Family along on vacation how much should they pay? (really long!!)

[dustysky]

I dont understand why asking for the money owed is such a big deal. If you are close enoph to be on vaction together and sleep in the same room then asking for her to pay her own way should not be such an issue.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I'm sorry--I got through page 3 of the replies, but must now chime in! I would charge her 1/3 of the room, car, etc, but I would then charge her the actual charges of the extras such as the nachos, etc that were ordered at the pool. Those were extras that you should not have to pay a portion of. Or if you do choose to not get that nit picky, just divide everything 50/50.

I missed the age of your nephew. He sounds like a real control freak! I can totally understand because I have one of those myself, but I do NOT let him get away with it. He most certainly tries and I can see him trying to put both tv's on the same station, but there is no way I would allow it.
And it he pitched a fit he would not be allowed to watch anything. BTW, my little handful is 6yo.

Also, as far as the money, I would do it in person, and in front of your brother and your SIL. Mention it casually, not like she is trying to get out of paying for it. Maybe say that you hope she had a good time and that you figured out her portion and that it is $XXX Be fair, but do not give her too much of a break--afterall she invited herself and she said she would pay her share.

Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[TwingleMum]

Good Grief! I would calmly call her and remind her that she owes you however much you determined. And then never ever let this happen again. Please keep us posted.

 

[manning]

Try this plan. Let it be known you are going to WDW and will be staying in one of those 1 bedroom DVC units. When she invites herself along tell her she will have to split the cost. Now pay attention to this part. It's key to the plan!! The day before the trip without telling anyone, grab a plane to Hawaii.

 

[Tiggerlover91]

Sorry, but I don't have a lot of sympathy for you. Yes, you are most defintely owed the money and you definitely should get it ASAP. But...

The title of your thread alone says a lot. Your SIL hijacked your trip. And why? Because you let her. I mean, how hard is it to tell her, "Sorry but no. This is a trip for me, X, Y, and Z (you get the idea)." She crashed your room. Why? You let her. What part of, "No, they don't allow this and I'm not doing it" et al. is so hard to do? You let her walk all over you.

Yes you are entitled to the money. She did you wrong in that respect. But I think you need to take a little responsibility in this situation.

I hate to say, but I have to agree. NO ONE and I mean NO ONE works their way in on a trip that I plan for myself and DH. If I want you there, I invite you, if I don't want you there, I don't let you know where we're going on when we are going.

I agree with the above poster, yes she owes you money, period point blank, but take some of the blame because you let her walk all over you. I'll say it once and I'll say it again, if you're tired of being walked on, then get up off the floor!

 

[m&m's mom]

I tend to agree w/ your DH on this one. Is it REALLY worth a potential lifetime of awkward family events and *******? She knows she took advantage of you and you are wise to her now and won't let it happen again.
Case closed.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I tend to agree w/ your DH on this one. Is it REALLY worth a potential lifetime of awkward family events and *******? She knows she took advantage of you and you are wise to her now and won't let it happen again.
Case closed.

Just when and where are you planning on going on vacation? Really, I'm not trouble at all!

 

[jim and meesie]

I think it is fair to split the common costs in 5 & have her pay her 2/5's worth, and then the additional room service that she & her son incurred should be paid by her. It isn't a matter of letting it go, in my opinion, but of being up front. So many of us tend not to speak our minds (in a nice way) because we're so afraid of affecting relationships, etc., when the other person isn't taking that same responsibility. I don't understand why you would be advised not to tell her her payment portion, and if you do not speak up, then she will probably assume that you do not expect her to pay.

It's much better to let her know what she owes, and if she then decides to stiff you, you can decide how you want to handle your relationship.

I appreciate all the feedback and yes I did let myself get used. I'm not looking for sympathy but in no way did I deserve this. Unfortunately I didn't think she would do this. Bad enough that she decided to come on the vacation uninvited but i did think well of her before this so I figured, ok how bad can it be??? Although I didn't invite her I did assume (my big mistake) that she would treat me the way I have always treated her. Quite honestly the way she acted stiffing me (so far) was totally out of character at least based on past experiences. When she told me "I know you're wealthy and all...." (we aren't but I can afford this) that just about bowled me over. I always thought that she and my brother did just fine financially so I really didn't think there was any charity needed here.

