Finding the real me in this body

[deelam]

Ok, I have let myself go way farther then I ever have. I need to lose at least 60LB. I don't know my weight, I would guess it to be 220. I don't know why I let myself get so out of control. (I love food!) It's like when I look in the mirror, I don't even recognize the fat person there. I need to get back to who I am. This fat, unhealthy person is not me. With this weight, I hate going to parties, I don't want to be seen. I really have no life. So I started back up with my plan. I want to look nice.

My short term goal is to look better for a May 14th family party. Following that is my Disney trip. I have decided to do a low carb diet (closer to Atkins) and excersize.
The problem is that I have a broken ankle. So I can't walk like I want to. My foot is in a boot and I can put weight on it. So I am trying to find a work out routine that I can do. Walking is not an option because I have some pain with every step.

Yesterday was day 1-I woke up and decided to diet. I really didn't have time
to plan meals.

Breakfast-small piece of chicken with thin slice of cheese

Lunch- again chicken with cheese

Dinner-Ground beef with onions, a little tomato sauce, cheddar cheese and chili powder. Sort of a low carb chili.

Snack-a 0 carb/calorie ice pop

I rode about 3 minutes on the exercise bike. It didn't hurt my ankle, but I kept feeling like I was sliding off of the seat.

Leg lifts 20 each leg in 2 directions

20 squats

I was really tired yesterday. I just layed around after exercising. I think I should excercise before I eat. It may give me more engery.

So this was day 1. I did ok.

 

[deelam]

This is day 2.
I woke up with a headache. Is it possible that I am so hooked on sugar that the low carb headache is starting only after 1 day? I really have been eating allot of sugar up to this point. I've been out of control with cakes and cookies. Why does all the good food have to be so bad?

My diet word for today is backfat. I came up with that after seeing myself in a slightly tight shirt this morning. I quickly changed the shirt. I hate seeing rolles of fat on my sides/back area.

Here is todays plan

Breakfast
2 scrambled eggs with a little low carb ketchup

Lunch
A big salad with olive oil and vinegar

Dinner
Baked Chicken
tomato salad

Snack
Cheese

I'm going to try another 3 minutes on the bike. I'll to the squats , but this time I'll go to 30. I'll do the leg lifts too.

I got to find an exercise for rolls/backfat.

 

[kimwim8]

Welcome to WISH journals!! We can always use more NJ-ites here !! (where abouts in NJ are you?)

Sounds like you're doing great so far! You know what you need to do, and you're doing it! Congrats on taking the first step.

And to do it with a broken foot...I give you a LOT of credit!

I definitely think you're having a no-sugar headache...give it a couple days (and take some tylenol) and it'll be gone. My sister and I went through the same thing when we started the sugar-free lifestyle. It's tough...but you'll feel so much better without the sugar!

Keep on posting, and we're all here for ya!

 

[deelam]

Thanks for the encouragement. The sugar headache has faded to a mild ache. I think I should be feeling good about 4 or 5 days from now.

Kimwim, I'm in Bellmawr. Where in Jersey are you?

 

[kimwim8]

Kimwim, I'm in Bellmawr. Where in Jersey are you?

I'm in Galloway, which is just ouside of Atlantic City.

 

[deelam]

Small world. I know Galloway. I do plan to walk some on AC's boardwalk as soon my ankle heals. It's about an hour away for me.

 

[deelam]

Day 2 on the diet went well. I feel really determinded to get in shape this time around.

In addition to my goal for the 5/14 family party, I was informed of a 5/13 family party on my husband's(Sam) side. Now we have been married for 16 years and are happily married. But he was married at the age of 18 (for less then a year) to another women. This was before I met him. He had a child with that woman. That child is now 21. This child is having the party. He really is a great kid. Anyway, I feel a little akward because the EX will be there, and she is thin and very pretty. I think I'm a good looking girl too, but the whole fat thing makes me feel awful about the way I look. It's like because of my weight, I look like the sloppy one next to the thin & stylish ones. The EX is remarried, so I know she is not there to Hit on Sam. It's all about my feelings, maybe insecurity. My new short term goal is to look better for this party. I have got to kick up the exercise.

