Ex spouse trumped my vacation to WDW with the kids

[SafetyPinndSally]

Here's the thing BigEars, the OP never made her children feel bad...they felt bad all on their own probably more from disappointment rather than knowing how their mom felt. The OP even said she didn't know this was going on until her daughter texted her. She has had no communication with her children and she has even stated in other posts that she was feeling better about the whole thing and had no intentions of making her children feel guilty because she doesn't think they are guilty of anything.

When I went with my father, I was upset as well because I felt like I was betraying my mother in going and having a good time. I felt that out of my own thoughts on the subject and in no one way was thinking about how upset my mother was. When I got home I knew she was obviously less than thrilled, but we both put on brave faces, talked everything through and in the end we both saw that our trip was still possible and I had a much better time.

See, in trying to tell people not to make the father in to a monster, some of the responses are making the OP out to be the "psychotic" monster in the situation. It's a no win debate and I think those who wish to be any less than supportive of how the OP is feeling should just tip their hats and find something else to discuss because there is nothing but negativity being brought to the plate and it helps no one.

 

[mom2rtk]

Which brings us back to the point that most of us are making. Stick to the point of the thread and leave out the social commentary.

It is selfish of the OP to be upset to the point that it effects her children having a good time at a place that they apparently enjoy just because they are with their father. If one of her children were invited to go to Disney with say a cousin and it didn't cost her a thing would she say no because she is going later in the month. I don't know. But I would ask a lot of the commentors the same question and think of it in those terms.

Go on your trip and enjoy yourself, your kids will enjoy the trip with you.

Did I make some sort of social commentary?

Maybe I missed something. But has the mom talked to the daughter? I got that the daughter texted the mom THINKING she'd be upset. I think maybe some folks might have projected something here that just isn't. The bad feelings the kids had were as a result of what the DAD did, not the mom. As far as I can tell, she hasn't even had a CHANCE to react with the kids yet. And I think after regrouping here, she's going to rise to the occasion and be the bigger person.

I think the OP made it clear she was initially upset, but I missed seeing where that was communicated to the kids.

And I think this is a little different than being invited to go with a cousin to Disney. That sort of an invite would never be made 2 weeks before your long anticipated vacation. Nobody has provided a plausible explanation for the dad's trip other than pure gamesmanship.

 

[SafetyPinndSally]

Honestly when I saw the title to the thread I really thought that the story was going to involve an ex-spouse that was so hateful and jealous towards the other parent that they wouldn't let their kids go to Disney.

Instead we get a story about parents getting upset because they are trying to out do each other and who gets to take kids on vacation first.

And a bunch of people that are encouraging that behavior.

Here's the thing: the OP isn't trying to outdo anyone. She just wants to her kids on the vacation that they had been planning and saving for and she now feels discouraged because she's worried they won't have as good a time because it's not for as long of a period ect. Period. In no way did she ever say that she was trying to outdo her ex, she wanted to know of ways to make her own vacation with them special. There were some posts on here that hinted at the whole outdoing subject, but the OP never mentioned anything of the sort, atleast not in referencing this particular vacation.

Look, everyone has a differing opinion on this and it's never going to change the fact that someone was wronged in this situation whether it was the OP or her children(who have been placed in the middle of a nasty situation) and I really just think that people should stick to giving advice and leaving their personal opinions on the Op AND ON THE EX/Stepmother out of the entire equation.

 

[MomiTo2SwtGuys]

Despite the horrible situation, I would go on. Since the children will now be doing seperate things with each parent, I don't see anything wrong with going again. This will be your own special time to relax and enjoy with your kids.

 

[sp0ngem0nkey]

I would rather her vent here than show any sadness to her kids. To me she never talk to her daughter. Her daughter gave her a text. Kids are smart. They know it was not the best in timing on the Dad's part. What makes them feel guilty is the secrecy of it. Then Dad turns the kids phones off like it would be a bad thing to tell the mom.

She has a right to be upset. I would be and if this story was a Dad's story I would be on his side as well.

 

[Rip]

Here's the thing BigEars, the OP never made her children feel bad...they felt bad all on their own probably more from disappointment rather than knowing how their mom felt. The OP even said she didn't know this was going on until her daughter texted her. She has had no communication with her children and she has even stated in other posts that she was feeling better about the whole thing and had no intentions of making her children feel guilty because she doesn't think they are guilty of anything.