So update, we've been home for four days, I swung by their house to drop off pictures and let her know what the total bill was, no one home, left message no response. At this point it is just strange that neither she nor my brother have checked in and at least said "thanks". Even my husband who is a total cynic and expects the worst out of everyone says this is just plain weird. Maybe she's leaving my brother (she said enough negative weird stuff that I might not be surprised) and this is just the parting shot at my family.

I have gone on vacation with friends before and we always promptly settled up after the trip was over. And as far as saying no upfront, I should have but I didn't feel so strongly nor expect it to be this bad (although my husband did warn me) so I was willing to let it go and let my nephew have what I thought would be a fun school vacation (as opposed to staying home for the week with a babysitter). Despite my frustration I was nothing but nice all week.

If in the end she does totally stiff me I will be fine. It won't kill me financially and to make a big stink about it will ultimately involve my whole large family. No one has that kind of energy to deal with a no win situation, no matter what happens I'll be the greedy bad guy ("why'd she make a big deal over a few hundred dollars, she can afford it"). I am the oldest so I've been the one who was supposed to suck it up!

Bottom line, having all that bad family karma directed at me (although unjustly) will not be worth the $600-$700 I will collect best case. These are the times when I wish my friends were my family!!

 

[jim and meesie]

Just when and where are you planning on going on vacation? Really, I'm not trouble at all!

You're probably far easier and I don't even know you!!!

 

[jim and meesie]

I tend to agree w/ your DH on this one. Is it REALLY worth a potential lifetime of awkward family events and *******? She knows she took advantage of you and you are wise to her now and won't let it happen again.
Case closed.

You're good too!!!

 

[jim and meesie]

I dont understand why asking for the money owed is such a big deal. If you are close enoph to be on vaction together and sleep in the same room then asking for her to pay her own way should not be such an issue.

You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family! Amen

 

[Alicnwondrln]

You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family! Amen

so true
i am so sorry
good luck

 

[chris1gill]

So update, we've been home for four days, I swung by their house to drop off pictures and let her know what the total bill was, no one home, left message no response. At this point it is just strange that neither she nor my brother have checked in and at least said "thanks". Even my husband who is a total cynic and expects the worst out of everyone says this is just plain weird. Maybe she's leaving my brother (she said enough negative weird stuff that I might not be surprised) and this is just the parting shot at my family.

I have gone on vacation with friends before and we always promptly settled up after the trip was over. And as far as saying no upfront, I should have but I didn't feel so strongly nor expect it to be this bad (although my husband did warn me) so I was willing to let it go and let my nephew have what I thought would be a fun school vacation (as opposed to staying home for the week with a babysitter). Despite my frustration I was nothing but nice all week.

If in the end she does totally stiff me I will be fine. It won't kill me financially and to make a big stink about it will ultimately involve my whole large family. No one has that kind of energy to deal with a no win situation, no matter what happens I'll be the greedy bad guy ("why'd she make a big deal over a few hundred dollars, she can afford it"). I am the oldest so I've been the one who was supposed to suck it up!

Bottom line, having all that bad family karma directed at me (although unjustly) will not be worth the $600-$700 I will collect best case. These are the times when I wish my friends were my family!!

I think you have a healthy attitude towards this, I think that you've totally done the right thing... you are a much stronger person than I LOL....

I have to agree with you about going out with friends... we've gone on vacation with my best friends, and we were always sure to settle up promptly. I don't know what happens when family is involved, it's like nobody wants to step up!

Please keep us updated

 

[Nancyg56]

I really don't understand why you allowed your son and his friend to "suck it up" regarding the 2 T.V. issue. I would have just told the kid, "sorry, there is no need of that, the other boys are watching something else. Don't be selfish!"

