Exhausted from parenting/ASD children/Welcome to Schmolland!

[mommatomase]

Happy Mother's Day from here too... Hope your day is just how you want it to be...

 

[BreTyPres87]

Happy Mothers day!!!!!

 

[elan]

Thanks for the warm welcome everyone. Momma I sat here smiling at my screen reading your surgery story. I love reading all the stories.

We seem to have moved past the leg thing. We've visited this a few times since jan. I like the looking into the mirror straight on, the next time I hear about this I'll try it. At least this time it only took a couple days instead of a couple weeks (which it normally does).

We are seeing a terrific therapist. I learned more from 1 hr with her than I did from all the dr visists we had prior. But my dd doesn't want to have a problem, doesn't think she does and certainly doesn't need any help. It sure makes life interesting and frustrating.

I hope everyone is enjoying their Mother's Day.

 

[Ctsplaysinrain]

Can I whine just a little bit???

My 14 yr old Aspie has yet to tell me Happy Mother's day. I had to prod him to tell his brother Happy Birthday.

This is not anything new- just one year I hope to hear it.

 

[kampfirekim]

Happy Mother's Day to the funniest most patient mom's I know!

Kampfirekim, I don't like my username! iwrbnd is so hard but I didn't know what I was doing when I made it! This is my first message board and I was a newbie, is it possible to change it?

I love it! Especially now that I know what it means. DH tagged me with kampfirekim several years ago...when we were camping! So when I joined the Disboards I decided to use it as my user name. He loves taking the credit for that one. No telling what I would have come up with if left to my own devices.

My understanding is that you CAN change your username, but previous posts may still retain your old name and your post counts starts over at 0. I'm not completely sure about this info. Maybe someone will come along who knows for sure. IDEA: You could put the meaning in place of Disney Vet below your username...that would clarify and you could avoid any confusion caused by changing the name.

Hope your Mother's Day was great! This morning my typical DS6 said, "Mama, I am going to do my very best to make sure this is the BEST Mother's Day ever...and even if it's not I'm still going to try my very best!" Of course that made my day right there! My little Schmutch boy has decided it's ok to potty in the floor. Enough said.


Ctsplaysinrain: Whine to your hearts content. Just in case you didn't hear it from anyone else today....HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! (Maybe next year you'll hear it from the one who matters most.) xxxooo

 

[iwrbnd]

Can I whine just a little bit???

My 14 yr old Aspie has yet to tell me Happy Mother's day. I had to prod him to tell his brother Happy Birthday.

This is not anything new- just one year I hope to hear it.

I haven't heard it from my 17 yr old without being prompted either! So sad. There's always next year!

 

[iwrbnd]

I love it! Especially now that I know what it means. DH tagged me with kampfirekim several years ago...when we were camping! So when I joined the Disboards I decided to use it as my user name. He loves taking the credit for that one. No telling what I would have come up with if left to my own devices.

My understanding is that you CAN change your username, but previous posts may still retain your old name and your post counts starts over at 0. I'm not completely sure about this info. Maybe someone will come along who knows for sure. IDEA: You could put the meaning in place of Disney Vet below your username...that would clarify and you could avoid any confusion caused by changing the name.

Hope your Mother's Day was great! This morning my typical DS6 said, "Mama, I am going to do my very best to make sure this is the BEST Mother's Day ever...and even if it's not I'm still going to try my very best!" Of course that made my day right there! My little Schmutch boy has decided it's ok to potty in the floor. Enough said.


Ctsplaysinrain: Whine to your hearts content. Just in case you didn't hear it from anyone else today....HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! (Maybe next year you'll hear it from the one who matters most.) xxxooo

I put the meaning to iwrbnd in my signature. Can you see it okay there? I didn't put it under my username because I heard it tics off the tag fairy! I sure wouldn't want to do that!

 

[kampfirekim]

I put the meaning to iwrbnd in my signature. Can you see it okay there? I didn't put it under my username because I heard it tics off the tag fairy! I sure wouldn't want to do that!

I can see it pretty good. The font may need to be just a smidge bigger. Great idea! We would NEVER want to tick off the tag fairy. I heard she...or he will getcha!

 

[iwrbnd]

I can see it pretty good. The font may need to be just a smidge bigger. Great idea! We would NEVER want to tick off the tag fairy. I heard she...or he will getcha!

How's this?

 

[kampfirekim]

How's this?

In the words of the "Fonz" PERFECTAMUNDO!

DS was soooooo...... sweet today. I walked him into school (often an aide or his teacher meet us out front) and after he had a chocolate milk in the cafeteria he spontaneously mauled me with kisses! I loved it!!! He just wouldn't stop with the kisses and puppy licks....yes I even like those! He normally dismisses me when he gets to school so this public display of affection was AWESOME! Maybe he felt guilty about pottying on the floor on Mothers Day....I doubt it, but I can dream.

