father in law threw a kink in our plans

[brymolmom]

Wow - Haven't read all replies...I'm a bit afraid to do so.

I honestly think it is just what you and/or your family is used to. We live close to the airport and my family lives close too, and my family would NEVER consider letting us drive and pay for parking. Nor would WE consider allowing them to do so. DH just got up 2 weeks ago and brought mom and dstepdad to airport at about 5 am. We didn't think twice about it and would have actually been offended if they took a cab or whatever.

I also have frequently offered (and sometimes given) my car to out of town family who are in for a weekend so that they don't have to have the expense of a rental. DH and I work at the same building and it's near to our house - so we don't have much trouble with one vehicle for a few days. It's all the same to me. Why pay when you don't have to?

Now dh's family lives about an hour away but close to that city's airport. To get a deal, sometimes our family has driven to that airport and flown out of there. I think it's so strange that dh's family has never ONCE insisted on driving us. They have helped us - but usually they will offer to pick up the car later in the day and usually it's only when my dh asks them specifically to do it. I don't necessarily think it's rude - I just think it's very strange since it's so out of the norm for my family. I guess my family's just cheap!

So I have come to understand it is just a difference in our upbringings and styles. My family has never paid for parking at our airport nor have we allowed any neighbors or friends to do so (I am looking at my calendar with a note on it in a week and a half to bring a friend and her family to the airport - they're driving to my house and leaving their car here for the week). DH's family, I believe, just considers it part of their vacation budget so it never even occurs to them to offer.

Reading this it is making me think that dh's family likely is thinking that we are very rude even asking for their help. OOPS!

 

[Nayan]

I am in the camp that if another $100 is going to kill your budget that much maybe taking vacations isn't for you. Your fil has given you plenty of notice that he's unavailable and now you can use that time to find alternatives. Many PP's have given some great ideas and you now have the time to come up with the money.

 

[nunzia]

I might remind FIL that he was living rent free in my home. If FIL was actually paying rent, the budget wouldn't be so tight.

Hope it works out for you!!!

Have to agree with this one..if he doesn't want to drive you as a family member favor, then maybe you can just say the ride is in lieu of rent. If he's unemployed and living rent free I'd think he'd be falling all over himself to feel like he was contributing in some way.

 

[happygirl]

I think we gave you more then enough time to make other arrangments, if 100 extra dollars is going to really put a hamper on things, I might wait on the trip to you have more money, You can never tell when things might happen.

 

[Marionnette]

Wow - Haven't read all replies...I'm a bit afraid to do so.

I honestly think it is just what you and/or your family is used to. We live close to the airport and my family lives close too, and my family would NEVER consider letting us drive and pay for parking. Nor would WE consider allowing them to do so. DH just got up 2 weeks ago and brought mom and dstepdad to airport at about 5 am. We didn't think twice about it and would have actually been offended if they took a cab or whatever.

I also have frequently offered (and sometimes given) my car to out of town family who are in for a weekend so that they don't have to have the expense of a rental. DH and I work at the same building and it's near to our house - so we don't have much trouble with one vehicle for a few days. It's all the same to me. Why pay when you don't have to?

Now dh's family lives about an hour away but close to that city's airport. To get a deal, sometimes our family has driven to that airport and flown out of there. I think it's so strange that dh's family has never ONCE insisted on driving us. They have helped us - but usually they will offer to pick up the car later in the day and usually it's only when my dh asks them specifically to do it. I don't necessarily think it's rude - I just think it's very strange since it's so out of the norm for my family. I guess my family's just cheap!

So I have come to understand it is just a difference in our upbringings and styles. My family has never paid for parking at our airport nor have we allowed any neighbors or friends to do so (I am looking at my calendar with a note on it in a week and a half to bring a friend and her family to the airport - they're driving to my house and leaving their car here for the week). DH's family, I believe, just considers it part of their vacation budget so it never even occurs to them to offer.

Reading this it is making me think that dh's family likely is thinking that we are very rude even asking for their help. OOPS!

I think that it's great that you and your family are willing to do these kinds of things for each other. We do what we can whenever we can. It just seems that in this case, the OP's father in law cannot help out on the days that the OP needs him. At least he gave her ample notice to check into her other options.

