facebook DH accepted his mom's request on my account

[jeepgirl30]

I'm really irritated right now and trying to remain calm! So i'm venting here!

DH refuses to get his own facebook account. He always says he will never do facebook but he uses mine! He very rarely posts anything but he is constantly on it. I tease him but it has become a bit of a joke. Most our friends know we "share" the account.

He has never accepted a friend request up until today. However, his mother sent a request and he accepted it.

I don't dislike my MIL but we are not friends. She is very cold and distant. We get along fine in person but its not like i call her up and chat.

I don't post anything bad on facebook but i just don't think she needs to be on there. I send her pictures through shutterfly all the time.

I am not fb friends with a lot of family, my sis and nephew and one cousin is it. DH did ask if we could accept a request from his sister's husband. His sis passed away in the spring and the husband lives far away with their daughter. He posts pics on there so we can sort of keep track of the niece.

I don't want to blow up and make it a huge deal but i feel like my personal space has been violated! I don't want to turn this into a huge fight but i am mad. I'm upset he didn't ask.

 

[MichelleVW]

I'm really irritated right now and trying to remain calm! So i'm venting here!

DH refuses to get his own facebook account. He always says he will never do facebook but he uses mine! He very rarely posts anything but he is constantly on it. I tease him but it has become a bit of a joke. Most our friends know we "share" the account.

He has never accepted a friend request up until today. However, his mother sent a request and he accepted it.

I don't dislike my MIL but we are not friends. She is very cold and distant. We get along fine in person but its not like i call her up and chat.

I don't post anything bad on facebook but i just don't think she needs to be on there. I send her pictures through shutterfly all the time.

I am not fb friends with a lot of family, my sis and nephew and one cousin is it. DH did ask if we could accept a request from his sister's husband. His sis passed away in the spring and the husband lives far away with their daughter. He posts pics on there so we can sort of keep track of the niece.

I don't want to blow up and make it a huge deal but i feel like my personal space has been violated! I don't want to turn this into a huge fight but i am mad. I'm upset he didn't ask.

Just change your password, don't tell him and unfriend his mother. That's what you get for giving him your password and letting him use it.

 

[diznygirl]

Yes, change the password and tell him to get his own account.

 

[LauraC]

I have co-workers whose friend requests I accepted to prevent any hurt feelings. However, I maintain different "friend" lists. My privacy settings are set up so that my co-worker list is always "excluded" from status updates, etc., so it looks like I don't post at all when they look at my page.... but those I still want to see my photos (close friends, relatives), etc., can still see them. I can still post something directly on my co-worker's walls (happy birthday, etc.) if I want to share something with them directly.

 

[AristocatFan]

Sorry, I don't see the big deal. If you already basically "share" the account and you say you have nothing to hide.

 

[Magpie]

Wait a little while (a day, or however long it takes for your initial anger to fade), then tell your husband that you'd like to go for a walk with him. If you are not walking folk, then sit him down at the kitchen table. Me, I find walking works best, since the physical activity helps you burn off some of the tension while you're talking.

Tell him that you need a space of your own on the internet. Don't mention his mother or any grievances. He can figure those out for himself. Focus on what YOU need - space, privacy, a sense of ownership. Then tell him that you're setting up a Facebook account for him. Don't ask him if he wants one! Just tell him you're doing it. And tell him that you don't want to know his password, because you won't need it. "I trust you completely, honey!"

While you're at it, you can point out the advantages to being Facebook friends versus sharing an account. Now you can play games together, you can send him cute things when you're at work, you can "poke" him, etc...

Don't mention changing your password to him at all. Just focus on getting his own account set up first. Once he's well established on his own account, then you can quietly change your password and block his mum, since she'll be on his account and no longer needs to be on yours.

Navigating family issues without drama takes patience and tact, and clear communication. Good luck!

 

[tarheel618]

I have co-workers whose friend requests I accepted to prevent any hurt feelings. However, I maintain different "friend" lists. My privacy settings are set up so that my co-worker list is always "excluded" from status updates, etc., so it looks like I don't post at all when they look at my page.... but those I still want to see my photos (close friends, relatives), etc., can still see them. I can still post something directly on my co-worker's walls (happy birthday, etc.) if I want to share something with them directly.

This

 

[Northstar]

Or, alternatively, change the username on your current facebook to read, Yourname & DH'sname. Use that as your couple's face to the world and friend family there. Post only the most public of news there.

