Fathers and sons...vent!

[Wishing on a star]

Women don't get it, so they judge it.

I don't see this as a judgement..
I see this as an obvious fact....
I am not posting judgement, I am posting my personal experience.

Either you are just stirring the pot here, or you are just really way off.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

If I busted up both ankles, my wife would not be talking about it, posting about it and seeking opinions on a message board.

She would go out and mow the darn lawn...

Amen.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I don't see this as a judgement..
I see this as an obvious fact....

Either you are just stirring the pot here, or you are really way off.

I am a man. You are not. Hmmm, you claim to know men better than men?

 

[Wishing on a star]

Or, it can help build an amazing relationship, like the one that I had with my father.

WOW....

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

WOW....

 

[loveadobie]

Or, it can help build an amazing relationship, like the one that I had with my father.

I am not sure that we are speaking of the same type of relationship.

It's so wonderful that yours came out amazing.

For others it's so toxic it needs to be changed, or avoided.

 

[Mom-to-2-Princesses]

I'm sure that some of you out there can relate to a dad who never seems to compliment a son when he does good, but always takes the opportunity to make a remark when something's not right.

I get you TOTALLY! That was my Father-in-Law. I can still remember when he came out here 14 years ago when my oldest daughter was born. We had built a new house and moved in 2 weeks before I gave birth. They came to visit when she was 2 weeks old. So shouldn't they be proud? Their son, who was 29 has a good job, built a house, has a child, etc. After touring the house he just went on about the new paint smell, the lack of color, and how we didn't have all our pictures up yet. (everything was painted white and then we decorated over the next few years) Personally I decided he was just jealous of his son's successes.

If you think of my story or your story alone, it seems silly --- BUT when tons of stupid passive aggressive events pile up for MANY years it gets wearing. You can vent anytime!!! We get it!!!

 

[Wishing on a star]

I am a man. You are not. Hmmm, you claim to know men better than men?

Nope, I make no quantitative judgments or observations based on what one might have between their legs... And, I never, ever, questioned that ties that a man may have with their father.

I am signing off here, because, it is useless to attempt to have a meaningful rational conversation here.

 

[loveadobie]

I get you TOTALLY! That was my Father-in-Law. I can still remember when he came out here 14 years ago when my oldest daughter was born. We had built a new house and moved in 2 weeks before I gave birth. They came to visit when she was 2 weeks old. So shouldn't they be proud? Their son, who was 29 has a good job, built a house, has a child, etc. After touring the house he just went on about the new paint smell, the lack of color, and how we didn't have all our pictures up yet. (everything was painted white and then we decorated over the next few years) Personally I decided he was just jealous of his son's successes.

If you think of my story or your story alone, it seems silly --- BUT when tons of stupid passive aggressive events pile up for MANY years it gets wearing. You can vent anytime!!! We get it!!!

You've totally hit the nail on the head. That same very similar scenario happened to my husband and I. Our first new house, showing my parents, we were so proud, the visit ended in tears after all the criticism, this or that wasn't right. Talk about exploding our balloon.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I am not sure that we are speaking of the same type of relationship.

It's so wonderful that yours came out amazing.

For others it's so toxic it needs to be changed, or avoided.

Isn't that true of any relationship - that they can sometimes be toxic? Are father/son relationships to be judged more harshly than mother/daughter because the dynamics are different? Do those dynamics make them toxic, or is it the people?

Men build relationships with one another based on different things than women. You can judge it or accept it - but it isn't going to change.

 

[loveadobie]

Isn't that true of any relationship - that they can sometimes be toxic? Are father/son relationships to be judged more harshly than mother/daughter because the dynamics are different? Do those dynamics make them toxic, or is it the people?

Men build relationships with one another based on different things than women. You can judge it or accept it - but it isn't going to change.

No it's certainly not the gender/type of the relationship that makes the relationship toxic. It can be men/men, father's /son, brothers/sisters, sisiters/sisters, brother/brothers, mother/daughters. friends/friends, husband/wives, etc.

It's the dynamics and behaviors that happen during the relationship that determine if how close you can get or how much distance you need to maintain.

