Exhausted from parenting/ASD children/Welcome to Schmolland!

[mommatomase]

When i saw this thread all I could say is Oh my god why would anyone be tired of parenting. I lost my 18 yo son 8 wks ago and I would love to still be parenting him. Please please never get tired of parenting your children. They can be gone in the wink of an eye and then what would you think.
Please be thankful you still have them. You can't imagine what it is like to lose a child and I hope you never have to.

Sorry to rant but I just couldn't believe any parent would feel this way.

I am so sorry for your loss... and so new and so raw... I, too, lost a child (two to be exact). I mourn them every day... one would be 20 this year and the other would be 8.

I do have a wonderful little boy who is blessed to be and Aspie... it is the most exciting thing I have ever done... but... these children are soooo intense that it sometimes takes every ounce of energy that one can muster up to make it through a day... Until you parent a child on the Autistic Spectrum you just will never understand, just as someone who has never lost a child will never understand.

We love our children to the ends of the earth and would never stop loving them or doing what is best for them... but please understand that some days we are very tired... not of being a parent but parenting for that day... we always get up the next day and resolve to make the sun shine and the day be happy.

I hope this makes you understand us a little bit better... we love our children VERY much...

And again, as a parent who has grieved the loss of two children... you never forget them and you never replace them... you hang on to the time you were blessed to hold them... peace my friend...

 

[mommatomase]

IWRBND.... is it possible for you to change the title of your first post since it is being misunderstood??? I don't know if it is possible to do that or not... just a thought...

Maybe to just ... Exhausted from parenting/ASD

 

[iwrbnd]

Mommatomase, I am also so sorry you've lost two children! I didn't know that!

I also have to say thank you for putting so eloquently how I felt on the day I started this thread! I wasn't tired of parenting but parenting on that day! That's how my stressed brain should have worded it!!!

 

[iwrbnd]

IWRBND.... is it possible for you to change the title of your first post since it is being misunderstood??? I don't know if it is possible to do that or not... just a thought...

Maybe to just ... Exhausted from parenting/ASD

That's a GREAT idea! I've often thought it wasn't worded right! I'll try and change it! If it stays the same maybe somebody out there will know how or maybe a moderator?

I did it! That looks much better and is really more accurate of how I feel! Thanks! I hope all the towns people from Schmolland can find us, though! Should I put "renamed" on it?

 

[mommatomase]

Mommatomase, I am also so sorry you've lost two children! I didn't know that!

I also have to say thank you for putting so eloquently how I felt on the day I started this thread! I wasn't tired of parenting but parenting on that day! That's how my stressed brain should have worded it!!!

I'm OK... I have gotten to the point of realizing that God does things for a reason...
I know that reason.

 

[BreTyPres87]

Disney Bishops I am sorry for your loss..

 

[mommatomase]

That's a GREAT idea! I've often thought it wasn't worded right! I'll try and change it! If it stays the same maybe somebody out there will know how or maybe a moderator?

I did it! That looks much better and is really more accurate of how I feel! Thanks! I hope all the towns people from Schmolland can find us, though! Should I put "renamed" on it?

Build it and they shall come... YIPPY!!!

 

[BreTyPres87]

mommatomase I am also sorry for your loss
you explained the thread very well.. I got it immediately when I came in here but from the outside looking in it may seem kinda odd or selfish..

 

[ireland_nicole]

I love the new thread title- great idea!
Maybe we could add a second part to the title, though:
Exhausted from parenting ASD children AKA welcome to schmolland!

 

[kirstenb1]

I love the new thread title- great idea!
Maybe we could add a second part to the title, though:
Exhausted from parenting ASD children AKA welcome to schmolland!

Yes, please definitely work in the "Schmolland" angle. Everytime I read that I crack up. I don't post that often...our little Schmutch girl has been going through a rough patch here and at school since February, and it's been sort of slow going. But I love you guys, you make me laugh and you really help me during these times. WE're going to WDW in a month, and I'm very nervous. Our Schmutch girl had a hard time last year with all the stimulus, but we've got a lot of new strategies to try (thanks to my fellow Schmollanders), so we'll see what happens.

