Finding the real me in this body

[CACruisin']

Hi deelam. Just stopping in to say and wish you good luck at your family parties this weekend.

Happy Mother's Day!

 

[deelam]

Thanks for the kind words.

I cheated quite a few times the past few days. My weight is the same as last week, 219. I get bad heartburn when I cheat. I plan to get back to a low carb diet when I get back. I plan to eat healthy carbs until we leave, I have 6 days until we leave for Florida. I'm going to family parties this weekend. I didn't want to go to the party on my Husbands side. To make matters worse, my Husband is working so I have to go without him! This really stinks.

So today I will avoid Junk carbs and cake. I'll stick to small portions. I'm stressed over this party today. My outfit looks OK. I hope I can bring myself to go.

My 10 year old is punished. He wrote "what the F***" in chalk on my MIL driveway. She insist that I let him watch too much TV. But I really only watch Nick & Disney. MIL likes to blame me for everything.

 

[deelam]

It was a crazy weekend. After my post on Saturday, my Mother-in-law started having chest pains. I live right next door, so she called me. None of her children were home or answered their cell phones. She went by ambulance to the hospital. I followed, my Mom watched my kids. MIL is okay now, But I'm not sure if it was an offical heart attack or not. She was admitted to the hospital and is still there. Because of all this, I missed the party on my husbands side. All that worrying and I ended up not going after all. I did go to my family's party on Sunday and it was nice.

I made a pound cake for my son's school and it collapsed. I had no idea that opening the oven would make the cake collapse. So I have to make it again tonight since we have to bring it in school tomorrow. The one that collapsed still taste yummy. I can't keep it at home, I might bring it to work just to get rid of it. I think they would still eat it even if it looks funny.

Todays plan

Fruit for breakfast
Lunch 1/2 BLT-no mayo
Dinner-soup & 1/2 sandwich

I'm not doing atkins since I only have a few days until I leave for Disney.
I am going to try and eat light.

 

[CACruisin']

So sorry about your MIL. I hope she is back on her feet soon. You can give her a little kiss too for giving you a very legit reason to miss your DH family's party. Glad you were able to make it to your family's party on Sunday.

Yup, take the cake to work and get it out of the house. I have a friend who keeps telling me that is what the garbage disposal is for, but I just can't see doing that to perfectly good (or really good) food. It just seems wrong! Good luck with round two on the cake tonight!

You plan for today looks great. Have a great day and have a wonderful time at Disney too! Enjoy yourself and give yourself a treat everyday.

 

[goldcupmom]

Hi, DeeLam! Hope things are going well for you!

 

[deelam]

Well I have completely gone off anytype of diet. I have been eating anything I want and going to allot of parties. Which, is an big step for me to actualy show up at a party. I actually did good while at Disney & Universal. It's when I came home that I lost control. I do plan to get back on track after I go shopping this weekend. I have allot to recap on. I'm too busy at work now, so I'll do it early in the morning.

 

[CACruisin']

Welcome back!!

 

[deelam]

I have been away for a long time. We did our Disney vacation with the dining plan. We just had a blast at Disney. I had a hard time getting back on my low carb diet. I have been on it now for about a week, I have that awful headache. Tomorrow at work is free pizza day. I have no idea what to do.

The past few weeks have been tough. I attended a family party at my step son's. His skinney Mother was there. We both were wearing the same outfit! Only I'm huge. But I had a good time anyway. I am planning to avoid all family parties until I drop some weight.

I'm having major Mother-in-law problems. I really almost went on a food binge yesterday. I believe my MIL is a bitter, selfish, crazy woman. Did I mention that she lives right next door to me. The past week DH has had to leave for work at 6AM. I've had to leave for work at 6:30AM. I have been stuck for a babysitter so I had to use my MIL. My brother-in-law lives with her. He is a former drug addict who just got released from jail. I was really worried about this. BIL has had problems for about 20 years. But my MIL is blind to everything. When I went to pick up my kids she came outside crying saying that my kids are bad and she is not watching them anymore. I found out later that her drug addict son is messing with drugs again, and she actually had him watch my kids all day! It was like 100 and my kids were outside all day long with the drug addict BIL. I also found out that her jailbird, no morals, brother moved in and her other Grandaughter who has a drug problem moved in. I will never send my kids there again. I feel like giving her a piece of my mind. I don't think I've ever felt hate for anyone before, but I feel it for her now.I hate this woman. For years I have put up with her little comments that were like jabs at me. And now this! I just can't understand why she is so hard on my kids, who really are innocent. Instead she defends the low lifes and drug addicts. I found out that the night before BIL watched my kids, he blacked out and took her car out for a joy ride. And she still let him watch my kids! I'm mad at her for allowing those people to stay at her house. I mean, she knows I have small kids. How can she expose them to that mess. My husband refuses to move. This is a real problem. BIL stopped by to beg me for $2 yesterday. Since he watched my kids all day I gave it to him.