I can understand her frustration, especially given that she feels that she has done a lot for him. A ride to the airport using her own vehicle sounds like such a little request. I think I would be more hurt than angry. I would also remember it the next time FIL needed a small favor of some sort. I'm a little vindictive like that.

But this should only be a small bump in the rode. The OP needs to pick herself up and look into ways to get around this. There have been some good suggestions (paying a driver, Park-Sleep-Fly, Park & Fly, renting a car at the airport the night before, etc.). Each one of those is going to cost the OP more money. Money that she says isn't in the budget. So, unless she can get someone else who is willing to wake up in the wee hours of the morning to make a 2+ hour drive, she's going to have to come up with the money somehow.

 

[GinnyEmma]

I am amazed so many people think that if you do something nice for someone they owe you. I can't imagine looking at life that way.

 

[Marionnette]

I am amazed so many people think that if you do something nice for someone they owe you. I can't imagine looking at life that way.

I don't expect it so much as I would feel hurt when someone that I have gone out of the way for cannot (or will not) do something to help me out. I can't speak for the OP, but I do things out of love for my family and friends. When they don't reciprocate, I get the impression that the feelings are one-sided. It has nothing to do with money and everything to do with the message it sends: "You and your concerns don't matter enough to me for me to go out of my way to help you out."

 

[bellarella]

I didnt mean to be short. I was merely upset with the negativity being thrown out. With ALL I do for others, I cant even rely on anyone for a damn thing. It gets OLD. I was venting cause I was super frustrated.

This seems like it may be at the core of the issue. You can only set rules for yourself, not for other people. I never rely on anyone for anything. Seriously. When I do things for other people, I do it without expectation of getting anything back in return. Unless you agree to exchange favors up front (you can live in my house for free, but you have to do X,Y,Z in return), then I think you need to adjust your expectations. The help you are giving others is obviously not as valuable to them as it is to you.

Also, I cant cancel a trip. It would cost me money. My husband has NO wiggle room with his vacation time due to his company only releasing so many hours for a 60 person team to use. He's got 30 hours on vacation time left, and litterally no where to take it!

This is where a lot of people go wrong in their thinking. Whatever you've already spent on the trip is money gone. You can't do anything to get that back. But continuing to go on the trip is going to cost you more money. The opportunity cost is pretty high. If you are that tight that parking is putting you over, it doesn't sound like the timing is right. If your DH's vacation is use it or lose it, then do a "stay-cation." If it isn't, then roll the hours or cash them out.

Yes I saw parking for 9 at the lowest. Times that by 6, fuel charge, taxes, "transfer fee" and were talking 80 bucks. plus, I dont like the area its in. Asking a family member to help out is NOT unreasonable. I didnt call a distant relative who I see once a year.

It seems like you are double counting here. You already said that your FIL was going to drive your vehicle and use your gas. By parking in a lot you are saving 50% of your fuel costs (the minivan will only make one round trip to the airport rather than two). What taxes and transfer fees are you talking about? Most airport lots have flat rates that include all of that.

 

[Lewisc]

I suspect the OP is just looking to vent.

How often does your FIL drive your min-van? He might not be comfortable (or even feel safe) driving it for 2 hours at a time he'd normally be sleeping.

Book an early flight. I would have budged the cost to park my mini-van at an airport lot or a car service. A ride would be a bonus.

Volunteering to drive you probably sounded like a good offer until he thought about driving your minivan for 2 hours, before the crack of dawn.

A general observation. People who book flights at distant airports and/or inconvenient flight times need to consider the cost of getting to the airport before they book. Much too easy for something to come up and you'll lose your ride.

 

[mjkacmom]

I didnt mean to be short. I was merely upset with the negativity being thrown out. With ALL I do for others, I cant even rely on anyone for a damn thing. It gets OLD. I was venting cause I was super frustrated.

Also, I cant cancel a trip. It would cost me money. My husband has NO wiggle room with his vacation time due to his company only releasing so many hours for a 60 person team to use. He's got 30 hours on vacation time left, and litterally no where to take it!

