Family Members Unable to Go

[Toadlover]

We have had our big trip planned for over a year and now it's nearly here! It is going to be all adults- except my niece who turns 17 during the trip. Unfortunately, two of my adult children aren't going because they weren't disciplined enough to save the money to go! I kept asking the younger one how he was doing on saving money for the trip, over the last year, and he always said "Good". I already feel really sad that they aren't going, and I wished I could just pay for them to go myself, but it took me over a year to save the money for just me and a huge chunk of my savings went to two crowns on my front teeth because my teeth broke! I'm happy to have caught up but had I not had to fix my teeth, I could've paid for one of my kids to go- but would that have been fair to the other one who can't go? I do have one child who IS going including her boyfriend. I will buy each child that's not going a tshirt or mug or something of that nature, but obviously that's little consolation. What makes matters worse is that their cousins are going- twins that are 9 months older than my youngest- and they are bummed that my youngest can't go. My mom says he can save and go in 3 years or so when we go again, but my mom is turning 75 during the trip and you never know if she will BE here in 3 years. Sad, but true.

 

[lockets]

Sounds like a plan to buy them souvenirs! Hey all you can do is invite people. It’s on them to show up

 

[Jangles]

I am sorry that you are disappointed. Perhaps if your adult children had really wanted to go to Disney they would have made the effort to save. The world is a big open book for young people and there are so many places for them to explore. There is nothing worse than travelling to Disney with someone who doesn’t really want to be there.

 

[Her Dotness]

It's possible, I think, that these two may have had unexpected expenses similar to your dental bill.

Isn't it possibly a bit harsh to think of the two who aren't going as "...they weren't disciplined enough to save the money to go!"? Would you have reacted well to your parent repeatedly asking you how you were doing on saving for the trip?

Not managing to save enough money to go on the trip may have been a way to opt out more easily than telling you they'd rather not go.

It can be especially difficult to tell a parent who they know is excited for everyone to go on the trip that they really aren't that interested or have other priorities for that much money.

 

[MamaBelle4]

There's a fair amount to unpack here. I don't know where to start.

First, it's a little harsh to say your kids weren't "disciplined" enough to save. We are coming out of a global pandemic that had extreme ramifications for everyone. Even if they didn't lose income or whatever else, cost for everything is increasing everywhere and that can make budgeting difficult.

Is there anyway that the two siblings can get a room together off-site and only go to the park one or two days? Maybe meet in Disney Springs for a meal? Maybe they can't do everything with the whole family, but maybe they can make a couple of things work and still get a little bit of that time with their grandmother.

 

[Toadlover]

It's possible, I think, that these two may have had unexpected expenses similar to your dental bill.

Isn't it possibly a bit harsh to think of the two who aren't going as "...they weren't disciplined enough to save the money to go!"? Would you have reacted well to your parent repeatedly asking you how you were doing on saving for the trip?

Not managing to save enough money to go on the trip may have been a way to opt out more easily than telling you they'd rather not go.

It can be especially difficult to tell a parent who they know is excited for everyone to go on the trip that they really aren't that interested or have other priorities for that much money.

You're right. And I do know that the older of the two children has gotten a better-paying job and is over the moon to do something very dear to her heart with her money. I've told her how happy I am that she can do this too.

 

[Toadlover]

There's a fair amount to unpack here. I don't know where to start.

First, it's a little harsh to say your kids weren't "disciplined" enough to save. We are coming out of a global pandemic that had extreme ramifications for everyone. Even if they didn't lose income or whatever else, cost for everything is increasing everywhere and that can make budgeting difficult.

Is there anyway that the two siblings can get a room together off-site and only go to the park one or two days? Maybe meet in Disney Springs for a meal? Maybe they can't do everything with the whole family, but maybe they can make a couple of things work and still get a little bit of that time with their grandmother.

It's a bit too late now. We leave next week, but thanks for that thought!

 

[Toadlover]

I am sorry that you are disappointed. Perhaps if your adult children had really wanted to go to Disney they would have made the effort to save. The world is a big open book for young people and there are so many places for them to explore. There is nothing worse than travelling to Disney with someone who doesn’t really want to be there.

True. But I think they would've enjoyed the trip if they could've afforded it. I may be wrong, though. My youngest says he's going to go in 3 years when we go again. He has a girlfriend who wanted to go, too, so that was especially difficult having to save for two people. He just got his first apartment not even a year ago so there have been lots of big changes for him.

 

[Toadlover]

Sounds like a plan to buy them souvenirs! Hey all you can do is invite people. It’s on them to show up

True. I'm sorry I may have made my youngest feel bad that he can't come along. I was just so excited about this big family trip we are taking- over 10 people are going.

 

[Her Dotness]

:::: cues chorus singing "Let It Go" ::::

Not to be too hard on self about this.

It's tough to accept sometimes when something we really wanted everyone in the family to do together doesn't work out.

 

[starlite_]

10 people are going and between all 10 you couldn't help your 2 kids out to pay for it? Not giving them the money, but lending it?
Maybe I'm just underestimating the cost of the trip, but say if they had saved half of it was it impossible to help them with the other half as a loan that they could pay afterwards?

Too late now I suppose. Either way hope you have a great trip!