Ex-Wife will not allow husbands kids to go....

[PilotWife]

I am really disappointed about this and I know what we are going to do about this already...but I wanted to see what others opinions on the subject is...

My husband's ex-wife will not allow his children to go on our family trip with my children and our new baby (this is our first "all together" family trip)...We are taking his children on a trip earlier in the summer when my children will be with their father.....So, would you still go or hope things might work out next year?

(as of right now we are not going to be going to Disney but will be taking my children somewhere)....

 

[badblackpug]

I am really disappointed about this and I know what we are going to do about this already...but I wanted to see what others opinions on the subject is...

My husband's ex-wife will not allow his children to go on our family trip with my children and our new baby (this is our first "all together" family trip)...We are taking his children on a trip earlier in the summer when my children will be with their father.....So, would you still go or hope things might work out next year?

(as of right now we are not going to be going to Disney but will be taking my children somewhere)....

What is her reasoning? If she doesn't have a legitimate reason for not allowing them to go I would take her to court and get a court order.

 

[Jedimom]

There are two sides to the story, and you've only shared yours (and vaguely at that). Not sure anyone's going to be able to give you much advice, other than if you feel you're in the right and reasoning with the other party doesn't work, take it to court.

 

[Mama Who]

I am really disappointed about this and I know what we are going to do about this already...but I wanted to see what others opinions on the subject is...

My husband's ex-wife will not allow his children to go on our family trip with my children and our new baby (this is our first "all together" family trip)...We are taking his children on a trip earlier in the summer when my children will be with their father.....So, would you still go or hope things might work out next year?
(as of right now we are not going to be going to Disney but will be taking my children somewhere)....

If he is taking his kids on a trip earlier in the summer I think you are just fine taking you shared kids somewhere without them later when they are unavailable. So yes, go on vacation. I don't think that precludes hoping things will work out next year.

 

[Hannathy]

Your DH should talk to his lawyer and unless it is in the agreement (and he shouldn't have agreed to it) have the lawyer send her a letter and take her to court if need be. If I was legally allowed to take them there is no way she would stop me.


I absolutely hate these childish games that some so called adults play.

 

[crashbb]

Since it sounds like you can take the kids on holiday (since you said you would do so, but that it would be without your kids), is the issue that you want to do the trip during the time she is supposed to have the kids, and she won't switch?

 

[OurMinnieFamily]

What is her reason for not allowing them to go? In most custody situations, the none custodial parent can not take a child out of the state with out the permission of the custodial parent. Are you taking them longer than his allotted time? Does she have prior plans?

My custody aggreement does not allow my daughters father to take her out of state, he cant even go over to NJ (which is 5 miles away) to get something to eat with out speaking to me. I personally would never allow him to go out of state with her, but my mistrust of him goes much deeper.

As for taking your kids, yes I would go with out his children. Your children shouldnt miss out because his ex-wife is being difficult. You could wait for next year and find she says no then as well. Go and have fun.

 

[PilotWife]

There are two sides to the story, and you've only shared yours (and vaguely at that). Not sure anyone's going to be able to give you much advice, other than if you feel you're in the right and reasoning with the other party doesn't work, take it to court.

Her reasoning is that due to things that were up in the air with my work schedule, he was one day late in letting her know what dates he wanted...and that he only told her that we were going to Florida and not specifically where (we hadnt told the kids yet and she would
have spoiled that in some way)...(he only has to tell her that he is leaving the state but she has to do the same as well).....

 

[Hannathy]

Her reasoning is that due to things that were up in the air with my work schedule, he was one day late in letting her know what dates he wanted...and that he only told her that we were going to Florida and not specifically where (we hadnt told the kids yet and she would
have spoiled that in some way)...(he only has to tell her that he is leaving the state but she has to do the same as well).....

If it is the time he is to have the kids and he only has to notify her not get permission then what is the problem? how can she not allow them to go?

 

[badblackpug]

Her reasoning is that due to things that were up in the air with my work schedule, he was one day late in letting her know what dates he wanted...and that he only told her that we were going to Florida and not specifically where (we hadnt told the kids yet and she would
have spoiled that in some way)...(he only has to tell her that he is leaving the state but she has to do the same as well).....

Call the lawyer, go to court, get a court order.

 

[Mama Who]

If it is the time he is to have the kids and he only has to notify her not get permission then what is the problem? how can she not allow them to go?

