Ex spouse trumped my vacation to WDW with the kids

[bevgray]

How terribly disappointing for you. I can see where this has taken the wind out of your excitement.

However, keep in mind that YOUR Disney experience will be very different from the experience they have with their Dad. For one thing, if Dad and new Step-Mom haven't planned things, there will probably be things that your children won't get to do or see.

Since your daughter indicated "I'm sorry" in her text, it is clear that she is feeling strong empathy and probably knows just how disappointed you are. She and her brother may be feeling that somehow they are the ones that betrayed you so you must try to make sure they don't feel any guilt or responsibility for this. It is a very fragile situation but no good can come of putting your feelings about your husband ahead of their need for both of their parents (no matter how big a stinker he is, he is still their Dad). This is one of those times when a woman has to show grace under fire.

What I recommend is that you text your children back and reassure them that they will still have their fun time with you. You might play up the idea that they are the "scouts" getting first-hand information to make their trip with you even better or treat this trip as a dry run so that if there is something that doesn't live up to their expectations, you can alter the plans to do things they might not have done or seen. Or, if there was some special thing the three of you had planned, maybe they can make sure that Dad doesn't do it. Again, unless Dad and Step-Mom are heavily into Disney, there are a lot things they won't even be aware of that may be things you have discussed and planned for your trip. Disney is huge and, even in 10 days, it's not likely they'll see and do everything. Are they staying at the same resort for which you had planned? If not, that will set a totally different tone to the two trips right there.

I know it is difficult for you right now but it sounds like a lot of planning went into this trip. I would urge you to follow through and just enjoy a fantastic trip with your children.

Phooey, just saw where he turned off their phone. Do you know where they are staying? If so, you could send them a telegram telling them not to worry and have fun or, even have a Disney surprise sent to the room (as in a gift basket also telling them to have fun).

I agree with the poster who advised documenting everything. While it is too late for this trip, it could become important later on if he keeps pulling these stunts and you need to get legal reengaged.

My Mother was a child of divorce and her parents loathed each other. However, when it came to her, they were able to put their differences aside and communicate "coldly but politely" so that Mother never was put in the middle of their issues. Hard to do I know, when one parent isn't cooperating, but that is something you must attempt for their sakes.

 

[Busy Busy]

You HAVE TO GO!!!!!

Look at all of these replies in such a short time, I hope that it helps to realise that so many people are thinking about you!

Be strong, he is only doing this for a reaction from you - so DON'T give him one!! Never let him know how this has upset you, he will love it and it will only make you angrier....breathe deep!

Whether he has taken them to WDW or the moon - there is one thing missing on their trip - YOU.

You are the one that they have planned with, you are the one that they have talked for hours about it all with. He hasn't trumped you because your trip will be the three of you living out all of the things you have dreamt of.

Just get through these days without them and count down until what you have spent so much time and thought on - a wonderful holiday with the two most special people in your life. He is NOT one of those people, so he has no place in your dreams - or your reality. You need to look to the future baby, the past is over and the future is full of love and happiness and making memories TOGETHER in WDW. Grab this with both hands and make this trip AMAZING!!

 

[FigmentChick]

Heather....I am so sorry!!! I ahven't read through all the posts, but most of them. First, your ex is a jerk....but....dfocus on your kids. They can get you through this!

Second, go to Disney. It is obviously something you have been looking forward to....the rainbow at the end of your divorce. However, if you can swing it, I would go in October or November...let the kids enjoy a different ambiance then they just experienced. If you can't, go now and enjoy the time with your kids, redo their favorite rides (and yours!), and let them see or ride the things they missed.

I am so sorry, there really are no words for this.

 

[Melissa<3Disney]

Just want to send you a hug! It's such a tough situation I'm sure! I hope you can get in touch with your children soon.