Yes I saw parking for 9 at the lowest. Times that by 6, fuel charge, taxes, "transfer fee" and were talking 80 bucks. plus, I dont like the area its in. Asking a family member to help out is NOT unreasonable. I didnt call a distant relative who I see once a year.

DH has NEVER taken all of his vacation tiem, and it's use it or lose it. He's just too busy at work. And we would never ask a family member to drive us to the airport for an early morning flight (we are 20 minutes from the airport), and always park in long term parking ($12 a day). When my mom flies into Chicago every other month, she takes a cab 45 minutes to my sister's house - she'd never think to ask anyone to take 3+ hours out of their day to come get her, or bring her back to the airport (my dad or DH will usually drive and pick her up at our end, but she always schedules flights at good times, avoiding rush hour).

 

[SaraJayne]

OP - I'm with you! I would be frustrated too, and I don't blame you for being irritated. If FIL offered, you thought you had that taken care of and checked it off your list.

I will say, you are mighty kind in giving him a place to live, rent-free, and, I'm guessing, obligation free. It would seem, since he's unemployed, that it wouldn't be too much skin off his nose for him to take y'all to the airport and then pick you up a week later - using your vehicle and gas, no less! I can't imagine what his excuse would be - knowing that in six weeks, he will be unable to take you.

I don't blame you for not wanting to cancel your vacation. And it's okay if there's no wiggle room. Plenty of people budget for vacations, and work like the dickens to not go over budget. And very few of us have unlimited funds. We just hope for the best that we can stay in our monetary guidelines!!!

I hope you go and have a wonderful time. And perhaps you can find some paying renters so you can have a little extra cash! (Just kidding)

You are right that very few people have an unlimited vacation budget (including us). However, if you don't have even $100 leeway, you shouldn't be going in the first place.

ETA: Parking should always be factored in when budgeting your vacation. Then, if you find someone kind enough to take time out of their busy life to take you to the airport, you still have that extra wiggle room in your budget.

 

[Lewisc]

It seems like you are double counting here. You already said that your FIL was going to drive your vehicle and use your gas. By parking in a lot you are saving 50% of your fuel costs (the minivan will only make one round trip to the airport rather than two). What taxes and transfer fees are you talking about? Most airport lots have flat rates that include all of that.

Do a google search for midway parking. Check the places with the lowest rate. The "crooks" add on a daily fuel surcharge and a daily transportation fee. I'm not sure how they can advertise free shuttle to the airport when they're charging you $2/day fuel surcharge and $2/day (transportation tax).

http://www.aboutairportparking.com/midway-park-ride-fly-mdw-airport-parking

 

[tlbwriter]

I'm very curious, as others, for the reason FIL gave. I mean, if he just decided he didn't want to, after saying he would, that's awfully rude and thoughtless. And, even though this apparently makes me a very bad person, I would be disappointed that someone who is willing to accept SO much from you isn't willing to give a few hours of his day in order to help you out.

 

[Lewisc]

As a possibility, do you have any trustworthy older teens you know that might be willing to make a quick $50 for 4 hours driving? $12.50 an hour is more than most of them probably make so you might get takers, its about half of what you'd pay for with a lot, and no worries about leaving it somewhere sketchy.

My original thought. But they'd have to let the teen drive their minivan. $50 + the cost of gas for the extra R/T might not be much cheaper then paying for parking.

Now dh's family lives about an hour away but close to that city's airport. To get a deal, sometimes our family has driven to that airport and flown out of there. I think it's so strange that dh's family has never ONCE insisted on driving us. They have helped us - but usually they will offer to pick up the car later in the day and usually it's only when my dh asks them specifically to do it. I don't necessarily think it's rude - I just think it's very strange since it's so out of the norm for my family. I guess my family's just cheap!

So I have come to understand it is just a difference in our upbringings and styles. My family has never paid for parking at our airport nor have we allowed any neighbors or friends to do so (I am looking at my calendar with a note on it in a week and a half to bring a friend and her family to the airport - they're driving to my house and leaving their car here for the week). DH's family, I believe, just considers it part of their vacation budget so it never even occurs to them to offer.

Reading this it is making me think that dh's family likely is thinking that we are very rude even asking for their help. OOPS!