Day 3

2 scrambled eggs for breakfast
Big salad for lunch-with vinegar & olive oil
Dinner London Broil & green Beens

Snack Jello

Late snack Cheese

Exercise
5 minutes on the bike
20 squats
20 leg lifts
Try to find my old wieghts to do something with my upper body.

 

[eeyore25]

Hi there and welcome to WISH...you have taken the first step....journalling

You are doing a great job...and doing it with a broken ankle....good for you. You have the right mindset...you can do this!! Take it one day at a time.

Welcome and have a wonderful day!

 

[deelam]

Day 3 went well. Except that I didn't excercise. I went grocery shopping. I found sugar free bread & butter pickles by vlassic at the store. I just love bread & butter pickles. These pickles were sweeten with Splenda, they were so good. So I laid around eating pickles watching TV by myself. It was nice to have a little piece and quiet. But lately every one goes in a separate room to watch TV or play video games. This upcoming vacation will be good. We need family time away from TV & Games.

So today I feel fat. An old favorite shirt was a little snug. I'm running out of shirts. I don't want to buy a bigger size. I'm definately an apple shape. It's only day 4 on the diet. Ok, the big thing was that I actualy weighed myself today. I'm heavier then I thought. I'm 228. Can I do 20lbs in 4 weeks? It's going to be tough.


Day 4 plan

Breakfast
Jimmy Deans sausage omlette (yum)

Lunch
Large salad

Dinner
London broil with mushrooms

Snack--pickles!

It's going to be a warm day here, I think I heard Mid 80's. I plan to sit outside at lunch today. I lover summer, but have never faced heat while being so heavy. This will be interesting.

 

[eeyore25]

Good morning,

Your food looks really good!!!! You are doing a great job....soon that shirt will be too big for you and that is great!!!!

keep up the good work and have a wonderful day

 

[deelam]

Day 4 went well. I went a little overboard on the pickles. They were so good!
My ankle really hurt last night-so I skipped the excercise bike. I did do squats and leg lifts. I need to start on my upper body. I will do that this weekend.

Today is Friday-dress down day at work. So I have black kackies and a Disney T-shirt. This is a good thing because my warm weather dress close are a little snug.

I have 22 days until the family party. I want to be at 200LB but don't think
I can make it. I'm actually thinking of skipping all family parties and just going down the shore to walk on the boardwalk. By then my aircast should be off and I should be able to walk a little. Plus I need to get some sun before we leave for Florida. But, I hate blowing off family parties just because I feel to fat to go. I have to work on this issue.

Today's plan Day 5
Breakfast Jimmy Dean sausage omlette

Lean cuisine low carb Turkey & green beans

Dinner London Broil with mushrooms

Sanck my yummy pickles and some jello

Tommorow will be tough. I have to go to my Mothers and she is making a big dinner. Everything she makes will be high carbs and fattening. So my plan is to bring shrimp, have salad, maybe cook a small turkey breast to bring as an alternative to the baked (brown sugar glazed) ham and stuff shells.
And did I mention that she has been baking all types of goodies. So I have to focus on my goal. I really should wear one of my tight shirts to remind me that I don't need to eat all her food. I think that would work.

**I had to edit because I got my days mixed up today is day 5, not day 4

 

[eeyore25]

Good Morning,

You are going to do great at your Mothers....and if you slip a little, tomorrow is a new day. I don't know about you, but my family pulls the "one won't hurt" I just stand my ground and tell them no thanks!!! You can do it! Good for you for thinking ahead about the food that she is going to be cooking....that way you can bring something for you as well. That is great...You can do this!!

Keep up the great work and have a great weekend!

 

[keenercam]

Good job on staying focused for 5 days! I am glad you are aware ahead of time of what your DM will be preparing, so that you can develop a plan of action.

Have a great weekend and keep up the great work!

 

[lindalinda]

Hi , welcome to journals. I was actually kind of freaked out when I read your first post....it couldve been me. I was very athletic in my younger days and when I gained the weight I literally couldnt recognize myself. My starting weight was around the same. I started on the same diet (Atkins) And yes it will give you headaches at first. I stayed on Atkins for about 3 months, lost about 20 lbs. Then I changed to sugar busters, lost some more, then did weight watchers....lost 3 lbs in 3 months (not for me I guess) then I did a high protein low fat diet that was mostly tuna fish and hard boiled eggs. I lost a lot on that one but there were some issues with eating that much tuna...so now I'm on nutrisystem and have lost 17 so far on this one. Sorry this is so long, basically what I am saying is...keep going no matter what. Different things work for different people and dont be afraid to try them all. You can see by my ticker Ive lost 64 lbs so far. I do exercise A LOT and I think that is really the key. Good Luck and keep posting!

