Ex-Hubby's Girlfriend bruises my DD ? Long

[bigsis1970]

Ok so on Saturday night the 19th ( kids were gone w/ their dad from the 12th to 18 ) My DD (9.5) is changing her clothes and I see bruises on her chest - just above her sports bra - I say come here and show me those and she is like No NO and then she does after a few minutes - then i ask who / where they came from and she starts crying - well I am now panicing !!!! after a tearful half hour she tells me that one came from on the the boys at her dad's - seems they were fooling around and he sat on her so she slapped him and then he slugged her in the chest . Ok the other is the one that is getting under my skin .. I guess My Ex diciplined ( they have been together for almost 5 yrs ) her son and she was angry so when my dd was in the laundry room she cornered her and poked her hard in the chest ( oh my dd told on her son and that is why he got into trouble ) so I stewed about it for 24 hours and it was still bothering me . so I called him and said - did you see the bruises DD has on her chest ? he said what no , and then i tell the story - he said oh I had no idea .. and that was it !? Do I just let it go now ?? and hope he confronts her ?
sorry this was long - it just didn't feel resolved and I needed to vent a little .. Michelle

 

[grinningghost]

You had every right to question it, and your ex should definitely have a word with his GF. As a stepmom myself, I felt I had the right to discipline my stepson, but hurting him? Never. This woman crossed the line and she needs to know that. Good luck working things out.

 

[bigsis1970]

Thanks , the GF tried to say good bye to my DD this AM but she didn't even look at her . and right up till now I always thought she treated my kids decently and tried to be nice to her for that reason but Man it was really tough being civil to her this morning waiting for the camp bus to come.. Michelle

 

[browneyes]

I think I'd have the strong feeling of POKING HARD at the ex's gf next time I saw her. I would atleast tell her I'd press criminal charges against her the next time she tries to punish to your dd for something your ex did. She sounds like a witch.

{{hugs}} to your dd.

 

[catherine]

Wow IMHO that is way over the top. Man what would your ex's girlfriend do if your DD really upset her. I have a DD the same age and in the same situation I wouldn't be able to let it go.

Obviously I have no idea what things are like between you and your ex husband but I would definitely discuss it with him and make sure that he as at least told his GF how inappropriate her actions were. How else are you going to feel comfortable with your DD spending time with them in the future.

Good luck with sorting this out.

 

[honeywolf7]

Thom's gf had the nerve to spank Bobby when the kids were with them. Thom and I had always agreed that it is not a step-parent's place to physically punish a child (in fact, he was stronger on feeling that way than I was.) I was absolutely furious. I wonder how she'd feel if Thom and she split up and his next girlfriend spanked her baby that's due in September.

 

[MICKEY88]

I would very calmly ask the ex if he talked to her about the situation{ if he's any kind of a father he already has}
and make sure he understands that you will not tolerate it happening again, do not threaten anyone that can only lead to trouble, but it's certainly Ok to let them know that legal action would be in order if she hurts yoour daughter again..

 

[Wagamama]

i have no kids but i would be LIVID if anyone ever hit/poked/shaked my kids.
i would do what mickey suggested...

how in the world could you stand to even look at her this morning?

 

[rae519]

In one word....

DOCUMENTION!


Take a picture, let her speak into a cassette tell what happened -write it up and speak to an attorney.

No adult should ever touch a child so hard as to leave a mark - that is CHILD ABUSE!

Don't let that "bully" get away with this or it will snowball. Regardless of what your ex husband says or does, she is YOUR daughter and your responsibility.

Rae

 

[damo]

I'd be steaming! I don't think I could let my child go back into that household until the situation is openly dealth with and promises made that it would never happen again. And if it did, that would be the end of the ex's time with the kids.

 

[MICKEY88]

Originally posted by rae519
In one word....

DOCUMENTION!


Take a picture, let her speak into a cassette tell what happened -write it up and speak to an attorney.

No adult should ever touch a child so hard as to leave a mark - that is CHILD ABUSE!

Don't let that "bully" get away with this or it will snowball. Regardless of what your ex husband says or does, she is YOUR daughter and your responsibility.

Rae

she is also the responsibility of the father, I would give him a chance to deal with this

..I agree that what happened is very wrong, however taking legal action on this would be difficult, they would simply claim that the bruise came from the boy that hit her...it would be impossible to prove otherwise

 

[MICKEY88]

Originally posted by damo
I'd be steaming! I don't think I could let my child go back into that household until the situation is openly dealth with and promises made that it would never happen again. And if it did, that would be the end of the ex's time with the kids.

it sounds like people want the father punished for something he didn't witness, and was unaware of,..that seems no more rational than taking a child away from a parent because they have a bicycle accident and are injured.... I could see justification for not allowing the daughter to be in the presence of the woman, but not keeping her from the father....his visitation could occur away from that house and the woman who did the poking...