 

[Praying Colonel]

This thread's title grabbed me as I think about Father's Day coming up, my 3rd without my Dad.

"Fathers and sons"--IMHO it's going too far to generalize the specific event between OP's husband and father-in-law to all fathers and sons. My Dad, God rest his soul, never would've done that. In fact, he would've gone back to the house and cut the grass for me while I was getting checked out. He wasn't a saint--far from it. Just shows that parent-child relationships take all forms. I hope I can be a blessing to my son when he's on his own the way my Dad was to me.

 

[loveadobie]

This thread's title grabbed me as I think about Father's Day coming up, my 3rd without my Dad.

"Fathers and sons"--IMHO it's going too far to generalize the specific event between OP's husband and father-in-law to all fathers and sons. My Dad, God rest his soul, never would've done that. In fact, he would've gone back to the house and cut the grass for me while I was getting checked out. I hope I can be a blessing to my son when he's on his own the way my Dad was to me.

It sounds like you have a wonderful model

 

[ms.yt]

This thread's title grabbed me as I think about Father's Day coming up, my 3rd without my Dad.

"Fathers and sons"--IMHO it's going too far to generalize the specific event between OP's husband and father-in-law to all fathers and sons. My Dad, God rest his soul, never would've done that. In fact, he would've gone back to the house and cut the grass for me while I was getting checked out. He wasn't a saint--far from it. Just shows that parent-child relationships take all forms. I hope I can be a blessing to my son when he's on his own the way my Dad was to me.

I wasn't trying to imply that all fathers and sons have this kind of relationship. I'm happy that some people get to have good relationships with their fathers. It just makes me sad that my husband who is a great person, wonderful husband and caring father feels the need to risk his physical health to please his father, when that will likely never happen. I know both of his parents love him, but they just don't like him very much.

 

[loveadobie]

I wasn't trying to imply that all fathers and sons have this kind of relationship. I'm happy that some people get to have good relationships with their fathers. It just makes me sad that my husband who is a great person, wonderful husband and caring father feels the need to risk his physical health to please his father, when that will likely never happen. I know both of his parents love him, but they just don't like him very much.

You did not imply that at all. I do not feel you were trying to make any general statement.

 

[disneyfans95]

I wasn't trying to imply that all fathers and sons have this kind of relationship. I'm happy that some people get to have good relationships with their fathers. It just makes me sad that my husband who is a great person, wonderful husband and caring father feels the need to risk his physical health to please his father, when that will likely never happen. I know both of his parents love him, but they just don't like him very much.

Why not mow the law for your hurt husband so that none of this would have mattered?

 

[loveadobie]

Why not mow the law for your hurt husband so that none of this would have mattered?

Your missing the point. It seriously is not about the lawn.

 

[ms.yt]

Why not mow the law for your hurt husband so that none of this would have mattered?

Have you not read my posts that I was going to, but my husband insisted that he do it? Are you a man? If your father had made you feel small about not mowing the lawn, would it seriously have made you feel better about yourself to have your wife do it?

I would gladly have mowed the lawn, but I could tell from his tone when I suggested it that he would have been very, very upset with me if I did.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

... I know both of his parents love him...

Well, there you go. If they love him, and he loves them, let him handle this in his own way.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Have you not read my posts that I was going to, but my husband insisted that he do it? Are you a man? If your father had made you feel small about not mowing the lawn, would it seriously have made you feel better about yourself to have your wife do it?

I would gladly have mowed the lawn, but I could tell from his tone when I suggested it that he would have been very, very upset with me if I did.

Not sure about your husband, but I would have thanked my wife (after the fact) - but she would have to do it without asking. The moment that she asked, the "man" in me would have kicked in and I would have been out the door - and this has nothing to do with my father. This is just typical man behavior. We don't like to admit weakness or push off things that we see as our responsibilities onto others.

Also, it seems that he came through the ordeal okay. Maybe he knew his limits and knew that he could do it. Or, maybe he just wants to keep peace with his father - a man who you have said loves him. At any rate, he doesn't seem any worse for wear, right?