OK, I have to comment on this. The OP was clear from the start that she was more concerned with her own feelings on the matter than she was about her kids being able to go to Disney World twice in one summer. That kind of attitude is something kids pick up on real quick, so ultimately she did make them feel bad about it. What's worse, is very likely that the reason the kids felt bad was because they really wanted to go and didn't want to tell her because of how she would act. I'm sorry about the lady's situation, but pretty much every post from her I've seen focuses on herself more than on the kids.

From some of what she's stated, it's possible the dad had it planned but purposefully didn't tell her because of how she would react. I mean she was checking up on him about his new marriage, had a friend call him while they are gone (and you wonder why the dad may have turned the phones off). Sorry, but there are definitely some aspects of her admitted behavior that can justify some of his actions.

When I went with my father, I was upset as well because I felt like I was betraying my mother in going and having a good time. I felt that out of my own thoughts on the subject and in no one way was thinking about how upset my mother was. When I got home I knew she was obviously less than thrilled, but we both put on brave faces, talked everything through and in the end we both saw that our trip was still possible and I had a much better time.

See, in trying to tell people not to make the father in to a monster, some of the responses are making the OP out to be the "psychotic" monster in the situation. It's a no win debate and I think those who wish to be any less than supportive of how the OP is feeling should just tip their hats and find something else to discuss because there is nothing but negativity being brought to the plate and it helps no one.

Everybody has the ability to express their own opinion. I'm sorry, but when you have people piling on the dad it was only a matter of time before another dad stepped up and pointed out the problems with some of the OPs behavior.

 

[mom2rtk]

I'll say it again....

Goto Universal. Problem solved.

I know the thread is long, and not everyone has read it all.

But she doesn't have the budget to add tickets to a different park.

There have been TONS of great examples though about things with little or no cost that she can do for a different experience from the trip the kids are on now.

 

[mom2munchkins]

Ok I feel compelled to put in my opinion.
1) I would still go. Every trip is different and I think the OP and her kids need that time together.
2) From what I'm reading she didn't even know he was taking the kids to Disney. So if I'm reading this right he went across state lines with the kids. In my state that violates visitation. I would be highly upset if my kids were taking to another state without my knowledge.
3) It breaks my heart to see kids put in the middle of nastiness no matter who puts them there.They didn't ask for this and they surely don't deserve it.

 

[Rip]

Did I make some sort of social commentary?

Maybe I missed something. But has the mom talked to the daughter? I got that the daughter texted the mom THINKING she'd be upset. I think maybe some folks might have projected something here that just isn't. The bad feelings the kids had were as a result of what the DAD did, not the mom. As far as I can tell, she hasn't even had a CHANCE to react with the kids yet. And I think after regrouping here, she's going to rise to the occasion and be the bigger person.

I think the OP made it clear she was initially upset, but I missed seeing where that was communicated to the kids.

And I think this is a little different than being invited to go with a cousin to Disney. That sort of an invite would never be made 2 weeks before your long anticipated vacation. Nobody has provided a plausible explanation for the dad's trip other than pure gamesmanship.

This is what he was likely referring to - you don't know that to be the case. You're assuming that based strictly off of hearing her side and only her side of the story. You can bet your last dollar that the kids knew she was going to be upset at him taking them, whether she told them directly or not.

It's possible the guy's a class A douche, but it is also possible that she has been playing the "he did me so wrong and now he's moved on" card so much that the kids are aware and are afraid that anything they do with him is going to upset her. Sorry, but again, there are several aspects of the OPs admitted actions and behavior that are a bit unsettling.

 

[mom2rtk]

OK, I have to comment on this. The OP was clear from the start that she was more concerned with her own feelings on the matter than she was about her kids being able to go to Disney World twice in one summer. That kind of attitude is something kids pick up on real quick, so ultimately she did make them feel bad about it. What's worse, is very likely that the reason the kids felt bad was because they really wanted to go and didn't want to tell her because of how she would act. I'm sorry about the lady's situation, but pretty much every post from her I've seen focuses on herself more than on the kids.

