Explain this one -- Please!

[auntpolly]

Yes, because the parents have never met. I meet all of my kid's friends parents.
If these kids were friends since K, why have they never met?
Certainly their would need to be spending the night first to see how the kids get along.

I have girls, not boys and this is how it is....

I know they have been at seen each other at school functions, and Sue knows the kid -- he's been at their house. It's a very small town and the kids walk everywhere. He's been at birthday parties at their house too. Sue always really liked the kid -- partly because he was religious, I think.

I think now it's becoming obvious why they've never talked with the parents (they've seen them at school functions). I think the parents really keep to themselves. I guess the weird thing is that the kids ever got to be friends in the first place.

I think if the parents had a problem with the invitation they should have said so right away -- not made Sue come for dinner and then reject them! I guess Sue and I are alone in thinking this, though!

 

[lbgraves]

If I was your friend, I wouldn't be concerned about what people around town are thinking about her family. They didn't do anything wrong or strange. I mean...what are most people who read your post saying here? Most think that the family who are using God as a copout for their son going on the camping trip are the odd ones.

 

[auntpolly]

If I was your friend, I wouldn't be concerned about what people around town are thinking about her family. They didn't do anything wrong or strange. I mean...what are most people who read your post saying here? .

That Sue put them in an awkward position in the first place? I guess? (This is something I really am surprise about and it never occured to me!)

 

[Nancy]

I have neighbors that are very conservative in their religious views. The parents pray about anything before doing anything. When it's the kids birthdays they pray about how many people to invite. When the kids started school they prayed about where to send them. The oldest went to a privaste school, the others started in public school but as the years went by each one got pulled for homeschooling...except for the oldest who continued to go to private schools. That was what God told them to do. I have known her since we moved in here 19 years ago, our kids played together all the time, but if I asked them to go anywhere with us (even the movies) she had to pray about it beofre she could give me an answer. She wasn't being rude or weird, that was just how they were. Sometimes they got to go, sometmes they didn't.

 

[auntpolly]

Let me just say that I'm a big fan of prayer!

I just think that this was a little convenient -- God's answer to this prayer...

 

[The Mystery Machine]

That Sue put them in an awkward position in the first place? I guess? (This is something I really am surprise about and it never occured to me!)

Well...if they are overprotecive parents and deeply religious you have to take that into account.

First you have the boy spend the night at the house, then he spends the night, etc...It is a build up thing.

In fact some parents don't allow sleepovers period.

Your friend did nothing "wrong" aunt polly...It is just most parents would prefer some getting to you thing prior to letting a kid go camping.

Now the whole God excuse thing is a copout thing more than likely. I am not arguing that. Or they are the praying type like the above poster.

 

[auntpolly]

In fact some parents don't allow sleepovers period.

.

Yeah, I know this, I remember from when DD was little -- but usually the kid would just say that when they were invited -- not after we were invited over for supper so that they could get a look at us!!!

And this family never really did say that! They just said that God, said "no" and didn't ever say what his objection was!

 

[susanm]

having been a girl scout leader for many years, I have run into some very protective parents... since nothing special was mentioned, I would just assume they are not yet ready to let the boy go camping... and try not to take it personally

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yeah, I know this, I remember from when DD was little -- but usually the kid would just say that when they were invited -- not after we were invited over for supper so that they could get a look at us!!!

And this family never really did say that! They just said that God, said "no" and didn't ever say what his objection was!

I know, but you have to consider the source.

Let me tell you...I have to pass tests all the time with parents for my dd to even play with kids she meets at school.
It is freakin' nuts.

 

[Hannathy]

Aunt Polly I agree with you. Rude is rude, and using God as an excuse is a cop out. They lead your friends and more importantly the kids on. If you don't want your child to do something that is your right but say so. I would be more than annoyed if I had to audition for the priviledge of giving their kid a special treat, and then to not pass. As far as being embarassed I would throw it back on them and simply say we invited Xyz and HIS parents decided it wasn't the right thing for him to do this summer. Good luck to your friend and I'd be PO'd to.

 

[lbgraves]

That Sue put them in an awkward position in the first place? I guess? (This is something I really am surprise about and it never occured to me!)

That is just plain silly. They did nothing wrong. They simply wanted to offer the kids the chance to go camping together. This happens all of the time...look at all the threads asking about taking friends to WDW.

 

[auntpolly]

That is just plain silly. They did nothing wrong. They simply wanted to offer the kids the chance to go camping together. This happens all of the time...look at all the threads asking about taking friends to WDW.