 

[mommatomase]

DS was soooooo...... sweet today. I walked him into school (often an aide or his teacher meet us out front) and after he had a chocolate milk in the cafeteria he spontaneously mauled me with kisses! I loved it!!! He just wouldn't stop with the kisses and puppy licks....yes I even like those! He normally dismisses me when he gets to school so this public display of affection was AWESOME! Maybe he felt guilty about pottying on the floor on Mothers Day....I doubt it, but I can dream.

EAT IT UP!!! I really miss puppy licks... those have stoppped... sometimes I still get Mase with them and then he says, "that's gross!" and I laugh...

What an awesome morning you had... Mother's Day doesn't always have to be on a Sunday...

 

[BreTyPres87]

In the words of the "Fonz" PERFECTAMUNDO!

DS was soooooo...... sweet today. I walked him into school (often an aide or his teacher meet us out front) and after he had a chocolate milk in the cafeteria he spontaneously mauled me with kisses! I loved it!!! He just wouldn't stop with the kisses and puppy licks....yes I even like those! He normally dismisses me when he gets to school so this public display of affection was AWESOME! Maybe he felt guilty about pottying on the floor on Mothers Day....I doubt it, but I can dream.

How sweet!!!! I get mauled with kisses and puppy licks but not at school, well he gets on the bus but when I walk him outside he runs in excitement and one time he even tried to close the bus door when I was saying bye

 

[Kat77]

Was not sure where to share this but did not want to start a new thread. I was reading the disability section of all ears and there was a statement about AS kids loving wave pools at waterparks b/c the deep pressure stimulation it provides. What a neat observation, I never thought about it being sensory related! I have to drag DS9 out of the wavepool at our local waterpark all the time and we literally tag team my friends kid to get him out of the lazy river where he will spend hours walking against the current. Does anyone else notice this with their kids?

 

[BreTyPres87]

My son LOVES swimming, we are going to reserve our first day (6/23 ) at the World for swimming just for him, i've actually never been the one to take him but he went with my mom and with his school many times, i'm excited to see what he thinks!!


Question for Schmolland mommies: How do you reprimand or punish your children? And how do you know whether or not the behavior is intentional and requires a time out? I am having a hard time with this with my son because he does stuff and I can't tell if its intentional and needs to be corrected and even how to do it.

 

[iwrbnd]

My son LOVES swimming, we are going to reserve our first day (6/23 ) at the World for swimming just for him, i've actually never been the one to take him but he went with my mom and with his school many times, i'm excited to see what he thinks!!


Question for Schmolland mommies: How do you reprimand or punish your children? And how do you know whether or not the behavior is intentional and requires a time out? I am having a hard time with this with my son because he does stuff and I can't tell if its intentional and needs to be corrected and even how to do it.

Oh, that's a good question and sooo hard! I struggle with this, too. I would love to hear everyone's opinions!

The area I've struggled with the most are chores. I haven't been good about making them have daily chores because just getting the necessary life skills done is enough to drive me to drink! So, I do way too much around the house and it's making me tired and resentful. My DH is a great help when he's home and he'll get the ASD boys to help but I don't have the energy to do it!

I remember the moment I realized everything was harder for me. I was at a friend's house who has all typical kids. She told her son (same age as mine, probably around 2nd grade) to go take a shower and about 10 minutes later he came down in his pajamas all done! I about died! This was my face......that whole scenario would have been an exhausting hour of my life! I would have had to get him upstairs with no distractions, get a towel, get the temperature of water just right, then find him again (because he would have wandered), get him in shower, wait around because I'll have to nag him to get out of the shower, help him get his clothes on in the right order, get the toothpaste on the toothbrush and make sure he brushes his teeth, comb his hair and then clean up the dirty towels and clothes! Overparenting? Absolutely! But, it was completely necessary since he wouldn't have been able to accomplish it on his own! I'm exhausted even remembering it! At this point he only had an ADD diagnosis! Just thinking about asking him to take out the trash made me want to shoot myself! That boy is now 17 and of course is way better but still takes a lot of direction. My 2 NT kids help out but because the first was like this I never established chores as something everyone expected. It makes me feel like a bad parent, too. I just got into survival mode and now I'm too exhausted to do anything about it. I never envisioned my family not having chores and helping out. Exhaustion from this problem is what made me start this thread! People with typical kids will say "just make your kids help out more!" They just don't get it! That's easier said than done! And because my ASD kid's disabilities are hidden (they are mild) my other children don't see them as different. How do you expect some kids to have a certain standard but not the other ones? It's so hard!

