Family adopts russian boy and then sends him back

[Holly]

I didn't read all the posts here and I don't think I would have handled it as the mother did but I have done foster care and have experienced children with severe mental issues. I will not judge because I can only imagine the issue with this child as I have read is common with children adopted from Russia.

I wonder if the mother feared for her life and the life of the neighbors, other children in the area etc. The mother said he had a hit list of people he wanted to kill. This is common with a FAS or attachment disorder child and some will kill if given the chance and not think twice. Would you want to live next door with your own small children to a child like this? To look out the window and see a child physically torture your child while enjoying it and wonder what is wrong with this child?

In Russian many mothers drink a lot while pregnant causing fetal alchohol syndrom which is horrible and effects the childs brain in ways you do not understand unless you have parented a child with it. In my opinion and from what I have read it is worse than a baby born addicted to drugs.

They also sometimes end up in orphanages where their needs are not met because there are too many babies and too little help. Some are never held or loved and worse yet they cry to get their needs met and when they never get their needs met they stop crying and learn to not trust people causing reactive attachment disorders. If a child can not feel anything for another human how can they care if they hurt another human?
They learn to manipulate and act like the sweetest child you ever met because that is what they learn gets them what they want and need. They can be sweet and nice for short periods of time and can fool others but for long periods spent with them you will see the damaged child.

I had a foster child with attachment disorder and possible FAS and I am here to tell you that unless you have parented and feared for your life and the life of others around you there is no way you can start to imagine what could have possibly been going on in the mind of this mother or any mother who parents such a child. Where I live there are no psychologists that could even begin to help heal such a child and there are very few in the US that I could even find and even then there are no guarantees a child will heal from such abuses.

That said every child deserves to be loved and taken care of but not all are capable of being raised in an environment where they can possibly hurt others. Sadly government agencies who don't and can't fully understand these things think they are doing the right thing by putting them in society and in families. The case workers and familys want from the bottom of their heart to help a child especially one so damaged but sadly sometimes all the love and good intentions in the world can't help some of these children.

I'm an adoptive mother.
I'm also very familiar with the specific issues that can arise with children who are adopted, especially from institutions.


Nothing excuses what she's done to a seven year old boy. Nothing.

 

[luvmy3]

Oh, but I will.


It doesn't matter to me if she is a nurse. It doesn't matter to me if she had good intentions. It doesn't matter to me, not one bit, that she may have been misled about his issues.

I don't care if he played with fire, threw things at the family, or threatened to kill them all.

She never once sought help or brought him, or herself, to a psychologist.

If she couldn't handle his issues there are MANY families and agencies here that could have helped.

The fact that she threw a 7 year old on a plane back to Russia with a note, further victimizing and damaging him, is so appalling and infuriating.

This woman should be thrown in jail.

She should be charged with risk of injury to a minor and also with some type of cruelty.

That is exactly what it comes down to, this child needed help, and even if she wasn't willing to give it to him herself she should have found someone that would. Knowing what she knew about him, how could she do that to him without thinking it would cause more damage? She just didn't care and you are so right its appauling


design_mom, thanks for all that info. When I said that they had another option, I meant in this case specifically because I thought I had read that there were ways to legally "send" him back, so to speak. I didn't mean that at any time an adoptive parent can just decide to send their child back to where they came from.

 

[Magic Mom]

For everyone who is compairing this to "you can't send back a bio child so why would you do it to an adopted one", or a child w/ any other mental illness, you just have no idea how bizzarre and different non bonded children with co-morbid conditions can act. Living with them makes you do and think things you would NEVER have thought before.
No one wants to be your friend or your child's friend becaus of how he/she acts.
Family begins to turn away from you.
No one wants to babysit or give you respite time cuz no one can handle these children
Few school professionals, if any, want this kid in their class or in their care because of how they act.
Families with RAD children are almost forced to shut down and withdraw from society because of what's happening. We feel ashamed, wondering WHY we can't take care of our own children. We wonder what we're doing wrong.

For anyone who says THEY would never do or think of such a thing, I ask you to take a RAD child for 6 months or more, LOVE THEM and then give me a call and we'll talk.