 

[*3*Mouseketeers]

First of all, I'm so sorry your ex did this to you. I don't know how I would feel if I were in that situation. *Hugs*

My divorce was final on June 3, but I did not get the decree from the courthouse in the mail until that following Tuesday June 7 so it was a surprise to me that it was even final! That same morning ironically I had a feeling for weeks and called the probate court in the state they live in and yes, there was a marriage license. Little did I know that they had already been married since that Friday. There was an elaborate church wedding and honeymoon in Mexico. Then the decision came to be, do I tell them or does he? I was so angry that he would exclude them. I hurt when they hurt. That weekend was his visitation weekend, but back in March when we were solidifying the summer schedule (which is when he was aware that we were going to Disney) he said to me "I cannot get the kids the weekend of June 3 because I need time for myself" I remember responding, are the other 26 days of the month not enough? They had no idea going into fathers day weekend with him that this had happened. And the past week has been a plethora of emotions between the two. I am very angry of his disregard regarding the wedding and now this has been added. I feel a bridge has been burned that will never ever be repaired. He does whatever he can just to stick it to me because he knows they are ALL that matters to me.

So your ex and his new wife live in another state? That's pretty fortunate for you...not having to see him all the time. Does the new wife have any kids?

I'm really hoping you and your kids have a fabulous time on your trip!

Best wishes,
Karen

 

[Pills]

I will admit that I haven't read through the entire thread (I may after I post), but, IMO, there's one key word in your title.

"My"

While I realize it's a vacation for your kids, it's also for you. Hell yeah, you should still go! You may even want to talk to the kids to see if there were things they didn't get to do that they wanted to, and MAKE SURE that they get to.

 

[PIRATEGIRL007]

We ironically have the same situation in reverse, my DH's ex will do ANYTHING to trump us if she finds out we are doing something for the kids. In TN we have to legally notify her (as she does us) if we are removing the kids from the state for more than 48 hours, we have learned our lesson that we should not do this until we actually pick up the kids for whatever event b/c if we give her any early notice she tries to out do us beforehand or will re-do the event the week or two after bigger and better (or what she thinks is better). They are leaving for DC this weekend b/c we had asked the kids earlier in the year if they were interstedin that for a vacation and our DD mentioned it to her so poof she plans a trip to DC, which is fine by me I didn't really want to go anyway and what nut job goes to DC over 4th of July weekend!!!

2 years ago we planned on taking the kids to Williamsburg for the week and Busch Gardens, etc. 3 days before we left in a desperate attempt to out do us she took them to 6 flags park in Ohio and try to fit in all the 'fun' time she could until litearlly the last minute until we picked them up. She drove them back thru the night and arrive about 20 minutes before we did to take them on our vacation. The kids were exhausted and had a miserabel time with her as a result, BTW. This goes on with everything from movies to visits to Chuck E Cheese, etc. She will run them to a midnight movie on a school night that comes out just so she can take them to it first before we pick them up the next day. It's pathetic and in the end does nothing but waste money on her behalf and eventually our kids (like every other kid I've ever known in this situation) will see right thru her antics. Our DS6 is already starting to see thru it and has started asking questions about her manipulative behaviour and making statements like he knows that doing 'stuff' can't buy love and money can't buy love. (deep for a 6 yr old isn't it?)

I said all that to say this: go. Take your trip and go on to WDW. Your kids will still have a fantastic time even though they have 'just' been. The trip will be different b/c it is with you. You also have the power of the Dis and our planning maniacs here to help you. You will know more than thier dad did and can have special events or mini attractions (like Chip and Dale sing along campfire) planned that most will never know about. You also have an advantage that they just went, they can tell you what they didn't like or what they loved and you can do it again and again. Dad might have took them on Space Mtn but b/c of the 45 min wait they only did it once, with a little planning and advanced notice that Space is thier fav ride you can plan your day around it and get them on it 4-5 times, which do you think will be more memorable? Thier 1 ride with dad that was thier first? Or going again and again with mom?

 

[crostorfer]

Your trip with your children will be completely different than the trip your children are currently on. Why? Because right now at this very moment they are walking around behind a giant horse's patootie.

Go. Enjoy your time. I hope nothing but the best for you.

 

[skater]

Definately go. It will be good for all of you. I would suggest not trying to make it "better" than their trip with their Dad. Just go and enjoy spending time with your kids. Try to include lots of relaxation instead of another "whirlwind." Spend time at the pool just enjoying each other.

Get their input on what they would like to do on their next trip. Tell them they're fortunate to get to go twice - this will take the pressure and guilt off of them.

If you allow them to feel guilty or let them realize too much of your own hurt feelings, they definately won't enjoy your trip as much as they could. If you make them feel like they're lucky to get to go again - that they get to do their favorites again as well as things they may have missed - then they will feel lucky - and they'll have a great time - probably even a better time, because they won't feel the pressure and guilt they may have felt with their Dad.

