Family and Text Messages

[BLTtinkerbell]

I need to vent. Tonight my MIL asked one of my sons why he doesn't text his aunt back when she sends a message. He said because he gets busy. I wanted to know why my SIL who is almost 50 told her mother that my teenage boys don't always respond to her text messages. My MIL went on to tell my son that they weren't very nice to not respond. She then told him he needs to call his aunt. I bit my tongue because MIL recently lost her husband. I did tell my DH that I feel he should talk to his sister about this & ask why she felt the need to tell her mother this instead of talking to him, if it was such a problem. I also feel that teenage boys shouldn't be expected to respond to every text their aunt sends them. I told DH he should also talk to his mother about this. What right does she have to tell our son he has to call his aunt? We are his parents, not her. I feel MIL & SIL made a huge issue out of this. I think SIL didn't have to bother her mother with this & could have talked to her brother instead. I think grandmothers should be grandmothers and not be involved in these types of things. Ugh, family.....

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yes they made an issue out of it. However don't take the bait! I would not make a BIGGER issue out of it, to be honest.

Let them be mad. That in itself can hold some satisfaction.

 

[JessicaR]

Does she message all the time? Did she ask him a question and was she maybe waiting for a reply? Other than that I would say if she is just messaging for the sake of messaging and he doesn't reply, she should get over it. She should call the kid if she wants to know why he didn't reply.

Maybe instead of having your husband calling both his mom and sister your son can just handle it. Why add more drama.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Not enough information to determine if this constitutes rudeness or not. I would hope that my boys would respond to a text from an aunt, but it would depend on the aunt...

 

[lillygator]

why is aunt texting? is that a usual thing?

 

[nmmom95]

Not enough information to determine if this constitutes rudeness or not. I would hope that my boys would respond to a text from an aunt, but it would depend on the aunt...

It would also depend on the frequency. Is she trying to have a whole conversation while he is doing something, or is it something that would require a quick answer? If it's the former, she needs a hobby.

 

[Amy&Dan]

I agree, just don't take the bait! On the other hand, you may need to just say that most kids simply cannot keep up with the texts. To me, texting is for kids or for parents to use to get in touch with their kids. I think a 50 year old aunt who texts to communicate with a nephew is using the wrong game plan to communicate.

Frankly, I can't and don't wish to learn how to text fast enough to use it very often.

 

[Art 1]

Had it been YOUR sister and mother would you be this upset?

 

[BLTtinkerbell]

I will give you more info. If aunt asks how school is going, my sons will respond with "good" and that is all. Hey that's all I get too! If she asks the score of their game, they respond with the score. BUT she sends lots of texts to them. She tells them about her job, her husband's job, her friends.....stuff that teenage boys might not care about. They don't respond to those. SIL used to send me lots of emails. I responded to questions & such but not every joke. She told her mother about this & MIL asked me why I didn't respond. I asked her why her daughter who is older than me, involved her in this. She said her daughter's feelings were hurt & she was just trying to fix the situation. I told her that I do respond to most emails but not every joke. MIL told me I was rude not to take the time to respond. I said I didn't agree and if SIL was going to be upset if I didn;t respond to every email, then maybe she shouldn't email me. After that, she hardly emails me & I am fine with that. So here we are a few years later & I SIL is still crying to mommy about silly things. The son that MIL spoke to about this is in middle school so that is why I want DH to talk to his sister & mother. I'm not sure if a kid in middle school should have to ask his adult aunt why she involved his grandmother in this.

 

[NikiM20]

I could see this happening and it would go something
like this....

Grandma.. Have you heard from nephew?


Aunt.. No, I sent him a text message but he never replied


my grandma would take it upon herself and contact the nephew.

 

[NikiM20]

half of what I wrote didn't show up. I can see this happening in my family

I also didn't see the update before I posted

I could see this happening and it would go something
like this....

Grandma.. Have you heard from nephew?


Aunt.. No, I sent him a text message but he never replied


my grandma would take it upon herself and contact the nephew.

 

[BLTtinkerbell]

Had it been YOUR sister and mother would you be this upset?

DH & I talked about this. First of all, my family doesn't text my kids & I don't text my siblings children. Second of all, If one of us complained to my mom about something like this, my mom would say to talk to the person about it. My mom doesn't get involved in stuff like this. We are adults & don't need our mom to solve our problems for us.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I will give you more info. If aunt asks how school is going, my sons will respond with "good" and that is all. Hey that's all I get too! If she asks the score of their game, they respond with the score. BUT she sends lots of texts to them. She tells them about her job, her husband's job, her friends.....stuff that teenage boys might not care about. They don't respond to those. SIL used to send me lots of emails. I responded to questions & such but not every joke. She told her mother about this & MIL asked me why I didn't respond. I asked her why her daughter who is older than me, involved her in this. She said her daughter's feelings were hurt & she was just trying to fix the situation. I told her that I do respond to most emails but not every joke. MIL told me I was rude not to take the time to respond. I said I didn't agree and if SIL was going to be upset if I didn;t respond to every email, then maybe she shouldn't email me. After that, she hardly emails me & I am fine with that. So here we are a few years later & I SIL is still crying to mommy about silly things. The son that MIL spoke to about this is in middle school so that is why I want DH to talk to his sister & mother. I'm not sure if a kid in middle school should have to ask his adult aunt why she involved his grandmother in this.