 

[deelam]

Please excuse my MIL rant yesterday. I was just really stressed out. I am much better today. DH is off of work and with the kids. I will be off next week. Then my 3 year old will go to day care, full time.That will be $165 per week. My 10 year old will be in a summer camp at $220 per week. That totals $385 per week! WOW!! It's money well spent to know they are in a safe place.

On the MIL issue. Disfuntional situations follow her around. I need to cut that stress out of my life. I really don't think that us staying away will matter that much to her. She really is all about herself. And she plays favorites with the Grandkids. She seams to favor the ones who are really bad. The grandkids that are doing well are ignored.

I did good until I got home yesterday. Then I ate some ice cream. My stomach was really upset afterwards. I just think I really need some rest. But for health reasons, the weight must come off.

Todays plan is to take it easy. I will try to eat healthy, but will let myself have a slice of pizza at lunch. Today, my company buys everyone pizza for lunch. I might as well enjoy it. I'll start on program again tomorrow.

 

[CACruisin']

I am so sorry about MIL/BIL, etc. You are right about removing your kids from that environment. It is not healthy for them. Daycare/camp will be worth every penny to know your kids are safe. Why won't DH move? This really doesn't seem like a good environment for your family.

Take care.

 

[deelam]

I'm back on program today. Today's plan is:

I grabbed string cheese for breakfast, I was just too tired to make anything
Lunch, tomato & cucumber salad
Dinner, baked chicken & string beans

I'm feeling really tired lately. I really want to try and rest this weekend. I plan to make an eye roast tomorrow. That will get me through the weekend.

Hopefuly, things will go smooth this weekend at home. I really want to stay clear of my inlaws. Last night BIL had Kid Rock's music playing rather loudly in the yard.
The reason my husband is not for moving is that we have lived in our house for 18 years. The house once belonged to his Grandfather, It's setimentel to DH. He fixed it up just the way we like it. And the house is paid off. Taxes in our area are not outragous like other parts of NJ. I would love to move, but DH doesn't want to. If the inlaw mess continues, it will cause problems between DH and I.

 

[CACruisin']

Your food plan for the day looks very healthy, but are you actually getting enough to eat? Make sure your calories don't drop too low or your body will not co-operate.

I see why moving isn't really a good option. I hope the inlaw stuff can resolve itself. You really don't want your children in that environment. I don't suppose there is any chance that they would move? (That would be too easy, I know.)

I hope you are getting to take it easy this weekend.

 

[deelam]

I really have too much stress in my life. It's making it hard to stay on induction. I'm trying to refocus myself today.

I have cheese for breakfast
For lunch--some chicken salad
Dinner-I don't know, maybe a big salad

I'm actualy reading up on the South Beach diet. I think I want to try it.

GET READY FOR A MIL RANT
I stated before that MIL grandaughter (Stacy 18 years old), has a drug problem, and she is staying next store. Her parents kicked her out. About 5:30PM she called me up asking for $20. She said that her and some friends were driving about 1&1/2 hours away to the Jersey shore. I said no. I told her I would not let her kill herself with my money. I told her to call her parents and ask them to call me and let me know it's ok to give her money. She wouldn't do that. Her parents are so upset over what she is doing. They have been telling me never to give her money for months. After denying her the money my MIL calls me from shopping telling my to give her Granddaughter(Stacy) $20 and MIL will pay me back. I refused, telling her I'm not helping anyway in supporting her drug habbit. MIL was mad. Insisting that Stacy is doing good. To this I said, weeks back Stacy told me she has a drug problem. She listed at least 10 drugs that she is taking, including crack. Then I said to MIL that I know Stacy hasn't been coming home most nights, and a few nights ago she came home at 3AM and went into the back yard with a boy, hugging and kissing and lord knows what else. I said to MIL, "this is doing good to you" Then I called Stacy's Mother and told her that MIL is giving Stacy Money against their wishes. I told her that it is likely that MIL will hide everything from Stacy parents. I also told her that staying with MIL is the worse thing that could happen to their daughter. She won't get better staying there. So MIL is mad at me, Stacy is mad at me. Stacy parents love me to death.

Is it any wonder that I ate a pint of chocolate, peanutbutter ice cream? I also could not sleep last night. That is the 3rd night in 2 weeks that I slepted less than 2 hours. It's like when I lay down my mind starts rushing and replaying everything. I've never felt anything like this before. I've never had such a hard time sleeping.

 

[deelam]

WOW! this is my 1000 post!