 

[4greatboys]

I would take pictures of it and file a police report. That way if something else pops up you have some documentation on file. I would also speak with an atty. There is no reason she or your x should be leaving a bruise on your child.
I would be livid if I were you.

 

[SuiteDisney]

I would grab the GF by the throat, push her up against the wall, get nose to nose and calmly explain the horrible manner in which she would die if she ever hurt my child again.

But that's just me.

 

[MICKEY88]

Originally posted by ***********
I would grab the GF by the throat, push her up against the wall, get nose to nose and calmly explain the horrible manner in which she would die if she ever hurt my child again.

But that's just me.

I was going to disagree with the threat, but after reading your post again I'm afraid to disagree with you...LOL

 

[Miss Jasmine]

It pays to hear all sides of the story. My dear stepson went home and told his mom that I hit him. She called my DH and explained her concern. DH then called me and WAS LIVID, how dare you hit my son, which he had every right to be mad if that was the case. But in this case, the hit was a playful bop on the butt for him to get it moving. We were giggling and acting silly that morning. But I guess for him to bring it up to his mom, it bothered him. So I don't do that anymore even in play.

But if she did leave a bruise on your DD I would have to sit down with her and your ex and have a heart-to-heart and explain my concern about what happened and how you will not allow your DD to be in that type of situation where she could be hurt.

 

[damo]

Originally posted by MICKEY88
it sounds like people want the father punished for something he didn't witness, and was unaware of,..that seems no more rational than taking a child away from a parent because they have a bicycle accident and are injured.... I could see justification for not allowing the daughter to be in the presence of the woman, but not keeping her from the father....his visitation could occur away from that house and the woman who did the poking...

So are you saying that if the father refuses to deal with the situation you would still let her spend time in that household? Isn't her safety his responsibility and if someone is injuring her, then he, as her father, needs to ensure that doesn't happen again. If he refuses to make sure that she is safe from the girlfriend then no, he does not have her best interests at heart and he does not deserve to visit with her. Girlfriends will come and go but children do not.

If, after open discussion, the situation turns out to be different than it appeared, then things will have to proceed differently. Letting the dad hide his head in the sand is wrong, IMO. All my post stated was that the dad needed to deal with it and if he didn't then I wouldn't let the child be with him.

 

[bigsis1970]

Well My DD ignored her this am .. the kids are to spend the weekend there ( starting thursday ) so i will have to see how DD is .. I did tell her in light of this that if she wanted to ever come home to call me and I would come get her..and YES very hard pokes have crossed my mind for the GF..Lots of them !!! It was hard to be civil to her but we are at work and I really didn't want to cause a scene at my workplace, so I didn't say anything. I can take pictures and she told my mom as well what happened ( we stayed at my mom's for the weekend )

UPDATED : I called and asked to make sure I had the story straight as you know I was seeing red and all when DD was telling me and he said he was standing there and that they were all mad at GF son ??? HUH so why was DD even poked and he said cause she was tattleing ?!!! UGH and he also said that later in the week there wasn't a bruise ? Well there is too..

 

[Boo'sMom]

Originally posted by ***********
I would grab the GF by the throat, push her up against the wall, get nose to nose and calmly explain the horrible manner in which she would die if she ever hurt my child again.

But that's just me.

probably not PC...but that's me too!


I call it the mother bear syndrome!

 

[MICKEY88]

Originally posted by damo
So you are saying that if the father refuses to deal with the situation you would still let her spend time in that household? Isn't her safety his responsibility and if someone is injuring her, then he, as her father, needs to ensure that doesn't happen again. If he refuses to make sure that she is safe from the girlfriend then no, he does not have her best interests at heart and he does not deserve to visit with her. Girlfriends will come and go but children do not.

If, after open discussion, the situation turns out to be different than it appeared, then things will have to proceed differently. Letting the dad hide his head in the sand is wrong, IMO.

I don't recall redaing anywhere that he refused to deal with the situation, he asked about it and said nothing..I know I personally would have said nothing more since I immediately would have started the thought process of how to deal with the situation

I also realize that involving the law without all the details is not a good choice...

as a point of clarification I do not agree with hitting children period..whether by step parents or biological parents....

When my daughter was approximately 3 -6 years old I heard my ex slap her from 2 rooms away, after calming my daughter down and cleaning the blood from her lip ,, I sat her down..went to the other room, got nose to nose with my ex, and calmly told her that if she ever hit my daughter like that again...I would..@^$*#&# kill her, my daughter is now 21, and I would still protect her no matter what it takes....

I in no way think this should be taken lightly ,but there aren't enough facts here to know how the father has handled it..