything I could to not encroach on someone else's space.

 

[maxiesmom]

those armrests are so small, only one person can use them. One person can use it and the other can not, so what makes you think you had more right to it than him?

I am thin, but I agree with the OP, oozing is an extremely poor choice of words. If you were uncomfortable, bring it up with a flight attendant, don't take to the internet to fat shame someone.

Not trying to shame him, but trying to illustrate he was taking more than his fair share of space. As I said in my post, I can't come up with a better word. Encroaching maybe? And when you take up the whole arm rest and then some of the space of the person next to you the only choice that person ends up with is to put their arm on top of yours. I had no other place for my arm, unless I held it across my body for the whole trip. No other place to put it. Try to hold your left arm across you body for any length of time. I couldn't even hold my nook out without my arm being on his. And yes, as he had the aisle arm rest I do think the courteous thing to do is to leave the other one for the next passenger to use. If there are only 3 for 3 passengers, why would anyone assume they get 2 of them? Especially as he didn't have the arm rest down to begin with. Why not hold his arm the way he was before I put the arm rest down?

I have never before sat next to someone who made it clear they were unhappy the seat next to them was not going to remain unoccupied. Which is why I posted ASKING what I should have said. I should have known no one can read anything without immediately getting offended, and attacking, instead of answering an honest question. Apparently many of you think I should have just sat there with my arms crossed over my chest for the whole flight. Not helpful and not going to happen.

 

[ParrotBill]

This is a tough topic for everyone given how confined economy class has become. But elbow into my space, over the armrest, would drive me to do something. Perhaps "excuse me, you can have the armrest but please try to shift your arm more forward. It's pressing into me."

 

[goofy4tink]

Oh man...been there, done that. Here's the thing....most travelers feel that the 'poor' person in that middle seat gets to use the arm rests on both sides....that way, if someone (as was your case) is hogging one, there's at least another one available. I guess you could have leaned in, onto your nephew, but he probably wouldn't have loved the familial closeness.
I had one gentleman, in a middle seat, that was constantly moving over, into my area. He kept his arm on that 'shared' arm rest. Now, yes, I realize that I just said that the person in the middle gets the use of both. BUT...in this case, it was problematic. My TV control was on that arm rest!! He was flying with his son..probably about 12ish. That kid was leaning up against the window...so there was plenty of room for this guy to lean to his right vs his left, and into me!! That 3 hr flight was filled with 'Excuse me please's' as I tried to access that control area. And he wasn't pleasant about it!!! Of course, his was on his right..next to his kid.

As far as being accommodating to those that are larger than us? Yes, I get it. I'm sure they're probably somewhat embarrassed, and they fully realize that every person on that plane is praying that they aren't going to have that arriving large person seated next to them. And that's not right. But, I paid for the very small piece of real estate I'm now sitting in. With the cattle car mentality the airlines now have, there isn't much room to spare. And I tend to resent it if I now have to, literally, share the space with a stranger! My dh regularly takes the aisle seat. He has very long legs. And yes, we all know what it's like to be slammed into by the FAs as they go up and down the aisle...which is why you say 'excuse me' and move a little to the side while they pass, and then quickly go back to your original position as soon as the cart has left.

Yes, it would be nice if life was fair, and everyone was nice and accommodating to everyone else. Sadly, there are those that insist on taking more than what's due them. Believe me....I've been seated next to that woman who felt the need to bath in perfume that morning.....highly sensitive system, so I get all clogged up. Or that wonderful person that feels that it's perfectly fine to bring that anchovy sandwich on board, or maybe it was sardines..not sure which. All I know is that my flight was not pleasant. There's a reason I always try to book a window seat....I can get away from whomever is seated next to me if I want!

 

[ParrotBill]

I'd get a bit porky if my seat-back TV controls were on the armrest being hogged by the neighbor. If it's just audio I'd pick something and try to avoid changing it very often. But ditto on the window seat - I always try hard to get a window seat.

 

[seashoreCM]

(copied from another forum)

dada dada he oozes into your seat.