It sounds like he didn't meet the deadline for choosing dates. Lots of custody orders say something along the lines of, "Non-custodial may have X weeks in the summer with date submitted to custodial in writing by Y date."

The deadline prevents the N-C from waiting until the last minute and screwing up the C's vacation plans. N-C gets first dibs, but they have to claim the dates before the deadline, otherwise they are fair game for C.

 

[Hannathy]

It sounds like he didn't meet the deadline for choosing dates. Lots of custody orders say something along the lines of, "Non-custodial may have X weeks in the summer with date submitted to custodial in writing by Y date."

The deadline prevents the N-C from waiting until the last minute and screwing up the C's vacation plans. N-C gets first dibs, but they have to claim the dates before the deadline, otherwise they are fair game for C.

But she still has to give him his time. So he just picks different weeks.

 

[PilotWife]

It sounds like he didn't meet the deadline for choosing dates. Lots of custody orders say something along the lines of, "Non-custodial may have X weeks in the summer with date submitted to custodial in writing by Y date."

The deadline prevents the N-C from waiting until the last minute and screwing up the C's vacation plans. N-C gets first dibs, but they have to claim the dates before the deadline, otherwise they are fair game for C.

YEP!!!! and it was my fault.....BUT this trip was planned for the very end of the summer...with her vacations already planned out....but regardless...I was late therefore making him late.....

I'm really more concerned about what is fair to his kids AND mine, now...

 

[PilotWife]

But she still has to give him his time. So he just picks different weeks.

Yes, but different weeks do not work with my schedule...so, I guess it is two different vacations for each set of children.

 

[Hannathy]

I'm confused, if he was 1 day late why couldn't he have moved the request by 1 day?

I couldn't imagine living with such hostility and immaturity , I feel very sorry for the children.

( I also don't understand not having your ducks in a row if you knew there was such a hard date deadline)

 

[Maggie'sMom]

Unfortunately, since you missed the date, legally you may be out of luck. However, it's really disappointing that the ex couldn't be a bit more flexible. Is there any way you could negotiate something by giving in on a little something she might want in exchange for her letting the kids go? I often try to be a little flexible with my ex rather than hold him to the letter of our agreement so that when I need a little flexibility I can point out the times when I've worked with him. Sometimes, he takes advantage of that, but my focus is on "what works best for DD" first, then "what works best for me and ex". Usually we can come to some agreement that works for everyone.

 

[Maggie'sMom]

I'm confused, if he was 1 day late why couldn't he have moved the request by 1 day?

I couldn't imagine living with such hostility and immaturity , I feel very sorry for the children.

( I also don't understand not having your ducks in a row if you knew there was such a hard date deadline)

These type of agreements aren't usually set up that you need to let ex know by x number of days before the vacation. It's usually set up that "you will let ex know what dates you want for a summer vacation by such and such date." They missed that specified date.

 

[kim929]

My custody agreement says we each get them for 2 weeks a year for vacation doesn't limit it to the summer, and have to let the other parent know the plans as far out as possible.

If it is because of one day, IMO, then she is being unreasonable and showing who is in control.
What I never understood, is why a parent would want to take away from their children. My ex was notorious for doing this.

If her only reason was I notified a day late, I would be in court.

 

[PilotWife]

I'm confused, if he was 1 day late why couldn't he have moved the request by 1 day?

I couldn't imagine living with such hostility and immaturity , I feel very sorry for the children.

( I also don't understand not having your ducks in a row if you knew there was such a hard date deadline)

Specifically, because we have not been married all that long and I didnt realize it....and it has NEVER been an issue before......AND because my work deals with Juvenile Court and the judges calendar.....

 

[PilotWife]

I really didnt want to get into the specifics of "why"....this happened....It was my fault and YES she is very controlling......

What I want to know is....Knowing that we are taking his children on a trip during the 4th of July....is it unfair to his children that we still go on the Disney Trip with my children and our child. (4th of July is not Disney...but a fun trip with amusment parks, caverns, beach etc, and with his children's paternal family-which they do not see...) My children missed our vacation last year due to their father's leave from Afghanistan....and will also miss this trip due to their father's time for the summer)... There is one week at the beginning of the summer (his ex's vacation week) and one at the end of the summer that I will have my children for vacation...

Jennifer