From some of what she's stated, it's possible the dad had it planned but purposefully didn't tell her because of how she would react. I mean she was checking up on him about his new marriage, had a friend call him while they are gone (and you wonder why the dad may have turned the phones off). Sorry, but there are definitely some aspects of her admitted behavior that can justify some of his actions.



Everybody has the ability to express their own opinion. I'm sorry, but when you have people piling on the dad it was only a matter of time before another dad stepped up and pointed out the problems with some of the OPs behavior.

Maybe I've been misunderstanding. Can you point me to the post where she says she ever got to even TALK to the kids about the dad's trip? The way I understood it, the daughter TEXTED the mom to say they were at Disney. There was no anticipation, no advance notice, no opportunity to react.

And did she ever say she asked the friend to call the ex? The way I read it the friend did it on her own, the told the OP she had done it.

Everyone's so concerned about people projecting things onto the dad. But those same people seem to be quite fine with projecting all sorts of negative things onto the OP.

 

[aurorae]

How about going somewhere else, like to California?

I see the OP is in Georgia, so maybe plane tickets to California aren't in the budget, so maybe that wouldn't work. But DL and the San Diego Zoo and other stuff in southern California make a good vacation too.

 

[YO's Mom]

Ok, I know you didn’t ask, but here's what I would do if I were in your shoes – I would get ahold of a delivery service in Orlando (someone who delivery groceries and stuff) then, if I knew the name of the hotel they were at, I would order a plate of cupcakes or cookies (my kids LOVE cupcakes) from Kroger or Super Wal-Mart – something all decorated for the 4th of July – and have it delivered to them on Saturday. I would include a note that says something really upbeat like, “I hope you all are having a wonderful vacation! Such a great surprise for Son and Daughter! Have fun and be sure to take lots of pictures! Happy 4th of July! Love, Mom”. That way the kids know that I am totally ok with them being at Disney with Dad and that I want them to have fun!

When they got home, I would meet them at the door with hugs and kisses (for the kids) and big smiles for the ex. Anything else is a waste of energy. After all, there is a reason he is your ex.

 

[mom2rtk]

This is what he was likely referring to - you don't know that to be the case. You're assuming that based strictly off of hearing her side and only her side of the story. You can bet your last dollar that the kids knew she was going to be upset at him taking them, whether she told them directly or not.

It's possible the guy's a class A douche, but it is also possible that she has been playing the "he did me so wrong and now he's moved on" card so much that the kids are aware and are afraid that anything they do with him is going to upset her. Sorry, but again, there are several aspects of the OPs admitted actions and behavior that are a bit unsettling.

But we already KNOW what the dad did. I find it hard to imagine ANY circumstance under which the dad hurrying up to schedule a Disney trip 2 weeks prior to the mom's long saved for and anticipated trip could be something done in good faith.

To my recollection, the kids have not had a chance to interact with the mom at ALL about the situation.

I'm trying hard not to assume anything here. But "betting your last dollar" on something usually involves an assumption.

 

[tjmj9801]

I'll say it again....

Goto Universal. Problem solved.

I responded to you suggesting this earlier. It was a few pages back. Somemone else also addressed your suggestion. The OP already has Disney tickets that were given to her to help offset the costs. It's taken them 18 months to save for this trip minus the cost of tickets. I don't think that with less than a couple of weeks to go she'll be able to afford tickets and transportation costs to go to US from AKV. Please don't take this as me flaming you, as you suggested would happen when you first mentioned she should go to US. I'm simply pointing out to you why it's probably not financially possible for OP to just up and go to US.

 

[Rip]

Maybe I've been misunderstanding. Can you point me to the post where she says she ever got to even TALK to the kids about the dad's trip? The way I understood it, the daughter TEXTED the mom to say they were at Disney. There was no anticipation, no advance notice, no opportunity to react.

That has nothing to do with what I said, though. My point is that the kids are not stupid, they knew full well she would be upset. That could be why she sent a text in the first place.

And did she ever say she asked the friend to call the ex? The way I read it the friend did it on her own, the told the OP she had done it.

Everyone's so concerned about people projecting things onto the dad. But those same people seem to be quite fine with projecting all sorts of negative things onto the OP.

Fair enough, I read that wrong. She may not have been aware that the friend was going to do it. The friend still did it, and that could be one of the reasons he turned the phones off. I'm not projecting anything on to the OP, I'm only pointing out her admitted behavior.

