Experiences at wdw with the "stare"

[gingerblue]

See shirts like that would cause me to "stare" at the wearer. Not that I'm staring at them, but I'm reading what is written on the shirt. Frankly, I'd likely be offended if I read "turn around and mind your business..." - I was only "staring" because I was reading the shirt. Had they not been wearing such a shirt, I'd have walked past with no staring.

My husband wears shirts with funny geeky slogans on them. I love them, and he always gets positive comments. I don't mind when people read my shirt (if I ever wear a shirt that says anything), but I HATE when they stare at my leg/foot. I'm thinking about getting a giant "UP" arrow tattooed on my leg that points upward so people remember there's more to me than just a bad leg

The worst is when people turn around to KEEP staring at you as you go by. Like, I'll walk by and they literally turn their head to keep watching me walk. YES, I limp. WOW! It's not like I've sprouted a tail or something, as well. That, to me, is beyond regular human curiosity- that's just plain ignorance. I wish I had the nerve to say something to people when they do that because it's so rude.

 

[gingerblue]

Anyone see these shirts? I think they are funny, but maybe not to everyone.

http://www.zazzle.com/keep_staring_tshirt-235947193200905711

http://www.zazzle.com/i_may_be_disabled_but_it_doesnt_mean_i_cant_hi_tshirt-235547283063658497

 

[KPeveler]

Excuse the partial quote:
I love this line! KPeveler, I would love to make a shirt with this saying, specific to my condition. Would that be okay with you?

Sure go for it...

 

[pampam]

It does make perfect sense and yes I too find that I do the second glance at people and I accept that that is human nature. My problem with people is when it becomes a full on stare and then they feel its ok to come and ask us why he is like he is. I normally answer politely with he had cancer and had to have his eye removed !!
That in my mind should be enough but it seems that it then opens up a conversation with peole about how we knew he had cancer how long was his treatment ?? etc etc and a quick trip to buy milk and bread turns into an hour long conversation with a stranger whil ds is squirming at the conversation.
It must be down to personal choice because I personally hate the questions people inflict on us everytime we leave the house maybe in time ill feel differently and be willing to answer.
Thank you for taking teh time to reply I have a new renowned hope that we can dodge the questions whilst we are at wdw and im so glad i asked the question now

When people who don't need to know ask me questions that are none of their business, I ask them" why do you ask"? Then they will realize how insensitive the question was.

Just on the side, when our DD graduated from the stroller to the wheelchair, everyone stared. Gradually, people stopped staring. I realized that it wasn't the fact that they were not staring, but I got more comfortable with the WC and don't notice the stares now. I'm thinking that as you and your DS get more comfortable with things, the stares will decrease too. With a little time, things will get better.

 

[livndisney]

When people who don't need to know ask me questions that are none of their business, I ask them" why do you ask"? Then they will realize how insensitive the question was.

Just on the side, when our DD graduated from the stroller to the wheelchair, everyone stared. Gradually, people stopped staring. I realized that it wasn't the fact that they were not staring, but I got more comfortable with the WC and don't notice the stares now. I'm thinking that as you and your DS get more comfortable with things, the stares will decrease too. With a little time, things will get better.

There is a good bit of truth of this. I was just thinking about this the other day. The stares and stupid questions have not been as often. I just thought they stopped because of the mean glare I shot them when I caught them staring. But I think there is more truth to the fact that I don't notice many stares anymore. I am too busy enjoying my child. We do still have people approach, and I always ask "why do you ask"? If they can give me a good reason, I will talk to them all day long. If they can't answer or it is "I was just wondering" they get shut down. If it is a personal question or will impact my child they do not get an answer.

On a funnier note....... just yesterday at the store a woman was staring. She walked up and down the isle staring at my daughter. She was staring to much she ran into another cart. Momma bear got ready as she started to walk by again...... she was staring at the dress my daughter was wearing and wanted to know where I got it

 

[livndisney]

It does make perfect sense and yes I too find that I do the second glance at people and I accept that that is human nature. My problem with people is when it becomes a full on stare and then they feel its ok to come and ask us why he is like he is. I normally answer politely with he had cancer and had to have his eye removed !!
That in my mind should be enough but it seems that it then opens up a conversation with peole about how we knew he had cancer how long was his treatment ?? etc etc and a quick trip to buy milk and bread turns into an hour long conversation with a stranger whil ds is squirming at the conversation.
It must be down to personal choice because I personally hate the questions people inflict on us everytime we leave the house maybe in time ill feel differently and be willing to answer.
Thank you for taking teh time to reply I have a new renowned hope that we can dodge the questions whilst we are at wdw and im so glad i asked the question now

One important thing to remember is you are under no obligation to tell strangers anything. If you are not comfortable, don't have time, don't feel like it, your son is standing right there, or any other reason. You can simply say "I don't want to talk about" and walk away. Enjoy your son and ignore the others. I do hope you have a magical trip!

 

[buzz for boys]

One important thing to remember is you are under no obligation to tell strangers anything. If you are not comfortable, don't have time, don't feel like it, your son is standing right there, or any other reason. You can simply say "I don't want to talk about" and walk away. Enjoy your son and ignore the others. I do hope you have a magical trip!

