Family along on vacation how much should they pay? (really long!!)

[luv2nascar]

dividing it in half she owes $700 bucks but it was your trip and you had an extra person. So I would divide $1400 by 5 people and get $280 per person. You could have had $300 from the boys parents but you paid for him. So SIL's share is 2 pp at $280 or $560 and that is what I would ask her for.

 

[Horseshoes]

Why should you be the one to "learn a lesson"?

SIL should learn her lesson that she cant expect a free vacation. Sounds like she used you.

If you feel uncomfortable about asking a certain amount, just ask her what she feels her amount is, after all she said she would keep track.

Good luck

 

[jim and meesie]

dividing it in half she owes $700 bucks but it was your trip and you had an extra person. So I would divide $1400 by 5 people and get $280 per person. You could have had $300 from the boys parents but you paid for him. So SIL's share is 2 pp at $280 or $560 and that is what I would ask her for.

What about all the food she charged to the room at the pool and the breakfast buffets? Most of it was hers, "i'm on vacation, that means drinks and snacks by the pool". That bugs me the most, I rarely spend like that. Our breakfasts were fruit loops and milk and a muffin for me (that's what my boys wanted) yet she and her son wanted the breakfast buffet!!! The last night we got hamburgers and went back to the room to watch basketball. She wanted a real meal so she went out with my nephew and had an "amazing meal" which fortunately she paid for!!! Oh and did I mention that since we had a rental car she got me out of bed at 5 am (there aren't any cabs at the hotel at that hour) to drive them to the airport (our flight wasn't until 8 pm) so shouldn't she pay the equivalent of cab fare towards the rental car. OK I know I let her walk all over me!!!! I think that's why my husband says "let it go" because he knows I am neversuch a whimpy shrinking violet!

 

[VSL]

. . . but I will keep you all posted on how this all shakes out!

Please do!

And please do not let her get away with this
She needs to learn a lesson about good manners!

 

[agnes!]

In the future, don't tell anyone in that branch of the family your vacation plans. And if the news does get out? Well, you "just don't have any extra space on this trip" (said with a smile in your heart, of course).

Heheheh...you could always invite yourselves along on their next trip ...

agnes!

 

[chris1gill]

And that lesson is to not invite them on your next trip too?

She didn't want to invite them this trip, they invited themselves... the OP fully disclosed she was splitting the costs when she suggested they keep a log of what everyone spent.

I'd ask her if she kept track of what they spent, including the cost of the cot & car rental....

You'd bet I would not let it go....

 

[jim and meesie]

In the future, don't tell anyone in that branch of the family your vacation plans. And if the news does get out? Well, you "just don't have any extra space on this trip" (said with a smile in your heart, of course).

Heheheh...you could always invite yourselves along on their next trip ...

agnes!

I would never go on any of their trips!!! I can't stand timeshare pitches for discounted rooms.

 

[crazyforgoofy]

She played you for a sucker! Your choices are to let her get away with it or not. Complaining to your husband isn't going to make you feel better.

I can't believe she let her kid hog both tvs and charged food to your bill but has offered you nothing. She needs her butt kicked - big time.

I'm having a hard time understanding why you're concerned about causing trouble in her house by discussing this with your brother. Does she care that she may have caused friction by adding extra expense to your trip?

 

[figment52]

I love my brother and we are close. If I get him involved he would be mortified but I guess I just don't want to be the source of an argument between the two of them!!!

So are you saying she did all this behind your brothers back? They may have bigger problems than the money for this trip then and I can understand not wanting to make it worse for them. Just be sure you don't make it worse for yourself at the same time.

Goood luck

 

[figment52]

In the future, don't tell anyone in that branch of the family your vacation plans. And if the news does get out? Well, you "just don't have any extra space on this trip" (said with a smile in your heart, of course).

Heheheh...you could always invite yourselves along on their next trip ...

But wouldn't that just "punish" the OP and her son again?

 

[jim and meesie]

So are you saying she did all this behind your brothers back? They may have bigger problems than the money for this trip then and I can understand not wanting to make it worse for them. Just be sure you don't make it worse for yourself at the same time.

Goood luck

I think you hit the heart of the issue. Although she and my brother have been together for over 10 years and have a child and a house together they aren't married. Don't get into that, I know marriage isn't for everyone but I draw the line when you have a child (and I did tell my brother that). I think it's wrong, my children know it's wrong yet it's their lives. Even though i know them well there are obviously serious issues (which neither my husband nor I have any desire to make worse) at play within their family unit.