 

[fkj2]

Oh, but I will.


She never once sought help or brought him, or herself, to a psychologist.

I hadn't read that. Can you provide a link to the article. Thanks!

 

[design_mom]

design_mom, thanks for all that info. When I said that they had another option, I meant in this case specifically because I thought I had read that there were ways to legally "send" him back, so to speak. I didn't mean that at any time an adoptive parent can just decide to send their child back to where they came from.

Thanks. There are ways to end an adoption, just like there are ways to relinquish parental rights to a biological child that you are unable to care for. They are the same ways: relinquish to foster care, arrange a private adoption through a lawyer, etc. Once the child is in the US though, they would stay in the US and follow US procedures. "Sending them back" to their birth country is never part of the process.

 

[JerseyJanice]

I hadn't read that. Can you provide a link to the article. Thanks!

All we know is what's in the media, and I haven't found a single article that states this woman did anything at all to get help for the child. That's one reason I think she should be arrested and charged with child abandonment and endangerment. What she did to help the child, if anything, would be documented by doctor or emergency room records.

If someone ever believes that their child is a danger to himself or other people or property, they should bring the child to an Emergency Room and ask for an evaluation. The ER has to accept the child, evaluate him/her, then transfer the child to an in-patient mental health facility. If the woman is an RN, she knows this.

From what I've read about RAD, it happens to children who were put in institutional settings during infancy; no single caregiver in these facilities bonds with the child, so RAD develops from that.

However, this is not the situation that is being reported about this child. He was supposedly raised by his bio mother until the age of 6. We don't know what this child went through from birth to now, but whatever it is, it's not the typical case that is attributed to RAD.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

From what I've read about RAD, it happens to children who were put in institutional settings during infancy; no single caregiver in these facilities bonds with the child, so RAD develops from that.

However, this is not the situation that is being reported about this child. He was supposedly raised by his bio mother until the age of 6. We don't know what this child went through from birth to now, but whatever it is, it's not the typical case that is attributed to RAD.

Actually, RAD is caused by severe ongoing neglect, abuse, trauma and loss of caregivers before age 5. It can happen because the primary caregiver is physically absent (e.g. the child is hospitalized or in an orphanage) or the mentally absent (e.g. strung out on drugs, severely mentally ill) or simply so unstable and predictable that they're impossible for the child to form a relationship with. Most of the most severely effected RAD kids I know experienced that abuse/neglect in their birth homes.

I do however, think that we're jumping to a conclusion that this child MUST have RAD, and that the orphanage and agency knew about it and didn't tell the family. It is still very early in the relationship -- RAD kids definitely can show all the behavior described, however kids who struggle with attachment and are pushing back while they attach can too. In addition, if he's behaving this way because he's pushing back hard against attachment, then it's quite possible that in an orphanage with multiple caregivers they didn't make the same demands on him to trust them, and connect with them and he didn't show those behaviors.

One of the most severely RAD kids I ever worked with, was an angel at school for several years. She was in a regular neighborhood Montessori Kindergarten class, doing everything perfectly, and throwing 10 hour tantrums and sneaking in to the kitchen to get knives to stab her little brother in his sleep. Eventually they move her into my class, and directed us to put some attachment pressure on her. She spent 4 months in my class being perfect, which of course stood out in my therapeutic classroom, and then one day it was like someone flicked a switch and from that point on she was the most challenging kid in my class.

So, he could have been well behaved in a setting where those demands weren't put on him. Just like he might well have been well behaved during the first three months (as the mom told the social worker) and then lost it when he felt himself starting to form an attachment, and started trying to resist it.

 

[skater]

I have 2 adopted children and one was adopted at age 5. We read lots of books and went to classes that scared us to death about the possibility of RAD. We went into it fairly comfortable because we knew that God was in this adoption (lots of miracles that brought us together) and we trusted Him to make it work. We also knew that S. Korea is honest in the information they send regarding their children.