I have had that very conversation with our specialist nurse yesterday - she pointed out that its a personal question and we have the right to not answer ! Its going to take a while to get use to not answering but I think as a family we need to adopt the ignore the questions tactic and In time we can chose when or how to answer.
Thanks for all the answers x x x

 

[livndisney]

I have had that very conversation with our specialist nurse yesterday - she pointed out that its a personal question and we have the right to not answer ! Its going to take a while to get use to not answering but I think as a family we need to adopt the ignore the questions tactic and In time we can chose when or how to answer.
Thanks for all the answers x x x

Sending you a PM

 

[Eeyore5]

I think it was Ann Landers who said a good comeback is "If you will forgive me for not answering, I will forgive you for asking a rude question."

I completely agree that you have the right to not answer.

 

[livndisney]

I think it was Ann Landers who said a good comeback is "If you will forgive me for not answering, I will forgive you for asking a rude question."

I completely agree that you have the right to not answer.

My reply is not exactly Ann Lander, I usually just say something to stun them long enought to get away

 

[Eeyore5]

nice!

I remember in high school hanging out with a few other friends who use wheelchairs and we had a great time coming up with one liners that would be great if we had the guts to say them.

 

[amdrees]

My son has some unusual facial features and wears leg braces. I have been appalled by the number of questions, stares, and comments we receive. However, we have been to Disney twice and only had one comment (actually it was a question about his leg brace - an the individual had the courtesy to not ask the question in front of my son). It is my favorite place in the world to be because for one week a year our lives are normal. There will always be stares. I cannot say enough about the CMs we encountered. Everyone was more than helpful/accommodating.

 

[Bugsmom73]

Yes, I saw a parent with them whose child was autistic, no- and had personal space issues. It politely asked them to honor their son's request for space. I was in line for the train with them. After a bit, the son can over and touched me gently. The mother apologized and started to pull him back, but I quickly and quietly said. "It's OK, I love special kids." The smile on that mother's face was priceless. The boy touched me a few more times and I felt honored that he was comfortable enough to do so.

This brought tears to my eyes.

 

[ShatteredByLoss]

On our last trip to the world, I had to use a wheelchair due to cancer.

With chemo, and all the fun things that go along with it. I was very aware of people staring.

So, before I left home, I bought a ton of those little glow sticks, the wrap around lights, decorations (the .99 cent store was my friend!) such as cheap garland, confetti, etc..etc..etc.. and then my family and I decorated the wheelchair.

It became a daily fun activity, for the whole family, to do before we hit the parks or after we were done at the parks before we went to bed to decorate the wheelchair.

In the parks, if someone was nice to us we gave them one of the multitude of glowsticks we had with us. We usually let the kids pick which one they wanted.

We gave away confetti as 'pixie dust' and used a glow stick with a star on top (as our royal wand) to 'dub' a CM or two our 'champion' of the day for going above and beyond.

At night, while eating dinner we would always discuss who our favorite champions were and we took a vote. We made sure to stop on the way out to let someone at guest relations know who had been super nice to us.

I tried on tons of scarves, hats and other silly things that actually made me stand out more while I was there oddly enough. It was about having fun in spite of it all or maybe more fun because of it.

Maybe if your son is into pin trading, and he catches someone staring, he could ask if they have any pins to trade?

Anyways, just a little sharing and hopefully something that worked for me, might work for you.

Have a wonderful trip..

- Loss

 

[buzz for boys]

On our last trip to the world, I had to use a wheelchair due to cancer.

With chemo, and all the fun things that go along with it. I was very aware of people staring.

So, before I left home, I bought a ton of those little glow sticks, the wrap around lights, decorations (the .99 cent store was my friend!) such as cheap garland, confetti, etc..etc..etc.. and then my family and I decorated the wheelchair.

It became a daily fun activity, for the whole family, to do before we hit the parks or after we were done at the parks before we went to bed to decorate the wheelchair.

In the parks, if someone was nice to us we gave them one of the multitude of glowsticks we had with us. We usually let the kids pick which one they wanted.

We gave away confetti as 'pixie dust' and used a glow stick with a star on top (as our royal wand) to 'dub' a CM or two our 'champion' of the day for going above and beyond.

At night, while eating dinner we would always discuss who our favorite champions were and we took a vote. We made sure to stop on the way out to let someone at guest relations know who had been super nice to us.

I tried on tons of scarves, hats and other silly things that actually made me stand out more while I was there oddly enough. It was about having fun in spite of it all or maybe more fun because of it.

Maybe if your son is into pin trading, and he catches someone staring, he could ask if they have any pins to trade?

Anyways, just a little sharing and hopefully something that worked for me, might work for you.

Have a wonderful trip..

- Loss

He loves pin trading so i really like this idea

Hope you are now on the way to recovery x

 

[Schmeck]

If simply handing a card to someone causes them to become "aggressive" than I would suggest that person is the one with the issue not the person handing a card.
I really think you are comparing apples and oranges. Approaching a student on school grounds with information is not that same as handing a staring or interfering grown adult a card stating "My child has autism" as you are dealing with a meltdown.

