Family Fights During WDW Vacation

MadisonMouse13

Mouseketeer
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Aug 8, 2015
Messages
88
Hello everyone! I'm sort of in a pickle and some advice from Disney experts would really help.
My father said that my family (my dad, my mom, my 17 year old sister, and I) will probably go back to Disney in Feb. 2016 for my sweet 16 (by then I'll be 16 and my sister will be 18). The problem is, the older my sister has gotten, the more it seems she and my mother fight. I really would not want them fighting the whole week we're in WDW (they fought during my 15th birthday, too). My dad says there is a chance my extended family would go (aunts, uncles, cousins) which would make me feel better because my mom and sister tend to be more "well behaved" around our extended family, however there is a chance that it will be just the 4 of us because it is a lot to ask, especially because most of my cousins are older, either in college or out of it living on their own. I just really don't want another birthday where they end up screaming at each other, especially if it's in Disney World. Any tips on how to keep the fights to a minimum???? Thank you!
 
There is absolutely nothing you can do. Trust me.

The only person you can control is you. Your mom and your sister are responsible for themselves.

When they start in on each other, do not engage in any way. Do not say anything, do not do anything. Completely ignore them as if they aren't even there. Anything else is just throwing fuel on the fire.
 
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You can't make people change, but you can let them know what your needs are, and you can remove yourself from their vicinity. Talk to your parents ahead of time and let them know that you are really hoping for a peaceful trip. Get permission to step away if things start getting hostile. Then, if they start bickering, you can say, "Excuse me. I think I will go ride something by myself. Meet you afterwards?"
 
Yeah, there's little you can do in this case. My only suggestion is to find a way to keep them separated so they don't fight with each other - like for example offer your parents some privacy at times during the trip so you and your sister can take off and do fun teenager things?
 

Yes. This is my family almost to a T. There is nothing you can do about it.

Perhaps the ONLY preventative thing I could suggest would be to try to discuss with each of them what they are expecting out of the trip. I think a lot of fights at WDW stem from people's expectations not living up to reality. Like Mom expecting family to stay together constantly, sister expecting to split up every once in a while. This only gets exacerbated if you're not a family who likes to make a plan--things people have their hearts set on get pushed and pushed each day until it's the last day and everyone is grumpy and heartbroken that they missed THEIR thing. Helping to make sure everyone knows what is in store can be a helpful way to diffuse potential powder-keg issues. That is the only way that I got my mother, for example, through the stress of my wedding. (She got a lot of her horrible feelings out of the way well ahead of time and ended up having a good time--a big improvement considering she told me at my engagement she wasn't going to come!) But depending on what ends up being the issue that they fight about, this is far from fool-proof. Manage your expectations now and find your own happy place.

The only other thing I can think about is--if both of them are willing to admit that their fighting is a problem (because not everyone is), if they could agree in a pre-arranged way to respect it when you or your dad says, OK, we are going to split up NOW and cool off. If they will agree to walk away from one another, no matter how livid they are with each other, that could also be a great way to prepare for it. But that only works if they are willing to acknowledge that they have a problem and that their fighting impacts the people around them.
 
Yes. This is my family almost to a T. There is nothing you can do about it.

Perhaps the ONLY preventative thing I could suggest would be to try to discuss with each of them what they are expecting out of the trip. I think a lot of fights at WDW stem from people's expectations not living up to reality. Like Mom expecting family to stay together constantly, sister expecting to split up every once in a while. This only gets exacerbated if you're not a family who likes to make a plan--things people have their hearts set on get pushed and pushed each day until it's the last day and everyone is grumpy and heartbroken that they missed THEIR thing. Helping to make sure everyone knows what is in store can be a helpful way to diffuse potential powder-keg issues. That is the only way that I got my mother, for example, through the stress of my wedding. (She got a lot of her horrible feelings out of the way well ahead of time and ended up having a good time--a big improvement considering she told me at my engagement she wasn't going to come!) But depending on what ends up being the issue that they fight about, this is far from fool-proof. Manage your expectations now and find your own happy place.