 

[iwrbnd]

Yes, please definitely work in the "Schmolland" angle. Everytime I read that I crack up. I don't post that often...our little Schmutch girl has been going through a rough patch here and at school since February, and it's been sort of slow going. But I love you guys, you make me laugh and you really help me during these times. WE're going to WDW in a month, and I'm very nervous. Our Schmutch girl had a hard time last year with all the stimulus, but we've got a lot of new strategies to try (thanks to my fellow Schmollanders), so we'll see what happens.

You'll have to let us know how your daughter does in WDW next month!

I added "Welcome to Schmolland"! That was a great idea! We're all such a fun-loving and supportive group that we needed a more positive thread title!

Oh, and credit goes to Ireland_Nicole and BreTyPres for the idea, too!

 

[iwrbnd]

I was only planning to read this thread and not post since it is already 19 pages long. But I only got as far as this paragraph.

First let me introduce myself...I'm a single mom of two great boys. DS10 who was dxed with Asperger's at age 6 (after a year of me trying to get people to realize I wasn't a bad mother with a bratty kid) and who also happens to be ADHD on two medications for it. My youngest DS is 6 and was dxed last year as an Aspie, not as severely as his brother, and who also has ADHD. I also support my disabled mother who helps to take care of my kids while I'm at work.

But the part of the paragraph that got me was the part about parents being more depressed over their mildly affected kids. Every day I struggle with trying to teach my guys to be "normal"...to "act like the other kids". I finally went to my dr the other day and was put on an antidepressant because I fell like my kids deserve someone who can handle them better. I would love to see the whole study on this.

Its funny how you think you are the only one going through something like this because you don't tell people when you get frustrated with your life because no one wants to open up about it. I'm afraid people will think I'm a horrible mother for wishing for the day when I can sleep in or take a shower without having to worry about what is happening with the boys.

Thank you for allowing me to read your thread!

Daisy

Hi Daisy&Max! I'm so glad you joined us! Let me know how the anti-depressant works. I've often wondered if I need one but then if I get "away" for an hour or so I'm much happier. Can anti-depressants work on "situational depression"?

I'll try to find the study I was talking about. I remember reading it on the internet and feeling so valified! I felt guilty for getting down when my kids were mild and I know it can be much worse. So, when I read that study it was very comforting!

 

[BreTyPres87]

Yes, please definitely work in the "Schmolland" angle. Everytime I read that I crack up. I don't post that often...our little Schmutch girl has been going through a rough patch here and at school since February, and it's been sort of slow going. But I love you guys, you make me laugh and you really help me during these times. WE're going to WDW in a month, and I'm very nervous. Our Schmutch girl had a hard time last year with all the stimulus, but we've got a lot of new strategies to try (thanks to my fellow Schmollanders), so we'll see what happens.

Please share your tips... any Schmollanders!!! We'll be there next month.

 

[kirstenb1]

Please share your tips... any Schmollanders!!! We'll be there next month.

1. have a stroller for a place to retreat to
2. have noise-canceling headphones that plug into an MP3 player
3. have songs from WDW rides loaded on MP3 player now, so she can listen before we go
4. have a car at our disposal, in case we need an exit strategy
5. be willing to split up the family so our normal kiddo doesn't get shortchanged
6. try to pay better attention to our little Schmutch girl, so we take her back to the resort before she gets overwhelmed
7. pack Benadryl, and don't be afraid to use it! Zoe had a meltdown in the Holiday Inn Suites in Florence SC on the way home. It lasted from 10 pm to 2 am. Not sure about the exact end time, but I fell asleep at 2 am!!
8. bring a backpack with snacks and chewy tubes, squishy balls, etc

That's all I can think of for now.

 

[persimmondeb]

When it comes to discipline, we can usually tell what's really an involuntary behavior, and what he can control if he tries. He does have a much harder time holding it together when he is hungry or tired or overwhelmed, though.
Taking away a privilege and sticking to it usually impresses him, if it becomes necessary.

