Feeling so bad for DS (long)

[jacksonsmom]

Hi all! I just need to get this off my chest.

My son is having a birthday party on the 14th. He will be 5 years old & this will be his first all kid's birthday party. He asked for one last year but I told him to wait one more year. Well, he remembered so we decided to have it at the bowling alley & I let him invite 9-10 kids. He ended up inviting 9 kids.
Now I did not expect all 9 to show up....but I have had all of them RSVP & only 4 kids can make it (two are siblings)
All the rest had one excuse or another as to why they could not make it.

I am sure some of the excuses where legit but others I felt were just coming up with excuses! I had a mother call here & tell me "well we are going on vacation for two days & it just happens to be that weekend" Ok, this mother is kind of the snotty kind but DS really wanted to invite her son, so I thought "why not"
I don't know, I just felt she was "coming up" with an excuse. Especially being I ran into her yesterday, I had 'hi" & then she quickly said "hi" & said she had to go...like she didn't want me to ask about the birthday party.

Anyway....my poor DS has been asking why the kids are not coming to his party I have just been telling him that they are going to be out of town.
He has been to two other birthday parties this past year & there have been lots of kids there, so I think he kind of feels let down.
Everytime I tell him another kid can't make it his face just gets so sad It breaks my heart!

My son is a very friendly child & loves playing with other children. He was really looking forward to his party with a bunch of kids.

I just feel so bad for him

I have to wonder if it is "me".....I mean I am not part of the big social group of mothers in this town. I don't fit in that I don't have a big house, 2 mini van/SUV in the garage, I don't have nice fancy clothes, etc.
I have tried to fit in & make friends with the other mothers but I always feel out of place with them (expect maybe one or two of them).
Anyway, I have to wonder if some of them are turning down the RSVP because I am not part of their little group. Which gets me very angry if they are.....because it is hurting my son in the long run!!!!!!!

Thanks for listening if you got this far.....a part of me wishes I would have said no to the bowling party

 

[holycow]

Sorry but you asked for an opinion...I don't think you should encourage his disappointment. Let him know he should have a good time anyway with those that will be there.

That those who will not be attending will be missing out.

To be honest you sound just like me...I don't fit in with all of the 'incrowd" and I find out about things after the fact. Don't let it bother you! It's ok your not part of the group, BUT...don't pass your insecurities onto your son!


Have a blast at his party and just let him know that things come up in peoples lives and they just can't make it but he will still have an awesome party even if just a few friends are there!
With your positive attitude you can make it awesome!

Happy Birthday to your DS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5 is an AWESOME age

I have a DD who is 5 so I know how they get!


Holycow
Lisa

 

[Rock'n Robin]

Oh I feel for you. My son is 6 and just had his first party for kids from his class in June. They all came, but I notice he isn't getting any invitations back. He's my youngest and very sensitive so luckily with school out he doesn't know if there are any parties to be missed.
One thing it might be is that your son has a summer birthday. To put it bluntlly, summer birthdays suck. My bday is July 13 and there were often times if I bothered to have a party that a lot of people were on vacation, since it's smack in the middle of summer. Also parents are feeling the pressure with school coming up--when will they school shop, get haircuts, etc. The only good thing about summer birthdays is that it is easier to have outdoor parties if you have access to a pool or something like that.
The thing to do is make your son's party so awesome that those 4 kids spread the word that the others really missed out. Don't focus on who can't come, focus on the ones who are coming--don't forget goody bags! And if you have room left (I know DD#2 had a bowling party with a minimum of 9 kids) are there any local cousins or anything you can add?
Robin M.

 

[Hillbeans]

I'm 33 and when i've had a party and people can't make it, I still get depressed....
It's just human nature to want to be loved and surrounded by your friends, especially at 5.

I'd probably try and invite a few other people, do you have any co-workers with kids? Neighbors? I could imagine a 5 yo would be sad only having 2 friends there (and 2 sibs). Weekends in the summer are tough, but it does seem a little weird that "everyone" is away that week. Is there something going on around town, like a fair, that everyone is busy with?? Can you possibly reschedule?

Hugs to you and your DS...I have a 3 yo and i'm sure i'll be going through this one day soon as well.