So, she is one of those aunts...

I would tell MiL that the aunt is old enough to come to you with issues directly and leave it at that. Until she does, ignore it...

 

[EllaM]

Sounds like SIL is a bit too heavily invested in trying to make a connection. She's going about it the wrong way. I got tired of my SILs always sending me forwarded junkmail too. I put them on ignore after awhile. (meaning I'd file away their junk in a folder then just deleted it as soon as it came in.) Eventually I ended up off one SIL's contact list. No big. I prefer talking to my brother anyway. At least his junk comes with his commentary.

It sounds unfair for grandma to be putting pressure on grandson for this. Better to just dismiss it. Maybe bro can have a word with SIL and remind her of your son's age. He's not ready for adult conversations like that.

 

[JessicaR]

OK so based on more details I think that your SIL needs to get a life. Sorry! I think since you had a similar issue you should call, email or text her and say the boys are crazy busy with school, activities and such that they are just unable to respond to every text message she sends. Or you could just have your husband do it but, I agree the kids are too young to be bombarded and have to deal with her barrage of texts.

Can't she just get a hobby or better yet maybe her phone could go missing...

 

[BLTtinkerbell]

I do want my children to be polite to relatives and respond to messages, when they have time. This is more than that. This is an aunt who keeps on sending messages. When I was a kid, we didn't have cell phones. My aunts & uncles called me on my birthday & sometimes for special events like prom, graduation, getting into college......They didn't call me everyday. This aunt sends texts messages all the time. If my sons do respond, she sends another one. When should it end? Are they supposed to keep on responding? They are busy - they go to school, have homework, play sports, hang out w/friends.......She isn't a friend, she is an aunt. She is an adult who should understand that teen boys don't have time to keep on sending messages.

 

[JessicaR]

I do want my children to be polite to relatives and respond to messages, when they have time. This is more than that. This is an aunt who keeps on sending messages. When I was a kid, we didn't have cell phones. My aunts & uncles called me on my birthday & sometimes for special events like prom, graduation, getting into college......They didn't call me everyday. This aunt sends texts messages all the time. If my sons do respond, she sends another one. When should it end? Are they supposed to keep on responding? They are busy - they go to school, have homework, play sports, hang out w/friends.......She isn't a friend, she is an aunt. She is an adult who should understand that teen boys don't have time to keep on sending messages.

So tell her that.

 

[lillygator]

hmm, the aunt needs to get a life if she is texting such details...

 

[Sparx]

he's probably just trying to be polite by not responding to the tmi texts.

 

[Amy&Dan]

I will give you more info. If aunt asks how school is going, my sons will respond with "good" and that is all. Hey that's all I get too! If she asks the score of their game, they respond with the score. BUT she sends lots of texts to them. She tells them about her job, her husband's job, her friends.....stuff that teenage boys might not care about. They don't respond to those. SIL used to send me lots of emails. I responded to questions & such but not every joke. She told her mother about this & MIL asked me why I didn't respond. I asked her why her daughter who is older than me, involved her in this. She said her daughter's feelings were hurt & she was just trying to fix the situation. I told her that I do respond to most emails but not every joke. MIL told me I was rude not to take the time to respond. I said I didn't agree and if SIL was going to be upset if I didn;t respond to every email, then maybe she shouldn't email me. After that, she hardly emails me & I am fine with that. So here we are a few years later & I SIL is still crying to mommy about silly things. The son that MIL spoke to about this is in middle school so that is why I want DH to talk to his sister & mother. I'm not sure if a kid in middle school should have to ask his adult aunt why she involved his grandmother in this.

Your sister in law sounds very immature!

First, to me its weird for her to want to be almost friends with your son. This to me goes beyond typical aunt behavior and interest. Does she have kids of her own?

Second, any grown woman that cries to her mama is sort of pathetic. At age 50, she had better get used to dealing with her own angst, her mom won't be around forever to referee her disputes and issues with other family members.

Last, I think this is just a symptom of a widespread problem. People using the internet, email and texting to do all their communicating. I think most of us have that person or persons who send continuous junk/chains/jokes via email and they get very insulted if you don't respond to everything they send. To me its pretty self centered and naive to think that if you send that stuff regularly, everyone will have the time and interest to read it and respond. Again, its pathetic.

I wonder if your mil has and uses email and realizes how much volume the average person gets? I know my parents never used email in their lives and would have no idea what someone was talking about and assumed it was some sort of really personal type communication, not just junk mail.

Honestly to me, sending that stuff to everyone, all the time is like sending people your snail mail junk mail and asking them "did you get that coupon I sent and are you going to use it?" What's the difference? Its all junk and who has time to read it all?