It may not be fair, but you probably need to keep a lot of your own hurt hidden for now. Get your feelings out with close friends and adult family members before the trip, so you kids won't have to feel it.

 

[4 The Love Of Disney]

Why don't you ask your children if they want to go again so soon? Let them know that they do not need to feel bad if they say no. Don't feel guilty if they say yes.
Let them know that this trip was something you all scrimped and saved and planned for. It's as much their decision as it is yours. Empowering and encouraging them to make choices will make them strong people. Showing that you respect and welcome their input, will bring you closer

 

[TinkerBelle920]

Why not just be happy for your children that they get to go as well. They clearly feel that if they enjoy themselves it will hurt you. Maybe he is not spiteful maybe he just wanted to do something special with his kids.

I am a stepmother and we took my stepson to Disney for our Familymoon and had a great time it really helped us bond.

Your kids know that you also planned them a great trip it should not be a competition just let them enjoy it and then enjoy your trip with them.

 

[PIRATEGIRL007]

And no, they are not even staying on Disney property. I however can't imagine not. Its always been a joke that my son never considers us at Disney until we drive through the DTD gates. I too LOVE the magic of driving on property and leaving my cares behind.

Ok reading all the replies and the Disney snob in me is coming out but: ha ha ha, not ON property? Seriously can you even call that a Disney vacation? After DH and I took our kids on our first Disney trip the Ex tried to show us up and booked a big extravagent week at disney telling the kids they were staying IN disney, and thier hotel was awesome etc and they stayed at DTD hotel. Not a REAL one as my DS who was barely 3 at the time told us when he got back.

After our trip last year at POR DD9 who was in denial that thier mom's DTD hotel was not really Disney b/c they had mickey pictures in the lobby said uh that place mom took us was not real Disney there were no busses or anything.

 

[ciera321]

What a hateful thing to do! I would not let what he did cause me to cancel the trip! Like others have said, there's so much to do at DW I'm sure "he" didn't plan and research to find wonderful things to do other than the parks. Talk to your kiddos when they get home and find out what they missed and what they really loved. Then go and have a GREAT time. We've been to DW 15 times and there are still many new things we find every trip. I'm sorry you and your kids have to put up with someone so spiteful!!! Have a wonderful trip...

 

[TinkerBelle920]

We ironically have the same situation in reverse, my DH's ex will do ANYTHING to trump us if she finds out we are doing something for the kids. In TN we have to legally notify her (as she does us) if we are removing the kids from the state for more than 48 hours, we have learned our lesson that we should not do this until we actually pick up the kids for whatever event b/c if we give her any early notice she tries to out do us beforehand or will re-do the event the week or two after bigger and better (or what she thinks is better). They are leaving for DC this weekend b/c we had asked the kids earlier in the year if they were interstedin that for a vacation and our DD mentioned it to her so poof she plans a trip to DC, which is fine by me I didn't really want to go anyway and what nut job goes to DC over 4th of July weekend!!!

2 years ago we planned on taking the kids to Williamsburg for the week and Busch Gardens, etc. 3 days before we left in a desperate attempt to out do us she took them to 6 flags park in Ohio and try to fit in all the 'fun' time she could until litearlly the last minute until we picked them up. She drove them back thru the night and arrive about 20 minutes before we did to take them on our vacation. The kids were exhausted and had a miserabel time with her as a result, BTW. This goes on with everything from movies to visits to Chuck E Cheese, etc. She will run them to a midnight movie on a school night that comes out just so she can take them to it first before we pick them up the next day. It's pathetic and in the end does nothing but waste money on her behalf and eventually our kids (like every other kid I've ever known in this situation) will see right thru her antics. Our DS6 is already starting to see thru it and has started asking questions about her manipulative behaviour and making statements like he knows that doing 'stuff' can't buy love and money can't buy love. (deep for a 6 yr old isn't it?)

Deleted

 

[djp0630]

I'm so sorry - your ex sucks, no doubt about it! I agree with a pp, and not to make a stink about their trip until AFTER your trip or you might not be going after all! I would talk to your lawyer after your trip and see if there is anything you can do. He shouldn't be able to turn off their phones.