The only other thing I can think about is--if both of them are willing to admit that their fighting is a problem (because not everyone is), if they could agree in a pre-arranged way to respect it when you or your dad says, OK, we are going to split up NOW and cool off. If they will agree to walk away from one another, no matter how livid they are with each other, that could also be a great way to prepare for it. But that only works if they are willing to acknowledge that they have a problem and that their fighting impacts the people around them.

Great advice, the only problem is they are not willing to admit that their fighting is an issue. They blame each other, and tell me that I'm being over dramatic. Is it too much to ask to not hear screaming on my birthday?
 
Yeah, there's little you can do in this case. My only suggestion is to find a way to keep them separated so they don't fight with each other - like for example offer your parents some privacy at times during the trip so you and your sister can take off and do fun teenager things?

That might work...we'll see what happens.
 
Great advice, the only problem is they are not willing to admit that their fighting is an issue. They blame each other, and tell me that I'm being over dramatic. Is it too much to ask to not hear screaming on my birthday?

Nope. But if they don't admit it's a problem, then they're not going to make an effort to stop. It's kind of like wishing divorced parents would just get along. You're never going to be able to make that happen. Each is put upon and victimized by the other in their own way and they've just got issues that they're working through (or not) in their fighting. It's horrible to be around, it would be great to have a family that gets along, but... this one's yours.

If that's going to ruin your trip, I suggest asking to postpone the trip until everyone is on better terms with one another, or asking if you could go with just your mom or just your dad. If they see how seriously it affects you they might be willing to try to make an effort to curb their behavior a little bit. Otherwise, planning to keep them separated as much as possible is also great... but not sure how much power you'll have to do that.

The only solace I can offer is that it'll probably get better. 18 is a tough age and as your sister gets more independence their fights will change but will probably end up being more avoidable over time.
 
Nope. But if they don't admit it's a problem, then they're not going to make an effort to stop. It's kind of like wishing divorced parents would just get along. You're never going to be able to make that happen. Each is put upon and victimized by the other in their own way and they've just got issues that they're working through (or not) in their fighting. It's horrible to be around, it would be great to have a family that gets along, but... this one's yours.

If that's going to ruin your trip, I suggest asking to postpone the trip until everyone is on better terms with one another, or asking if you could go with just your mom or just your dad. If they see how seriously it affects you they might be willing to try to make an effort to curb their behavior a little bit. Otherwise, planning to keep them separated as much as possible is also great... but not sure how much power you'll have to do that.

The only solace I can offer is that it'll probably get better. 18 is a tough age and as your sister gets more independence their fights will change but will probably end up being more avoidable over time.

Thanks for all the help. Sadly, being the youngest in the family leaves me with little to no power, so I will try to keep them separated. But who knows? Maybe by February there will be a change in their relationship.
 
I know a mother daughter relationship is different from a husband wife relationship, but my Inlaws used to fight constantly. It made me horribly uncomfortable, like they were yelling at me and not each other, and finally one day I told them (via email), and now they don't fight in front of me. When my son was born and my husband would visit them, one day he up and left their house when they started arguing in front of my young son. Since he walked out that day they haven't argued since in front of us.

I guess what I'm saying is I like the suggestion of saying, I'm leaving now and actually leaving. They might get the message. For best results try this before the actual trip.

Also, it's tough being a teenager. My brother fought constantly with my parents his junior and senior years, but then was fine once he went to college. So even if your trip sucks, know that there is hope for the future.

Ps. If your user name is your real name you should really change it. Never use your real name on the Internet, especially in online forums, you are just opening up yourself to all sorts of trouble. Plus the fact that anyone searching your name will now see all your posts here on the dis and wherever else you have used your real name.
 
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There isn't much you can do besides remember that you are at Disney and try to enjoy yourself.