I did good yesterday. I ate light. I slept well too. I am not even going to answer the phone if my Inlaws call from next door. I didn't answer the phone yesterday, it was most likely one of them(druggies) wanting to beg me for money. I didn't answer. I am truly done and I feel good about it. It's time to focus on me. I will try to not focus on the home problems. My poor sister had to listen to me for 3 hours on the phone Tuesday night. I can see why I haven't been able to stay on any healthy eating routine. It's stress. So starting today, My new goal is to care about myself more than anyone else, and not get involved in stressful things. I will shut my door to it all. It's not my problem. Yesterday was good. I read up more on the South Beach diet and I am going to try it. So today is day 2 of phase 1.

Todays plan
Celery breakfast
Lunch--very large grilled chicken ceasars salad. I'll skip the dressing and just eat the chicken and salad.
Dinner-A little undecided. I'm thinking of eggs and green peppers.

I want to make a chicken soup. I'm going to try and find a recipe that will work with South beach. I think with cerely, and maybe cauliflower I could make a hearty soup and wouldn't even miss the noudles. I'll google it.

 

[deelam]

I did great yesterday! This weekend I plan to make some low carb meals to have on hand. Still no induction type headache. I have off work for the next 10 days. I plan to redo my son's room. After, I want to head to the Jersey shore for a few days. By the time I get back to work I will be past the induction phase and into the weight loss, hopefuly!

Todays meals
Breakfast--2 scrambled eggs
Lunch--the rest of my huge chicken ceasars salad from yesterday
Dinner-not sure yet, maybe filet migon on the grill

 

[CJK]

Sounds like you're on a roll again! Like you, I find journalling a tremendous help. I hope you have a great time at the Jersey Shore. Hope you have a great weekend of fun and healthy choices. I'll try to do the same!!!

 

[deelam]

I'm doing well on the diet. I haven't cheated at all in 4 days. Before that, while on vacation I ate very lite. It was like 100 degrees in NJ last week and I didn't feel like eating much. But now I feel good. I feel good enough to weigh myself. I may do that tomorrow morning.

I'm still having problems with finding shirts that fit that I look well in. I can't wait until I shrink down a size. I have my yearly OBGYN appointment in 3 weeks. I'd like to be down a size by then in the chest area.

My new goal is to start walking. I need to do that for my BP. I haven't been diagnosed with high BP, because I don't go to the doctor's. I went to several differant doctors after breaking my ankle and everytime, my BP was extremely high. I will try the walking and diet to lower it, and when I go to the OB, I'll talk to her about my BP. I am even wondering if I should be on the pill. That could be part of the problem.

On the MIL update, she had to go to the hospital last week for chest pains. The same day I left for the Jersey shore. We went to the shore anyway. I guess the stress of her household got to be too much for her. As the Ambulance was taking her away she asked me to hide her handbad in my house. She made sure she put her valuables in her handbag before the ambulance came. She is ok and out of the hospital. She still has the same stress, and everyone is fighting in her family. It is a very difficult situation for her. It's hard when a child and a Grandaughter turns to drugs. It really is like a roller coaster ride for everyone.

 

[deelam]

Still feeling good and sticking to my plan. Now I got a new long term goal. I have a big family reunion in April 2007. It's a weekend long thing at a fancy hotel in Philadelphia. I'll see many family members that I haven't seen in years. I want to loose 50LBS by April. It's sounds really hard when you think of loosing 50LBS. I have to break it down to loosing 7Lbs a month or something like that.

I didn't weigh in today. I will tomorrow. I feel great, not hungary and no headache. You know when you start induction, you really feel pretty crappy the first week, and then the second week you feel really good and get a burst of energy. It's only day 5 and I got that burst of energy. I just got to stay motivated. It's funny, I usually get a very bad headache the first week. This time I didn't get the headache. I guess that is a reason to weigh myself, to make sure I'm loosing.

Today's plan
2 slices of cheese and 2 pickles for breakfast-I really had no time
Lunch-baked chicken with green peppers
Dinner-roast pork & greenbeans
Snack-salad

 

[deelam]

Yesterday I said how great I feel with no headache. Well, today I feel like crap and have a headache. I guess I jinxed myself. I did weigh myself. I'm at 220. I woke up hungry this AM and weighing myself actualy made me loose my appetite. Todays plan

Breakfast--no time ate cheese
Lunch--I'm starting to get hungry now(9:30AM) I might pick up a
rotissore chicken and hopefully not eat the whole thing
Dinner-either I'll be too stuffed from lunch or I'll eat chicken and a salad

Weekends are usually tough. I will try to cook up some Lunches for the week.
I think being prepared with good food onhand is the key to sticking to this diet.

 

[CJK]

Good job! Planning ahead is key isn't it? I too find weekends difficult, so I need to plan as many meals as I can. Grilled chicken on the bbq seems to be a real staple for me while dh has burgers. Hope you feel better soon and have a great weekend!