If I was faced with a child that threatened my life and those of my other children, I would have been devasted, but I would have first sought help. I'm not a judgemental person, and I feel empathy for the Mom, but wow - this is the last thing this boy needs. I would have at least sought help from the adoption agency first (which is why we went through a local agency that offered post - adoption support). I'm not sure I would continue to parent a child if he truly threatened the lives of my other children, but I would at least try really really hard, would have exhausted all avenues of help and would not sent him off by himself.

 

[Holly]

I hadn't read that. Can you provide a link to the article. Thanks!

I saw it on the news and the information came from the woman's mother.

Hansen said her daughter sought advice from psychologists but never had her adoptive son meet with one.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100410/ap_on_re_us/us_russia_adopted_boy

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nationworld/2011578800_russiadopt11.html


It's hard to be sympathetic to this woman when she never had him assessed or treated.

 

[Holly]

I have 2 adopted children and one was adopted at age 5. We read lots of books and went to classes that scared us to death about the possibility of RAD. We went into it fairly comfortable because we knew that God was in this adoption (lots of miracles that brought us together) and we trusted Him to make it work. We also knew that S. Korea is honest in the information they send regarding their children.

If I was faced with a child that threatened my life and those of my other children, I would have been devasted, but I would have first sought help. I'm not a judgemental person, and I feel empathy for the Mom, but wow - this is the last thing this boy needs. I would have at least sought help from the adoption agency first (which is why we went through a local agency that offered post - adoption support). I'm not sure I would continue to parent a child if he truly threatened the lives of my other children, but I would at least try really really hard, would have exhausted all avenues of help and would not sent him off by himself.

I have so much empathy for parents and children dealing with these issues.

Sometimes adoptions fail because of them and there's no one to blame. I just wish that this woman had handled this in a different way.

 

[shortbun]

We have friends who adopted a little girl who was addicted to crack, locked in a closet, burned with cigarettes, forced to eat from a trash can, sexually abused, had her arms broken and so forth. They began fostering her when she was 4 and she was damaged, behaved like a wild, caged animal. When she was 5, she came to preschool with my son and she had a 1 on 1 caregiver but even that wasn't always enough. Sometimes, my son would 'read' to her and she would quiet. She began to speak that year and has had twice a year therapy since then, she is 14. She seems stable now but still has her troubles. Her parents did what they had to do, never left her alone, gave her an environment she could trust-never lied to her, followed through and gave her lots of love-which she often rejected. From the outside looking in, their job looked impossible to me. The fact that this child was my son's friend kept me involved. Once in 5th grade, she punched my son so hard in the eye that his eye swelled shut. My son was not mad at her because he knew she had impluse problems; she apologized, wrote him notes agonizing about assaulting him and her mother talked to me about it. We were all happy that she saw her responsibility in the issue and considered herself at fault-this was a big thing. She suffered the consequences at school and we decided there would be no others-she was suspended for 3 days. This was not her only sin and I really hope she will continue to stablize thus becoming a great adult. Children who have been tossed around, born addicted(most Russia's orphans are) and probably abused are always going to have horrible problems and anyone adopting a child in this category should be ready for literally anything. This woman is a bad person. She handled this problem so horribly that I am so tempted to find a way to address her directly. She need psychological counseling as did her son. There are so many people who would have been willing to help. She is not qualified to parent any child-you can not cut and run when children are having horrible problems-you must find a way to deal with it. She is bad, really bad.

 

[EMom]

I didn't read all the posts here and I don't think I would have handled it as the mother did but I have done foster care and have experienced children with severe mental issues. I will not judge because I can only imagine the issue with this child as I have read is common with children adopted from Russia.

I have to speak up and blow this myth out of the water. It does a disservice to the vast majority of children adopted from Russia, who are NOT affected by RAD or other "severe mental issues." Misconceptions and stereotypes like these are the reason we didn't bother to tell our DD's preschool teachers that she had been adopted from Russia. Yes, they seemed nice enough, but other friends had experienced instances of educators prejudging their children as damaged, mentally defective probably affected by FAS, etc. Never mind that there was ZERO evidence to support that idea and ample evidence to refute it. One woman found that the teacher assumed her son was FAS and RAD before she even met him and labeled him as the troublemaker in the class. She had nothing good to say about the kid. The mom changed preschools, kept his adoption from Russia to herself, and lo and behold they declared him the most pleasant kid in the world. He stayed there until kindergarten. We wanted DD to be judged on her own merits, not the circumstances of her birth.