 

[leebee]

People with typical kids will say "just make your kids help out more!" They just don't get it!

My DD16 (nt) was extremely sensitive to food texture as a child. I learned early on NOT to force food that caused a gag reflex. Nothing DD could do about it, and I was the one doing the cleanup! My (childless) sister disapproved of our choice to let DD eat what she enjoyed and not force her to eat everything. She even said, "If she were my kid, she'd just sit there until she ate it, or else! Just make her eat it!" HAH! You can't force anyone to do anything, nt, asd, whatever. It's beyond me how many people just don't get that.

 

[leebee]

How do you expect some kids to have a certain standard but not the other ones? It's so hard!

This is often an issue at school. I work in classrooms sometimes, providing support to kids with all kinds of learning issues- asd, speech/language, exec functioning, aspie, etc. Sometimes the nt kids complain that so-and-so has Ms.B to help him with the answers on the test, or with the homework, or doesn't have to do the full assignment, and that isn't fair. We tell them that fair isn't always equal. I know, it's harder when it happens at home, 24/7, but the elementary and middle schoolers I work with get it.

 

[BreTyPres87]

My DD16 (nt) was extremely sensitive to food texture as a child. I learned early on NOT to force food that caused a gag reflex. Nothing DD could do about it, and I was the one doing the cleanup! My (childless) sister disapproved of our choice to let DD eat what she enjoyed and not force her to eat everything. She even said, "If she were my kid, she'd just sit there until she ate it, or else! Just make her eat it!" HAH! You can't force anyone to do anything, nt, asd, whatever. It's beyond me how many people just don't get that.

If there's one thing that makes me angry its a childless person giving me advice! Especially for a special needs child, I hear things all the time from people who mean well but all I want to tell them is "Butt out!" (thats the grated version ) no you can't make someone eat ,no matter how old or anything I worked for a nutrionist -I was a Kitchen Manager at a head start- and she planned the menus but the stuff she would put on there was BLEH Lentil Soup, Broiled Salmon.. crap kids ages 1-5 did not want, she was childless and she would tell the teachers to encourage the children to eat it in different ways but none of that worked, they just refused,I always used to get so mad when she would accuse the kitchen of doing something wrong or say the teachers were just not doing it correctly... she knew what she read about children not first handed and she desperately needed to for that job

 

[iwrbnd]

This is often an issue at school. I work in classrooms sometimes, providing support to kids with all kinds of learning issues- asd, speech/language, exec functioning, aspie, etc. Sometimes the nt kids complain that so-and-so has Ms.B to help him with the answers on the test, or with the homework, or doesn't have to do the full assignment, and that isn't fair. We tell them that fair isn't always equal. I know, it's harder when it happens at home, 24/7, but the elementary and middle schoolers I work with get it.

"Fair isn't always equal." Love it! Thanks, I'm going to remember that one!

 

[ireland_nicole]

I also had someone say to me one time that we have a warped sense of what equal means; we think it means the same. In reality, equal is just all of us getting what we need.

I like that definition, and we use it with our kids. Their disabilities, and more importantly their abilities and gifts are different. We can't provide the "same" all the time. That doesn't mean they're not given equal access or equal value.

As far as the consequences goes, I'm in the same boat. If anyone has any ideas on this one, let me know:

DD started "stealing" items from her classroom this year. Intelectually, she knows that taking something that is not yours is wrong, and that it is bad. However, aside from PDD-NOS she is extreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemly ADHD, and therefore super impulsive and compulsive to boot. She is obsessed with pens, pencils, erasers. Sometimes she eats them, but more often she collects them. We have asked that this behavior be addressed in her BIP, but the school refused saying it wasn't happening often enough. We asked for the school to ensure she was never left unsupervised (she goes for meds at noon) and we were told she is always adequately supervised... Fast forward to Friday, and I get an angry phone call because Caitie went into the teacher's "personal" bag and took her marking pens (all while the class was at recess and Caitie was sent alone to get her meds; apparently she took a detour.) She teacher is livid, she feels violated, blah, blah, blah (sorry, I don't mean to sound like it's her fault, but, um, she directly violated- again- what we were promised; personally, I'm just grateful its a pen and she didn't get hurt or leave campus). She even said something about how it isn't fair to the other kids that they have to worry about their stuff, and how she read that kids with autism don't steal, so this couldn't be related to her disability, etc. etc.

Anyway, sure, we can give her consequences at home, but I don't see how it's going to impact her behavior at school; sorry for the long winded essay, but if anyone has any ideas, let me know. I emailed the teacher to summarize the conversation, got a very terse reply, responded; and then forwarded everything to our advocate. I just hate that it gets so confrontational; I can't help but think if they would just help us help her we'd both get a lot farther with a lot less frustration.