First Date Expectations

[Mandy_in_NC]

If I hadn't gone on a 2nd date with a guy after we had been set up on a blind date then I wouldn't be married to said blind date now. We have been married 14 years now. I really wasn't intrested in a 2nd date but I went anyway with an open mind. And I have never regretted it to this day.

 

[penny28380]

With my husband. after the first date I didn't want to see him again. We've been happily married for almost 38 years. I'm sure glad I didn't miss out on that.

 

[bumbershoot]

I think this particular guy might be iffy (he might also really really really like you and doesn't want to "lose" you this soon, and it could just be coming out in a creepy way), but I think you should be going out on more first dates. I have an acquaintance who has been dating for 7 years now, REFUSES to go on another date if she doesn't feel "chemistry", and, well, let's go back to she's been dating for 7 years now. Chemistry schemistry...1st dates can be awful; give people a chance.

 

[java]

Thanks guys, next time I'll give it a second date.

It wasn't horrible, it was just a little strange.

We met for at Starbucks. He didn't offer to pay for my tea (minor but still). He obviously wanted the date to continue, he begged to go to Target with me next door. We had talked for more than an hour at that point.

And now he's arguing with me through text message. (I've stopped responding)

I used to do the three dates thing. I figure first dates most are nervous, second could be an off day, three dates and still not sparks it's not happening.

However, for him to be that aggressive after an hour, I think you made the right call. There were red flags that I also didn't ignore too. So three dates rule didn't always happen.

My sister didn't go out with someone because on their date he bought her a stamp. They went out to eat, were walking around and he says "about that stamp can you payme back now?"
She threw the 44cents at him and left. If he was that cheap she didn't want a second date. It was the way he asked too, like it had been bothering him for the three hours they had been together

He also went on with the why so quick to judgement emails. Sometimes once is enough.

 

[BeefJerky]

I think that with the first date it is kind of hard because you are really nervous and kind of not yourself so a second date is ok. HOWEVER, in this example I think the guy is being way to pushy and there are some red-flags there.

 

[DawnM]

Not sure.....I tried dating for a while and it just wasn't my style. I was more of a "hang out with a group and get to know you" type. That is how I met my husband. He started hanging out with me and my friends and as our friendship grew we realized we had a lot in common.

I don't think you get a clear picture of someone on a first date and I also think that if you don't have a context in which to know if the person is who he says he is, then you are at a clear disadvantage.

So, i do see his point, however, if you aren't attracted to the person in any way (and I don't mean just physical), then there is no reason to continue.

Dawn

 

[DeluxePrincess]

Sometimes you just know that there will NEVER be a spark. I was accused of being picky when I was single and maybe I was. I just saw no point in possibly leading someone on if I knew he just wasn't for me. I say go with your gut.

 

[Forevryoung]

Trust your instincts. You will know when you want to give a man a second date, even if the first one doesn't go well. Something will be different, and you will want to give him a second chance. You didn't want to this time. Trust your instincts.

I know I won't be seeing THIS guy again but this question was for future dates

I trust my instincts. I learned a lot from the last relationship and I definitely won't settle.

 

[Imzadi]

I know I won't be seeing THIS guy again but this question was for future dates

I trust my instincts. I learned a lot from the last relationship and I definitely won't settle.

Same info applies for future dates too. You sound like you will be fine.

 

[ols386]

If you don't want to go on a second date with anyone for any reason, then that's your decision/choice, and you are in no way obligated to even give someone a reason for not wanting to go on a second date.

Way back when I was dating, if I didn't feel some kind of connection, I usually would not go out on a second date. I ran across a couple individuals who didn't see it that way, and really tried to push for a second date, and that pushy-ness was really a turn-off for me.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Pushy and stalker like phone calls to the point where you stop answering the phone is not the same thing as the situation mentioned in the OP where you just cut and release if there are no sparks. You are not a thing to be won, I change my vote to a no on THIS particular guy because it's no longer lack of 'dazzle', he sounds unstable.

A normal everyday Joe might be worth more than 1 chance but this is not the same thing.

 

[DonDraper]

I'm back to online dating. I just had a "disagreement" with my last "first date." I'm hoping you guys can answer it-

I won't go on a second date unless I feel a connection on the first date- something that grabs my interest and makes me WANT to spend more time with a guy.

My last "first date" wanted a second date and I told him I wasn't interested. He asked why. I told him I didn't feel a connection.

His response was that "first dates are to just meet someone and get a first impression and that it takes a lot of guys some time and comfort to show personality."

Should I be going on more second dates? Opinions?

You absolutely did the right thing. Only go out on a 2nd date if you feel some strong interest and/or connection. Time is valuable..

 

[Disney Doll]

Thanks guys, next time I'll give it a second date.

It wasn't horrible, it was just a little strange.

We met for at Starbucks. He didn't offer to pay for my tea (minor but still). He obviously wanted the date to continue, he begged to go to Target with me next door. We had talked for more than an hour at that point.

And now he's arguing with me through text message. (I've stopped responding)

Ok, this one I would probably let go.
The not paying for the tea...well, if he invited me to meet, I'd have expected him to pay but I wouldn't totally rule him out based on one small thing. I have guy friends who really aren't sure how to act with women sometimes because when they have tried to do the chivalrous thing like pay for a drink, the women get all huffy.

"Begging" to go to Target...a little weird if he was truly begging. If he said "Oh, do you want me to walk over to Target with you" and you said "No that's OK, I have several things I need and will probably be there a while" then I'd expect him to say "OK, well it was nice to meet you/ Hopefully we'll get together again" or something along those lines, and then take hisa leave. I wouldn't expect him to say "Why can't I go? What's the matter? I really like you....please let me go" and so forth. That I would find creepy at the
1st meeting.

Arguing with me via text message...I'd have no patience for that.