PS I love all of you posters out there! Will you be my family instead???

PPS another thing that came out on the trip is that she thinks I "have it made" and that my family is wealthy (I guess because we don't have credit card debt and we can afford our kids private school tuitions). We are fortunate but not wealthy by any means.

 

[DWDreams]

Did you get a printout from the hotel of charges and what not? If so, or if you could somehow get a copy now, I would send her the copy with a nice note saying you hope it will help her figure out costs.

The problem is, though, she obviously has no intention of paying you anything because she'd have done so already if that were the case, so no matter how you say or what you say, she'll probably be on the defensive and it could start a big thing. But you're in the right, of course.

 

[VSL]

Don't get into that, I know marriage isn't for everyone but I draw the line when you have a child (and I did tell my brother that). I think it's wrong, my children know it's wrong yet it's their lives.

Why is it wrong?

Not to get OT.. just curious as to why you think this.

 

[jim and meesie]

Why is it wrong?

Not to get OT.. just curious as to why you think this.

My personal opinion is that a couple should be married, or plan on getting married when they have a child. A child needs to know that both parents are there for them. Now we can get into all sorts of relationship issues and divorce issues but I am old fashioned enough to believe in marriage, especially when children are brought into the world. To still not be married ten years later, although they do have a child (who happens to go to Catholic school) says something about their level of committment as well as hypocrisy about their religous beliefs. It's my personal moral feeling however to each his or her own. In the case of my brother and SIL I know it adds to the level of stress in their family life (based on many things she has said to me).

 

[figment52]

My personal opinion is that a couple should be married, or plan on getting married when they have a child. A child needs to know that both parents are there for them. Now we can get into all sorts of relationship issues and divorce issues but I am old fashioned enough to believe in marriage, especially when children are brought into the world. To still not be married ten years later, although they do have a child (who happens to go to Catholic school) says something about their level of committment as well as hypocrisy about their religous beliefs. It's my personal moral feeling however to each his or her own. In the case of my brother and SIL I know it adds to the level of stress in their family life (based on many things she has said to me).

ITA. And your values are reflected in the fact that you refer to her as your SIL even though she is not officially.

 

[jim and meesie]

ITA. And your values are reflected in the fact that you refer to her as your SIL even though she is not officially.

I think that's good? Prior to this vacation I really sympathized with her situation and did think of her as a sister. After the trip I certainly understand that she personally has alot of baggage (but don't we all?) that she needs to resolve. We look more alike than my 3 sisters do so people always assume she's my sister. The reason I refer to her as SIL is 1. after 10 years I think she has earned it, she is part of the family and 2. there is really no good description of the relationship (brother's long term partner of the opposite sex??? and mother of my nephew).

Anyway, enough about my totally disfunctional family and my issues asserting myself. I think I have received enough therapy here to last for awhile. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Now onto a trip report so all can read about the great parts of my trip!!!! Thank you again.

 

[LiteBrite]

Anyway, enough about my totally disfunctional family and my issues asserting myself. I think I have received enough therapy here to last for awhile. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Now onto a trip report so all can read about the great parts of my trip!!!! Thank you again.

Looking forward to the TR!

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Sorry, but I don't have a lot of sympathy for you. Yes, you are most defintely owed the money and you definitely should get it ASAP. But...

The title of your thread alone says a lot. Your SIL hijacked your trip. And why? Because you let her. I mean, how hard is it to tell her, "Sorry but no. This is a trip for me, X, Y, and Z (you get the idea)." She crashed your room. Why? You let her. What part of, "No, they don't allow this and I'm not doing it" et al. is so hard to do? You let her walk all over you.

Yes you are entitled to the money. She did you wrong in that respect. But I think you need to take a little responsibility in this situation.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Send her an itemized bill.

I like this idea.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I think it is fair to split the common costs in 5 & have her pay her 2/5's worth, and then the additional room service that she & her son incurred should be paid by her. It isn't a matter of letting it go, in my opinion, but of being up front. So many of us tend not to speak our minds (in a nice way) because we're so afraid of affecting relationships, etc., when the other person isn't taking that same responsibility. I don't understand why you would be advised not to tell her her payment portion, and if you do not speak up, then she will probably assume that you do not expect her to pay.

It's much better to let her know what she owes, and if she then decides to stiff you, you can decide how you want to handle your relationship.