I agree. I don't care who is the parent...my home, room etc...my rules. I don't feel that I need to deal with anyone else's poor parenting.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

You're probably far easier and I don't even know you!!!

You haven't met my 6yo--he sounds a lot like your nephew... not that I would let him get away with what she let your nephew get away with, but he would sure try! That tv thing totally floored me, but I can see Jake trying it if he thought of it, but never in a million years would I let him do it.

 

[MamaLema]

Oh boy. I would be steaming mad

I'm not sure what I would do but I would never let her know when I would be taking a vacation again.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

How would you handle this???

Well what is done is done now...but how DH & I would have handled it was to say no freakin' way are you staying in the room with us.

Heck we try and get suites when we travel with our own kids. NO WAY would we do what you did.

So I would just not sweat it now and never ever tell this woman when you are going on vacation ever again!

 

[momof2inPA]

If your SIL knows you post here and happens to read this thread, I hope she understands that your complaints are valid. She should have paid up before the end of the trip, and she shouldn't have let her son act like that. Bad SIL. I hope she tries to fix the damage she has done by paying her part of the bill and sending some flowers, too.

As for relatives imposing on trips, my relatives are always welcome when we go to Disney or Universal. It's an unspoken invitation. If they wanted to come and sleep on the floor, I would not have a problem with it, but we are very close, and more family just adds to the fun of a vacation. My sister just said to me this weekend that she might go to Disney in December, and my kids and I (or just I) could come along. It's not imposition in my family to ask to come on someone's trip.

 

[jim and meesie]

If your SIL knows you post here and happens to read this thread, I hope she understands that your complaints are valid. She should have paid up before the end of the trip, and she shouldn't have let her son act like that. Bad SIL. I hope she tries to fix the damage she has done by paying her part of the bill and sending some flowers, too.

As for relatives imposing on trips, my relatives are always welcome when we go to Disney or Universal. It's an unspoken invitation. If they wanted to come and sleep on the floor, I would not have a problem with it, but we are very close, and more family just adds to the fun of a vacation. My sister just said to me this weekend that she might go to Disney in December, and my kids and I (or just I) could come along. It's not imposition in my family to ask to come on someone's trip.

I thought about that.....thus changed the title of the post to make it less nasty sounding!! I don't imagine she knows about this board, but friends might. Every bit is true, my husband went over the trip questioning minute by minute from the time she decided to go along. He does agree he would have handled everything the same way as it happened, it's just the result is surprising to the both of us. Almost 5 days and no calls nor thank yous. Now I ask you, when family comes (and sleeps on the floor) what do they pay for? Do they charge to the room, do the complain about the floor (or the sofabed in my case), do they complain about where and what you choose to do for dinner, do they ask you for rides to and from the airport because you rented a car and they didn't? Before this trip I really did figure that I had one of those "go with the flow" situations, that's why I am so surprised by the turn of events.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I have had relatives stay with us at WDW and Universal several times. The time at Universal we did not have my sister and her DH pay any towards the room because it did not cost us any extra. We have 4 children so had to get 2 rooms, anyway. My DH, our DD and our youngest DS were in one room and our 2 middle boys were in the other. My sister and BIL shared the room with our 2 boys. If they hadn't gone our DD or our youngest would have been in that room so our room was a little more crowded, but it wasn't a big deal. We had connecting rooms. They paid their own admissions, food, etc.

Another time my sister joined me at WDW and shared a room with my son and me at Pop Century. I don't think she paid anything for the room since it didn't cost me any more. Maybe she did pitch in a little--I don't remember for sure. There was another trip with my sister and our mom (and my youngest son). That trip we stayed at our mom's timeshare, but they came a couple days early and stayed with my at Riverside and that didn't cost me anything extra and I did not have them pay anything for the room.

We've always split the food, though. Last summer my family were guests of my sister and BIL at their beach timeshare for a week. We brought a lot of food and split going out.

On all these trips nobody complained about sleeping arrangements. I gave my children STRICT instructions to not complain about that sort of thing because I can easily see them complaining and I was not going to tolerate that sort of thing. Beggars can't be choosers...