Thanks! I was beginning to rethink my own DD's childhood -- I mean, she's an only child, and we were always asking kids to tag along with us. Honestly, we never had a parent bat an eyelid, we always brought kids with us. I never considered that we were putting them in an weird position! I just always figured they could say no.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Personally, if I were your friends, I would not want to bring this child anywhere. Nothing against the kid, but the parents seem like whack jobs and would be looking for any little thing to go wrong. Harsh? Maybe, but it's my knee-jerk reaction to the situation.

Let the boys be friends at school, but don't invite him anywhere unless it's a birthday party, etc that he can accept/decline. Don't worry about getting to know them any more.

Getting to know the parents of your kid's friends shouldn't be an interview process, for crying out loud. They weren't trying to find someone to take over guardianship!

Yes, I would want to meet the parents before letting my child go camping, but, assuming what you are saying is true (and I have no reason not to believe that's true) I think the problem is with the boy's parents (or maybe the boy decided he just didn't want to go camping and this is their excuse). I don't think the problem is with your friends at all.

 

[auntpolly]

Yes, I would want to meet the parents before letting my child go camping, but, assuming what you are saying is true (and I have no reason not to believe that's true) I think the problem is with the boy's parents (or maybe the boy decided he just didn't want to go camping and this is their excuse). I don't think the problem is with your friends at all.

The thing Sue and I really laughed about was that Sue always liked the kid because he was religious -- they consider themselves God fearing people as well, and figured the boys were on the same page in terms of morals and values -- now, after the famous dinner, Sue and her husband are wondering what about them made them seem "Godless", LOL.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I'm betting that your friend felt judged, which is a lousy feeling to have, especially if she thinks that they should have more in common than different. I would want to ask just how I don't measure up (not saying I would have the nerve to do it, but if I was in the right snarky mood I might ).

 

[lucyblondecat]

Ugh. That reminds me of my SIL who told me she was coming to my city for a visit and she thought she might want to stay with us but wasn't sure since we are liberals and not "saved". She said she would pray on it and let us know. When she called back to tell me she did pray and God's answer was yes, I told her that I had booked her a hotel nearby. I don't need the pressure of living up to what Jesus told her was the right thing to do, ya know? We do watch a lot of Jon Stewart around our house and never Billy Graham, so chances are it wouldn't have worked out anyway.

 

[auntpolly]

When she called back to tell me she did pray and God's answer was yes, I told her that I had booked her a hotel nearby.

Oh, I just have to ask -- what did she say when you told her that? I know it's evil, but I'd be tempted to say something like, "Well I prayed about it too and God said to put you in a hotel!"

 

[lucyblondecat]

Oh, I just have to ask -- what did she say when you told her that? I know it's evil, but I'd be tempted to say something like, "Well I prayed about it too and God said to put you in a hotel!"

I told her exactly what I said above, that the pressure from Jesus was just too much for me. Especially since nothing was going to change around our house -- no one was going to get saved or turn conservative for her sake. And that she really need to revisit Jesus and ask if it were really a situation she should be involved in, because I think it probably would not be a good thing for anyone involved. We never heard another word about it either way.

 

[auntpolly]

I told her exactly what I said above, that the pressure from Jesus was just too much for me. Especially since nothing was going to change around our house -- no one was going to get saved or turn conservative for her sake. And that she really need to revisit Jesus and ask if it were really a situation she should be involved in, because I think it probably would not be a good thing for anyone involved. We never heard another word about it either way.

I really wonder about people like that -- I really do love Jesus, I think he was just the coolest. I love reading the Gospels and the expression -- WWJD -- I honestly try to use that as a guide for life. (Although I fail miserably sometimes).

But is this something Jesus would do? Insult his sister-in-law (if he had one ). Wasn't he all about hanging out with sinners and stuff like that??? (Not that you're such a sinner -- you know what I mean).

 

[LiteBrite]

Maybe the family's real mistake was not just saying no in the first place. This is not to imply that there's anything wrong with your friends, Aunt Polly, I'm sure they're very nice and trustworthy people. However, this family obviously felt that sending their son on a trip with someone they didn't know well was a big deal, (I would have felt the same way when my DD was 11), and something that they couldn't even consider without prayer.

I could see myself in the same position, with my kid begging me to say yes, and me caving just far enough to invite the family over to get to know them a little better, then being in the awkward position of having to say no if I didn't feel good about it (which may not have had anything to do with the parents who did the asking, but everything to do with my child not being ready for such a big step). I imagine they did pray about it, and they did feel that they were being led to say no, and that it was awkward for everybody involved. Maybe they could have made it less awkward by choosing their words a little more carefully, but that doesn't necessarily mean they judged your friends and found them lacking.