Stop right there. Time to complain. Before departure.

If the other person had to raise the armrest that should have been brought to the attention of the flight crew. Be prepared to summon the captain and ground complaint resolution officer to meet up with you and the head flight attendant preferably out of earshot of the larger passenger. Now most likely it won't go that far because they are much more likely to find you a different seat (you must accept) or ask for volunteers to be bumped and free up a seat that way.

As far as the TV control being covered up, the FA is supposed to assist with anything you are unable to accomplish for yourself.

 

[maxiesmom]

(copied from another forum)
The time to complain was before departure. If the other person had to rais the armrest that should have been brought to the attention of the flight crew. Be prepared to summon the captain and ground complaint resolution officer to meet up with you and the head flight attendant preferably out of earshot of the larger passenger. Now most likely it won't go that far because they are much more likely to find you a different seat or ask for volunteers to be bumped and free up a seat that way.

As I said, it was only an hour flight, so I sucked it up and dealt with it. The flight was full, so there was no where to move me to, and I would feel horrible having someone bumped off, even if they were being a bit of a space hog.

 

[crzy4dsny]

No one should be apologizing or making excuses for people on a plane! We all pay a premium price for that space, if your too big to fit in yours then shame on you for stealing someone else's! If your too big for one seat you better buy two, if you can't afford two then drive your car! I'm a big guy, I'm 6'1" and 285 pounds. I occupy the whole seat, but I fit inside my boundaries. My shoulders are wide and they go from edge to edge, you know what I do when I'm on a plane, I cross my arms in front of me so my hands are in my lap to make my shoulders as norrow as possible and I don't use either arm rest! No one is going to sit next to me and think they are going to intrude on my space.....find another seat because I won't have it!

 

[ckcnj]

I was on a flight one time (about 20 years ago) when two people reclined the backs of their seats. The couple sitting behind them start crying out and carrying on, demanding that the people in front of them put their seats back up to give them more room. I saw a story on the news a couple of years ago about a device someone had created that you could insert into the meal tray that somehow prevents the person in front of you from reclining their seat. But I think the airlines have outlawed it.

 

[goofy4tink]

(copied from another forum)


Stop right there. Time to complain. Before departure.

If the other person had to raise the armrest that should have been brought to the attention of the flight crew. Be prepared to summon the captain and ground complaint resolution officer to meet up with you and the head flight attendant preferably out of earshot of the larger passenger. Now most likely it won't go that far because they are much more likely to find you a different seat (you must accept) or ask for volunteers to be bumped and free up a seat that way.

As far as the TV control being covered up, the FA is supposed to assist with anything you are unable to accomplish for yourself.

I am about as non-confrontational as it comes. I am not going to go running to the busy FA to get either my seat changed or the seat of my neighbor. Just not going to happen! Now, if it was a 6 hr flight? Who knows.

I was on a flight one time (about 20 years ago) when two people reclined the backs of their seats. The couple sitting behind them start crying out and carrying on, demanding that the people in front of them put their seats back up to give them more room. I saw a story on the news a couple of years ago about a device someone had created that you could insert into the meal tray that somehow prevents the person in front of you from reclining their seat. But I think the airlines have outlawed it.

Yep, those have been banned. 20 years ago, there was a lot more room on the planes....so I can't imagine anyone going on about the seat in front of them being reclined. Nowadays? It's still your right to recline your seat. It does impact the person behind you though. But, it's still your right.

 

[OrangeCountyCommuter]

I was on a flight one time (about 20 years ago) when two people reclined the backs of their seats. The couple sitting behind them start crying out and carrying on, demanding that the people in front of them put their seats back up to give them more room. I saw a story on the news a couple of years ago about a device someone had created that you could insert into the meal tray that somehow prevents the person in front of you from reclining their seat. But I think the airlines have outlawed it.

Actually use of these devices is an FAA violation and you could be charged. Passengers are NOT suppose to change the airplane from the approved FAA standards.

(And if you whine because I put my seat back, too bad!)