Then open a different facebook account to be yours alone. Use an email address for this account that is yours alone. Gradually shift your friends that are not friends-of-the-family over there. And don't leave yourself logged in to that account, or your DH might wreak havoc there too!

 

[Magic Mom]

Sorry, I don't see the big deal. If you already basically "share" the account and you say you have nothing to hide.

I agree, plus unfriending her now would hurt her feelings, and she didn't do anything wrong. As far as she knew it was a shared account and one of you accepted her friend request.

 

[IndianaMouse]

DH and I had the same problem crop up last year. Instead of making a big deal about it I just went in and opened him a FB account and added a few of his family/friends to get him started. He didn't seem to happy at first but by the next day he was adding more friends and stopped using my account.

 

[Minnie_me]

Just block her from seeing your wall, your photos, etc. I've done this with a couple of people.

 

[hucifer]

Or, alternatively, change the username on your current facebook to read, Yourname & DH'sname. Use that as your couple's face to the world and friend family there. Post only the most public of news there.

Then open a different facebook account to be yours alone. Use an email address for this account that is yours alone. Gradually shift your friends that are not friends-of-the-family over there. And don't leave yourself logged in to that account, or your DH might wreak havoc there too!

I like this idea, which is probably what I would do. I agree with you OP, you need to filter who you befriend on Facebook so you can feel like you have your own personal "space."

 

[Agri]

Or, alternatively, change the username on your current facebook to read, Yourname & DH'sname. Use that as your couple's face to the world and friend family there. Post only the most public of news there.

Then open a different facebook account to be yours alone. Use an email address for this account that is yours alone. Gradually shift your friends that are not friends-of-the-family over there. And don't leave yourself logged in to that account, or your DH might wreak havoc there too!

This is what I would do if I didn't feel 100% comfortable un-friending MIL.

Otherwise, I'd unfriend her, change my password, and make sure my DH couldn't get into anything else I did. Of course, I would have done that when I first found him messing around with my FB account. Its not that its anything sneaky about it, just that I would be really annoyed with the attitude of "I don't want my own account, but I'll play around on yours all day long." Then I'd have a long talk to make sure it does NOT happen again - with any of my personal accounts.

 

[Acklander]

Sorry, I don't see the big deal. If you already basically "share" the account and you say you have nothing to hide.

I understand the big deal. It's her account, not his - even though she was letting him use it. I look at it this way. I have a car, and DH has a car. I sometimes let him use my car but it's still my car. I would be upset if he changed to auto settings on the radio.
He should have asked first before making changes to HER account. It's not a matter of having nothing to hide, it's overtaking something that belongs to her.

If it were me, I'd change the password, and set up an account for DH so he wouldn't have to use mine.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

If it were me, I'd change the password, and set up an account for DH so he wouldn't have to use mine.

This is what I would do too...In fact I did set up a separate account for DH so he could have his own.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Or, alternatively, change the username on your current facebook to read, Yourname & DH'sname. Use that as your couple's face to the world and friend family there. Post only the most public of news there.

Then open a different facebook account to be yours alone. Use an email address for this account that is yours alone. Gradually shift your friends that are not friends-of-the-family over there. And don't leave yourself logged in to that account, or your DH might wreak havoc there too!

This sounds good.

The whole situation would really irk me. My DH knows all my passwords (or should know...I have a "system") but has no interest in delving into anything that's mine, anymore than he'd want to park himself at the table while my best friend and I girl-talked. Sounds awful "joined at the hip" to me.

 

[Swank]

So if you got a friend request from you MIL you would have turned it down? Wouldn't she have been pissed off you if you did that?

 

[Wishing on a star]

Just change your password, don't tell him and unfriend his mother. That's what you get for giving him your password and letting him use it.

THIS!!!!.....
this, exactly.....

People can only walk all over you if you lay down like a doormat.

 

[Magic Mom]

THIS!!!!.....
this, exactly.....

People can only walk all over you if you lay down like a doormat.

But the MIL didn't do anything wrong. She wasn't sneaky or manipulating. Why hurt her feelings? It's the husband that she has the beef with.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Then her husband should rectify the problem.......

In no way should the OP feel obligated to have her MIL as her friend on facebook, forever....

If the DH wants to be on facebook with his mother... He should open his own account, explain the error to his mother, and 'friend' her there, himself.