It's bad enough that a certain segment of society holds negative views towards adoptees in general. Sadly, we have to deal with another group who believes a huge percentage of kids from Russian/Eastern European orphanges are damaged. The fact is, the majority....and that's a large majority.....of the kids adopted from Russian orphanges turn out just fine. A small percentage will suffer from problems such as RAD and I will not attempt to minimize those issues. They are real and they are severe. But they are not rampant among Russian adoptees. I have known hundreds of Russian adoptees and not one had such issues. The only ones I knew of were children of parents I'd "met" on message boards. Of the THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of members on those Eastern European adoption boards, only a small percentage had met with such issues. Does RAD exist? Yes. Is it "common" in Russian adoptees? NO!!! It happens, but it is not "common." Haven't these kids been through enough without having to face the hurdle of proving they aren't damaged to a society that assumes they must be since they were adopted from Russia?

Spreading the false information that RAD and severe mental issues are "common" among these children is harmful and unfair to children like my DD, and the others like her who get lumped into the ficticious "common" group of "mentally and emotionally damaged" children that just does not exist in the percentages people believe. They (thank goodness) are few and far between.

Repeating this info is just as bad as people who imply that adopted children kill their parents more often than bio children,etc. It perpetuates an untrue and unfair stereotype which can lead to discrimination against our children.

 

[PixieTopaz]

http://www.adoptionarticlesdirector...pe---The-Need-for-Special-School-Services/324


Quick Google search got this survey
about 50% suffer from emotional and psychological problems
I'd say that is MUCH higher than other countries

 

[EMom]

http://www.adoptionarticlesdirector...pe---The-Need-for-Special-School-Services/324


Quick Google search got this survey
about 50% suffer from emotional and psychological problems
I'd say that is MUCH higher than other countries

Read a couple of paragraphs down in that article and they will explain why the data is likely skewed. Their information was gathered from parents who kept on contacting them and other resources for help and information after adoption. They largely got their data from parents who NEEDED help. The parents who got home and found their kids adapted just fine, got on with their lives and had less and less to do with the EE adoption community. Because of this, they come out and say the results "may not accurately reflect the entire population of parents who have adopted from orphanages." To that, I'd answer, "No duh."

If you only got your data in the US from children in foster care vs. children in 2 parent middle-class suburban homes, I am pretty sure the results you'd come up with would paint a different picture of the "typical" American kid than exists in reality.

Long story short, this study did NOT get a great deal of data from the parents of EE adopted children who are doing fine and have never looked back. Much of the data came from parents who have been seeking help for 10 years. What do you expect the results to be?

 

[Ember]

I just wanted to say to EMom that I've never heard of a teacher judging an internationally adopted child prior to meeting them. I'm sure it does happen, but I don't believe it's common.

I can see the desire to not inform a teacher of the adoption in fear of the teacher forming a prejudice, but I really don't think that's wise. I believe most teachers out there really are the kind of people who want to see children succeed, and keeping them out of the loop on information that they may need is counterproductive. Even if there are no serious issues, it can be extremely helpful to know a child's background for a wide variety of reasons.

One of the most touching teaching stories I have is actually about an internationally adopted child. He was in my grade one class when I was student teaching. I don't recall where he was from, but he had been in a refugee camp for quite a while. He was a great kid, fit in very well with no issues at all. Except that he would go to the bathroom outside, and had done this since he started school. He simply wouldn't use the toilet and wouldn't tell us why. After about three weeks of building a relationship with this little guy through reading one on one with him something about clean water came up. In a very convoluted way, I finally got out of him that he simply couldn't bring himself to go to the bathroom in clean water. Clean water was precious and fouling it was unthinkable. After my teaching term was over, I went back to visit a few times and he was still doing his business outside. I still wonder about him, I'm sure eventually he got used to things, but it really made me think about how we take things for granted here...