 

[Pooh93]

First of all {{HUGS}} for you and ds. I don' t think they are saying "no" because of you or your ds. Summer can be a hard time to get kids together due to vacations. My dd's each missed two b'day parties a piece in June because we were on vacation. Your ds will have a good time with the friends that come and keep emphasizing the positive that so and so are coming and try to downplay the rest. As far as the snotty mom goes, there's one in every crowd. Trust me!!!! Sometimes, I feel like I'm back in high school with the different cliques at dd's school. I just smile and hold my head high and keep on going. However, it's hard being a parent and watching the disappointments for our little ones.

Let us know how it turns out and I think you'll be surprised how much fun your ds has that day!!

 

[tar heel]

Summer parties are really hard because people truly are very busy and often gone. My youngest child's birthday was in June, and we're having his party after school starts. If we had had it in the summer I would have invited 50% more kids than I wanted to attend.

I doubt very seriously if you're not being part of the "club" has anything to do with attendance at the party. The one time I had a party at our home, I really worried about that (I'm not a clubbie either), but I think it is totally a nonissue with a party at an outside place like the bowling alley.

How many kids do you have to pay for? I also would consider recruiting enough extra kids to get up to that number.

 

[MAC3]

My DD also had a b-day which only 2 of her cousins came. Everyone else had gone away. I know he's sad right now, but he'll have a great time with those 4 kids!

Robin is right summertime b-days are tough. I haven't made it to my nephews b-day yet (his is 7/1) and I plan to be away next year too.

But {{{HUGS}}} to you and your son. We feel their pain/sadness so strongly it becomes our own.

 

[RitaZ.]

It is disappointing, but like another poster said, don't let your son know that you are disappointed. Focus on the kids that will be there and how much fun he is going to have, don't let the kids that won't be at the party ruin his fun or yours.

My middle child has a summer birthday and we usually don't have a good turn out. This year we had a big party for him right before school ended and we still had kids that didn't show. I just focused on the kids that would be there and all the fun things that we were going to do, it worked for DS. He had a blast and felt bad for the kids that couldn't make his party because they missed out on all the fun.

As for not fitting in with other moms, that's ok. You are who you are and I'm sure that there are other moms that like you and get along with you. As for the popular cliques, I never cared for any of it and find them to be petty and insecure.

I hope that your DS has an awesome birthday and forget the kids that aren't coming.

 

[Kimnicki]

I'm so sorry....I know how you feel. I've had that problem with both my 6 and 9 year old's parties. When my DD turned 6 (her birthday is in April) only 2 kids showed up for her roller skating party. It was the first weekend of t-ball, with team photos and also spring soccer, so no-one could make it...she still talks about it. We've adjusted by working her party around the season. My DS's birthday is in July, but I had his party in June while school is still in session. The most important thing I've found is to not make a big deal out of it if only a few kids can come. We also have a seperate "family" get together so they feel they get a "bonus" birthday party.

Good luck,

Kim

 

[DisneyArk]

Sorry about the attendence. My sons are 4 and 6, so I know how excited they get about their birthday party at this age. Try to encourage your son to enjoy the kids that are able to attend. I hope that everyone really has a valid excuse - summer birthday parties really are hard to attend. If the cost is going to be half of what you planned, then maybe you can do something extra for your son.

We've had parties with good attendence and parties with small attendence - both have good and bad points. If you have a total of 5 kids then they can all bowl on the same lane and your son can spend quality time with all the guests!! As the mom you'll be able to watch what's going on and enjoy the time with your son.

When we've had too many guests, the kids often complain to me that they can't sit by the birthday boy or that my son isn't playing with them, etc. That's no fun either! Plus I spend so much time trying to keep everyone happy that I don't even get to watch my son.

I hope your party goes well and that your son feels special on his birthday!! 5 is a GREAT age!!

 

[Talking Hands]

Jacksonsmom,
August birthdays are very hard. Many kids can be out of town just before the opening of school. My youngest was born Aug 11 and instead of a birthday party we started the tradition of going to WDW around her birthday. The one time we tried to have a delayed party so her friends would be home hurricane Andrew happened. After that I gave up.
Encourage your son to enjoy the kids that do come and don't dwell on those who can't

 

[SunshineSis]

You can make even the smallest party special for your son. He will have a great time. I agree with the others...if you make a big deal out of people declining, he'll feel bad. Just play up the kids who are coming and it will all work out.

When gets get older (at least around here) they tend to want smaller, more intimate parties. Most of the parties my DS (10) goes to only have somewhere between 3-5 kids.

 

[CEDmom]

Summer birthdays can be tough. Kids seem to be such great friends during the school year but if they don't have contact over the summer they can forget about how they feel about each other. DD has a late August birthday and we've pushed her kids party into mid Sept. for this very reason.