Yes, I agree, but you still have a bad situation if the person you hand a card to either strikes out at you or makes an issue with you handing out a card and gets Disney security involved. I wouldn't want that to happen on anyone's vacation (or anytime at all!)

The reason I mentioned the school issue (wasn't on school property though, just on the town streets as the kids were walking home) was to explain the idea that solicitation doesn't have to have a monetary distinction to it.

I have a huge chunk missing from my left leg - melanoma re-excision gone extreme. People stare at it. When they ask about it, I just say it's from cancer, melanoma, my advice would be to wear sunscreen and don't do tanning beds, ever. If I decided to hand out cards at WDW telling people to wear sunscreen, don't end up like me, and someone took offense to it, I would be the one liable for instigating the situation, because I approached someone and offered them a tangible item. Staring is not against the law, but soliciting is. So everyone, just be careful.

 

[Schmeck]

Wow- two completely different situations, obviously- and the issue with the tea cups had to do with one seriously disturbed individual and "supposed" line cutting- unless there's more than one tea cup incident; so I really don't see what that has to do with this. Offering a card is very different from going after someone. Trust me, it is not always possible for a parent to verbally explain why they are having to restrain a suddenly raging child( I know from experience)- I'm pretty sure it's easier to offer someone a card they can read than have to explain the situation to security. (and in case anyone is looking to flame, yes, we do avoid triggers, we do ensureadequate rest, food and hydration, we do seek out less populated areas where possible, etc., etc.)More common would be the stares when she is spinning or flapping or singing, etc. And they are usually curious why she acts that way. The cards, or a quick- Gotta love autism!- usually sets things to rights, or even starts a helpful conversation.

Good idea to have a card to give to security - I didn't think of that. It would also be handy to have on the child in case he or she got lost.

I brought up the teacup incident to remind people that there are guests at WDW who do lose their tempers and get out of control. The person you take offense with may not be the most stable person in the world - actually I'd bet money that they were not, snce they had to stare and even comment - and handing them anything might set them over the edge. Even if you see your right in offering a card of explanation, is it worth the risk of creating an incident where you would share in the blame? Anything seen as confrontational could get you tossed out of the park - is that staring person worth it? That's a decision each of us has to make, and I just wanted to balance the 'hand them a card' advice with some info on what might happen.

 

[gingerblue]

So, before I left home, I bought a ton of those little glow sticks, the wrap around lights, decorations (the .99 cent store was my friend!) such as cheap garland, confetti, etc..etc..etc.. and then my family and I decorated the wheelchair.

- Loss

This is one of the GREATEST things I have read in a very long time. What a fabulous idea. I'm sure you made a lot of friends, left a lot of impressions, made a lot of people smile, and more importantly- made something extremely positive out of what could have been a very isolating and scary experience.

I hope you are doing well now. Wow! I'm so inspired!!

 

[TannersRfans]

I don't have much to add - seems like so much good advice has been shared though. My son is a cancer survivor as well and has some left side weakness in his face - and it's not always noticeable but sometimes you can really tell. for us, the cause of starring is his hair. it grew back super thin. he has the 'old man' thin spot in the back. it's noticeably thin from the front as well. i've passed adults in stores that will turn around to look at the back of his head. he wears hats - a lot!! but it's frustrating - i'd rather them just ask but no one does. well, kids will but in such a nice sweet way - just why does he have that spot right there, or where did he get that scar. I'll take tons of time to explain to a kid on their level, but the adults never ask.

we were at a local theme park just a few weekends ago and saw a sweet little girl on a ride with a bald head. obviously a cancer kid. instead of starring, i made a point to smile at the mom, ask the little girl if she had fun - chat a little. they actually sat down next to us to talk for a second. i didn't share our story - i didn't want it to be about us bonding over cancer, just wanted to treat her like she should be treated. sadly, she wanted to ride a second time and the people running the ride wouldn't let her. so she was bummed but laughing by the time they left us. i am not brave enough to seek people out and ask why or what happened to them or their child, and not outspoken enough for a smart remark (although I think it in my head lol).

i also see lots of kids through work and when they have to do eye patches for a weak eye, i tell them about my son and how he had to do the same thing, then tell the mom or dad all the tricks we used to get him to wear the eye patch. sharing with others is great when it's done in the right way. i'm comfortable with sharing cole's story if someone acts curious instead of just starring rudely and then whispering.

 

[carrie1626]

Many years ago, My son went thru a hair-pulling phase ( trichotillomania) and it was very, very obvious with all the "bare to the scalp patches" he had on his head. YES, there were stares but I didn't blame anyone for looking, because I myself have noticed something different about someone and "looked", too. It's human curiosity. So if I felt the need to explain because of the "extra long stare", I spoke up. But never confrontationally-only to engage in conversation.

I believe you'll find most guests at WDW will hope your WDW vacation is everything you hope for and want it to be!!

I would take my cues from your son- ask him how he feels and what he thinks is an acceptable response ( if any)


Enjoy your family time