Fathers and sons...vent!

[NikitaZee]

Why not mow the law for your hurt husband so that none of this would have mattered?

Your missing the point. It seriously is not about the lawn.

Exactly. It's about his dad making a crack that made the OP's husband feel he had to prove something. The lawn didn't have to be mowed at that moment. And, if the OP's husband is anything like mine, he would have come out and taken the mower from her (like she indicated earlier). The only way I can mow my lawn is if my husband isn't physically around to be aware that I'm doing it - otherwise, he takes over the job. It's just the way he is.

 

[SplashMtnCrew]

Well, that's nice for you. I appreciate the snark, but all that would have happened if I had started mowing the yard was him being upset with me and him coming out to try to take the mower out of my hands, thus making things worse.

What I posted was not meant to be a "snark". So now what you're saying is that if you would have done the lawn work yourself, your DH would have come outside and taken the mower from you?? Interesting. Some things in your later posts are also revealing. BTW, if you didn't want opinions you shouldn't have posted it to millions of people online...now that WAS a snark.

Have you not read my posts that I was going to, but my husband insisted that he do it? Are you a man? If your father had made you feel small about not mowing the lawn, would it seriously have made you feel better about yourself to have your wife do it?
I would gladly have mowed the lawn, but I could tell from his tone when I suggested it that he would have been very, very upset with me if I did.

If I busted up both ankles, my wife would not be talking about it, posting about it and seeking opinions on a message board.

She would go out and mow the darn lawn.

Just like I would pick up any slack when she is laid up and needs help.

 

[NikitaZee]

I don't understand how some folks here continue to think this is about the dumb lawn!

 

[memster]

Why didn't you mow the lawn?

Yay, I'm going to agree with sparkly on this one.

 

[disneyfans95]

I don't understand how some folks here continue to think this is about the dumb lawn!

Well to be honest, if the OP stepped up and just did the lawn then there is no comment from the father. Game over.

If the father wants to make comments about a woman doing yard work and the OP is "afraid" of that, well they will be living in fear for a long time.

Set the tone. Get out, help out and ignore anything the OP says. Because at the end of the day, the poor guy busted up his ankles, got zero help from his spouse and heard it from his father.

At least if the OP helped out, you remove the feeling of him having to do it all with bad legs

 

[ms.yt]

What I posted was not meant to be a "snark". So now what you're saying is that if you would have done the lawn work yourself, your DH would have come outside and taken the mower from you?? Interesting. Some things in your later posts are also revealing. BTW, if you didn't want opinions you shouldn't have posted it to millions of people online...now that WAS a snark.

I am perfectly aware that by posting on here, I'm going to get opinions that I don't agree with. What bothered me about your post was that fact that you suggested, heck you came out and said, that I didn't care about helping my husband. That made me mad, and I told you about it. I love my husband very much, and it tears me up that he has these issues with his parents.

Maybe I'm a bad wife for not mowing the lawn myself. Maybe that was a mistake. At the time it seemed like it was going to cause less problems to let him do it.

 

[ms.yt]

Get out, help out and ignore anything the OP says. Because at the end of the day, the poor guy busted up his ankles, got zero help from his spouse and heard it from his father.

WTH is that supposed to mean? Why should people ignore what I say happened and only listen to you when it's my family that's involved?

I understand that you think you're right and I'm wrong, but I don't know where you get off telling people they should ignore anything I say. What nerve.

 

[Wishing on a star]

OP, trust me....
There are those on the DIS who will always find some way to attack an OP like you and go for the jugular....

SIMPLY IGNORE AND DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!

Again, SIMPLY IGNORE AND DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!

There are plenty of us here who have been exactly where you are sitting and totally and completely understand.

I do want to jump back in here and reply to your recent update that you know his parents must love your DH, but that they don't 'like' him very much.

Let me take this a bit further for you, based on my experience with my DH and his father.... and years of learning from it, years of soul searching....

Yes, his parents do probably love him as their child.

You need to know, right now, that this is probably not about that.
Not at all.

In my case, (as I believe in most cases) this was all about my FIL and MIL's narcissism.
I have come to learn a lot, and this is just so classic.
If one is so narcissistic that they always have to be 'GOD' of their world, then it just does not work that anybody else... even their only child/son in our case... could ever be good enough to compare. It is all about the need for constant self-validation that one is perfect and more capable and worthy of constantly passing judgement, and having control over, others.... And that others should bow down before ones judgement. Even ones so-called beloved children.

Now, I am not claiming to be any expert.
And, one can not tell from a few posts on a chat-board.
But, I do have to say that what you have posted sounds 'textbook'.
A book that I have experienced, verbatim, word for word.