It is a difference in style. If someone offered to drive two hours, at the crack of dawn, my response would be to thank them for their generosity but politely decline. The person offering might even expect such a response. A relative living with you maybe not. Maybe they want to see me off or the request may not be that reasonable.

Not saying you're 100% wrong but based on the posts in this thread it's evident that your expectations aren't the norm.

 

[kiddo76]

Free dining, we only drink water as it is, no park hoppers, we are allergic to gluten and PB, onsite is cheaper for us.

If you have the regular dining plan, you could downgrade to quick service, saving you money on the plan and tips.

This is where a lot of people go wrong in their thinking. Whatever you've already spent on the trip is money gone. You can't do anything to get that back. But continuing to go on the trip is going to cost you more money. The opportunity cost is pretty high. If you are that tight that parking is putting you over, it doesn't sound like the timing is right. If your DH's vacation is use it or lose it, then do a "stay-cation." If it isn't, then roll the hours or cash them out.

I agree. If you can't cut the cost of your trip down and you can't afford to pay for parking, you can't afford to go on the trip. Personally, under those conditions, I would cancel the trip.

Now, sometimes when we fly we fly out of an airport that is 20 minutes from my parents, 2.5 hours from where we live. We stay at one of their houses the night before and ALWAYS plan on paying for parking. Most of the time someone offers to bring us to the airport, but if it is an early or late flight, we will decline. Even when we have a ride planned, I still make reservations at the offsite Park-n-Ride and factor that cost into our plans. You never know what might come up and having a back up plan is always a good idea.

 

[GinnyEmma]

My original thought. But they'd have to let the teen drive their minivan. $50 + the cost of gas for the extra R/T might not be much cheaper then paying for parking.



It is a difference in style. If someone offered to drive two hours, at the crack of dawn, my response would be to thank them for their generosity but politely decline. The person offering might even expect such a response. A relative living with you maybe not. Maybe they want to see me off or the request may not be that reasonable.

Not saying you're 100% wrong but based on the posts in this thread it's evident that your expectations aren't the norm.

I live a couple of hours away from the airport. I wouldn't ask or ever assume that anyone would take me to the airport mid day let alone in the middle of the night.

 

[NYCDiane]

Its not inexpensive when you live a hour away.

He's inconsiderate because we are on a TIGHT budget. TIGHT. There is NO wiggle room. Our flight leaves EARLY. And we get back around 7pm. And when tell someone you will do something, then back out, yes that is inconsiderate.

If your budget is that "TIGHT TIGHT" wiht "NO wiggle room" maybe you should reconsider your vacation plans until you have some wiggle room.

I could never enjoy a vacation if my budget was so tight that I couldn't afford an extra $50 - $100 to get to the airport. What if an emergency comes up while you're on the vacation and you need $$$????????


And, no, I don't think what your FIL did was inconsiderate ---- it would have been inconsiderate had he waited until 3 days before to tell you, but giving you a full 6 weeks notice??? Not the least bit inconsiderate.

 

[spacemountainmom]

I am amazed so many people think that if you do something nice for someone they owe you. I can't imagine looking at life that way.

No, I don't think everyone I do something for owes me. In my life family, friends and neighbors help each other out. We don't keep track of every little thing, but understand things generally even out in the end and if they don't...so what.

I think the OP is doing something way more than just nice for her IL's. I don't know about where she lives, but where I live a house is going to rent for @ $1,000 at the bare minimum. Her budget would be a whole lot less stressed if she was bringing in that money each month. Her family is making a pretty big sacrifice for the IL's and they can't be bothered to help her out.

I just can't see why people think she is so out of line and I would love to hear what FIL's excuse is.

 

[Hannathy]

I'm still wondering also how old the FIL is? He may have initially agreed and then thought about it and if he is older may have realized he can't do Chicago traffic anymore, especially if it is Midway that is in town and even O Hare is all expressway to get there. If they live an hour away he may not be used to major city traffic and if they have a morning flight would put him right in the middle of it. Chicago can be daunting.

 

[GinnyEmma]

lol, I can't imagine that kind of traffic. It is so not my happy place.

I feel bad for the fil, being "vented" about on a msg. board. We help my mom out a lot. She raised me, I owe her everything. She owes me nothing ever.