As for your trip, it'll still be special because it's with you and all the planning and saving. I know whenever I leave WDW, I always want to go back! I planned my last trip right after we got back from the previous trip, so your kids will have a blast. Definitely talk to them, see what they did, and modify your plans. There is SO much to do at WDW, that you'll do these unique to your trip and your kids will have a blast. Just staying at AKV will be a treat for your kids.

You're a good mother, and they are lucky.

 

[torinsmom]

Ok reading all the replies and the Disney snob in me is coming out but: ha ha ha, not ON property? Seriously can you even call that a Disney vacation? After DH and I took our kids on our first Disney trip the Ex tried to show us up and booked a big extravagent week at disney telling the kids they were staying IN disney, and thier hotel was awesome etc and they stayed at DTD hotel. Not a REAL one as my DS who was barely 3 at the time told us when he got back.

After our trip last year at POR DD9 who was in denial that thier mom's DTD hotel was not really Disney b/c they had mickey pictures in the lobby said uh that place mom took us was not real Disney there were no busses or anything.

I agree that the OP's ex was wrong to do this, but having stayed onsite and off, Disney is Disney for me. I would rather be in a house or condo right off property and have room to spread out and a pool on my patio, than to be crammed in a room with my son. Honestly, it is just a personal preference, and no reason to say anyone who stays offsite did not have a REAL Disney vacation.

 

[TinkerBelle920]

I just thought of how my husband's ex tried to ruin our Disney trip so I thought I would share just so you know you're not alone. We took my stepson to Disney and his mother was very clear that she did not want him taking a nice trip with us because she was jealous. So we knew she would pull some sort of stunt to try to ruin the trip. All goes well and we spend the week at Disney. We are in line at test track and I said why don't you call your mom while we wait (the ride broke down). So he calls and his Mom says I might have suprised you and gotten you a cat. My SS has been wanting a cat for ages so he was so excited. The rest of the trip all we heard was when can I go home and see my cat. So I am guessing her intent was that she trumped us by buying the cat. So we get on the ME bus to go back to the airport and I said what are you going to name the cat. He said let me call my mom and see if it's a boy or girl. So he calls and she says- What cat?

He said -you told me you were going to get me a cat. Her response was No I said I MIGHT suprise you and get you a cat but I didn't

Obviously a sad end to a trip

 

[skater]

I just thought of how my husband's ex tried to ruin our Disney trip so I thought I would share just so you know you're not alone. We took my stepson to Disney and his mother was very clear that she did not want him taking a nice trip with us because she was jealous. So we knew she would pull some sort of stunt to try to ruin the trip. All goes well and we spend the week at Disney. We are in line at test track and I said why don't you call your mom while we wait (the ride broke down). So he calls and his Mom says I might have suprised you and gotten you a cat. My SS has been wanting a cat for ages so he was so excited. The rest of the trip all we heard was when can I go home and see my cat. So I am guessing her intent was that she trumped us by buying the cat. So we get on the ME bus to go back to the airport and I said what are you going to name the cat. He said let me call my mom and see if it's a boy or girl. So he calls and she says- What cat?

He said -you told me you were going to get me a cat. Her response was No I said I MIGHT suprise you and get you a cat but I didn't

Obviously a sad end to a trip

This is such a sad story. I just don't understand manipulating a child's emotions in such a spiteful way.

 

[DisneyKim68]

I think you should just take the kids and go and have a fabulous time. Just do everything exactly as you planned it and have a blast. I'm sure the kids will be thrilled to spend time at Disney with you after all the planning and saving you all did. Sorry this happened, but don't let him spoil what you worked so hard for. {{hugs}}

 

[JoshuaShaw]

Having grown up with divorced parents, I view this from the perspective of the kids. It's a horrible hand to be dealt because it feels like you're betraying one of your parents.

My advice is don't change a thing. Take the trip and have an amazing time. Instead of worrying about the fact that your kids may have done some of the attractions, focus on the fact that they get to do Disney again. They can re-ride all of their favorites and use this trip as an opportunity to experience things they may have missed. While the park is the same, the trip can (and will be) vastly different. Do everything in your power to make this trip a special and memorable experience. And most importantly, just have fun.

Also, right before you leave, slash his tires.