I wouldn't try to read into peoples reasons for not making a party.

I'd play up the fun he'll have with the kids who are coming and maybe get some extra stuff for the goodie bags since you'll have less kids. In the end he'll have a great time whether 1 friend or 20 are there.

 

[spagheddie]

As others have said the summer can reduce the amount of people attending. My 2yo DS birthday party is this weekend and we're only expecting a little more than half of the people we invited. Even my BIL and SIL won't be able to come due to vacation. The other family/friends who aren't coming will be away also. I wouldn't worry about any other possible reasons. I hope your son has a great bday!

 

[Kimberle]

Hi, I have alot of experience with kiddie parties.

I do not think a 50% acceptance ratio is bad. It's about average.

First, do NOT take it personal. Sometimes you "luck out" and pick a good date/time when lots can make it, sometime you don't, and only a few can come. What may sound like just an "excuse" to you really is a reason why the child can't come.

For Brittany's 4th, I invited 26 kids, 13 came. For her 5th, I invited 27 and 19 came. One of her friends had a party a year ago in March and only 5 or 6 came, out of around 20-22. She had a lot of last minute cancelations due to illness. (I was one of them. Brittany had a fever of 105. I just couldn't take her. She'd have made everyone sick. I felt terrible. But I couldn't help that she got sick.)

I REALLY don't think the reason the kid's can't come is because you don't have xxx or xxx.

Like the other's have said, focus on the joy of the situation! With 4 friends, he can really enjoy each one's company.

Relax and have a great party!!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I think that 4 kids is a good number for a 5yo party! Have a great time, focus on the positive, and your son will have a good time.

T&B

 

[BrerMom]

I wouldn't give him a "count" update unless he asks. Having 10 kids can be a little overwhelming anyway. This way, he can really enjoy the kids that are there. That was a good point about all the kids bowling in the same lane. My DD went to a bowling party where her total interaction with the party girl was hi!, then thanks for the gift, then thanks for coming. She only interacted with the girls in her lane.

If only four come, you can have nice prizes or goody bags.

Remember, at this age, they still take their cues from you. Coming from somebody who had two people show up for my graduation party, I know that's hard. If you act like four kids is the best thing that could have happened, he'll be excited, too.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Oh, and it beats the alternative. When my daughter, our first born, turned 6yo we invited 18 children, thinking that some wouldn't be ble to make it. They ALL came, along with our 3yo and one of his friends. So 20 children, in our little house, plus our newborn son. We had a magician, so entertainment was taken care of, but we still have to do games and cake with all those kids.

We've learned, though, in these 10 years. Our house is now bigger and our guest lists smaller!

T&B

 

[jacksonsmom]

Thanks everyone!

First I want to say, I have been very careful not letting DS see my disappointment. I have been playing on who IS coming then who isn't coming.
I am so happy his best friend & DS's "girlfriend" (he calls her that) are able to make it.

Luckily the bowling alley doesn't have a minium number of kids, you just pay per child so that is not a problem.
I know someone suggested cousins but my son only has one cousin & she is 15 years old!

I have been getting extra things for the goodie bags, since I don't have to buy as many things I was going to get party size playdoh but now I am giving each kid a regular size. I need to go to the store & get some more things though!

I was only going to have cake & punch but I have decided since there won't be a lot of kids, I am ordering some pizzas from the bowling alley too! DS will like that!

I do like the fact that all the kids will be able to bowl in one lane. That will be fun for the kids.

I am having a small family type party for him this Saturday also. When I say small, I do mean small though, it will just be my dad, his wife, my mom & her husband & then my grandparents. We don't have a lot of family members around anymore
But DS will enjoy spending time with his grandparents.

Summer birthdays do stink! I do like the idea of postponing his parties for now on until after school is back in session.
I might do that next year.
Summer is so hard, I know that...people go up to their cabins, have things going on, etc.
I guess when his one mother called me this morning, it just didn't sit well with me because I JUST saw her yesterday & she didn't say anything to me then!!!!
But I really wasn't expecting her son to show up anyway, this mother does act like she is superior to others

ANyway, Thanks again! We are going to have an awesome birthday party!!!!!!!!!

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Does your son have any cousins his age who he could maybe have over? (I assume these were all kids from his school).

I don't really know what to say, other than I think your DS will have a great time and he is so lucky to have a mom who loves him. I think really, once he gets caught up in the excitment of the party , he will forget how small the crowd is.