 

[angwill]

Actually, RAD is caused by severe ongoing neglect, abuse, trauma and loss of caregivers before age 5. It can happen because the primary caregiver is physically absent (e.g. the child is hospitalized or in an orphanage) or the mentally absent (e.g. strung out on drugs, severely mentally ill) or simply so unstable and predictable that they're impossible for the child to form a relationship with. Most of the most severely effected RAD kids I know experienced that abuse/neglect in their birth homes.

I do however, think that we're jumping to a conclusion that this child MUST have RAD, and that the orphanage and agency knew about it and didn't tell the family. It is still very early in the relationship -- RAD kids definitely can show all the behavior described, however kids who struggle with attachment and are pushing back while they attach can too. In addition, if he's behaving this way because he's pushing back hard against attachment, then it's quite possible that in an orphanage with multiple caregivers they didn't make the same demands on him to trust them, and connect with them and he didn't show those behaviors.

One of the most severely RAD kids I ever worked with, was an angel at school for several years. She was in a regular neighborhood Montessori Kindergarten class, doing everything perfectly, and throwing 10 hour tantrums and sneaking in to the kitchen to get knives to stab her little brother in his sleep. Eventually they move her into my class, and directed us to put some attachment pressure on her. She spent 4 months in my class being perfect, which of course stood out in my therapeutic classroom, and then one day it was like someone flicked a switch and from that point on she was the most challenging kid in my class.

So, he could have been well behaved in a setting where those demands weren't put on him. Just like he might well have been well behaved during the first three months (as the mom told the social worker) and then lost it when he felt himself starting to form an attachment, and started trying to resist it.

This is so true. A child does not have to be in a foreign country or in an institution to have RAD. I had a foster child taken from his mother at age 7 who was never in an institution with RAD. Birth mom just never met his needs and completely neglected him and God only knows what else happened that was not disclosed. Forgot to add he also had a younger brother who had severe issues but did not snap like the older boy did. It pained me to try and understand why one child's mind would just snap like that while the other still having issues did not snap like the older brother. I still pray for him every night, and he is an adult now, and I truly hope he is doing at least somewhat better.

People meeting him loved him as he was sweet and well mannered. Would hold the door open for women and hold your hand and smile up at you. Then they come home and melt down completely due to holding it in for so long.

I am not excusing this mothers actions and I am sure they will be dealt with and she will have to show proof of what she did or didn't do for this child. It was her responsibility to do all in her power that she could do.

It sounds like maybe she just snapped and maybe she didn't know what to do but that does not exuse her actions. Unless we do things legally there are consequences for all our actions. I just have a hard time seeing her as an uncaring cold heartless person who just decided she didn't want a child that she probably spent tons of time, money, and emotions to get.

 

[angwill]

I have to speak up and blow this myth out of the water. It does a disservice to the vast majority of children adopted from Russia, who are NOT affected by RAD or other "severe mental issues." Misconceptions and stereotypes like these are the reason we didn't bother to tell our DD's preschool teachers that she had been adopted from Russia. Yes, they seemed nice enough, but other friends had experienced instances of educators prejudging their children as damaged, mentally defective probably affected by FAS, etc. Never mind that there was ZERO evidence to support that idea and ample evidence to refute it. One woman found that the teacher assumed her son was FAS and RAD before she even met him and labeled him as the troublemaker in the class. She had nothing good to say about the kid. The mom changed preschools, kept his adoption from Russia to herself, and lo and behold they declared him the most pleasant kid in the world. He stayed there until kindergarten. We wanted DD to be judged on her own merits, not the circumstances of her birth.

It's bad enough that a certain segment of society holds negative views towards adoptees in general. Sadly, we have to deal with another group who believes a huge percentage of kids from Russian/Eastern European orphanges are damaged. The fact is, the majority....and that's a large majority.....of the kids adopted from Russian orphanges turn out just fine. A small percentage will suffer from problems such as RAD and I will not attempt to minimize those issues. They are real and they are severe. But they are not rampant among Russian adoptees. I have known hundreds of Russian adoptees and not one had such issues. The only ones I knew of were children of parents I'd "met" on message boards. Of the THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of members on those Eastern European adoption boards, only a small percentage had met with such issues. Does RAD exist? Yes. Is it "common" in Russian adoptees? NO!!! It happens, but it is not "common." Haven't these kids been through enough without having to face the hurdle of proving they aren't damaged to a society that assumes they must be since they were adopted from Russia?