When I finally got to know my inlaws, about the time I became engaged and committed to DH (they had lived out of state), it didn't take long for me to begin to wonder how FIL could be 'God' in DH's eyes, but I kept seeing a 'jerk'.... Let me tell you that, indeed, It took a long, long, time for DH to begin to see the obvious reality.

FIL went to his deathbead without ever uttering a positive or conciliatory word.

What wasted time and toll on DH, and untold toll on our marriage, all those early years turned out to be. Misguidedly hoping to 'appease' DH's father and hold out any hope for approval or acceptance.

If there is one thing that I have learned about this personality type, experts all agree that this person, like my FIL, simply can never, and therefore will never, change.

There is a different status-quo and method that needs to be applied in a relationship with this kind of person.

If, AND I AM SAYING 'IF', this is a similar situation with your DH and his father, I can only hope that my posts here will help you guys open your eyes a little earlier, and get to that new status-quo (a more 'healthy' way to manage the relationship) a bit faster, instead of later, after your husband's father becomes eldery/passes away.

 

[disneyfans95]

WTH is that supposed to mean? Why should people ignore what I say happened and only listen to you when it's my family that's involved?

I understand that you think you're right and I'm wrong, but I don't know where you get off telling people they should ignore anything I say. What nerve.

I am sorry. That was a mistake on my sentence.

I meant to say "ignore what the father says" not the op. I apologize for that. I know we are not seeing eye to eye on the topic, but I am sorry that I did not proof that well enough. Again, sorry.

 

[declansdad]

I don't understand how some folks here continue to think this is about the dumb lawn!

I can't believe this thread is 5 pages long.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Doesn't surprize me.....

 

[SplashMtnCrew]

I am perfectly aware that by posting on here, I'm going to get opinions that I don't agree with. What bothered me about your post was that fact that you suggested, heck you came out and said, that I didn't care about helping my husband. That made me mad, and I told you about it. I love my husband very much, and it tears me up that he has these issues with his parents.

Maybe I'm a bad wife for not mowing the lawn myself. Maybe that was a mistake. At the time it seemed like it was going to cause less problems to let him do it.

OP, I included my original post just so what I said would be clear. I never said nor did I suggest you didn't care about your DH, that is a lie. I told you what I would have done. Feel free to reread it. For some reason your DH feels as if he has something to prove to his father otherwise he would have laughed off the comment and continued with the rest/ice packs as the dr. ordered.

OP, this is where we differ. I would have just gotten up and went out and mowed the lawn. I certainly wouldn't have discussed me mowing the lawn (multiple times) with my DH b/c that would have given him the option of telling me "no". If I truely wanted to help him, I would have told him I was going out to mow and went outside and done it.

 

[ms.yt]

I am sorry. That was a mistake on my sentence.

I meant to say "ignore what the father says" not the op. I apologize for that. I know we are not seeing eye to eye on the topic, but I am sorry that I did not proof that well enough. Again, sorry.

Okay, apology accepted. Sorry to get so upset.

 

[ms.yt]

OP, I included my original post just so what I said would be clear. I never said nor did I suggest you didn't care about your DH, that is a lie. I told you what I would have done. Feel free to reread it. For some reason your DH feels as if he has something to prove to his father otherwise he would have laughed off the comment and continued with the rest/ice packs as the dr. ordered.

Okay, I accept that you didn't mean it that way, but when I read the line about if I truly wanted to help my husband, I took it as you saying I didn't want to help him. That really rubbed me wrong since I took him to the doctor and did other things to try to help him. Again, maybe I should have just mowed the yard, but at the time it seemed like the wrong thing to do.

Everybody, this obviously isn't the only time something like this has happened, and it won't be the last. I usually vent with my friends at work about this stuff, but since it's summertime, I came on here. I know not everybody agrees with me, and that's fine. I just needed a sounding board.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Again, don't get sidetracked, and like your DH, spend your time and energies being preoccupied by the meaningless, negative, comments/opinions of others!

Just focus on the posts of those who understand and can offer support or helpful advice.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Again, don't get sidetracked, and like your DH, spend your time and energies being preoccupied by the meaningless, negative, comments/opinions of others!

Just focus on the posts of those who understand and can offer support or helpful advice.

 

[loveadobie]

That was a little mean spirited.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

That was a little mean spirited.

Why? I thought her post was funny. How is that mean?

 

[loveadobie]

Why? I thought her post was funny. How is that mean?

I guess I thought your response was a little out of place. I thought you were being mean. Sorry if I misunderstood.

 

[doxdogy]

I am a woman and believe it or not, I understand what you are saying. My father's (mother not so much) approval was very important to me. But then again, I was a daddy's girl.

Women don't get it, so they judge it.