I have a terrible relationship with my mother and we can't be near each other without getting into a huge argument. Which is why I don't spend any time with her.

Hopefully they'll be on better terms in a couple years and you'll have an awesome trip.
 
Have you talked to your dad about this? Maybe if the two of them start fighting, you two could go off by yourselves?

Unfortunately, I think the fighting is going to have to be their issue to resolve, but that doesn't mean that they should let it effect you.
 
This was my problem growing up too. I was the youngest and my older sister was always throwing tantrums and ruined just about every vacation (and a lot of other things) growing up. My parents didn't really know how to deal with her, and often made things worse. She now has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, and explosive personality disorder. Not saying that is what is going on here, but I always just wanted her to grow up. Now I know that that was just not possible. It is probably more just teenage hormone stuff in your case.
Here's what I used to do (and this was the 90s, so bear with me :):
I always had a book with me (you could bring a kindle or phone:) and if things got bad I just started reading and ignored them. I now have my PhD, so all that reading was not such a bad thing :)
I also often brought a walkman (yes, a tape one! but you could bring an ipod or phone :), and just tuned them out with music.
I agree with other posters that trying to get involved will only make things worse. My sister would just turn her rage onto me or claim I was trying to be the favorite. And I would get so mad when my parents would give her things to appease her.
 
I know a mother daughter relationship is different from a husband wife relationship, but my Inlaws used to fight constantly. It made me horribly uncomfortable, like they were yelling at me and not each other, and finally one day I told them (via email), and now they don't fight in front of me. When my son was born and my husband would visit them, one day he up and left their house when they started arguing in front of my young son. Since he walked out that day they haven't argued since.

I guess what I'm saying is I like the suggestion of saying, I'm leaving now and actually leaving. They might get the message. For best results try this before the actual trip.

Also, it's tough being a teenager. My brother fought constantly with my parents his junior and senior years, but then was fine once he went to college. So even if your trip sucks, no that there is hope for the future.

Ps. If your user name is your real name you should really change it. Never use your real name on the Internet, especially in online forums, you are just opening up yourself to all sorts of trouble. Plus the fact that anyone searching your name will now see all your posts here on the dis and wherever else you have used your real name.

How do you change your user name?
 
I suspect this problem between your Mom and sister affects you at home as well. I would advise that you speak to your Dad, your Mom and your sister separately and explain how much their fighting bothers you. They may not even see it as an issue. Several years ago, I used to spend a lot of time with my cousin and her young kids. She seemed to constantly scream at them saying things I thought a Mom should never say to her kids. I finally told her how much it bothered me and she was very surprised! She didn't see it as an issue at all. And her kids seemed to let it roll off their back and knew she loved them. She did tone it down when they were with me though. They are all adults now and have a great relationship!

If you were an adult, I would advise you to give them notice that if and when they make you feel uncomfortable, you are going to walk away from the situation and re-join them later. Since you are only 16, you will need your Dad's assistance to pull that off. I hope this works out for you, OP!
 
How do you change your user name?

You cannot do it yourself, but a moderator or webmaster might be able to do it for you. But, you need 10 posts before you can PM (private message - called "start a conversation" here) with someone. I reported your post, so that a moderator will see and may be able to help you (I did not report it because you did anything wrong).

As for the topic, unfortunately there is, indeed, little you can do. I went through something similar with my bother and mothers. At your age, I did walk away and rejoin them later. Might not work for you, but it did help me.
 
You cannot do it yourself, but a moderator or webmaster might be able to do it for you. But, you need 10 posts before you can PM (private message - called "start a conversation" here) with someone. I reported your post, so that a moderator will see and may be able to help you (I did not report it because you did anything wrong).

As for the topic, unfortunately there is, indeed, little you can do. I went through something similar with my bother and mothers. At your age, I did walk away and rejoin them later. Might not work for you, but it did help me.

I have more than 10 posts so I'm all set. I guess I'll find a moderator haha. Thank you!
 







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