Spreading the false information that RAD and severe mental issues are "common" among these children is harmful and unfair to children like my DD, and the others like her who get lumped into the ficticious "common" group of "mentally and emotionally damaged" children that just does not exist in the percentages people believe. They (thank goodness) are few and far between.

Repeating this info is just as bad as people who imply that adopted children kill their parents more often than bio children,etc. It perpetuates an untrue and unfair stereotype which can lead to discrimination against our children.

Sorry if you took my quote as stereotypical as I also said I have done foster care of US children and ran into a case of RAD and do understand it happens all over. I guess I should have clarified and said what I read and seen has been done specifically about Russian orphanages which does not mean it is only a problem in Russia. I wrote that because the case at hand is about a child adopted from Russia so I refered to what I knew of Russian orphanages.

I would never in any way assume or expect all children from Russian adoption to have RAD, FAS or any other such thing. I am sure the majority do not just as the majority of children in US foster care do not but going from what was said of the child in this situation at hand it may be the case. Sorry if I offended you or any child adopted from Russia.

As for not telling the school about a Russian adoption. I too have learned not to mention to school about my son being adopted from the foster care system for the same reason. I too have run into ignorant people who assume because of lack of knowledge. Heck my in laws are so ignorant they forbid us to adopt because in their uneducated mind all children adopted have parents who are on drug.

Just as you have assumed by one sentence I wrote that I was like others you have met with ignorant views it shows that when we assume things even in a small amount someone writes on a thread it can show ignorance in any situation.

I wanted to add that it is wonderful that you are advocating for children adopted from Russia and sharing your side of things. Please know that not everyone is bad because they don't understand things and if you keep advocating in a kind way you might help people understand better your side and not just the side of someone dealing with the problems and reporting or writing about it.

 

[EMom]

Sorry if you took my quote as stereotypical as I also said I have done foster care of US children and ran into a case of RAD and do understand it happens all over. I guess I should have clarified and said what I read and seen has been done specifically about Russian orphanages which does not mean it is only a problem in Russia. I wrote that because the case at hand is about a child adopted from Russia so I refered to what I knew of Russian orphanages.

I would never in any way assume or expect all children from Russian adoption to have RAD, FAS or any other such thing. I am sure the majority do not just as the majority of children in US foster care do not but going from what was said of the child in this situation at hand it may be the case. Sorry if I offended you or any child adopted from Russia.

As for not telling the school about a Russian adoption. I too have learned not to mention to school about my son being adopted from the foster care system for the same reason. I too have run into ignorant people who assume because of lack of knowledge. Heck my in laws are so ignorant they forbid us to adopt because in their uneducated mind all children adopted have parents who are on drug.

Just as you have assumed by one sentence I wrote that I was like others you have met with ignorant views it shows that when we assume things even in a small amount someone writes on a thread it can show ignorance in any situation.

I wanted to add that it is wonderful that you are advocating for children adopted from Russia and sharing your side of things. Please know that not everyone is bad because they don't understand things and if you keep advocating in a kind way you might help people understand better your side and not just the side of someone dealing with the problems and reporting or writing about it.

Apology (I guess it was more of an explanation, really) accepted. In turn, please accept my apology if I read more into what you wrote than I should have. Clearly, you have seen firsthand that people make all sorts of incorrect assumptions about children who come from less than ideal circumstances, and sometimes do not give that child a chance.

The more I read about this case, the more I wonder if the boy truly had severe RAD or if he was somewhere on the spectrum and was as much legitimately frustrated as anything. It appears the mom homeschooled him....in English, of course. By age 7, this kid's brain was wired for RUSSIAN, not Engish. To become semi-fluent in English would take some time, and a lot longer than he was given. I don't see anything about her learning Russian to ease the transition or having a Russian language tutor. I have known families who adopted older children and they frequently take such steps. It is true that children pick up languages quickly, but when you consider everything the kid has been through already, mastering a new language in a few short months is truly asking a lot.