 

[TDC Nala]

There's not really anything you can do to get back the anticipation. He's already taken them. If you still want to go, talk to your kids and plan some different stuff from what they did with their father. Ask them what they saw that they thought they might like to do, but didn't get a chance. The thing about WDW is that you can't do all of it in one trip. If you booked a package (which I assume you did because you had a dining plan) you can't cancel it now without penalty. You could move the trip to another date without penalty if you want (but you might lose any discounts you had)

ADDED: I see it's a DVC rental. Cancelling it now will put the member you rented from in a bad place. Can see why the OP has to go. I think the only difference should be that you might have to change the restaurant reservations if they went to any of those places just recently. If the tickets are free think about doing some pool time or a water park (AKV has a great pool area) instead of go go go in the parks all the time.

 

[declansdad]

Ok, I know you didn’t ask, but here's what I would do if I were in your shoes – I would get ahold of a delivery service in Orlando (someone who delivery groceries and stuff) then, if I knew the name of the hotel they were at, I would order a plate of cupcakes or cookies (my kids LOVE cupcakes) from Kroger or Super Wal-Mart – something all decorated for the 4th of July – and have it delivered to them on Saturday. I would include a note that says something really upbeat like, “I hope you all are having a wonderful vacation! Such a great surprise for Son and Daughter! Have fun and be sure to take lots of pictures! Happy 4th of July! Love, Mom”. That way the kids know that I am totally ok with them being at Disney with Dad and that I want them to have fun!

When they got home, I would meet them at the door with hugs and kisses (for the kids) and big smiles for the ex. Anything else is a waste of energy. After all, there is a reason he is your ex.

Everything was good until your last line. This is the type of passive-aggressive comment that is all to common on these threads that make it seem like the dad is evil.

 

[fenrir58]

Which brings us back to the point that most of us are making. Stick to the point of the thread and leave out the social commentary.

It is selfish of the OP to be upset to the point that it effects her children having a good time at a place that they apparently enjoy just because they are with their father. If one of her children were invited to go to Disney with say a cousin and it didn't cost her a thing would she say no because she is going later in the month. I don't know. But I would ask a lot of the commentors the same question and think of it in those terms.

Go on your trip and enjoy yourself, your kids will enjoy the trip with you.

Considering the point where the daughter cried, regardless of if the mother cared or not that they were being taken to Disney ahead of time, he put her in a rough spot between the two parents. Regardless of the intention, we can at least say he did a poor job thinking this out, since from what we are presented with, he knew that the 3 of them as a group were saving up for this. And last time I checked, not once has the OP asked for sympathy, she asked for some ideas on how to keep this trip fun for her kids as they are taking their first step without the father, or at least that was what this meant to them. How is that selfish? Seems to me like your claiming people need to stop siding with her, but you need to stop projecting what other people say as what she is saying as well.

 

[mom2rtk]

That has nothing to do with what I said, though. My point is that the kids are not stupid, they knew full well she would be upset. That could be why she sent a text in the first place.

Or maybe the daughter is thoughtful and intuitive and just had a feeling what the dad did was done out of spite to intentionally hurt the mom.

 

[Rip]

But we already KNOW what the dad did. I find it hard to imagine ANY circumstance under which the dad hurrying up to schedule a Disney trip 2 weeks prior to the mom's long saved for and anticipated trip could be something done in good faith.

No, you don't know what the dad did. You know what his admittedly bitter ex-wife told you he did. As a matter of fact, she doesn't even know what he did other than take the kids to Disney. It's very possible he did it for spite, but given some of the OPs behavior and that of her friends, it's also possible that he actually had this planned and didn't tell her because he was concerned about the way she would react.

To my recollection, the kids have not had a chance to interact with the mom at ALL about the situation.

I'm trying hard not to assume anything here. But "betting your last dollar" on something usually involves an assumption.

Oh I'm absolutely assuming that the kids know enough after being in the middle of this for over 2 and a half years to expect their mom to be upset. Sorry, but if she is going to put all that on a public discussion board for total strangers to see and comment on, it's a real stretch to imagine that the bitterness has been completely hidden from the kids. Pretty much not even believable.