He's pretty self-sufficient in personal tasks, and he does do chores, although we find it is easier to tell him when we want something done, rather than to have a regularily scheduled task he "forgets". The thing we have to remember is that it often takes him longer to master tasks (or needs to be taught things that most people pick up), and we need to be somewhat tolerant of peculiarities in execution. Some of these peculiarities have flooded the bathroom, but he can get himself ready in the morning with little or no prompting. We do check him, mostly to make sure he's taken his meds and that his shirt is not inside-out or backwards and his shoes are tied, but he really does it himself.

 

[Daisy&Max]

First of all...WELCOME! Post away...doesn't matter how long the thread gets. If there is some sort of limit, we can always start a part 2 thread. All of us here seem to have very similar thoughts, feeling, problems etc. Feel free to open up here and let it all hang out! We love to be funny, we love to help, encourage, offer advice or just listen (or rather..read). You're not a horrible morther for wanting to shower. Believe me....I'd love a quiet worry free shower too!

Thank you for the welcome. This looks like the kind of support group I can use!

Hi Daisy&Max! I'm so glad you joined us! Let me know how the anti-depressant works. I've often wondered if I need one but then if I get "away" for an hour or so I'm much happier. Can anti-depressants work on "situational depression"?

I'll try to find the study I was talking about. I remember reading it on the internet and feeling so valified! I felt guilty for getting down when my kids were mild and I know it can be much worse. So, when I read that study it was very comforting!

I don't know about the situational since I have to take it daily so it builds up in the system. I'm hoping it will make me better able to deal with my kids' quirks. I've been so depressed that I've found myself wishing my kids were more "autistic" so that people would realize they aren't just weird or strange and that I'm not a bad mother. Then I feel so guilty about wishing for that.

I'm so glad I found this thread. I'm going to try to read through as much of it as possible. Thank you for the welcome!

Daisy

 

[iwrbnd]

I just had to say we had a doozy of a night with our 17 yr old ASD son. It's so hard to know what is typical teenage behavior and what is asd! Tonight a minor incident at the dinner table escalated into him being really mad and somehow it's everyone else's fault! We don't even know how it starts half the time! My DH and I just end up looking at each other thinking WTH just happened? I definately see the Schmolland landscape when I look out my window tonight! It makes me want to close the blinds, though! I know many parents say they wouldn't change a thing about their asd child but I'm just not there yet. I love my child unconditionally but if I could take his struggles away I would!

 

[Kat77]

When i saw this thread all I could say is Oh my god why would anyone be tired of parenting. I lost my 18 yo son 8 wks ago and I would love to still be parenting him. Please please never get tired of parenting your children. They can be gone in the wink of an eye and then what would you think.
Please be thankful you still have them. You can't imagine what it is like to lose a child and I hope you never have to.

Sorry to rant but I just couldn't believe any parent would feel this way.

I am very sorry for your loss. As you will see, everyone here is very compassionate. The title was even changed to avoid any confusion.

Like you, we belong to a club (land) no one would ever chose to join (live in). Most days are good but some days are very difficult. When we feel like no other person could possibly relate, we can come here and often find a friend who has been there before or can atleast share our frustrations without judgement. Grief can eat you up if you do not share it with others who understand where you come from. Unfortunately, there are always others who have been there before and have shared the same pain... whatever club (or land) that may be.

 

[JohnnySharp2]

I can completely relate to what people say on this thread.

Our son is 13, non verbal and Autistic, we are finding as he gets older & we do too there are regular times where we are just so tired.

My wife and I work full time but get little free social time to ourselves, in a way our Florida holidays are our relief from the day to day stress.
We find we can relax a little more when on vacation, and feel younger, more energetic too.

Best wishes to all of you from the UK.

 

[Kat77]

I can completely relate to what people say on this thread.

Our son is 13, non verbal and Autistic, we are finding as he gets older & we do too there are regular times where we are just so tired.

My wife and I work full time but get little free social time to ourselves, in a way our Florida holidays are our relief from the day to day stress.
We find we can relax a little more when on vacation, and feel younger, more energetic too.

Best wishes to all of you from the UK.

Hi Johnny! Welcome to Schmolland! I am quite sure that we accept dual citizenship here (since you mentioned the UK)
My DS9 is currently obsessed with Doctor Who. I am using this to talk him into eating bangers and mash in the UK at Epcot... fish (though he's fine with the chips) was nixed fast but sausage has been open for dicussion, so there is hope.