When we adopted DD, she was less than one year old. Yet I realized that EVERYTHING would be completely different to her. Strange sights, sounds, voices, even the smells were different. Everything looked different and suddenly she had only two caregivers instead of several. She was one child instead of a group. That's a HUGE change for an infant. But for a 7 year old?????

Imagine taking a 7 y.o. American kid and plunking them down in the middle of a Russian family, where they are homeschooled....in Russian. They can't even sound out words as they could in French or German because the alphabet is completely different. They have how no idea how a word should even be pronounced, let alone what it means. They don't understand a word of what is said to them, what's on TV, what is going on in conversations, etc. Then their new parent puts school assignments in Russian in front of this 7 y.o. American/English speaking kid and expects them to do the work. Wouldn't multiple meltdowns be entirely predictable?

One complaint the adoptive family gave was that he went wild after they wanted him to correct his math assignment and he wouldn't do it. He tried to hit a family member with a statue. Normal? Maybe not. But is this a kid with severe RAD or is it a kid at the end of his rope because his new family doesn't seem to grasp that he is barely keeping his head above water and they keep expecting him to do school work in a foreign language/foreign alphabet?

The more I read, the more I think this woman went in with precious little preparation. This adoption may have not had a chance of success.

 

[DisneyFairytale]

One thing that is also true of the media, is that they write and will portrait what they want you to believe. They write and clean up the article in a way that will make you have a certain reaction. News media doesn't give a hoot if what they are write about it right, wrong or even proper. You can't always trust what you read.
I got the post below, from a different forum I frequent regularly. I'm not sure who else read this but thought it brought up a completely different perspective than what the news were telling us.

Cheers!
____________________________________________________________
"From what I have read, she said the boy was violent and had severe emotional issues(duh, he's a 7yr old Russian orphan!). She also said that he had said he wanted to burn the house down with his parents in it. Even so, in my mind this is no excuse. If she was expecting a normal, balanced child with no issues she was living in la-la land. I feel it was her responsibility to seek all the help necessary for the child. It just seems as though she no longer wanted to put in the effort.
What gets me is that she just chucked the kid on a plane with a note in his pocket that basicly said "He's your problem now!". I understand that the child was most likely extremely difficult to deal with, but gimme a break! Once you sign those papers it's the same as if you had birthed him yourself - he's the adoptive parents responsibility. The woman in question feels as though the Russian agency lied about the emotional state of the child and misrepresented him in order to "get rid of him". I suppose it is possible, but despite this I still don't see how putting the poor kid on a plane back into a bad situation is a good option! There have been several cases where Russian children have died violent deaths at the hands of their adoptive US parents. It's becoming obvious that there are major problems with the adoption process between the two countries and I for one think it might be a good idea to stop the adoptions until they can work out the kinks - for the sake of those poor children!

Read more: http://www.horseforum.com/general-o...back-adopted-child-52284/page2/#ixzz0kolfqubP "

 

[JerseyJanice]

I am the first person to not trust the sensationalizing media as I've lived through an experience firsthand that taught me that.

I really hope this woman will be charged with child abandonment and endangerment because then the truth will come out in the course of her trial.

Her letter stated that the child has "severe issues/psychopathic behaviors" and that she was lied to and misled by the "Russian orphanage workers and director regarding his mental stability." I want to know what she bases these accusations on when it appears that she never had the child evaluated by a mental or behavioral health care professional.

Sounds like she's very good at doing internet research though. She found a lawyer on-line who allegedly told her to ship the kid back to Russia. She found someone on-line (with references even) to accept the child in Moscow and bring him to the Russian authorities.

Maybe it's just me, but the internet is a wonderful thing for doing things like planning trips to Disney World and figuring out where to buy a mattress, but for major parenting decisions? I can't figure out why an educated RN wouldn't seek out real-life professionals.