 

[OrangeCountyCommuter]

And OP, Next time just shove it back over with another graceful "excuse me" acting as if he probably didn't realize what he was doing. Then FIRMLY stake your space so he can't get it back LOL! (I just had to do that yesterday!)

 

[Maxpowers]

most travelers feel that the 'poor' person in that middle seat gets to use the arm rests on both sides

I'm one of those people. If you are stuck in the middle seat you get to have both arm rests in my book. I thought this was commonly known etiquette, but I guess not.

I would have asked him to remove his arm from my area. If he did not, I probably would have gone the passive aggressive route (I know not the best option) of slowly pushing his arm out of my area.

 

[wilkeliza]

I'm one of those people. If you are stuck in the middle seat you get to have both arm rests in my book. I thought this was commonly known etiquette, but I guess not.

I would have asked him to remove his arm from my area. If he did not, I probably would have gone the passive aggressive route (I know not the best option) of slowly pushing his arm out of my area.

In my book you get 1 arm rest if there are only 3. This is common on some planes where they do not put an arm rest up against the hull of the aircraft. So everyone would either have the right arm rest or left arm rest. Now that arm rests are usually where the T.V. controls are I would say where ever your controls are that's "your" arm rest.

Worst flight was one where I was trying to catch a show I watch weekly and at air time. I specifically chose the flight to make sure I would be in the air at that time so i could watch it. The whole time the guy next to me kept leaning on the arm rest with my controls and would end up changing the channel or at one point even unplugged my headphones. It was so frustrating.

 

[Maxpowers]

In my book you get 1 arm rest if there are only 3. This is common on some planes where they do not put an arm rest up against the hull of the aircraft. So everyone would either have the right arm rest or left arm rest. Now that arm rests are usually where the T.V. controls are I would say where ever your controls are that's "your" arm rest.

Worst flight was one where I was trying to catch a show I watch weekly and at air time. I specifically chose the flight to make sure I would be in the air at that time so i could watch it. The whole time the guy next to me kept leaning on the arm rest with my controls and would end up changing the channel or at one point even unplugged my headphones. It was so frustrating.

I didn't even think about the ones that only have 3 arm rests. When I think about it they all have 4 in my mind, so I guess what I am saying is:

4 arm rests = 2 for the middle
3 arm rests = 1 for each person

So we agree ?

 

[sharona]

No one should be apologizing or making excuses for people on a plane! We all pay a premium price for that space, if your too big to fit in yours then shame on you for stealing someone else's! If your too big for one seat you better buy two, if you can't afford two then drive your car! I'm a big guy, I'm 6'1" and 285 pounds. I occupy the whole seat, but I fit inside my boundaries. My shoulders are wide and they go from edge to edge, you know what I do when I'm on a plane, I cross my arms in front of me so my hands are in my lap to make my shoulders as norrow as possible and I don't use either arm rest! No one is going to sit next to me and think they are going to intrude on my space.....find another seat because I won't have it!

This!!! There is a way to "sit small" and some people just don't seem to know how to do it or to be courteous enough to do it when they are in a crowded space, especially on a plane.

I once had a window seat and the person in the middle, a big athletic looking guy, sat with his legs open and his arms on both arm rests - which I was ok with - but he had his elbows and thighs in my space. He was sitting like he was on a couch watching tv. Every time I edged over a bit more toward the window to give myself a tiny buffer, he took that as more space for him and shifted into the newly open space. I was practically up against the window trying to get some personal space and it was making me feel very stressed and uncomfortable. It was the first time I'd ever felt even a tiny bit claustrophobic. After about 20 minutes of this I finally just said excuse me, I know there's not much space here but can you please try not to spread out so much. He retracted his arm and leg a bit. He seemed pretty po'd that I'd actually said anything - I got the impression from his sitting posture and his attitude that he was used to just getting his way when it came to shared space due to his superior size. Ever since that flight I always make sure I get an aisle seat and I do consciously sit small when there are 3 in the aisle, making sure just to take up "my" space.