Well-- just got back from the doggy doctor
It's official-- she can't see a thing. Not even shadows

He said that she has all the symptoms of SARD (sudden acquired retinal deficiency). I guess it happens most often in spayed, female, overweight, middle-aged dogs in the winter (yes-- in the winter?!?!). She fits all of the above except overweight (she's pretty much right on target). She had 2 of the bloodwork symptoms (low white count and high something else). Bad news is: no cause, no cure. Good news is that it doesn't have any other health effects and she can live with it-- she just needs to adjust. So what do we do? We're going to leave her at another house for 11 days

I feel like a horrible mom

Can't I just hide her in my stateroom??? If I give her the antihistimines, she'll be so knocked out that maybe they'll just think she's a stuffed animal
The ordeal just got her a 45 minute belly rub though, so she's going to get some major spoiling benefits out of the deal because she now has me even more whipped than she already did