 

[goldcupmom]

Welcome to WISH!

Day 5 and you're well on your way to new, healthier habits!

You CAN do this and we're all here to help you out!!

 

[deelam]

Thanks to everyone for all the support. It really makes a difference.

I did well at my Mom's. I did not cheat. I stuck to eating shrimp, salad,& veggies. When I came home I snacked on cheese, Pickles and celery. This was a day that I just graized all day.

Sunday went well too.

I ate some sausage links for breakfast.
For lunch I had some chicken
Dinner-I used up the rest of the london Broil--I heated it up with a little (3 carb) tomato sauce. It was soo good. I never would have guessed the combination of London Broil and tomato sauce would work-it was yummy.

So today is Monday--day 7 on the diet. I'm not going to weigh in until Thursday because I didn't weigh myself until Thursday of last week. I feel good on the diet. I'm starting to get a little more energy.
My clothes are still tight-The shirt I have on is tight when I sit down, It doesn't look bad but it feels snug. I'm going to try this same shirt on next Monday-I hope it feels looser.

Today
Breakfast-Jimmy Dean omlette
Lunch-Weight watcher's low carb frozed dinner
Dinner-maybe a burger without the bun & a salad
snack--Cheese & pickles? I've been eating allot of pickles. I really love pickles but I realize they are high in salt. I really want to limit salty things.
I feel as though I'm retaining water.

I'm still torn over the 5/13 family party. I'm starting to have real doubts about going. I keep telling myself that I don't want to be looked at as the fat one. On the other hand, my weight always stops me from going to any family party-and I don't want my weight issue to control my life.

I have got to kick up the excersie. I did nothing all weekend.

 

[eeyore25]

Hi there,

Congrats on sticking to your plan at your moms....that is great!!!

You food looks great...keep up the good work. Your cloths will start to losen in no time!

Have a great day!

 

[deelam]

I was so tired yesterday. It took all my energy not to fall asleep at work.
When I got home I still had to cook for the kids. I just made them soup and grilled cheese. I just had cheese and skipped dinner. I had to lay down. DH had off from work yesterday but never has a clue on what to do about dinner. So when I got home from work, he wanted to know what I was making him for dinner. -he had to settle for grilled cheese because I needed to rest.

So I really stayed on plan yesterday.

Todays plan
Breakfast
scrambled eggs & sausage links
Lunch weight watchers low carb
Dinner-I'm making another london broil. They were buyone get one free last week at the Acme.
String beans

Snack-jello

As far as being tired, it's not due to the diet. I have to get up at 5AM everyday to get ready for work and to get the kids ready for school. I'm not always able to get enough sleep. It just caught up with me yesterday.

My goal is to get healthy. So I want to make a point of checking my blood pressure. It was really high when I hurt my ankle. The hospital said it was probaly from trauma. It was 177 over 103. I want to recheck my blood pressure to see what it really is. I wonder if I have high blood pressure?


2 more days until weigh in!

 

[eeyore25]

Hi there,

I think yesterday was one of those days...I too was very tired. I just could not sleep. So dinner for us was very simple.

Glad to hear that you stayed on track!!

Keep up the good work! You are doing great

 

[deelam]

I stayed on program yesterday. The kids were very active last night. They really kept me on my toes. I must say working full time and being a Mother is hard work. It's just so exhausting. I think that is why I got so heavy. I was so tired all the time that I started ordering take out allot. With me, I'm up around 5AM, so by dinner time 5PM or so, who feels like cooking & cleaning up after cooking. Then there is home work and baths for the kids, and even laundry. I'm going to try to prepare food a little more on the weekend.

Todays plan
Sausage & cheese omlette from Jimmy Dean
Again weight watcher low carb
stir fry chicken w/veggies + a little tomato sauce for flavor

Snack
Ice pop
Cheese

Still not exercising. I need to work on that.

1 more day until weigh in!